[Photo Credits: The Makeup Gallery]

• Hollywood sweetheart Meg Ryan gains ten stone... after donning a fat suit [Daily Mail]

We're troubled, however, to read for what feels like the the thousandth time that the ladies aren't quite measuring up:

In an era where risk-averse studio executives have declared men the more reliable movie stars—and the more desirable moviegoers—perhaps it's no surprise that they are also the medium's top earners. The reality: Hollywood's 10 best-paid actors out-earned Hollywood's 10 best-paid actresses 2-to-1 over the course of the year.

Collectively, the big screen's leading men took home an estimated $487 million between June 1, 2007, and June 1, 2008, compared with the leading ladies' haul of $244.5 million.

However, in an even more revealing Forbes slideshow for the prose-impaired, we discovered that actresses fared much better in the "Ultimate Payback" category, which calculates the best gross-to-salary ratios in the biz. While a pre-Fred Claus Vince Vaughn ranked #1, Julia Roberts, Naomi Watts, Jennifer Aniston, Renee Zellweger and Jodie Foster cracked the top 15 as well. (That'll happen when you're relatively underpaid; top-earning actress Cameron Diaz is way down at #32.) Prepare yourself for Christian Bale's controversial post-Dark Knight ascent, followed by the touching, accompanying profile of how the strapping star went from clown's son to box-office powerhouse.

• Hollywood's Best-Paid Actors [Forbes]
• The Ultimate Star Payback [Forbes]

"I learned a lot from working with [Renée]," he said. "She was so tough. I would hear the director say, 'Cut' and then wait for instructions; she would demand another 15 takes until she was absolutely happy with the scene. These leading ladies have it tough: they have to be girly enough to remain attractive but retain a steeliness to get their own way too. Plus, they seem to starve themselves all day to stay in shape."

Next came a role opposite Julia Roberts in Mona Lisa Smile. "The movie didn't make much sense. We would be given new scenes to film out of the blue which, it transpired, had been written by Julia's agent, who was doubling as a producer," he says. "I don't know what anyone was doing there. No one seemed to enjoy it. Especially not Julia. She had just got married and just wanted to be off having sex with her husband. Trouble was, she had married the cameraman on the movie. You can't really relax in a sex scene when the husband is staring right at you."

Perhaps West might consider starting a support group for non-porn actors scarred by their experiences of having to perform in front of their co-stars' significant others. We know Scott Speedman still wakes up in cold night sweats, reliving the nightmarish time director Len Wiseman kept shouting, "More animal! I want to see you impale her with your hairy weremember!" from behind a monitor as he oversaw Underworld: Evolution's steamy inter-monster sex scene with his wife, Kate Beckinsale.

• 'I just did my best De Niro impression' [Guardian.co.uk via HuffPo]

Amanda Peet: Even a Neil Simon script and eye candy provided in the form of Patrick Wilson couldn’t save Peet’s 2006 role in Barefoot In The Park from critical ridicule and a very brief run. The NY Times equated the theatergoer’s experience to watching paint dry, and said of her performance: "She's trying, really hard, to be funny and freewheeling, but it hurts.” Ouch.

Kathleen Turner: You would think no one could dare attempt to reincarnate The Graduate's Mrs. Robinson other than Nicolas Cage defamer Kathleen Turner. The husky voice, the stiff hair, the scent of desperation — all right up Turner’s alley. Sadly, the dame spent most of her off-stage time downing vodka and passing out on the theater’s bathroom floor. Watching Luke Perry fondle the elderly is painful enough — watching him fondle the elderly and unconscious? Impossible.

Denzel Washington: Denzel’s 2005 appearance as Julius Caesar wasn’t a flop per se, but, as is the case with too many of his movies, making a whole bunch of money does not a success make. Fanfare ensured the limited run filled seats, but reviews handily laid out the Unwelcome Mat for the unimpressive star on the Great White Way.

David Schwimmer: The NYT struck again, ripping to shreds Schwimmer’s attempt to erase Ross Gellar from our scarred memories by making his Broadway debut in a heavy military revival. Labeled a bland “pouty puppy,” Schwimmer didn’t let the swift exit of The Caine Mutiny Court-Martial deter him from killing off The Producers opposite the wildly high-regarded vocal talents of Larry David.

Julia Roberts: When being called a “lamppost” is the highlight of your critical fallout, you know it’s time to tidy up the stage and quickly put your total failure of a Broadway debut to bed. But not Julia Roberts! “Hated” by reviewers, unable to sell tickets for half of their going rate, Roberts’ blindingly bright star power dimmed considerably for what felt like the first time after boldly starring in Three Days Of Rain.

• HARTNETT TO STAR IN 'RAIN MAN' AS THE UN-RETARDED ONE [Radar]

”Which singing ex-husband of an A-list actress would rather have people think he's gay than admit that he cheated on her with a groupie?”

Okay, so coming up with three prime suspects is the first hurdle, but trying to imagine any of these guys meriting actual groupies? Who are these women? See what we mean after the jump.

Julia Roberts' honky tonk ex Lyle Lovett was hated on mostly for not being as pretty as his toothy wife, and Chris Robinson has made an effort to publicly make out with brunettes in an effort to prove he's moved on from Kate Hudson. And as we said, we find it hard to believe that throngs of busty female fans are heaving themselves into either song-and-dance man's dressing room. Which, naturally, leads us to vanilla-scented candle fan Kenny Chesney, the "fraud" long suspected of favoring boys over the likes of ex Renee Zellweger. Chesney has been outed so often that he felt the need to appear alongside totally manly Anderson Cooper last year and de-out himself, only to appear that much more out. Still, even with the possibility that Chesney may attract a groupie here and there, is Renee Zellweger so scary that a country singer would rather appear gay than ruffle her feathers? Oh right. Nevermind.

