Present in the Hyatt Regency's Grand "Kiss-Ass" Salon to wish their esteemed ringleader/fame-bequeather well were many members of the Canuck-heavy Apatow entourage: Seth Rogen (who had nothing but high praise for the man who paid for his "house and car"), Tropic Thunder's Jay Baruchel (totally pumped to cut out for a Dark Knight screening), and Bill Hader, who saluted the Funny People writer/director for his courageous return to the stand-up mike. (More on that in our review of tonight's show, Apatow For Destruction.) We cornered Rogen after the presentation, who mustered convincing faux-enthusiasm for the fact that we shared a first name and nationality—though were quickly cut off by a wiry male publicist, who karate chopped the voice-recorder out of our hands and shouted, "NO! INTERVOOS!...EVAH!" in a thick Nazi accent. Apatow proved more approachable, however, and offered to chat with us later tonight, if we "promised to be nice." We'll hold him to his word on that, but in the meantime, here's the video of his acceptance speech.

• Just Comedy event honors Apatow [Variety]

"But wait," you say. "I've already seen Punchline." Never mind that, jerky. This one stars Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen as the stand-ups, and they're preparing for their roles by anonymously performing in the comedy clubs of Los Angeles throughout the summer.

And, what's it like for two huge thespians to have to take the mike after all these years? Adam Sandler is not too thrilled. "I've got to write an act again. It's been a long time. I haven't done stand-up in, like, 10 years. Even more.... That's why I want to kill Judd Apatow right now. I was so much happier doing nothing!" Seth Rogen is a little more upbeat about the prospect. "I haven't done [stand-up] in almost eight or nine years.... I've been writing some jokes. They're varying degrees of hilarious, [and the best stuff] is some 'Hills' jokes. I'm just writing on premises — I haven't really flushed it out yet."

So, has anyone been lucky enough to see one of these dudes perform yet? We figure it goes something like this: The host brings them out, the audience goes nuts, they tell some half-baked jokes, the audience laughs pretty hard at the first few and then once the celebrity good will wears off, they only get a few mercy chuckles. Then they make self-deprecating jokes about how tough stand-up is, leave the stage, and take limos back to their multi-million dollar mansions. You know, just like regular comedians. How close are we to the truth? If anyone catches Sandler or Rogen doing a tight five this summer please let us know ASAP.

• Seth Rogen Jokes About 'The Hills' In New Stand-Up Act [MTV Movies Blog]

We were actually kind of stunned to read that Ruby Dee, an Oscar nominee this year for American Gangster, was not yet a member; other invited actors include Josh Brolin, Allison Janney and Ray Winstone. Directors Gore Verbinski, Kimberly Peirce and Walter Salles received nods alongside '07 Oscar screenwriting alums Tamara Jenkins (The Savages) and Nancy Oliver (Lars and the Real Girl). Variety notes that the invitations are merely that, and that official inductions for those who accept (most do, though some decline, forget to reply in time or, on rare occasions, accidentally throw the letter out with the Crate and Barrel catalog) will follow upon acceptance.

Congratulations to the invitees, and may the traditional Bruce Vilanch Inductee Roast be painless for all!

• AMPAS invites 105 to join its ranks [Variety]

Over all, American studios depend on foreign markets for roughly half of total revenue. But Apatow-produced films like the Will Ferrell vehicles Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy and Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, did more than 90 percent of their theatrical business domestically. And the Apatow-directed 40-Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up had more than 60 percent of sales at home.

The numbers should give pause to Hollywood. When the summer selling season is over, studios will probably collect far less from international markets than they would have with a larger roster of high-budget fantasies like Spider-Man 3 and Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End. Last year, those two movies did very well at home, then fared even better around the world.

At least until Apatow deigns to an international slob-comedy diplomacy mission to shoot Superbad 2 on Michael Cera and Jonah Hill's study-abroad journey in Paris, the trick may be to just make the movies worse, hints The Times: What Happened in Vegas and Night at the Museum each outperformed their domestic grosses in international release. This could be as simple as outsourcing scripts or casting Ashton Kutcher, but in any case, we hope he does it soon; word on the street is that OPEC hates the trailer for Step Brothers.

