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[Photo credit: X17]

• Previously: Hollywood Privacywatch: Kiefer and Gary Oldman Enjoy Subs, Brunettes [Defamer]

This week's installment also includes: Katherine Heigl, Anthony Michael Hall, Bryan Singer, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs, Louie Anderson, Tatyana Ali, Gordon Ramsey, Catherine Keener, Bradley Cooper, Victor Garber and more!

SATURDAY, AUGUST 9
· Saw KATHERINE HEIGL at Cliff's Edge in Silverlake. My parents were in town and we wanted to take them someplace nice. We were sitting up in the outside covered area when Heigl and her entourage (which included her mother) were seated next to us. Alas, she decided that she didn't want to sit there (I heard her say something about not being able to smoke. Dead serious.), so they moved to a very secluded corner. Or, she may not have wanted to sit by us because when she came in, my sister nudged me and I totally turned around in my seat to look at who or what prompted the nudge ... perhaps she thought I was a super-fan who would lose my shit if she sat next to us. She would have been safe as I am not. Also, her voice is pretty annoying in person —way crackier than it is in movies.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 13
· Saw ANTHONY MICHAEL HALL at Farmer's Market on Wednesday Aug 13th with Fiona Forbes (she's a Canadian tv host who no one in LA would reconize but i did!) He's still a little geeky.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 16
· Fiesta Cantina, The 'Ho: Fighting my way through the gay-os to secure one last 2-for-1 drink special, I spotted BRYAN SINGER jauntily hopping to the music as he entered. He looked fresh and young but not as fresh and young looking as the A&F wearing tyke he was with.
· JERRY O'CONNELL stopped by the 12 Shiny Nickels comedy show in Hollywood on Saturday night to see Carpoolers co-star TJ Miller perform. Seemed to have a delightful time.

MONDAY, AUGUST 18
· Around 11:30ish, saw PUFF DADDY trying to de-puff himself with some light cardio at Equinox West Hollywood. Take that, take that!
· LOUIE ANDERSON in front of Susina on Beverly.

TUESDAY, AUGUST 19
· Saw twice in one night: the beautiful TATYANA ALI at Gingergrass and Hyperion Tavern with some friends.

WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 20
· Had two good sightings in one night along the douchey Sunset Strip. First, outside of Ketchup, chef GORDON RAMSEY and his family. He was laid back and non-shouty, his kids looked happy and content and not snobby and privileged (I always look at the kids to see if they look miserable!). Then, later that night, outside of BLD Craft we see CATHERINE KEENER in the valet area. I spot her as we walk up and just as we pass her I said in a dorky voice "Catherine Keener, I love you". It cracked up the valet but she looked utterly confused and surprised (but awesome).
· Mini-Alias nonreunion in the Arclight lobby: BRADLEY COOPER exited with hipster friends; one minute later, VICTOR GARBER entered.

FRIDAY, AUGUST 22
· KIEFER SUTHERLAND must like the sandwiches at Dan Subs. Because he was there in Woodland Hills, on Ventura Blvd, again. This time, he was with GARY OLDMAN a Gary Oldman lookalike. Kiefer did not look so good — he looked exhausted. But he seemed to be enjoying his sub, but not nearly as much as the two stunning brunettes that were with them.

• Late Show

Take a photo tour after the jump:

Before you begin sobbing between self-pitying bites of Myrtle Burger—positive the listing means we'll see a reduction in Kiefer's legendary pub-crawling exploits in the area—we'll leave you with this thought: You can take Kiefer out of Silver Lake, but you can never take the Silver Lake out of Kiefer. Whoever buys this property, perhaps some Arabian sultan seriously obsessed with 24, we hereby commission you to erect a wonky-looking-Kiefer mural on its facade.

Enjoy the tour.

• Kiefer Sutherland Lives Large in the Ghetto [The Real Estalker]

Is the movie sticking to the TV show's real-time format?

It is. This two hours is two hours in real time and there'll then be 22 episodes. I don't know how they connect it to the first of those 22 episodes but it's literally the third hour...

So it will lead straight into the new series?

Yeah.

Though last season's 24 might have been better off as 16, Kiefer-starved fans will no doubt take this news poorly (to say nothing of the Mary Lynn Rajskub message boards!). Rest assured, though, producers are working overtime to provide even more twists and turns to make up for the season's two lost episodes. Spoiler alert: the Christmas tree was behind it all!

• Robert Carlyle Talks '24: The Movie' [Premiere]

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Mirrors star Kiefer Sutherland and gal pal Siobhan Bonnouvrier attempted to flex their star power muscle at a New York area Apple Store over the weekend. After talking with the store's manager for quite a lengthy time, Sutherland was unable to get his hand on the soon to be release iPhone 3G. Bonnouvrier asked the manager if he knew whom they were dealing and if he's been enjoying all the freedom that Jack Bauer has provided over the last seven years. The manager replied, "I'd gladly give a phone to one of The Lost Boys, but we don't have any yet. My hands are tied on this one." Sutherland asked if he could use the excuse that it's a matter of national security to get the phone, but the manager shrugged his shoulders and said that he could sell them one of the first generation phones and that was about it. Sutherland and his girlfriend left the store while stating that it wasn't over between them yet and that the next time will be personal.

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

In 2001, 24 debuted. Its premiere episode was nearly pulled because it featured a plane getting shot out of the sky in a scenario eerily similar to the events of September 11th. But viewers who found the terrorists-are-out-to-get-us premise all too believable could relax because Jack Bauer was assigned to protect an African-American presidential candidate. There was no way that was realistic; there weren't even any Black senators. But a funny thing happened. Palmer won the election. We've spent the past six years watching an African-American president. We've seen him handle one ridiculous crisis after another — and he seemed to be doing a better job than the president we actually had. Palmer even had some of Obama's annoying qualities. He always wanted to take the high road, even when the situation merited a Jack Bauer style ass-kicking. He was too trusting of his unscrupulous associates.

The Obama/Palmer connection has been observed throughout the blogosphere and by the actor who played Palmer himself, Dennis Haysbert. Who knows. Maybe Hilary's real problem was that TV's female president is relegated to basic cable on Battlestar Galactica.

The gay marriage-television link is equally strong. While gay weddings were occasional plot points dating back to the Seinfeld episode where Elaine attends a gay wedding, this past season they were parts of the season finales of two of ABC's hits. Moreover, they were presented as ordinary events, no different than heterosexual marriage ceremonies. Brothers and Sisters ended with Kevin and Scotty's wedding, which was attended by a Republican senator.

On Desperate Housewives, conservative, gun toting Republican Bree, who once abandoned her gay son, catered the wedding of Wisteria Lane gays, Bob and Lee. None of the heterosexuals on the block raised an eye brow.

Mere weeks later, the California Supreme Court legalized gay marriage. Coincidence? Probably. But the muted opposition outside of Kern County could be because people are already used to seeing gay weddings on TV.

In today's installment: Kiefer Sutherland, Lauren Bacall, Ashlee Simpson, Christopher "McLovin Sucks Balls!" Mintz-Plasse, Paula Abdul, Bob Odenkirk, Hank Azaria, David Wain, Benjamin McKenzie, Jackie Warner, Paul Haggis, Jane Lynch, Shane West, Ken Davitian (twice!), Brad Garrett, Joe Rogan, Bitsie Tulloch, Jennifer Morrison, Christopher Titus and more.

FRIDAY, MAY 20
· Sitting at the bar at 4100, smack dab in the middle of a Square Pegs DVD discussion, trying to remember the name of the actress who played Muffy, my friend suggests asking the guy who just sat down next to us. I turn around to see everyone’s favorite Lost Boy, Kiefer Sutherland, who just happened to co-star with her (Jami Gertz) in that iconic bit of cinematic magic. Fellow patrons approached us with their best The Lost Boys quotes. “Mi-chael, Mi-chael.” & “It’s just noodles.” were among the favorites. Surprisingly, there was not one quote from A Few Good Men—WTF?. Lt. Jonathan Kendrick was drinking J & B neat with a few civilians who favored PBR in a can. He did a funny little dance when “Oh Bondage, Up Yours” came on the jukebox, which my friend took to mean that he did not approve. After he had a few drinks in him, Jack Bauer was overheard to say to a female companion, “I would definitely be all over your ass.” I figured Chloe must have downloaded the schematics to his PDA. After last call we were escorted out while he stayed with his friends to smoke and drink.