[Photo credits: HCLW, Listverse, Splash]

• SIDE DISH [NYDN]

We heard back in May that this was one of the titles that might seal Picturehouse's fate at WB; after it did, the studio brass's antipathy was later spun by Nikki Finke as thinly veiled institutional misogyny. An anonymous Finke source sounded a lot like English on Sunday, pegging the budget at a super-low $16 million and citing supposedly positive test screenings. Alas, the clip screened Sunday was leaden, cold and calculated in contrast to the crackling original that just preceded it; Eva Mendes is no Joan Crawford, but who is?

We asked English, who raised the budget herself after the original Ryan/Julia Roberts incarnation crashed back in the late '90s, about rumors Warners was sitting on the film and wouldn't pay to market it this August. She made a puzzled face and shook her head.

"We're going to have a proper release," she said. "They passed on our film, and they passed on Sex and the City as well. They have a particular kind of movie that they do really well, and this isn't their cup of tea necessarily. But they do understand how marketable this film is — they're not dumb, they absolutely do get that. After the success of Sex and the City, they're are currently re-looking at our marketing budget to take better care of us. ... The exception to the rule keeps happening."

Of course, The Women is obviously not Sex and the City — the clear beneficiary of a franchise following and almost unprecedented media support. Anyway, even if this isn't the chick-flick make-or-break we're being led to believe, we did learn from English that gay men are now unofficially the "fifth quadrant" of moviegoing audiences. All the easier to spread the blame in the aftermath, we suppose.

More red carpet toddlers after the jump!

Gwyneth Paltrow attends the 1991 premiere of The Prince of Tides, a shooting star followed by a trail of cometary dust streaking the front of mom Blythe Danner's cocktail dress. While she would later adopt a more demure signature style, she has recently returned to the more daring, crotch-baring looks that defined her splashy arrival on the scene.

Julia Roberts and Jon Voight arrive at the 1985 Fool for Love premiere in New York, back when Julia was still flirting with a bad-girl image, and all the Parliament-huffing, older-man-bedding, and Siegfried and Roy Collection™ satin-shirt-wearing rebelliousness that implies.

Most powerful presence in the celebrity universe Oprah Winfrey had not yet refined her public persona when she attended an Oscars luncheon in 1986. After being quietly pulled aside by an Academy official and told the life-sized statuettes were not there for crotch-level mugging, she quickly absorbed the note and has since become associated with Academy Awards elegance and restraint the world over.

[Photo Credits: Wireimage]

• My First Time on the Red Carpet! [Us Weekly]

"She's a smart one. She saw what [happened with] Jennifer Aniston, who was crazy successful on TV, but can't seem to carry a film, and she tested the waters early."

But Heigl's chances of fleeing the yawnfest that is Grey's and continuing her journey towards becoming "the next Julia Roberts" don't look good:

After only three seasons on then-mega hit Grey's, Heigl did make an early attempt to break out as a "real" actress on the big screen, and whether it was a case of pure luck or actual talent, Knocked Up turned her into a bankable hot commodity overnight. Then came 27 Dresses, which managed to rack up an impressive $23mm its opening weekend, coming in second to the highly anticipated Cloverfield. Interestingly enough, 27 has racked up $76mm to date, trailing the J.J. Abrams shitshow by only $4mm as of May 1st. Next on her plate is a pantsless role in 2009's The Ugly Truth, which co-stars B.O. superstar Gerard Butler. The only hitch regarding Heigl's promising movie career? As a source told MSNBC, "Heigl might be locked into Grey's a bit longer. 'I don't think she'll be able to get out of it.'" But we're talking about a woman capable of curing ADD sans medical license! We're not worried about Heigl's manipulative methods when it comes to getting her way.

[Photo credit: Splash]

• HEIGL LOOKING TO HANG UP HER 'GREY'S' SCRUBS? [MSNBC]

boomp3.com


While making their way into The Metropolitan Museum Of Art Costume Institute Annual Gala, George Clooney once again attempted to work the patented "Clooney Charm" on frequent co-star/longtime friend Julia Roberts. Clooney tried convincing Roberts that a little post-party romp would be in her best interest, going as far as to add in that his gal pal, Sarah Larson, is way, way into her. When Julia Roberts rebuffed him, he concluded his plea with the statement, "Come on, you used to be so cool. What happened?" Roberts replied, "Having three kids made me uncool, George." George nodded, then turned to Sarah and whispered, "What about the Olsen Twins? I think we could do that, yeah?"

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

What's replacing them isn't that surprising either, but the mind reels nevertheless when we see it in print:

[T]here's a sense now — evident in multiple boxoffice metrics and comments uttered privately by the dozens of agents, managers and producers interviewed for this report — that the interplay among consumers, celebrities and entertainment dollars is changing. The new dynamics are a challenge the next generation of up-and-comers — Shia LaBeouf, Seth Rogen, Emile Hirsch and Katherine Heigl often are cited — could face.

"As audiences get younger, they don't care about movie stars in the same way," Sony Screen Gems president Clint Culpepper says. "The idea of seeing a beautiful movie star on the big screen just isn't the same to them."

Yikes! Katherine Heigl will pretend she didn't hear Culpepper — the man responsible for the recent no-name hit revival of Prom Night, incidentally — just say that. Meanwhile, we're looking at Speed Racer's sluggish tracking and wondering if fledgling leading man Emile Hirsch isn't facing that challenge as we speak. On the bright side, his generation already has Orlando Bloom, so he doesn't have to worry about plunging into that niche. Sky's the limit, kid.