• When a Film's Comedy is Lost in Translation [NYT]

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James Franco, star of the upcoming Pineapple Express, made a face after smelling something akin to rotten eggs at the Art Party at the Whitney Museum. However, he was quick to deny that he had any responsibility for the overpowering odor. Franco said, "That was not me, man. Don't place the blame on me. I know that you're looking at me like I did it, but nope. Not me." Franco was unable to come up with a source of the foul stench, but did point a finger in the direction of the media outlets at the event.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

As the NY Daily News reports today, Johnny Depp is the actor who once had the "donkey'd" reputation among those female stars lucky enough to learn for themselves, and Sean Connery had already made it big by dropping trou for art students before breaking out on-screen. As for the alleged pedophile, the tome claims James Dean had an ongoing fling and obsession with a 12-year old boy. Legend Elia Kazan, not exactly an altar boy himself, apparently once remarked, "I've known many actors who have been twisted up in their sex lives, but never anybody as sick and unhealthy as Dean was." We can only wonder what the Streetcar director would have had to say about Apatow's dirty-talk flicks reigning over the silver screen today.

• FRONTAL ASSAULT ON HOLLYWOOD [NYDN]

Sarandon admits she took plenty of drugs during her time in 1970s Hollywood, and isn't afraid to share her experiences with the teenagers. "When they were pretty young, Miles said, 'Did you do crack?' and I had to explain, 'No, they didn't have crack in those days."

So "what type of girl" was the bright-eyed new It Girl back in the day? Unsurprisingly, just the type of girl most 70s actresses should have been: a reefer-loving hippie chick, or as Susan puts it herself, "a hallucinogenics and weed type of girl." And really, this news just warms our heart and erases any fear we may have of aging whatsoever. Knowing that one of our idols spent years hallucinating and stoned managed to look as fine as she does now, thirty years later? The next time (you know, in our dreams) we find ourselves sitting around a bong with Judd Apatow and his trendy stoner crew, ideally next to Paul Rudd, pass that joint our way, boys.

• SUSAN SARANDON TALKS DRUGS TO HER KIDS [Hollywood.tv]

Lorne Michaels (#58) not only ranked higher than stoner comedy overlord Judd Apatow (#61), but he also got a better writer to script his defense: his darling protege Tina Fey, rather than smushy-faced Garry Shandling, who begins his piece on Judd by saying, "I know Judd Apatow. And I know myself. And I am no Judd Apatow." Yes, Garry, we knew that already. Where've you been by the way? We kind of miss you. But as we said, we do take issue with several rankings. For example, Miley Cyrus (#59) beat out the Coen brothers (#62). While Cyrus and her Hannah Montana franchise may have generated billions of dollars, the Coens not only won four Oscars for adapting a Pulitzer Prize-winning novel and created one of the most chilling villains in cinematic history, but No Country For Old Men happened to rake in more cash at the box office ($74mm) than Miley's 3-D concert flick ($65mm). Does a newbie shilling pop songs for Disney really deserve a higher ranking than a pair of filmmakers who've earned mounds of respect for their art? Truth be told, we'd have no issue with Miley beating out the Coens had this list been established post-Topless Scandal. Apparently nude 15 year-olds "influence" the masses like crazy.

[Photo credits: Time]

• COMPLETE LIST: THE TIME 100 [Time]

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Forgetting Sarah Marshall star Jonah Hill's initial baby steps into a regular work out routine were thwarted by a nosy photographer. Hill politely asked if the photographer could leave him alone, seeing as how Hill had successfully finished his first block. Unfortunately for all parties involved, the photographer said no and offered Hill the halfway melted Snickers bar in his SUV. Hill continued on his walk, but the ever-persistent photog asked if Hill wanted to make a run to Crumbs in Beverly Hills, adding in that it would be his treat. Hill sighed and continued on with his power walk, then muttered, "Any other day, I'd be there. But you know, I'm working hard not to be the Artie Lange of the Apatow gang."