TUESDAY, MAY 27
· Saw Benjamin McKenzie and a male friend eating in silence at Hugo's. Both wolfed down their quasi-healthy and always-surprisingly-bland-fare (seriously! why do i keep going back?) with nary a word spoken between them. Afterwards they shared a huge chocolate sundae. Then they simultaneously texted. In silence. A few grunts here and there and that was all. A typical hetero night in Boystown? That guy was amazing in Junebug, btw. Seriously. What a great actor.

· Saw Brad Garrett rocking out to the Police during night one of their two nights at the Hollywood Bowl. The people behind him only heard the show. Dude is tall. He left during the encore.

THURSDAY, MAY 29
· This one's for all of you - all three of you- who are obsessed with internet sensation/primetime disaster QUARTERLIFE. R.E.M. show at the Bowl: saw "Dylan", Bitsie Tulloch, and her QLIFE enemy "Britanny", Barret Swatek. In line together, buying one lone beer. I so wanted them to start making out like they did on screen but they just flirted with the lucky guy next to them and walked off into the night to drink their beer and probably make out in the dark to some REM soft ballad. Also, looks as though Qlife didn't pay that well because they were both in serious need of a sandwich.

· The West Hollywood Equinox is no stranger to (sort of) celebrities, but this morning I saw Jackie Warner from Bravo's "Work Out" there. I don't normally care very much who I see there, but I found it interesting that a woman with a reality show about owning a gym doesn't even work out there! What a sham...

· I saw Shane West last night (5/29) and the 24-hour fitness in Hollywood, looking very good. A lot shorter in person than I would expect.

· At the DGA screening of Dirty Harry, I saw: Paul Haggis, Ken Davitian (of Borat fame), Gary Cole from Office Space and The Brady Bunch movies, Christopher "Shooter McGavin" McDonald (he seemed pretty friendly to a group of girls who approached him in the lobby after the screening), Jon Voight (he too seemed nice, posing for a few pictures with fans), and Lonny Ross from 30 Rock, who seemed to be by himself. I really wanted to approach him and tell him what a huge fan of 30 Rock I am, but I don't recall him being on any of the recent episodes, so I didn't want to offend him in case he's no longer on it.

SATURDAY, MAY 31
· At Palmetto (bath-goop store on Montana in Santa Monica), saw Lauren Bacall. She was being fawned over by the staff, plied with lotions balms and salves. Well why not? She's a legend and she had Bogart. Looks good, and still has that plummy, New York voice.

· Saw Joe Rogan of Fear Factor fame standing outside of the movie theaters at The Grove. He had his entire index finger in his mouth, apparently trying to pick a kernel of popcorn from his teeth or something. Dude, that's what bathrooms are for.

SUNDAY, JUNE 1
· Had lunch at Maggiano's on Sunday (June 1st) and saw Paula Abdul there. She was pretty much ignoring the three people in her group by talking nonstop on her cell.

· Arrived to an oddly not-terribly-crowded Hugo's on SMB just as Jane Lynch walked out. While patiently waiting for our table, Milo Ventimiglia walked in (wearing a black Robot Chicken T-Shirt) and patiently waits to be seated. Although we thought we had experienced our share of sightings for a single Hugo's outing, as we went to pull out from the parking lot behind the restaurant, Bryan Singer pulled up in his gas guzzler.

· The delightfully normal-looking and -acting (yet brilliant and funny) Bob Odenkirk at the Trader Joe's in Silver Lake during the morning. Good sighting, but i was more thrilled to find an actual parking spot...

· Was wandering around the afterparty at the MTV Movie Awards and, predictably, saw a lot of famous people running around. I won't bore you with those details, but this one stuck. Anna Faris was talking to a group of friends when two female fans approached her, asking for a picture. Being the doll that she is, she complied. However, her douchebaggy boyfriend (gentleman caller?) was really rude to these fans. He laughed dismissively when they asked her, and then made fun of them after they left. What a dick.

MONDAY, JUNE 2
· Hank Azaria was at the 7:15pm screening of Bigger, Stronger, Faster* at the Arclight. I wonder which of his characters is on the juice? Chief Wiggum? Apu? The Comic Book Guy? Cletus? Professor Frink? Dr. Nick Riveria (he's kind of like an anti-aging doctor), Snake is definitely on steroids...

TUESDAY, JUNE 3
· I had an eventful 30 minutes or so sitting in the Arclight courtyard on June 3rd. I saw chameleon actor Clifton Collins Jr. with a woman who looked, as Variety likes to put it, non-industry. Next up: Heavenly Creature Melanie Lynskey and her husband, Sunny in Philadelphia's Jimmi Simpson. And finally, the willowy Jennifer Morrison breezed past with her new beau Amaury Nolasco from Prison Break. Is it too far-fetched to conclude they were all coming out of the same screening of Sex and the City?

· Saw former good actor Michael Rapaport while having lunch at Bloom. Thankfully, the female talent dining there distracted me enough that I even forgot about seeing him until a moment ago. Food was ultra-tasty, btw. But seriously, kids, the women there were all the more delicious.

· Saw David Wain at the Groundworks coffee on the corner of Sunset and Cahuenga. He's an early riser, that one. Resisted the urge to quote Wet Hot American Summer lines while he stood in line. He grabbed himself a morning coffeee, wandered around for a few minutes and then headed out the door.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
· During the early afternoon, saw Rashida Jones looking good and getting into a black hybrid SUV nr Robertson Blvd and Alden. My Chappelle's Show-loving girlfriend went "Team Karen! Oh hey, is it muthafuckin' tizzight?" (in a friendly way). She didn't turn around.

· [ED. NOTE — We normally don't include NYC sightings, but this one is kinda priceless] Ashlee Simpson at Kips Bay movie theater in NYC. It was not hard to spot Ashlee at the 7p screening of Sex and the City. She was sitting in a ROPED OFF area with her NONtourage - totally solo. She had purchased 3 rows of seats so that she would not have to mix with the plebs. An usher stood by the ropes to explain to all the bitter patrons why they couldn't sit there. EW.

· Lunchtime at the McDonalds in Century City, we spotted Ken Davitian, he of balls in the face Borat fame, wolfing down his meal very quickly. He didn't eat the bun, he apparently ate all his fries, and seemed in and out in about 10 minutes! We watched him quite openly instead of being all stealth and nonchalant about it. He did not notice us staring at him or hear me whispering probably a little too loud: "Jeeze, I've seen that guys balls".

THURSDAY, JUNE 5
· At the Parliament show at Crash Mansion, saw McLovin' wearing a Red Sox cap and talking trash about the Lakers with some fans. He was polite and patient with the people, who did not return the favor. When his friends finally extricated him from the mob, the scorned fans shouted loudly "McLovin' Sucks Balls!" All class, Laker fans.

· Very tall and skinny Christopher Titus at one of 80,000 Starbucks on Ventura Blvd, in Studio City.

It is incomprehensible to me that Mrs. Clinton can seriously be touting the notion, with the support of the punditocracy of CNN and Fox, that she is leading in the popular vote and should therefore be seriously considered as the most electable candidate in the November election. ...

[W]hat about us? What about the American people? Haven't we had enough of Mrs. Clinton's mad antics in her pursuit of the realization of venal personal ambition; her "say anything, do anything, no matter what" effort to manipulate our all too willing media to gull this country's populace into believing that her wretched illegitimacy is indeed legitimate. How much mendacity do we have to suffer, how much brazenness do we have to swallow before someone, anyone, has the decency, the common sense, to relieve us of this terrible trifle, this pathetic madness?

Such vitriol — from a Canadian! Anyway, if you're reading this, Kiefer, your Dad's OK. You can pick him up at Arianna's.