• Hollywood's top stars face devaluing of A-list currency [THR]

boomp3.com

America's former sweetheart Julia Roberts talked to any one would listen about "the good old days" when she was at the top of the gossip heap. Roberts complained that the stars of today no longer have to go through multiple marriages like they used to in order to get on the cover of People. She went on to explain that she practically pioneered the strategy of dating someone way, way, WAY way out of their league (like she did with Lyle Lovett) in an effort to grab the headlines. Roberts then muttered something under her breath about reality television when the paparazzi quickly exited the scene after getting a hot tip about someone from The Hills shopping at a nearby Sephora.

[Photo Credit: INF Daily]

5. Taxi Driver: As much as we wanted Iris to get out of the game, we kinda loved imagining New York as a place where you could wander downtown and see girls wearing neon short shorts and big straw hats who looked like Jodie. And, as we all know by now, Spitzer likes 'em young.
4. Monster: No, she wasn't pretty. But she had a fondness for shooting pervs, something we might have considered had they come in the form of her johns. Strictly a cautionary tale for the former governor.
3. Indecent Proposal: We still can't figure out what was so sad about having Woody Harrelson for a husband, Robert Redford as a one-night fling, and $1 mil in the bank. All that time Demi spent crying would have better spent in the sack with either guy. She might be too pricey for Spitzer, though.

2. American Gigolo: With politics no longer looking like a viable career option, we think that Spitzer could learn a thing or two from the way that Julian sauntered through LA as though he owned it. Not only did he make the whole male escort thing look fun, he had the best wardrobe in the city.

1. Pretty Woman: The Porsche that Julia Roberts drove wasn't the only thing that cornered on rails. Go west, young governor, go west!

[Photo Credits: Love To Know, Wild About Movies, EZ Entertainment, Moldy Doily, Taittinger]

• STARS CAUGHT WITH HOOKERS [Us]

Even more intriguing than her size, though, is whether she'll go the casual maternity wear route like Julia or cling to glamour til the end like Jen. Angie fell somewhere in between during her last bout, but there are two of those nymph-like Ones in there! Will the weight of carrying such glorious specimens empowered with more perfection and cherubic good looks than the entire population of Beverly Hills combined break her will to appear on CNN 'til the bitter end? One can only hope.

[Photo Credits: Wireimage, Daily Mail, yousaytoo.com]

• MOTHER LOADS! ANGELINA JOLIE AND HALLE BERRY FLAUNT THEIR GROWING TUMMIES [Daily Mail]

5. Julia Roberts and Lyle Lovett: After only three weeks of courtship following their first meeting on the set of The Player, the crooner managed to tie the knot with the Pretty Woman. But all the flack Julia received for falling in the sack with such an odd-looking, unknown duck wasn't the least bit worth it; their 1993 wedding turned into a 1995 separation, leaving Jules looking just this side of desperate.

4. Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn: Speaking of desperate, the weeklies' favorite pity princess was still grieving or whatever over the loss of Brad to Angelina, and her are-they-or-aren't-they "relationship" with Vince Vaughn on the set of The Breakup just made her look even more pity-worthy after Vaughn's repetitive, close-to-insulting denials to the press.

3. Angelina Jolie and Billy-Bob Thornton: Embarrassing enough as it is to get dumped by someone like Billy Bob, it was his alleged reasoning that made this breakup particularly gruesome. According to countless reports, Thornton just didn't feel like being a dad to Angie's little bundle of joy Maddox. However, the outcome (Chosen One! Brad Pitt!) was hardly anything to frown about.

2. Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck: Gigli. We're sorry, that's really all there is to say.

1. Meg Ryan and Russell Crowe: Talk about losing a rock solid reputation; America's sweetheart, married to a classic hunk (with a cute kid to boot!), ran off with the (then) Australian lothario while filming Proof Of Life in 2000. The results? Out with the marriage and the good girl cred, on with the racy movies and trout pout. Disaster.

• TOP 25 HOTTEST ON-SET HOOKUPS [AOL Movies]

10. Julia Roberts, 2001
9. Daryl Hannah, 1988
8. Hilary Swank, 2005

7. Claudia Schiffer, 1995
6. Reese Witherspoon, 2006
5. Angelina Jolie, 2004.

4. Catherine Zeta-Jones, 2004
3. Charlize Theron, 2004
2. Halle Berry, 2003

And our pick for all-time best-dressed, mostly because she looks so comfortable and glam at the same time: Uma Thurman, redeeming herself for ending up on our Worst Dressed List, in 2006.

• OSCARS 08 [Official Site]

• Oscars Promo [YouTube]

· Four out of five of Oscar's Best Picture contenders experienced a box office bump following last Tuesday's announcement of the nominations; of the Academy's newly anointed, only Atonement took in less money than the previous weekend, perhaps suggesting that naughty Keira Knightley fans had already ponied up their $12 to steal a look at her partially slip-obscured goodies. [Variety]
· NBC sues Law & Order executive producer Dick Wolf, asking a court to help them figure out much money the company must cough up if they decide to cancel any of his fifteen L&O permutations. [Variety]
· Sony Pictures Classics buys the rights to Sundance's The Wackness, more commonly known as The One Where An Olsen Twin And Sir Ben Kingsley Make Out. [Variety]

1. Reese Witherspoon — $15 million-$20 million 2. Angelina Jolie — $15 million-$20 million 3. Cameron Diaz — $15+ million 4. Nicole Kidman — $10 million-$15 million 5. Renee Zellweger — $10 million-$15 million 6. Sandra Bullock — $10 million-$15 million 7. Julia Roberts — $10 million-$15 million 8. Drew Barrymore — $10 million-$12 million 9. Jodie Foster — $10 million-$12 million 10. Halle Berry — $10 million

We'd like to offer a hearty congratulations to Julia Roberts for her triumphant return to the list after a one-year absence; we sincerely hope that she's learned a lesson from her brief slide from the top ten, finally realizing that this "raising a family away from the movie set" nonsense has been putting millions of dollars that are rightfully hers into the bank accounts of actresses more willing to have some grips keep an eye on their kids while mommy's off earning a living.

