So, You Don't Like The Outfit I Bought You?

Teri Hatcher Sports A Pink Bandana While In Search Of A Jukebox

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, the terrorists will have won! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw Teri Hatcher and a band of 12-year olds on a scavenger hunt.

In today's installment: Russell Crowe, Drew Barrymore, Kiefer Sutherland, Teri Hatcher, Matthew Perry, Chris "Mr. Big" Noth, Chrissie Hynde, Jemaine "Flight Of The Conchords" Clement, Mindy Kaling, Samantha Mathis (with Keith Carradine!), Werner Herzog, Dax Shepard (with Bradley Cooper!), Cedric Yarbrough and Professor Cornell West.

Listen, Jack Bauer Doesn't Hold Hands With Just Anybody, Babe

Bruce Willis Man Enough To Pull Off Lavender

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you stumbled upon Ian Ziering getting a pedicure in a Hollywood strip mall.

In today's episode: Bruce Willis; Kiefer Sutherland; Kris Kristofferson; Elizabeth Berkly; Owen Wilson; Matt Dillon; Naveen Andrews; Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann; Rashida Jones; Amanda Peet and David Benioff; Keri Russell; BJ Novak; Nicole Richie and Joel Madden; Brian Grazer; Brad Grey; Ian Ziering; Valerie Bertinelli; Grant Show; Udo Keir; Travis Barker; Jason Bantha; Jorja Fox; Eric Wareheim; Sara Rue and Glenn Morshower; and Joey Buttafuoco.

EW's Most 'Dateable' Small-Screen Players Make Us Swoon And Squirm

Every TV nut (well, isn't that all of us here?) has, at one point or another, spent a little time fantasizing about certain fictional characters on their favorite shows. These fantasies tend to be either soft-focus daydreams (say, dreaming up elaborate schemes in which they "bump" into you at a party) or something a bit more hard-core (picturing them while giving your significant other the old in-out). On that note, the clever list-makers over at EW decided to compile a Top 30 reader's choice collection of the small-screen boys and girls who most frequently make cameos in those illicit fantasies. But, with no offense to the site's readers, we have some serious vetoes to charge. After the jump, our picks for who falls under Strongly Agree (the predictable Jim Halpert) and those we brand as a Vehemently Disagree (four words: Bree. Van. De. Camp), as well as the most erroneous, mind-boggling oversight missing from the group:

'Free Radio' Sorely In Need Of Jack Bauer-Style Fatal Neck-Snappings To Liven Things Up

Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong Enjoy Intimate Man Date At Cut

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time Andy Dick asked if he could Adrian the Grenier out of you.

In today's episode: Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong; Justin Timberlake; Susan Sarandon; Kiefer Sutherland; David Beckham; Courtney Love; Lindsay Lohan, Balthazar Getty, Taryn Manning, Avril Lavine and Deryck Whibley; David Spade and Verne Troyer; Anne Heche; Adrian Grenier; James Cromwell, Jeremy Sisto, Lake Bell, and Dita Von Teese; Kyle MacLachlan, Chad Lowe, and Bridget Moynahan; John Mayer; Andy Dick; Christina Ricci; Greg Germann; Ian Ziering; Enrico Colantoni, Judy Reyes, and Curt Smith; Scott Caan; Wanda Sykes; Diablo Cody; Greg Grunberg; Daniel Baldwin; Jason Segal; Zoe Bell; Vanessa Paradis; Nathan Fillion; and Adnan Ghalib.

Oprah Winfrey Trapped In Heated Political Exchange With Gas Station Attendant

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often—the fate of the universe relies upon it! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you stumbled upon Woody Harrelson telling a Yoga studio receptionist about a marvelous new contraption that turns poop into drinking water.

In today's episode: Oprah Winfrey; Carla Gugino and Elizabeth Berkley; Brad Pitt and Zahara; Alec Baldwin; Kiefer Sutherland; Dave Chapelle; Forest Whitaker; Drew Barrymore and Justin Long; Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy; Woody Harrelson; James Spader; Tim Roth; Lisa Kudrow; Rob Schneider; Dylan McDermott; Gil Bellows, Ken Olin, Justin Kirk, and Cameron Crowe; Mischa Barton; Jason Segel; Adam Levine; Emilie de Ravin; Seth Binzer; and Luenell.

The Return Of Kiefer Sutherland

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week, so send them in often. Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you spotted Adrian Grenier possibly consoling the dead bird out of some weepy blonde girl:

In today's episode: Kiefer Sutherland; Clint Eastwood and Zooey Deschanel; Ryan Gosling; Hilary Swank; Orlando Bloom; Shia LaBeouf; Jason Schwartzman; Laurence Fishburne; Adrian Grenier; Sarah Michelle Gellar; Christina Applegate; Wentworth Miller; Justin Chambers; Gavin Rossdale and Gwen Stefani; Bradley Cooper; T.R. Knight; Tom Verica; Danny Bonaduce; John Hensley; and Danny Pintauro.

Kiefer Sutherland Is Free!