• Hillary's Popular Vote Notion only 'Popular' with the Punditocracy [HuffPo]

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In a Forgetting Sarah Marshall inspired moment of honesty, Kiefer Sutherland told his girlfriend, Siobhan Bonnouvrier, that he doesn't care that much for the clothing she picks out for him. Sutherland told his gal pal that he's far more comfortable in a V-Neck from American Apparel than the giant scarves the 24 star has been forced to wear lately. She quickly corrected him, explaining that there's a BIG difference between a scarf and a pashmina. Sutherland started to remove the pashmina and said, "Well, whatever it is, I don't like it and it's spring so why I am even wearing it?"

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

In today's installment: Russell Crowe, Drew Barrymore, Kiefer Sutherland, Teri Hatcher, Matthew Perry, Chris "Mr. Big" Noth, Chrissie Hynde, Jemaine "Flight Of The Conchords" Clement, Mindy Kaling, Samantha Mathis (with Keith Carradine!), Werner Herzog, Dax Shepard (with Bradley Cooper!), Cedric Yarbrough and Professor Cornell West.

APRIL 10
· Another Matthew Perry Trivia sighting at Barney's Beanery in Pasadena on Thursday. His team of 4, "Dos Dedos", only contained one dressed-up young lady this time, and most likely took first right in front of the antagonistically-named "Bing's Bingers". I say "most likely" because I left before they announced my losing score...

APRIL 11
· Standing in line with all the middle aged punkers at the X reunion show at the Henry Fonda Theatre was Chrissie Hynde...She looked great and didn't look like she's had any work done...couldn't believe she had to wait in line with the rest of us!

APRIL 12
· Drew Barrymore was at the Derby Dolls roller derby on Saturday night April 12th. Here is some photographic evidence.

· I was having lunch at Cafe '50's in Sherman Oaks around 1pm. I couldn't help but notice that every 10 minutes or so, a group of girls ages 7-12 (?) wearing colored bandanas (different colored than the last group, not different colored from each other) with an assigned parent or guardian would come in and have their photo taken by the jukebox (I heard one mother saying it was a scavenger hunt). After 2 or so waves of bandana-wearing tots, Teri Hatcher came in leading the Pink Bandana group. She wasn't wearing much makeup and politely asked for the someone to take the group's photo (that's a switch) by the jukebox. Then they were off, presumably to find 12 bottlecaps or some such that was next on the scavenger list.

APRIL 13
· Russell Crowe with his wife and boys strolling around the Century City mall on Sunday afternoon. They looked like every other family suffering from heat exhaustion.

· Mindy Kaling from The Office having a brunch at Joan's on Third. Met up with some (nonfamous) friends, looked cute and casual, drives an adorable Mini Cooper.

APRIL 14
· Samantha Mathis and Keith Carradine (don't think they were together but stranger pairings have happened in this town) at the Arclight on Monday night. I assume they were there for the special screening that little me wasn't invited to because I didn't see them at my screening of The Visitor. Just before the movie, as I was exiting the ladies room I passed Carradine entering the men's room undoing his pants several feet before the doorway. Note to guys: ick.

· Today at approx. 5:00 PM at the Starbucks in Dana Point, Chris Noth and his girlfriend walked into my Starbucks and ordered a drink. Chris ordered a Chai Tea Latte and his girlfriend had a chop chop pasta salad. They were not with the baby. His girlfriend seemed very very nice. She actually asked for a fork from me and I told her where they were but we were out so I went to the back to get some and brought back one to her and handed it to her and she said thank you and was very nice about it. However, Chris was sort of a dick. Not really a dick to me but a total dick to his girlfriend. Anyways, I thought this was a notable celebrity sighting..

APRIL 16
· could have sworn i saw Jack Bauer at Dan's Subs in the Valley. He even had the arm tats, looked great clean shaven ...he was not with the woman from ny. He had his arm wrapped around a different raven haven hair chic. Much more busty and shorter. at one point he called her Janet (or maybe Janice). He was very happy and relaxed.

· Today at the Koo Koo Roo on Wilshire I saw Cedric Yarbrough, Jonesie from Reno 911. He was hanging out by himself eating lunch listening to something on his earphones. I don't want to say anything bad about him being there or being lame or anything like that because I LOVE Reno 911 and my boyfriend doesn't, so there.

· Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords waiting to cross Los Feliz Boulevard at Hillhurst. Had to look twice because, although that block of the street is not so lousy with hipsters, Clement was blending in with his surroundings. Is he staying in one of the big-ass apartment buildings on the north side of Los Feliz?

APRIL 17
· Saw Werner Herzog at Hollywood Video on Westwood Blvd. ask the clerk if they had a used copy of 'Jungle 2 Jungle' on VHS. [Ed. Note - Really?]

APRIL 18
· Odd couple Dax Shepard & Bradley Cooper (Nip/Tuck, Wedding Crashers) at Katsuya in Studio City.

APRIL 19
· Toast on 3rd Street, today. Was putting my name on the host's list, when I saw an older man in a black suit out of the corner of my eye. I told my friend, "Huh, that orthodox dude looks like Cornell West." And It WAS Cornell West! He was having lunch with a more casually attired Tavis Smiley. The PBS whore in me was totally freaking out.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

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TV's Kiefer Sutherland shied away from even the very faintest sign of PDA while in New York City's Meatpacking district this morning. Sutherland seemed far too concerned with the commotion in the building across the way, wondering if he would have to be called into some 'neck snapping' action. In addition, Sutherland remarked to the mystery woman, "How can I hold your hand AND smoke my cigarette AND carry my umbrella all at the same time?"

[Photo Credit: INF]

In today's episode: Bruce Willis; Kiefer Sutherland; Kris Kristofferson; Elizabeth Berkly; Owen Wilson; Matt Dillon; Naveen Andrews; Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann; Rashida Jones; Amanda Peet and David Benioff; Keri Russell; BJ Novak; Nicole Richie and Joel Madden; Brian Grazer; Brad Grey; Ian Ziering; Valerie Bertinelli; Grant Show; Udo Keir; Travis Barker; Jason Bantha; Jorja Fox; Eric Wareheim; Sara Rue and Glenn Morshower; and Joey Buttafuoco.

· Bruce Willis shopping at John Varvartos on Melrose wearing a lavender sweater on Saturday March 1st.

· Last Friday - Kris Kristofferson in the New Zealand Air/Virgin lounge form LAX to London. No matter how old that guy is he always looks the same. I looked up at him as he came out of the bathroom and he smiled and did a little hat tilt at me...I felt a bit awkward and in no way attracted to him.

· Yesterday - Virgin Atlantic lounge at Heathrow and upper class on Virgin was our favorite world savior - Kiefer Sutherland. Actually looked quite good, thin and euro in jacket, tie, scarf and sunglasses. Probably the first time I've considered him sexy. He sat where everyone could see him but no one would talk to him in the lounge. Sadly, he slept most of the flight and didn't attack anyone.

· And finally, the best sighting ever - Nomi Malone, aka Jessi Spano, aka Elizabeth Berkly at Bodyfactory near the Arclight. I was behind her in line and hear a voice that was strangely familiar and loud asking if there was any lactose in the shake because she is lactose intolerant. I almost peed my gym shorts with excitement when I noticed it was Nomi. Showgirls is probably the greatest film of all time (and my favorite)...sadly, she caught me texting my friends and looking at her like 10 times. I genuinely wanted to ask for a picture but thought she'd get all Nomi on me. She's really tall and quite gorgeous.

· Feb 29 - Owen Wilson was spotted looking at art today with his dog, Garcia, at Regen Projects, where he looked at Raymond Pettibon's older drawings and Catherine Opie photographs of surfers.

· March 6 - Matt Dillon getting his mack on at the celebrity coffee bean(sunset and fairfax). He got dropped off in a crystler and proceeded to get his drink, then quickly began hitting on young girls. Reminded me of his brother johnny drama

· i saw Naveen Andrews on the corner of 4th and Santa Monica Blvd (near 3rd st promenade) on Feb. 29 around 7pm. Naveen was with a hot model-type chick (not Barbara Hershey—did they break up?). Naveen didn't look too happy to be reconized. i stared at him shamelessly, because i am an obsessive fan of LOST!!! i wanted to yell "Help me get back to the island, Sayid!!!!!" but i was too afraid he would torture me. Naveen and the mystery chick then headed into some fancy restaurant for dinner........