• Sliding scale: Salaries of Hollywood's leading ladies [THR]
• Previously: Nicole Kidman Ascends To Top Actress Earner Status Despite Interesting Career Choices [Defamer]

In the segment above, in which Roberts was about to unveil the very first public image of baby Henry, Hanks spoils the near-holy moment of celebrity-baby-fawning exaltedness with a series of loutish interjections. Still, we must give the actor some credit for being bold enough to speak the truth: The kid's far from the cutest baby we've ever seen.

• The Oprah Winfrey Show

· NBC puts off indefinitely the production of Heroes spin-off Heroes: Origins, with possible reasons for the sudden shelving including the possible writers' strike, the mess the original series has become in its second season, and a strategic redeployment of hit-recycling development brainpower to that rumored The Office offshoot. Also: The Singing Bee is coming off the air for November sweeps. [Variety]
· Oh, happy day! More reteaming! Onetime Closer pals Julia Roberts and Clive Owen join Universal's Duplicity as "longtime lovers and rival corporate spies" who get together to pull "an elaborate con." [THR]
· Holy fucking reteaming shit! This is possibly the best day ever for Hollywood reunions: Heath Ledger will once again hook up with Brothers Grimm director Terry Gilliam for The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. [Variety]

• Julia Roberts Welcomes a Baby Boy [People]

• Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts are Fine, But Special Effects Assistant Critically Injured on Movie Set [WTOL.com via ONTD]

1. Nicole Kidman $16 million-$17 million
2. Reese Witherspoon $15 million
3. Renee Zellweger $15 million
4. Drew Barrymore $15 million
5. Cameron Diaz $15 million
6. Halle Berry $14 million
7. Charlize Theron $10 million
8. Angelina Jolie $10 million
9. Kirsten Dunst $8 million-$10 million
10. Jennifer Aniston $8 million

The most notable absence is Julia Roberts, who has topped every list since it began, but seeing as her primary project this year involved inspiring Broadway critics to think up synonyms for "wooden," she was disqualified. That meant frequent bridesmaid Nicole Kidman moved into the Number One slot—a triumph rendered all the more impressive by the fact that her 2006 output consisted of a penguin voiceover and a little-seen art house film in which she was required to administer flea-dips to Robert Downey Jr. The entire press release is after the jump, suitable to clip and save as a handy Agents' A-list Actress Poaching & Hunting Guide.

• Previously: Julia Roberts Retains Money Title, Agents All Over Town Reassure Also-Rans That They're Still Pretty [Defamer]

NICOLE KIDMAN TOPS THE HOLLYWOOD REPORTER'S ANNUAL ACTRESS SALARY LIST; REESE WITHERSPOON COMES IN AT NO. 2

(November 29, 2006 - Los Angeles) Today The Hollywood Reporter released its fifth annual list of the 10 highest-paid actresses on HollywoodReporter.com, ahead of its 15th annual Women in Entertainment Power 100 issue being released on Dec. 5.

Risk-taking has paid off in 2006 for Nicole Kidman, who nabbed a career best salary for Warner Bros. Pictures' planned August release "The Invasion" after a string of daring choices. Kidman takes over the top spot bringing in $16 million -$17 million per film. Reese Witherspoon, on the heels of her Oscar win for "Walk the Line," moves up to No. 2, followed by Renee Zellweger, both earning $15 million per picture.

This year, Kirsten Dunst makes her first appearance on the list commanding $8 million - $10 million per film while Halle Berry, after falling off last year, rejoins the group at No. 6.

Julia Roberts, who has topped the list since its inception, is not included this year because she did not star in a live-action film released in 2006.

The complete 2006 list is as follows:

1. Nicole Kidman $16 million-$17 million
2. Reese Witherspoon $15 million
3. Renee Zellweger $15 million
4. Drew Barrymore $15 million
5. Cameron Diaz $15 million
6. Halle Berry $14 million
7. Charlize Theron $10 million
8. Angelina Jolie $10 million
9. Kirsten Dunst $8 million-$10 million
10. Jennifer Aniston $8 million

2005

1. Julia Roberts $20 million
2. Nicole Kidman $16 million-$17 million
3. Reese Witherspoon $15 million
4. Drew Barrymore $15 million
5. Renee Zellweger $10 million-$15 million
6. Angelina Jolie $10 million-$15 million
7. Cameron Diaz $10 million-$15 million
8. Jodie Foster $10 million-$12 million
9. Charlize Theron $10 million
10. Jennifer Aniston $9 million

2004

1. Julia Roberts $20 million
2. Cameron Diaz $20 million
3. Nicole Kidman $15 million
4. Reese Witherspoon $15 million
5. Drew Barrymore $15 million
6. Halle Berry $14 million
7. Sandra Bullock $12 million-$15 million
8. Angelina Jolie $12 million-$15 million
9. Renee Zellweger $12 million
10. Jennifer Lopez $12 million