That deafening cheer you heard last night, so loud it blew the Ye Rustic Inn's front door right off its hinges and into an adjacent stripmall's parking lot, had nothing to do with Brett Favre's crushing defeat, but rather a triumph of the highest order involving one of Silver Lake's favorite sons. For Kiefer Sutherland, you see, had emerged from the Glendale City Jail a free man at precisely 12:05 a.m., having served the entirety of his 48-day sentence, where he passed the long hours "cleaning sheets, pillowcases and blankets on laundry duty." John Balian, a jail spokesman always forthcoming with kindly soundbites and incremental Kiefer updates, offered that the 24 star was wearing "a shirt and jeans," and "looked like he was glad to be out." Why was the beloved Christmas tree assassin forced to serve out his entire sentence, where lesser shock-starlets have been released early for far more serious, traffic-flow-flouting crimes? The AP report explains:

Turning 41 Behind Bars, Kiefer Just Wants To Be Alone With His Thoughts

Our rough calculations bring us to Day 17 of Kiefer Sutherland's 48-day stint in the Glendale pokey—perhaps the writers strike can lend us their ring girl— and while we've already established that this would be a bleak Christmas (and birthday) for Kief, bereft of cupcakes, hearty Tannenbaum tacklings, and single malt holiday cheer, we barely knew the extent of it:

PageSix.com has learned exclusively that Kiefer's pre-screened visitor list has just two people on it: attorney Blair Berk, and his doctor.

Kiefer Swamped In Prison Fan Mail

As we scrawl yet another red X on our 12 Months of Torture: An Official '24' 2007 Calendar—bringing us to Day 8 of what will eventually be 48 days behind bars for Kiefer Sutherland—we've been on the lookout for reports on how the actor is faring behind the razor-wire-enforced walls of the Glendale City Jail. One encouraging report suggests Sutherland has been deluged in fan mail in the days since beginning his sentence:

What's Kiefer Eating In Jail?

As a parked RV full of vigil-standing Defamer commenters idles outside of the Glendale City Jail, Kiefer Sutherland sits in his solitary cell just a few hundred feet away, beginning Day 3 of what will eventually be 48 days in the correctional facility. His only crimes? An illegal U-turn and perhaps loving life too much. Still, a repentant and cooperative actor appears to have accepted his fate, with one jail spokesman going so far as to describe him as a "model prisoner":

"He's not happy to be here," Officer John Balian says, "but you can tell from his demeanor that he's sorry and takes responsibility for what's he's done."

Take A Virtual Tour Of Kiefer Sutherland's Jail Cell!

24 star and Everyone's Favorite Hollywood Drinking Buddy Kiefer Sutherland, as we briefly noted on our way out the door Wednesday evening, reported to the Glendale City Jail to begin serving his DUI sentence, scuttling our perhaps delusional hopes he might somehow elude his captors and rendezvous with Mary Lynn Rajskub in an abandoned Van Nuys warehouse to plot his next move, leaving a trail of snapped forearms and bullet-riddled kneecaps in his wake.

Invasion Of The Kidman Snatchers

· Nicole Kidman or wax figure? Even the experts are left scratching their heads.
· Like we needed this right now: Kiefer sentenced today to 48 days, starting immediately. Good news, though—it's in the Glendale City Jail, not L.A. County. We hear they have an In-N-Out Burger!
· Watching this exclusive first-look of the Speed Racer movie, we're instantly reminded of this Knocked Up exchange: "You know what's interesting about [Matthew Fox]? "What?" "Nothing."
· The 7th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled against a Wisconsin inmate banned from posting a photo of Jennifer Aniston in his cell, but issued a "snarky" ruling that made cracks about Along Came Polly and Rumor Has It, and suggested a legal loophole that would allow for the displaying of magazine pictures.
· For the second night of Hanukkah, we offer you this extra-special gift. (Make sure to stick around at least until Zadie shreds the melting Stratocaster.)

· A striker on the Grey's Anatomy-boosted Prospect Studios picket line sent in this photo of Katherine Heigl proudly decrying AMPTP president Nick Counter's weinderdom. This is the picket sign by which all subsequent efforts will be judged.
· Fox has indefinitely postponed the premiere of 24. And considering all the strike-related scheduling changes, it looks like Kiefer Sutherland took on that extra jail time for nothing.
· Click here if you need a limoncello-flavored pick-me-up. Come on, just do it. Your ears will thank us, we promise.
· Refusing to cross the picket line, The Office's Steve Carell phoned in sick with an acute case of "enlarged balls."

Kiefer Sutherland Demonstrates Support For Writers' Strike By Refusing To Sign Autographs

It wasn't just Kiefer Sutherland's merry, drunken joyride through life that came crashing to a halt when he was stopped for a parole-violating DUI last month—so too did the party end for the ranks of professional John Hancock-procurers depending on Kiefer's autograph to put food on the table for their little ones. Sutherland now refuses to sign for them, Page Six reports, since damning shots of the slosh-faced actor taken the night of his arrest made their way onto the internets:

Autograph collectors are reeling over the "24" star's decision to stop putting his signature on memorabilia in the wake of his Sept. 25 bust for DUI, when fans and paparazzi snapped footage of him stumbling after he was pulled over at 1 a.m. "He was one of the best autograph signers there was," collector Michael Wehrmann told Page Six.