· March 3, 2008 Saw Naveen Andrews (LOST) at a park in Santa Monica. Was pushing my stroller and being sleep-addled and before I could stop myself, I turned to my husband and blurted out: "OH MY GOD, IS THAT SAYID?" To which Naveen laughed and waved. Then because I'm a total dork, I felt compelled to give him a thumbs up, to which he laughed and waved some more and then drove off in his sweet ass ride — a Porsche. btw, he's a total hottie.

· The next weekend I saw the always amazing Judd Apatow and his funny-talented wife, Leslie Mann, at the Grove. You'd never pick them out of a crowd, he in jeans and baseball cap, she in puffy jacket and sweat pants. Like not the velour matching kind but the old school kind of sweats — green with elastic around the ankles. It was raining. They seemed comfy and thank god because us understated puffy jacket and scarf wearing regular jeans people need to stick together... I mean, I've seen enough Marc Ecko jeans in LA to last a lifetime.

· Last night (3/6) I went grocery shopping and saw: 1) at the WeHo Trader Joe's Rashida Jones with chic geek glasses on—quite polite and very beautiful w/no make-up then 2) at the BH Bristol Farms Amanda Peet & David Benioff & their beautiful chubby baby. Amanda looked a little sleep-deprived but then again she didn't have make-up on either and still looked better than me. That's all.

· Saw Felicity (Keri Russell) at the bucolic Palisades Farmers' Market two weeks ago. She had her cute baby boy in one of those slings (Bjorns?) and looked fresh faced and happy, chatting with her similarly beponytailed husband. But she was super skinny. I know she's probably naturally tiny, but I'm not sure how her frail frame even supported the weight of that kid. Keri! The Oscars are over and you looked lovely! Now reward yourself with a sandwich for god's sake. The kid is going to be scarred for life if mommy
snaps in half next time she tries to pick him up.

· On March 1st I was waiting in line at the Starbucks at the Farmers Market at 3rd and Fairfax BJ Novak of the office got in line behind me. He had sunglasses and looked like he hadnt shaved for a week also he looked kind of edgy like he wanted to get out of there as quick as possible.

· Geeze, i think it was Monday march 3. Nicole richie and joel madden shopping for lingerie at neman marcus in beverly hills. Im guessing they were shopping for her... Her boobs looked like they did when she was fat. Milk does a body good indeed.

· wednesday - 05 march. malibu colony plaza. decided to have sushi for lunch when who should i see walking out of the restaurant but BRIAN GRAZER with, no - not his new cultural attache/shamen - rather his new girlfriend, pianist chau-giang nguyen. he's way shorter than i imagined, though his melon is as enormous as it looks in photos. his skin gives keith richards a run for its louis vuitton epi leather texture. chau was wearing a sun hat the size of an o.g. satellite dish. i'm guessing she thinks of brian as a cautionary epidermal tale. good call.

· Spotted at the Grove on Sunday 3/2: Paramount overlord Brad Grey shopping with daughter in Apple Store (didnt buy anything) and the adjacent Nike store. BG checked out the Nike merchandise and then spent some time in the changing area trying on different pairs of athletic pants while checking out HIS merchandise in the mirrors i.e. "does my but look fat in these trackpants?"

· Sat, March 1 - So, I've just gotten my bikini line waxed at FACE IT SKIN AND NAIL SPA in Hollywood at La Brea and Sunset in the El Pollo Loco/ Wendy's strip mall. As I walk back out to the nail area in my state of post-pain euphoria, I see a familiar man with a distinctive blonde fro-mullet. It's Steve Sanders! Excuse me, it's IAN ZIERING. He's sitting in one of the spa chairs getting a pedicure and the best thing about it is that he has that same perfect, smirky smile you always see on his face. Today it said, "That's right, Baby. You remember me, I'm Steve Sanders and I'm gettin' a pedicure." What is it with that smirk, EYE-An? What the f#@$ secrets of life do you know that I don't know? I know he lives in this annoying hood and all I can think is, if I were him and had a couple of bucks, I'd move as far east of Vermont as would make me cool again.

· I saw Valerie Bertinelli shopping with her man Tom Vitale in the Studio City Ralph's on Saturday night (03/01). She looked great in jeans and sunglasses, what a cutie. Then I went home and she was on a late night Oprah rerun promoting her new book "Losing It".

· Former Melrose Placer - Grant Show (you'll always be JAKE to me!) at Happy Ending's bar on Sunset. Man, he is aging well! Homie looks good for 46-years old, floppy hair and rock hard abs. I tried to get him to win me a lobster out of the tank, but he was too busy staring at some blond (sad face).

· A friend and I were enjoying $5 pitchers of beer at the Eagle in Silverlake on Monday night, March 3. I then notice Udo Keir cruising the bar in a black leather biker jacket and pristine blue jeans, how utterly German of him or not, it's a leather bar. He looked creepy and surprisingly well preserved. He left without closing a deal.

· March 3 - So I'm leaving the Disneyland Grand Californian after having brunch with my friends and I see a filthy looking, tatooed amaciated Travis Barker "rolling" in to the valet. From out of the ghetto fabulous Escalade emerges Shauna Moakler sans extensions and makeup and a bunch of little children. They were very conspicuous with the ink and Travis with his big shades in ANAHEIM!

· Tues, March 4, The Room (Cahuenga Corridor)
enjoying a late night snatchtail with some friends where we spotted Jason Bantha of National Treasure and Peadbody award winner National Treasure 2 having some drinks at dancing in that goofy white hipster boy kind of way. looked super cute and seems like an okay guy.

· Last Saturday (Mar 2) saw Jorja Fox with 3 non-celeb friends (2 guys and a girl) buying wine a bit after 10pm at CapNCork on Hillhurst in Los Feliz. She was in jeans, green shirt and white vest, hair down, no makeup and looking very casual but easily recognizable.

· i saw a very tall Eric Wareheim (from tim and eric awesome show on adult swim) last night at Katsuya in Studio CIty. He was with a gorgeous girl with short blonde hair, i assume it was his girlfriend. They were smiling and laughing, and very affectionate. It was very cute to watch and he seemed really sweet.

· At the Commerce Casino on March 3rd, watching the final table at the World Poker Tour event, saw the perfectly lovely Sara Rue (Less Than Perfect) seated front row to cheer on a friend. Also spotted veteran character actor Glenn Morshower in the crowd. OK, honestly I spotted "Agent Aaron Pierce" in the crowd, and had to check IMDB for his real name. Regardless, having a few seasons of 24 on his resume makes him the closest I've gotten to a Kiefer sighting in a while.

· March 5, 2008 12:50:31 PM PST - Joey Buttafuoco dining outside at the ivy right now!!

Among the most deserving members of the group are, in no particular order:

Jim Halpert on The Office: because laughter is everything. Plus, he's tall.
Ned on Pushing Daisies: Tall, too! And he makes pies. While wearing an apron. With perfect hair and dreamy eyes and that tall, lean frame...let's just say we'd forgive him if he accidentally killed us.
Amanda Tanen on Ugly Betty: If we swung that way, this would be our girl (free clothes!), and from our imagined male point of view, well, same thing: free suits!
Michael and George Michael Bluth from Arrested Development: Best. Threesome. Fantasy. Ever. And afterwards, Michael Cera might bake you cookies, while Jason Bateman played you his favorite records!
Lindsay Weir from Freaks and Geeks: Sure, not Swimsuit Issue-worthy (at least back then, but these days in ER, yum), but in a way, Lindsay was the original Juno MacGuff.