2003

1. Julia Roberts $20 million
2. Cameron Diaz $20 million
3. Nicole Kidman $15 million
4. Reese Witherspoon $15 million
5. Drew Barrymore $15 million
6. Halle Berry $14 million
7. Sandra Bullock $12 million-$15 million
8. Angelina Jolie $12 million-$15 million
9. Jennifer Lopez $12 million
10. Renee Zellweger $10 million-$12 million

2002

1. Julia Roberts $20 million
2. Cameron Diaz $20 million
3. Drew Barrymore $15 million
4. Jodie Foster $15 million
5. Reese Witherspoon $15 million
6. Sandra Bullock $12 million-$15 million
7. Angelina Jolie $12 million-$15 million
8. Nicole Kidman $12 million-$15 million
9. Jennifer Lopez $12 million
10. Renee Zellweger $10 million

Publishing Dec. 5, The Hollywood Reporter's 15th annual Women in Entertainment Power 100 special issue will identify and rank entertainment's most powerful female executives. From motion picture, TV, music and other areas of the industry, these women are recognized as having the power to change the direction of their company and affect the future of the business.

· At the Rome Film Festival, Harrison Ford attempted to prove to the media that he's "fit" enough to play Indiana Jones again by bending over slightly and pointing at the floor, currently the most demanding stunt that George Lucas and Steven Spielberg have written for their aging star.
· When life gives Emilio Estevez "put my fucking hot Russian girlfriend who speaks no English into this movie or I'm pulling out my millions and going home," he makes the kind of really wordy "-ade" that would complete this hacky joke construction.
Idolator says goodbye to the freewheelin', wantonly copyright infringin' days of the pre-Googlized YouTube with this emotional montage of the site's greatest hits.
Radar blows the f'ing lid off the celebrity dental imperfection retouching game. You will be shocked and amazed. Warning: close-ups of the inside of Julia Roberts' cavernous maw are included.
Which celebrity cares the most about the environment? Let's have a green-off and find out!
Don't go here if you think that seeing a picture of Tom Cruise tweaking his own nipple will give you nightmares.
· Yup, we know that Keith Urban is in rehab. Call us when it's Nicole Kidman and we'll try to care. (And abandon this completely farcical moral high ground about what dirt isn't worthy of our attention.)

[Photo: Getty Images]

In today's jam-packed episode: Owen Wilson; Luke Wilson and Johnny Knoxville; Julia Roberts, Jason Biggs, Virginia Madsen, Peter Farrelly, Jessica Biel and Garry Shandling; Jake Gyllenhaal and Austin Nichols; Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed; Chris Rock; Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Weber; Keira Knightley; Ray Romano, Ed Harris, Brian Bosworth, Rick Schroeder and Dorothy Lucey; Lindsay Lohan; Brain Grazer; Zach Braff; Daryl Hannah; Sharon Stone, Laurence Fishburne, Angela Basett, Danny Glover, and D.L. Hughley; Jeremy Piven; Mattew Perry; Mischa Barton; Melissa McCarthy; Larry Flynt; Ryan Gosling; Amy Adams; Anne Ramsey; Anna Paquin; Cherry Jones; Hank Azaria; Adrian Grenier and Kevin Connelly; Sandra Oh; Mo Gaffney; Giovanni Ribisi; Mark Harmon; Lance Armstrong; Christina Applegate; Natasha Lyonne; Carla Gugino; Mr. T; Corbin Bernsen; Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Rusler; Janice Dickinson; Chad Allen; Kevin Richardson and Michael Lerner.

· Monday 9/4 (Labor Day), saw the Butterscotch Stallion himself, Owen Wilson, leaving the Los Angeles County Museum with a nonfamous male friend. Don't know if they had come to enjoy the final day of the great exhibit of David Hockney portraits, but they both had big white shopping bags from the Museum Store. People in the museum courtyard were all agog — "Dude! I just saw Owen Wilson!" "No way!" "Totally, I did!" It was quite the exciting sighting, especially considering the wholesome and upliftingly educational venue. You stay classy, Owen!

· On Saturday night we were at Barney's Beanery celebrating my sister's birthday and we spotted Luke Wilson and Johnny Knoxville. They came separately, but ended up sharing a booth near us. It seemed like such an odd pairing (can't Luke do better than that?), we wondered if they had even intended to meet there, or if it was a coincidence and they thought, "Well, hey, we're both famous, so we might as well hang out."

· Dave Matthews Band show @ the Hollywood Bowl on Monday night - Jason Biggs hooking up 6-8 friends with tix and passes; Virginia Madsen cutting a rug (and looking great!) in one of the upper Garden Boxes; Peter Farrelly in another Garden Box; Julia Roberts, to whom Dave Matthews dedicated their song "Dream Girl" (she's in the music video); Jessica Biel; and Garry Shandling looking very bored and unimpressed.

· Out for a romantic dinner at Jar last night, spied dreamy-eyed boat of dreamboat dreams Jake Gyllenhaal dining with Official Jake Gyllenhaal BFF Austin Nichols. Couldn't see what Jake was eating, even through my finest set of opera glasses, but he sat slumped enough in his seat that I momentarily suspected he was being served his meal from unde the table. I wanted to walk by and casually ask him if he ever suffers morning sickness from sympathetic sibling pregnancy, but I didn't.

· Sunday night at the Sherman Oaks Galleria we were sitting at a round table in front of Tower Records waiting for our table at Cheesecake Factory when Gene Simmons and Shannon Tweed strolled by. I noticed her first, mainly because I was pointing out women who have had work done to my boyfriend's mom as we people-watched, and was getting ready to discreetly point out this woman. Then I saw her companion was Gene Simmons and did the math. He looked just like he does in that billboard with his family, and she obviously looked a little worked-over. They headed into the movie theater area, and we couldn't follow because our table was ready and that was way more important.