And the incomprehensibles:

Jack Bauer from 24: While we genuflect thrice daily to a poster of the real-life Kiefer, we are going to have to strongly oppose the choice of Jack Bauer. Are we the only ones who happened to catch the fact that his wife was tortured, raped and killed? Yeah, dreamboat for sure.
Jack Shephard from Lost: Yes, Matthew Fox is a fox, there is no doubt. And yes, he's a doctor, and sure, he may have saved, oh, a trillion or so lives. But he's got daddy issues, and we're not into being bossed around, even if it means saving the world (or whatever the fuck they're trying to save this season).
Dylan McKay from Beverly Hills: 90210: Again, hot. But as much as Brenda Walsh infuriated us with her teeth and her moody/wannabe actress/princess-y tendencies, we'd have dumped the too-cool-for-school druggie just on the basis of Squint Addiction.
Summer Roberts from The OC: We've been known to act a little high-maintenance from time to time, but this Cali girl took the term to new heights of offensiveness. Plus, she kinda strikes us as one of those high-school girls who'd pretty much just lay there and blab on her cell while you're pumping away.
Bree Van De Camp from Desperate Housewives: Seriously? Of all the (admittedly impossible-to-choose-from) old frumps on this old frump of a show, EW readers want the shrill ice queen in their sack? Thin lips + bony legs = thanks but no thanks.

And finally, the most crucial void on the list, the most adorable, dateable, loveable visage ever to cross our screens, was inexcusably uninvited to join the list of Effables: Bret from Flight of the Conchords. We don't know about you, but every episode has been permanently saved on our DVR and played repeatedly, from noon to night, to the dismay of our roommate. We'll let you tell us who the EW readers scathingly excluded from the list in the comments!

• READER PICKS: TV CHARACTERS YOU'D DATE [EW]

none other than beloved Eastside mascot Kiefer Sutherland, in what might be his first national TV appearance since jail. They don't mention when it was taped, but we'll put our chips on prior to his incarceration, as the hot topic of the day is the Lost Boys sequel controversy that riveted a nation last summer, a springboard for the show's irritating host to make unfunny observations about how Kiefer's face reminds him of Jeffrey Dahmer's. All hail the conquering writers, if it means shuffling this crap off the air.

• Free Radio [VH1]

In today's episode: Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong; Justin Timberlake; Susan Sarandon; Kiefer Sutherland; David Beckham; Courtney Love; Lindsay Lohan, Balthazar Getty, Taryn Manning, Avril Lavine and Deryck Whibley; David Spade and Verne Troyer; Anne Heche; Adrian Grenier; James Cromwell, Jeremy Sisto, Lake Bell, and Dita Von Teese; Kyle MacLachlan, Chad Lowe, and Bridget Moynahan; John Mayer; Andy Dick; Christina Ricci; Greg Germann; Ian Ziering; Enrico Colantoni, Judy Reyes, and Curt Smith; Scott Caan; Wanda Sykes; Diablo Cody; Greg Grunberg; Daniel Baldwin; Jason Segal; Zoe Bell; Vanessa Paradis; Nathan Fillion; and Adnan Ghalib.

· Monday 2/11 — Saw MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY spending some of his Fools Gold at Cut. He was having dinner with LANCE ARMSTRONG. Just the two of them ... alone. Two guys dressed very casually sharing wine, steak, and conversation. Matthew's hair was cut very short like Lance's - perhaps they've found their leading man for whatever LiveStrong biopic that's surely in the works.

· On Saturday (2/9) I ran into Justin Timberlake — as in, he got in my way and we accidentally sort of collided — in the lobby of the Ojai Valley Athletic Club. He was there playing basketball with some hot hanger-on chicks and a few (local?) dudes. Very strange.

· Last night (2/10), Susan Sarandon at an outdoor table at the restaurant at the Beverly Wilshire. My friends and I had to do a triple-take because we were arguing that the woman we were looking at was way too young to be Susan Sarandon. Seriously, I'm gayer than a pink hairnet, and this woman was beautiful as hell. Gracious with the staff, blah blah. I'd go on, but I don't want to be accused of being her publicist. Sorry to gush.

· 2.8.08 - Saw Kiefer Sutherland at The Roxy. It was a showcase for the three bands on his record label. He had on jeans, black shirt and a gray blazer. The man is very good looking in person. He was wonderful about stopping and talking to fans and signing autographs. He seemed to be having fun with his friends and kept a very low profile.

· Crawling along Santa Monica Blvd in Beverly Hills on Tuesday afternoon (2/12), none other than Britain's gift to America, David Beckham rides past going down Rodeo Dr. in his convertible Porsche. Along for the ride were at least two of his sons, looking suspiciously unrestrained. Tsk Tsk Becks!

· Courtney Love unnecessarily raising hell at the Troubadour, 11 pm, Thursday night: I was at the Troub to see the Morning Benders open for the Kooks. It was sold out to the gills, so I camped out on the VIP staircase to watch from above. Courtney comes tearing up the stairs, with a blond minion in tow and no VIP pass. When the nice security guy asked her to please leave the VIP area, she said, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" The security guy then had a long talk with her to convince her that he was serious about not permitting her in the area, at which point the blond minion RAN to get her a pass. A pissed Courtney stood there grudgingly until the woman came back with the wristband. She waved the wristband in the security guy's face, and tried to brush by him once again. At which point he informed her that she needed to put the wristband ON. News flash: The world is over Courtney Love and her rockstar bullshit. When is Courtney going to get over it, too?

· Well I guess the quiet neighborhood Italian restaurant my parents love is now the hottest meal ticket in town. Last night, Thursday, Feb 7, at Madeo: Lindsay Lohan with brown hair, Balthazar Getty & wife, Taryn Manning & Boyfriend (Mams Taylor), pre fight and leaving in a black Rolls Royce Phantom, as Avril Lavine and Deryck Whibley arrived in their black SUV. What a night!

· A bearded David Spade and shockingly tiny Verne Troyer chilling together last night (2/7) in the most visible entry area of Ketchup on Sunset. Laughing and drinking and skeezing out on the Playmate-types circling them. Could someone please give these two a basic-cable reality show? Like, now? I'll make it easy for you, VH1 junior alternative development exec. Just cut and paste this PrivacyWatch sighting into an email and send to your boss. I won't even ask for a commission.

· Anne Heche dining with 2 or 3 other peeps at Mercedes Grill in MDR last night, Feb 7. Pretty & petite with a black fedora that she surprisingly pulled off while simultaneously wearing cargo pants. She's a smoker, yuck.

· Just saw Adrian Grenier, looking mighty scruffy at the MOCA opening tonight. Didn't really see who he was with, but it seemed like he was being left alone. I wonder if he Jacksoned the Pollock out of anyone after the show.

· Fun times at Hugo's in West Hollywood, Sunday February 10: The inexplicably famous Dita Von Teese (who's notability, as far as I can tell, is due only to having been married to a mid-level rock star, as emulating styles of 60 years ago and removing said styles in the 'burlesque' fashion is, no matter how well it is done, neither unique nor worthy of such fame).Far more exciting was our second viewing of prominent Oscar-nominated 'that guy' James Cromwell, the ever delightful Jeremy Sisto (who my fiancee insists bears uncanny resemblance to Skeet Ulrich, who was not there and the comparison isn't true anyway) and the underrated Lake Bell (also the second time we've seen her there). Sisto, on leaving after a quick coffee with someone I didn't recognize, proceeded to have friendly conversations with both Cromwell (a 'Six Feet Under reunion' as commented by the lady at a table nearby) and Bell.

· Today, Sunday 2/10, was a fabulous day at Hugo's on Santa Monica! First, Dita von Teese walked in, wearing a great 40s-style outfit and looking flawless as always. Her skin is to die for! Then, I saw Jeremy Sisto from Six Feet Under and Clueless...he was scruffy but looking good! He ate and then lingered outside for a while talking to some girls. Also at Hugo's was his Six Feet co-star James Cromwell! He was so, so tall! Jeremy and James saw each other after a while and had a friendly hello.

· Friday 2/8, at the Rhett Miller show at the Troubadour, Bridget Moynahan wearing a Giants hat (kidding!) and looking good post-Brady Baby. Also Chad Lowe looking, well, like Chad Lowe.

Also, Monday 2/11 at the Stairs in Santa Monica, John Mayer slowly walking off the champagne and caviar from Grammy night.

· Prior to going to the Rhett Miller show at the troubadour on fri (2/8) my friend and I hit Lou on Vine for a bite and some vino... sitting near the bar was agent Dale Cooper, Kyle MacLachlan. He wears the hell out of a pair of Levi's. Hit the show, Rhett was amazing, no surprise there, but as we were leaving Bridget Moynahan came down from the VIP section looking for Rhett. She looked great, was with some girlfriends....

· Friday February 8th - Went to the Woods where Andy Dick, in the spirit of Adrian Grenier, asked if he could "blank" the "blank" out of me. I declined, and he proceeded to chat up a booth of blondes, who must have been more receptive.

Later that same night, I saw a blonde Christina Ricci at Denny's, accompanied by an two older gentlemen. I'm not sure of what she ordered, but she looked very cute with no makeup.

· Feb 7 - At a party in Chinatown for Dwell Magazine. Bizarrely, so is Andy Dick —drinking beer (is he supposed to be sober?) — and he's chatting with Greg Germann from Ally McBeal. Picture attached.

· Sunday 2/10: Hiking Runyon Canyon with a friend was Ian Ziering. Later, at Studio City Jamba Juice, spotted Judy Reyes from Scrubs. Then at the upstairs California Pizza Kitchen, Enrico Colantoni (Just Shoot Me & Veronica Mars) was eating lunch with his family. At the next table Curt Smith from Tears for Fears (!!!) was having lunch with his daughters and helping them color. So cute.

· Yesterday (2/5) my friends and I spotted Scott Caan of Oceans 11,12,13, etc fame at the Whole Foods at Santa Monica and Fairfax. He wearing one of those hats, like a fedora but smaller (porkpie?). He was also wearing black Chucks. Typical Hollywood short but definitely do-able.

· Writing this on my cell, so it will be short. Right now (5:30pm on Monday, Feb 11) Wanda Sykes at Marix in WeHo. Walked in with a guy and a girl.

· 2/06 at the new retail space called: Grove, one Diablo Cody, looking just like her EW illo!

· On my way to work Downtown today (Feb 6) and was walking past the Original Pantry and saw Greg Grunberg, (OFFICER PARKMAN from HEROES) standing outside waiting. He was texting on his phone and he caught me staring and then I pulled out my phone so I think he was waiting for me to go for it, but I felt silly. And also I could feel him reading my thoughts about the whole situation...

About an hour ago I was walking to 3rd street promenade from a parking garage on 2nd, when someone asked me for a light. It was a VERY drunk Daniel Baldwin! Any other time, I wouldn't have batted an eye, but one of my guilty pleasures just happens to be Celebrity Rehab (I know, I can't help it). So seeing Daniel drunk was quite a shock! I didn't say anything for fear he would lose it, so I obliged and lit his cigarette. Then he staggered off alone without saying thank you. I guess Celebrity Rehab really doesn't work.

· 2/1 Was forced to go to a series of one act plays friday night and not happy about it. Was excited, however, when I saw Jason Segal of How I Met Your Mother sitting in the front row. I've crushed on him since Freaks and Geeks! I assumed he was there to support a fellow writer or actor. Spotted him again during intermission kissie-facing one of the actresses in the play:( As much as I wanted to hate her - she was gorgeous - I couldn't because she was hilarious in the show and incredibly sweet when I told her great job which,yes, also allowed me to get closer to my crush.

· Wednesday 02/05 Death Proof's Zoe Bell drinking a PBR and checking out the art at the imuhwherwulf opening at the Thought Gallery in Hollywood. In person she was a total double threat. Not only was she very pretty but she looked like she could beat up half the dudes there. Granted half the guys there were wearing girl's jeans but still.

· Today (10-Feb) I was enjoying a gorgeous day at Disneyland's California Adventures when I should happen to look over and see Vanessa Paradis, Johnny Depp's "girl", (as he refers to her). She was with their young son Jack who looked to be having a fantastic time and a Disney VIP Liaison. I didn't see their daughter nor the Demon Barber himself. I think I was pretty much the only person in the vicinity to have any clue who she was.

· Tuesday 2/5 Nathan Fillion (you'll always be captain tight pants to me) with a lady friend taking in Wicked at the Pantages.

· 2/11 - Last night, I watched professional toolbox, Adnan Ghalib, dining with a young coquettish brunette at SFValley celebrity haunt Hugo's Studio City. He had an animated conversation outside whilst re-read the menu - thrice. I was surprised to see the amount of bling he was wearing, and watched him inappropriately touch the waitress on her arm. I need to bathe again...he makes me feel greasy. Who do these people think they are?

In today's episode: Oprah Winfrey; Carla Gugino and Elizabeth Berkley; Brad Pitt and Zahara; Alec Baldwin; Kiefer Sutherland; Dave Chapelle; Forest Whitaker; Drew Barrymore and Justin Long; Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy; Woody Harrelson; James Spader; Tim Roth; Lisa Kudrow; Rob Schneider; Dylan McDermott; Gil Bellows, Ken Olin, Justin Kirk, and Cameron Crowe; Mischa Barton; Jason Segel; Adam Levine; Emilie de Ravin; Seth Binzer; and Luenell.

· Monday 4th Feb, heading to Runyon Canyon, stopped at the gas station at Sunset & Fairfax for some much needed agua. Dude took my money & then continued his conversation with another customer..."so, looks like your guy is two points ahead". A glance at said customer revealed none other than OPRAH WINFREY! Took me a sec to realize it was her - huge D & G wraparounds, black tracksuit and girlfriend...that is some booty ya got going on. Let's hope the snacks she was perusing were for the 2 white yapping small dogs in the Merc outside. As if that's not enough, descending from said hike, passed two fresh faced beauties talking & walking up the hill. CARLA GUGINO & ELIZABETH BERKLEY. Both cute & skinny...no surprise there.

· I was headed to see "Cloverfield" at The Grove when I heard some commotion behind me. I turned to see Brad Pitt carrying Zahara and being accosted by a tenacious paparazzi photog. The guy was a total pest, but Pitt kept his cool. As he shook the photo-spaz, I heard Pitt reassuring Z. that everything was okay and basically apologizing to her that she had to go through that. I felt bad, but quickly thereafter felt worse for myself that I had to shell out $11.50 to see somebody shoot a home movie of Godzilla.

· Alec Baldwin Friday 2/2 at the Starbucks in Studio City. Contrary to his well-known cellphone-screaming history, though, he was quiet and polite. Waited in line, tipped well and held the door for people on the way in and out. That peacoat and widewale cords weren't doing him any favors, though. He was looking, um, stocky, to say the least.

· Saw Kiefer at Spaceland in Silverlake last night (Jan 31). He went straight for the door despite the huge line, apparently to ask if Castledoor had already played. He was very apologetic about cutting in line to the girls at the front; after he talked to the doorman he went and hung out on the curb with a male friend until someone insisted they come in. He was all smiles, wearing an Iron Workers' Union jacket. Good to see him on the Eastside.

· Jack Bauer likes indie rock?! I was at Spaceland last Thursday night for the final, packed night of buzz band the Airborne Toxic Event's residency there, and who is standing right in front of me but the recently-released Kiefer Sutherland, who arrived early to brave the line. (It was, by the way, the longest line I have ever seen at the Silver Lake club.) He stayed from the beginning of the night all the way through the headlining band's set, singing along with the tunes and telling his friends how much he loved it. Afterwards, he hung around for a bit, taking some pictures with the violin girl from ATE and shooting the shit with the guys from the Deadly Syndrome. Who knew Jack Bauer had such good taste in music?

· Feb 1. - Dave Chapelle keeping it low profile at Swingers on Beverly. He looked a little thin but that might be because I've gotten so fat because of this strike. Come back, Dave, we need you.

January 30 - Forest Whitaker at the gas station on Beverly and Fairfax. Sweet Beamer! I had to hold myself back from telling him how beautiful his wife looked at the SAG awards.

January 27/28 - Drew Barrymore and Justin Long at the Apple Store at the Grove. Giggling as they read the blog 100 Days in Bed. Zexy!

· 2/3, about 5:15 p.m.: It's not every day that you see Oscar nominees-slash-Emmy winners at the local drugstore. Well, it's kinda every day here. But that doesn't make it less cool that, while making a Super Bowl halftime meal run, I ran into Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy at the Rite-Aid on La Brea and Santa Monica. They looked adorably normal with their two cute little daughters, even with Bill's crew cut and mustache - must be for a movie, I hope think.