Saw Chris Rock on August 27th with his family at Six Flags. They entered into the Riddler through a secret door and cut in front of us and into the first row seats, which meant we had to wait for the next train. Bastards. We saw them walking around after with a female security guard to protect them. He is short-ish and skinny, but that's what I expected.

· 9/1 around 6:30pm, I saw Gene Simmons waiting for traffic to clear to pull his humongous black Lincoln Navigator out of a mini-mall parking lot and onto Laurel Canyon Blvd. He wasn't doing anything outrageous, so I briefly considered taking actions to try to provoke him into sticking his legendary tongue out at me.

· Thursday 8/24 at Katsuya in Brentwood... Jerry Bruckheimer and Steven Weber (not together). Steven Weber is the blue eyed guy from "Wings" due to be on Studio 60 on Sunset. He was there with his wife.

· Keira Knightley (8-31), spotted at the Jane Doe's gig last night in Santa Monica, at O'Brien's - place was packed.

· Went to the Malibu Labor Day Carnival @ the country mart on Friday night - aka "the locals night" - with some friends from out of town & saw a smorgasbord of stars.

First spotting was fit & baseball capped "Right Stuff" star Ed Harris hanging by The Tornado. At the polar opposite end of the star galaxy was former football bust "The Boz" - Brian Bosworth, followed by "Silver Spoons/NYPD Blue" actor Rick "Don't Call Me Ricky" Schroeder, who incidentally lost to his buddy @ the Water Pistol/Balloon Pop thingamajiggy. "Good Day LA's" Dorothy Lucey, actually hotter looking in person, was chillin' by the Ferris Wheel with what looked like friends/family - and the topper, "Everybody Loves Raymond Star, Ray Romano - who won a giant stuffed dog @ one of the booths & celebrated by holding it aloft & screaming "I won" for all to see/hear.

· Sunday, Aug 27th, 1:40pm, COOGIES in Malibu: LINDSAY LOHAN and boy toy, a scruffy looking Harry Morton strolled in. When told they'd have to wait ten minutes for a table just like REGULAR folks, they left and got in a huge black Escalade. No paparazzi around but one guy leaned out his car window and snapped a phone camera. Ten minutes later they were back and seated outside. Me and my friends weren't that impressed. She was wearing great sixties hippie suede boots (but Hello it was like 90 degrees out) and a beach coverup type dress. She's skinny and freckley and was on the phone the entire time she there, but I was happy to see she was nice to the little kids who recognized her and went up to her table. No one else really cared, after all this is Malibu...if it aint Brangelina why bother?

· Saw Brian Grazer at Coogi's in Malibu. Seems nice, though he did walk as if he was waiting to be swamped by people. Was having lunch with a normal older couple and a teenage boy. Hugged them and seemed very warm and happy.

· Saw Zach Braff driving down La Cienega in a BIG jeep. He pulled up next to me and was very cute.

· Daryl Hannah fireside at Burning Man Saturday night. yep, it was her.

· Tuesday night, I was invited to a preview performance of August Wilson's "Fences" at the Pasadena Playhouse (with Laurence Fishburne and Angela Basset in the leads...I guess they really are doomed to portraying nothing but disfunctional/abusive/fucked up couples when they share the stage). It was a fundraiser, so what does that mean? Celebrities, baby!

While scarfing down some free panini (a little melted and greasy, but still free), a limo pulls up. My friend who got me the tickets said Beyonce was supposed to show up, but it turned out to be Danny Glover, who later introduced the play. And as much as it pains me to use that gawdawful cliche, he really did look too old for that shit.

During intermission, I was standing in the booze line when a small
blonde woman walked by. Turned out to be Sharon Stone, who looked nothing like the screen but still projected that intense I'm-going-to-ride -you-then- repeadedly-jab-an-icepick-into-your-heart vibe. Looked good, though. If she's had work done, it was worth the cost 'cause it didn't show.

And while the program listed several Honorary Hosts like Samuel L.
Jackson ("Get this muthafuckin' drama about the African-American
experience off my muthafuckin' stage!"), I had to settle for D.L. Hughley, who was dapper in a snap brim hat, but short.

The play, by the way, rocked. Though I did think about Ike and Tina
just a little bit.

· Walking down South Santa Monica Blvd in BH. A Range Rover stops and parks in the red zone, puts its flashers on, causing the Lexus behind to hit the horn really hard and jaunt around it. From the Rover out pops Ari Gold himself, Jeremy Piven, in a plain white t-shirt. He casually jogs up to the cigar store, tugs on the door, looks to the big sign that reads "open at 4 pm" and then pretending not to be noticed, jogs right back into his Range Rover, flashers still on. Nothing says Emmy winner like double-parking.

· Matthew Perry was buying Calvin Klein underwear and socks at a clothing store at the Malibu Country Mart on Sunday, Sept. 3rd. On the same day, Mischa Barton was there at the Mart.

On Monday, I saw Melissa McCarthy who plays "Sookie St James" at Universal appliance store on Laurel Canyon and Ventura in Studio City.

· Saw the hustler himself, Larry Flynt, on Main Street in Santa Monica pimpin' the gold plated wheelchair on Sunday. Looked like he was waiting for a table for brunch. In addition to being plump and pasty, Larry looked pretty out of it - a blank gaze and his mouth half open. His bodyguard, on the other hand, was smokin'! He can guard my body anytime....