· Was going to Maha Yoga in Brentwod tonight (Jan 26) and a dude wearing no shoes (just white tube socks?) opened the door for me. It was none other than Woody Harrelson. He asked at the front desk if they had any sandals, but the lady told him they only had women's left. I overheard him chitchatting about his trip to Kentucky to promote some sort of system that turns poop into drinking water. The other two members of the Shirtless Stoned Triumvirate were nowhere to be found; maybe next week.

· Saturday 2/2 at Sushi Ike on Hollywood Blvd I was seated across from James Spader. He looked good in his dark-rimmed glasses and younger than recent pics I've seen. He was with a hot-but-age-appropriate redhead and one of his sons, who looks like Fred Savage circa 1995. No really, a lot like Fred Savage. When he left he bid a large and friendly farewell to the staff and chefs.

· Not sure if this was overreported to you guys or not, but TIM ROTH was all over the Health/Autolux show last Friday at the El Rey (2/1). He was taking photos of the band from all over the sides of the stage, striding confidently out of the side stage door area (presumably for no reason, I'm sure they have bathrooms and booze backstage), and kind of weirding out all the indie rock fans in general. What's that guy from Pulp Fiction doing here? was a question wafting about the area - I also reminded them he was "the bad guy in Rob Roy".

Here's an unconvincing photo I tried to take of him as he snapped away during the Autolux set.

· Was at the 7:05 showing of 27 Dresses at the AMC Century City 15 on Sat night. Lisa Kudrow was sitting next to me with her friend. Both seemed to enjoy the movie, and their small bags of popcorn. No one made of big deal of this

· Saw Rob Schneider in a sloppy red tee shirt having lunch with a buddy at real food daily today. (2/5)

· Weds, January 30 - Dylan McDermott waiting for his car in a strip mall off of Santa Monica Blvd. I assume he'd had lunch at Hamasaku. Was really nice - when the valet accidentally handed my friend's car keys to him, he joked about switching cars!

· The strike-bearded masses convened at the Ryan Adams show on 1/31, including: mustachioed Gil Bellows, paunchy Ken Olin, dreamy Justin Kirk (who hopefully found special appreciation for the pot jokes), frequent attendee Cameron Crowe, and that chick who played "Jane Doe" on Grey's Anatomy (imdb says her name is Elizabeth Reaser). I'm sure there were others, but I was hypnotized by Spacewolf for most of the show.

· Saw Mischa Barton last night (2/4) sucking face with some scrappy dude in a booth at the Rainbow Bar & Grill...

· feb 1, The 'Ho, How I Met Your Mother/Knocked Up's Jason Segel smoking a ciggy in front of Basix. tall and smoking nerd hot, rocking a scarf while waiting for a friend. i'd hold his bong any day, earthquake or not.

· Adam Levine at Katsuya Hollywood last night (2/3/08), pretty trendy sighting at a pretty trendy place. He was with a group of hipster guys and girls, they were there for a few hours and seemed to be enjoying the delicious yellowtail.

· Feb 6 - I saw "Lost" star Emilie de Ravin at the Farmers Market's Monsieur Marcel market the other day. She was buying red wine and no one recognized her. Looks like she's spent her strike downtime eating.

· Jan 5: Seth Binzer in Van Nuys traffic court: He looked like a mohawked butterfly in his bejeweled green hoodie and gilded t shirt. I had randomly caught the first episode of Celebrity Rehab, otherwise I would have thought he was just a regular douche, not a sober celebrity douche. Seth Binzer had some photo copies of rehab completion certificates, and the look on his face was proud. He explained he had missed multiple court dates because he was in "several recovery centers" and I swear he looked about to name drop Dr. Drew. I think the judge had seen the show too, because he was much less condescending to old Shifty Shellshock than he was to the rest of us. After explaining that while going to rehab voluntarily is commendable, it's no excuse for missing court dates, the judge knocked his fines down to about a grand. One can only imagine what they were to begin with. His violations were kind of weird, including driving a vehicle without mirrors. Just when I thought this guy was gonna be the only one of us not publicly put in our place by this just judge, Seth asked for a One-Stop. The judge said, "I've never heard of a One-Stop." Seth said, "Yeah! This guy in line told me that since I was here I could go ahead and take care of this other ticket I got in Sherman Oaks and-" The judge cut him off and said, "No son. That's why you don't listen to jail house lawyers or guys standing in line. You have to take care of all your court appearances individually. You cannot do a One-Stop." I didn't see if the judge used scare quotes or not, but it sounded that way.

After Seth met with the cashier he said to his one man entourage "I got six months to pay this. After six months, I'm gonna reassess." I wish him the best.

· Feb 5 We saw Luenell— the prositute from Borat — dining with girlfriends at Chinois Monday night.

In today's episode: Kiefer Sutherland; Clint Eastwood and Zooey Deschanel; Ryan Gosling; Hilary Swank; Orlando Bloom; Shia LaBeouf; Jason Schwartzman; Laurence Fishburne; Adrian Grenier; Sarah Michelle Gellar; Christina Applegate; Wentworth Miller; Justin Chambers; Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani; Bradley Cooper; T.R. Knight; Tom Verica; Danny Bonaduce; John Hensley; and Danny Pintauro.

· Tues. 1/22, at Vermont in Los Feliz. KIEFER. Freshly sprung, and looking none the worse for all of that laundry duty. He was enjoying an early and relatively sedate dinner with a group of mostly male friends. Well-rested, clean-shaven, non-drinking. What is the world coming to?

· At the Whole Foods on Sepulveda in Sherman Oaks. I was checking out at the register and felt the customer behind me breathing down my neck. I turned to tell him to get out of my personal space when I realized that it was Ed Begley Jr. . That's a lame sighting but moments later he turned to say hello to a passing customer and it was no other than Clint F'n Eastwood. Clint looking good though the sweat pants were up a little high.

· I found myself at the Studio City In-N-Out for lunch today. As I'm getting in line, I spot Ryan Gosling sitting to the left eating a double-double. No, it wasn't protein style. I couldn't tell if he was eating fries, so I couldn't tell you if he's counting carbs. He was scruffy, wearing the non-working actor uniform of a flannel over a wife beater. His lunch date was a normal looking girl- I mean that as a compliment- she wasn't a Hollywood skank or looking like Ryan's fellow ex-Mickey Mouse Clubber Britney. He did most of the talking. An old man wished him luck on an Oscar win. I heard a few girls- they weren't really sure if it was him or not. He wasn't recognizable to most people in the joint. As I ate my double-double, I thought to myself- Brad Renfro and Ryan Gosling- 2 former kid actors , 1 dead, 1 a great actor. Ryan and the lady drove off in her red Chevy Cobalt sedan with Massachusetts plates. LA is great- A double-double is a double-double whether I'm eating it or Ryan Gosling's eating the same hamburger- doesn't matter if you're a movie star or a schlub like me- a double-double is still a double-double. (apologies to Warhol)

· While waiting in the Seattle airport for a return flight to LA last night (1/24), I noticed a pair of super cool boots in the crowd. When I looked up, I realized that they were attached to Hilary Swank. She is much more petite than I had expected and looked great without makeup or fancy clothes.

· Orlando Bloom at the 101 Coffee Shop this morning around 11 am with a few people. He was sitting at a booth facing the crowd - I love when celebs love being seen. No hiding here! Some chicks were chatting him up from the counter.

· 1/23 - On Wednesday morning, Shia LaBeouf stopped into Aroma in Studio City for a coffee. He looked freshly showered with his curly hair slicked back, and he was wearing a plaid shirt, jeans and sneakers in a retro way without looking like he's trying too hard. Nice.

· Sunday 1-20 at the Fairfax Whole Foods:

Almost collided into Zooey Deschanel in the cosmetics aisle. Very cute despite the Frumpy Boho look.

Then while perusing the soups in the deli section, a small group of small hipsters hailing each other. One of them was Jason Schwartzman looking like a hirsute elf. At the check out, my cashier asked his bagger if that was he, I nodded yes, then (the cashier) proceeded to tell everyone around him that it was Jason. The checker must have just moved to L.A., to be so starstruck. But then when I first moved to L.A., I was pretty excited over Loni Anderson.

· Met my best pal for breakfast today (Thursday, 1/24) at the S&W Country Diner in Culver City when who walks in and perches himself in the cramped corner of the counter by Laurence "Don't call me Larry" Fishburne. He wore a cloth golf jacket that would've looked good on a 74-year-old duffer at Hillcrest Country Club. Spent the whole time chatting on his cell, via a bluetooth. Dude looks completely ordinary in person.

· At the Coffee Table in Silver Lake today (1/15) and saw a scruffy, familiar face. Thought I knew him from some 12-step meetings or somewhere, but then realized it was Adrian Grenier from "Entourage". He was with a pretty blonde girl with indie-rock bangs who at one point was definitely crying. Thought he might be breaking her heart, but later she was smiling, so my friend and I figured it was more like her bird died or something. Oh, and last thing: I nominate Adrian for the new Kiefer. Not for debauchery, but for his Eastside ubiquitousness.

· January 15th at Hollywood hot spot Crimson. Sarah Michelle Gellar all decked out in a beautiful blue dress hanging out in the outside patio enjoying a cigarette with some other beautiful people in her party. Looked like they were celebrating something.

· Thursday, January 24, 4:40-ish

Christina Applegate looking very sad at the 7-11 on the corner of Holloway and La Cienega. Maybe it's because I got the last 1/4 pound Big Bite.

· 1/18/08- Perusing the aisles of dusty overpriced tchochkes in Pasadena's Camden Antiques, I looked up to see Prison Break's Wentworth Miller wandering about. Gay? Straight? Who cares. They guy is smokin' and the only desirable object I wanted to take home.

· saw the ridiculously hot JUSTIN CHAMBERS aka DR. KAREV on GREY'S ANATOMY, yesterday 1/21, on Little Santa Monica. he was walking by Sprinkles Cupcakes, wearing dark brown leather pants (in broad daylight? really?) and movie star sunglasses. he was carrying a pink Juicy Couture shopping bag.

if he wasn't so hot, i'd say he looked a little 'McDouche-y'.

· I spotted Gavin Rossdale, Gwen Stefani, and their monkey child at the Hollywood farmer's market this past Sunday. Ridiculously good looking family. Gavin is extremely fuckable in person.

· Bradley Cooper at Hal's at Friday lunch, 1-18-08. JFC. I need lube, now.

· t.r. knight (flocked by 4 very attractive men) at the 4:10 arclight showing of 27 dresses on saturday, 1/19. how cute, supporting the friend. but the movie wasn't that good to see it 2x so does that mean he wasn't invited to the premiere? scandalous.

· Jan 21 - Southwest Flight this morning to Salt Lake City saw Tom Verica. Had glasses (for reading, not for the sun), baseball cap and an iPhone. My kind of man.

· Monday, Jan 14th, Rock n' Roll Ralphs. Danny Bonaduce walked in front of my car, trying desperately to get away from a really pissed off dark-haired lass. I wish I could have stayed for the obviously brewing fight, but the line of cars behind me would not allow it. I haven't seen him since the late eighties, outside a valley bar where he—dressed in full leathers— solemnly mounted a moped and scootered off into the night. Classy.

· just saw matt (John Hensley) getting off a virgin america flight at lax (1/17) while i wait to board the same plane. he's way less tranny looking in person

· Weekend of fun gays — Danny Pintauro (Jonathan from Who's The Boss!!) at Friday night showing of 27 Dresses at Century City. Tiny, plaid shirt, screamed a lot. Also of note, someone totally puked at the Cloverfield showing that afternoon at The Grove. Yay?

He was granted a request to serve his time in suburban Glendale's city jail rather than in the overcrowded downtown Los Angeles County jail. The trade-off was that he could not shave any time off his sentence for good behavior or early release because of overcrowding.

The actor must also serve five years probation and complete an 18-month alcohol education program and attend weekly therapy sessions for six months.

Does this mean we'll never again experience the mixed-with-the-drunken-locals Kiefer of old, who giddily hopped between various Eastside dive establishments where everyone knew his name, and probably would have even if he wasn't constantly saving the world in day-long increments on Fox? Tell us it ain't so, as a Silver Lake bereft of sauced Kiefer sightings sounds to us as desolate as a Valencia after a suitcase-nuke detonation.

• '24' star Kiefer Sutherland released from jail [LAT/AP]

PageSix.com has learned exclusively that Kiefer's pre-screened visitor list has just two people on it: attorney Blair Berk, and his doctor.

That means the soon-to-be 41-year-old actor will be alone for the holidays and his birthday, tomorrow.

So how is he occupying his time? By reading fan mail and doing laundry.

Glendale City Jail spokesman Officer Balian tells PageSix.com that, "Kiefer is a really nice and humble guy, and just wants to put this behind him."

We're concerned: He won't even take a glass-partitioned meeting with his agents? Something doesn't add up. The uncharacteristically low-key star of 24 must have something up sleeve, perhaps planning on lulling the soundbite-friendly Balian into a false sense of security, so he can eventually ambush him with a handful of powdered detergent in the eyes, a rolled-up postcard plunged into his neck, and a daring escape through the tunnel he stealthily dug over the past few weeks with a Tide measuring cap.

• Kiefer's Lonely Days of Laundry [PageSix.com]

The actor has received more than 100 letters a day since starting his sentence Dec. 5 in California's Glendale City Jail. Sutherland is serving time for driving under the influence and violating his probation for another offense.

Spokesman for the Glendale City Jail John Balian said, "The guy has been getting a ton of fan mail. Easily more than 100 letters a day.

The jail rep paused for a moment before his face fell and all color drained from his cheeks, going on to explain that all 100 pieces came in identical red envelopes fastened with sealing wax, and contained intricate collages composed of Lost Boys Fan Club memorabilia, 24's TV Guide covers, and what appeared to be human hair and tooth fragments arranged to read "Waiting 4 Kiefer" next to an ominous smiley face.

• Imprisoned Kiefer Sutherland swamped with fan mail [Bang Showbiz]

"He's not happy to be here," Officer John Balian says, "but you can tell from his demeanor that he's sorry and takes responsibility for what's he's done."

Sutherland spent his first full day on Thursday folding jail laundry. He also had cornflakes for breakfast, a turkey sandwich for lunch and chicken a la king for dinner.

The 24 actor, who is housed alone in a cell, has also been assigned to serve meals to the other eight to 10 inmates, one of whom was recently arrested for attempted murder - on four people. [...]

The only interaction Sutherland will have with other inmates is when he slides a tray of food through slots in their cell doors.

He also has shower access twice a day.

As of Thursday evening, Sutherland had not had any visitors. However, Balian says that the actor brought several books to keep him busy.

While Sutherland appears to be adjusting well, we'd caution his fans that he might well emerge from this month-and-a-half-long ordeal a changed man, looking not unlike his hirsute, scarred alter ego after two years in a Chinese political prison. So while it will be a relief to know he again walks among us, expect none of the jubilance of, say, Paris Hilton's own liberation day, as we're having trouble envisioning Jack Bauer coquettishly strutting down a jail-release red carpet with a half-cocked smile, flashbulbs popping as he suddenly makes an overjoyed dash towards an awaiting SUV and into the arms of his loving father, Donald.

• Kiefer Sutherland a 'Model Prisoner' [People]

The newly launched PageSix.com is offering an online tour of Sutherland's home for the next 48 days, a stint they depressingly note will encompass both the Christmas and New Year's holidays. Though Sutherland will afforded no special privileges during his stay (as a jail spokesperson noted with a barely disguised relish at having such a famous guest, "It was lights out at 10 p.m. for Jack Bauer."), the warden is reportedly considering making an exception to accommodate the actor's holiday observances, and may erect a Christmas tree in the prisoners' common area for a brief Christmas Eve tackling ceremony, one which he hopes will help the new inmate bond with other members of the incarcerated community as they celebrate the Yuletide season.

• Kiefer's in Jail [PageSix.com]