· Long time reader, first time contributor here. All three sightings occured downtown. Who knew? : First we saw Anne Ramsey entering a theatre production of a no name show. She looked like she did on "The L Word" -small and disheveled. After a semi-lame art thing in an artist commune (gag), we ended up at Pete's - a semi hip downtown place that takes itself a little too seriously. Good food though. While sitting out on the patio I spied a familiar looking red head inside. Turns out it's Amy Adams. She was petite and cute. However, looked normal, you know, like your college roommate or something. She wore a horrible long, potato sack type dress. As our meal wore on, a scruffy Ryan Gosling walked by us on the sidewalk. He was greasy, and had a full beard. Totally caught me staring at him. I was surprised to see the star power where bums regularly pee in the street.

· Thursday, 8/24. Anna Paquin at a table at the Abbey with a strange mix of folks — a couple fellow skinny, white little twelve-year-olds and several early-30's-looking lesbians. Who knows what that's about, but Anna looked tiny and adorable.

Saturday, 8/26. Girlfriends Cherry Jones and Sarah Paulson walking hand-in-hand, leaving brunch at Lulu's Cafe on Beverly. Dressed down in workout wear, hats and sunglasses. Had to go in for a second look for confirm — Cherry is in great shape and they don't look mismatched age-wise at first viewing. Seem sweet together.

· 9/2 on Beverly Blvd going west past the Beverly Center about 3pm; 8/26 going west on Whittier crossing Wilshire into the Beverly Hilton about 4:30pm: Hank Azaria, still in his Aston-Martin, still on the phone, still with the spiky 'do, still going about 12 mph. The man will be dead by spring of either A) skin cancer B) RAZR-shaped brain tumor or C) attack by someone in a old hooptie incensed that he won't let that poor car hit third gear...

· Ran across the street to the Regent Beverly Wilshire to get $5.00 gum and ran into Adrian Grenier and Kevin Connelly filming Entourage. Adrian was in his typical Vincent Chase ensemble - jeans, t-shirt and button down combo and Kevin was in Eric the manager mode wearing a suit. Adrian had tons of fans coming up to him telling them how much they loved the show while he was on the telephone. HE WAS VERY POLITE AND WAS ACKNOWLEDGING EVERYONE EVEN THOUGH HE WAS ON THE PHONE. Kevin on the other hand was busy on his Sidekick (perhaps to Nikki????) smoking a cigarette while sitting on a luggage cart being completely passed over by everyone. Could be that when you are short and sitting down everyone misses you or that everyone was so taken back by Adrian's blue eyes.

Didn't see the rest of the posse - could have been inside with the extras hanging out.

· Sunday 08.27, 4:30 pm @ The Grove: while having a late lunch at The Farm, saw a familiar looking guy with big hair and a grey suit stolling past, and realized that it was Adrian Grenier. No Drama, no Turtle...no entourage at all in fact, just hangin' solo. Weird thing is, no one walking by seemed to notice. Maybe they were pissed that he fired Ari.

· Stopped at a light at Santa Monica and Rodeo 8/30 at 8 a.m. and saw Adrian Grenier idling next to me, yawning and blinking awake. He was in a silver Prius that looked like Johnny Drama had taken a golf club to it — not a full-on crusher, just way more dents and dings than your average TV star would seem likely to tolerate. And he drives himself! Guess Entourage isn't so true to life after all.

Sunday 9/3 - Saw Sandra Oh with typical Los Angeles hipster guy at the LA County Museum of Art. She was taking in the last days of the David Hockney exhibit but was going through it backwards. She looked lovely without a trace of makeup on. Her presence was also detected by the closest filipino museum guard, who raised an eyebrow when she passed. Coincedentally, the last time I saw her at LACMA she was there with now-ex Alexander Payne. She looked happier this time! oh yeah, i saw Mo Gaffney (probably me and my three friends would recognize her, it took me awhile to figure it out - "Marshall's wife" on AbFab) at my Gelson's in Studio City yesterday

· I was having breakfast at the Alcove on Hillhurst at around 9.00AM today (Monday, September 4) and spotted Giovanni Ribisi with his daughter enjoying their grub. He didn't look like I'm used to seeing him in films; instead he was very, very trim, sported close-cropped hair, and looked generally normal. Hooray for Scientologists!

· At the John Fogerty concert at the Greek in LA on Saturday, September 2nd. My girlfriend and I were standing at the south entrance when who should walk by, none other than the 1980's sexiest man alive Mark Harmon. He was with a group of everday joe's (all 45-55 yr. old males) that look like they could by anyone's neighbor. My only regret is that I did not have the time to ask him about that long rumored sequel to Summer School

· I just got home from the AMAZING acoustic Foo Fighters show at the Pantages and am actually remembering (for once) to email you guys my sighting. My friends and I walked into the theater lobby half way through Frank Black's opening set and, as we stared at the band merch they had for sale, we were shocked to see Lance Armstrong hanging out by the little bar cart in the middle of the lobby with all us common people. I kept checking, hoping that he'd snap his fingers and either Matthew McConaughey or Jake Gyllenhaal would magically appear by his side but no such luck. He was just with a unfamiliar but cute girl.

· Saw Christina Applegate at "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" at the Pantages, evening performance, 8/27. She looked cute - newsboy hat, all black outfit, boots, funky bag, that darling pointy nose - and was enjoying an intermission smoke with a gal pal and a guy with nice arm tats. What made this sighting xtra perverse was the huge posters at the Pantages advertising the upcoming stop of the road production of "Sweet Charity" starring...wait for it...so wrong...Molly Ringwald. Wonder how Kelly Bundy feels about Samantha Baker/Claire Standish/Andi Walsh doing her Broadway role.

· Sunday night. Coral Beach Cantina, PCH just south of Zuma. Pull up behind a large SUV, from which a pair of skinny jeans and hideous snakeskin boots was emerging. Stepped up the pace so as to beat said skinny jeans, snakeskin boots wearing individual to the sign-in sheet. Turned around to see it was none other than Natasha Lyonne, who proceeded to join a group of friends at a nearby table. She spent the rest of the night engaged in classic celebrity don't look at me/pay attention to me behavior - wearing sunglasses at night while endlessly chasing the restaurant staff around (more chairs, more heat lamps, more drinks, etc.). I spent the rest of the night trying to figure out of she's preggers. She was wearing a black a-line halter top, which practically screamed "bump", but I couldn't get a decent angle. She was smoking like a fiend all night long, so I hope not.

· Sunday, Sept. 3- Leaving the 5:00pm screening of The Illusionist (the movie's greatest trick: making two hours of my life disappear into thin air) at the Arclight. Saw Carla Gugino standing at the upstairs consession counter with some tall, scruffy looking guy. Alas, she wasn't wearing her outfit (or lack thereof) from Sin City, but she still looked smokin in a black dress and a leather coat.

Sighting today Wee-Man (Jason Pontius) and chris pontius reading ok! magazine on my american airlines flight to nyc. And chris meloni also on my american flight 2day

The Palm, Wednesday 8/30: I was late to dinner so I was too frazzled to notice, but my dining companions pointed out Mr. T having dinner with a small group at a table near ours. He had an American flag bandanna on his head, and our waiter informed us that he is one of the world's nicest guys. After dinner, outside at the valet stand, we were delighted to get an up-close-and-personal show of an effusive T hugging and kissing his dining companions good-bye, and then thanking the valet with a booming "Shalom, brother!" before folding himself into a silver Mercedes two-seater. Shalom, T!

·...as if living in the valley isn't enough like an episode of the surreal life already, after my tom everett/laura/monica trifecta this weekend, i start off the week with a bang. i'm calmly getting my mani-pedi at studio city spa when who walks in and requests the same, but *corbin bernson*! so glad to see "psych" is paying enough for his pampering.

· Talk about a B-list sighting: Saw Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Rusler (Weird Science reunion tour?) smoking (not tobacco) around the corner from the Laugh Factory on Sunset about 2 am Friday night trying desperately to be recognized. AMH was with some tall blond model-type who looked understandably bored; RR was with some metrosexual who didn't. No Downey sighting to report unfortunately...

· Saw Janice Dickinson this morning at Equinox on Sunet at about 8:30am. She was sitting on one of the mats talking with 2 people. I didnt recognize her at first because she had no make-up on (shocking) but then she started talking and you can't mistake that super loud over the top voice. I was surprised at how good she looked without her usual clown make-up on.

· I saw Chad Allen at Cinespia (Chinatown) this last weekend. It's funny to see him so OUT and about, espically with his mafia in toe. Sportin a Mohawk and all. Bitch is totally queered out now. A far cry from his Jane Stewart years, he still must be reeling from the enquirer pics.

· Spotted Chad Allen sporting a mohawk and looking good at the cemetery screening of "Chinatown" at Hollywood Forever on Saturday (8/26).

· I have no idea if this sighting will have any degree of importance to add to the "sightings round-up" you do, but on Sunday evening, about 9:30, Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson and his wife were shopping at Gelsons at Kings and Santa Monica. I knew I recognized the guy from somewhere — but as I was not a huge Backstreet fan I had to Google some webpages when I got home to confirm it was him. He was in sweats, very low key and had a gray "Mushmouth"-like hat on.

· just ran into character actor michael lerner at the pavilions in west hollywood. the rotund mediocrity, who had a cart filled to the brim, was roaming the check-out aisles complaining to all the checkers that there were 4 express lines open and not enough regular ones. this did not deter him from finally emptying his, at least 40 items, onto the conveyor belt of an express lane, while a senior citizen waited calmly in line behind him. what an ass!

Oprah was accompanied by best friend Gayle King and an assistant on her 40-minute Broadway bereavement call, which took place early Thursday afternoon. [...]

A tense-looking Roberts and her husband, Danny Moder, were photographed walking around her neighborhood the morning of the negative reviews.

A spokes­woman for Winfrey confirmed the visit, but would not comment on what was discussed.

There were plenty of hugs, tears, and words of encouragement, but it was a role-playing game that cheered Roberts up most: With the help of her assistant, Oprah jumped and bound an unwitting Gayle, covered her in "Hello My Name Is..." stickers filled in with some of the actress' harshest critics, then produced a rubber mallet from her purse and instructed Roberts to "just let it all out, girl."

• Oprah tries to buck up Pity Woman [NY Daily News]

· "Your heart goes out to her when she makes her entrance in the first act and freezes with the unyielding stiffness of an industrial lamppost, as if to move too much might invite falling." [NY Times]
· "A major problem in this production is that there's no chemistry between Roberts and the men. " [NY Daily News]

· "Two and a half hours of Julia Roberts. One hundred and fifty minutes of tedium...You would think she'd be able to handle a Southern accent, but her voice wanders all over the 48 contiguous states, sometimes within the same sentence." [Boston Globe]
· "In her Broadway premiere, Julia Robert is awkward and disappointing in a self-conscious performance that is merely a shadow of her confidence and charm on film." [AM New York]
· "HATED the play. To be sadly ho