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

On April 15, a pro-Apatow operative yanked the details:

On several occasions in his movies, there are loud, expletive-filled arguments and frequent sexual-related discussions, which are a trademark.

His male characters tend to be immature, lazy, misogynist, sex-crazed and drug-consuming slackers.

We guess that's not so bad; they're vague, and they do sort of violate Wikipedia's "neutral point of view" guidelines. But then someone dropped by Sunday night to cut some far less-arguable context:

New York Magazine noted that [former Apatow associate] Mike White ... was "disenchanted" by Judd Apatow's later films, "objecting to the treatment of women and gay men in Apatow's recent movies," saying of Knocked Up, "At some point it starts feeling like comedy of the bullies, rather than the bullied."

Apatow has claimed to strive to avoid marginalizing women in his work and to develop authentic female characters. Following many of these accusations, in a highly publicized Vanity Fair interview, lead actor Katherine Heigl admitted that though she enjoyed working with Apatow, she had a hard time enjoying [Knocked Up] itself, calling the movie, "a little sexist," claiming that the film "paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight." In response to accusations of sexism ... Apatow did not initially deny the validity of such accusations, saying flippantly, "I'm just shocked she [Heigl] used the word 'shrew.' I mean, what is this, the sixteen-hundreds?"

This isn't nearly as fun as the revision that had Apatow dying April 7 after "stealing a bucket of mythical walrus," but it seems a fair enough concession to the historical record. But you tell us: Should it stand?

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Judd Apatow [Wikipedia]

Defamer: It's well known that Jason Segel shows his dick in this movie. What was it like on those days of the shoot?
Nick Stoller: Well, Jason wanted to make sure his penis wasn't too small because it was cold in the studio. But it was a fine line, because having an erection while getting dumped wouldn't really read as truthful. So, he would be backstage with "materials" provided to him by the prop master, and then would he would yell, "I'm ready, I'm ready," and then come running out, and we'd shoot.

D: Was he ever too hard to shoot a scene?
NS: No, he wasn't. His problem was that he couldn't get...uh, I don't know if 'hard' is the right word for it—more like a semi-chub. He didn't feel like he got to that place. To me, it always looked like a totally normal penis, but then again, I wasn't the one showing it.

D: At any time during the filming of this movie, did you get to see Mila Kunis or Kristen Bell naked? I know they're not naked in the movie, but did you get to see it?
NS: No, they always wore pasties. They were actually very cool about all that stuff. They just didn't want it to end up on the Internet. Plus, it would have freaked them out if I were trying to sneak around their dressing room. It wouldn't instill that trust you need as a director.

D: Richard Roeper said your movie made his list of the 50 funniest comedies of all time. What was it like to blow him?
NS: He's a gentle lover. Very generous in bed. He gave back. It wasn't just a one-way street.

D: How did your involvement with Judd Apatow get started? How did you work your way up in the ranks of the Apatow offices?
NS: Of Apatown, you mean? Well, I started out by writing on Undeclared—his college show. And from there I wrote a few screenplays with him. And then, I've been friends with Jason Segel forever, so I offered to guide him through the writing process [of F.S.M.] if he would support me as a director. And he said yes, and suddenly it was all happening.

D: But why did they trust a first-timer like you to direct this movie?
NS: I have no idea. Early on I said that I would just be very up-front with the fact that I didn't know what I was doing. I wasn't gonna lie at all, and I just decided to ask everyone questions.

D: What's a typical day like in Apatown?
NS: Everyone walks around with their penises out. I should just say it. We all have our dicks out all day. That's really what it is. Judd has what we call The Apatower in West LA, and you go there for meetings, but for the most part, everyone writes at home. And then we go to the meetings and all take our dicks out.

D: So, who has the biggest dick in Apatown?
NS: I'm contractually obligated to say Judd. But really it's me.

D: How involved is Judd in the movies he produces?
NS: He's very involved in the writing and casting. And having done this once, those two elements seem like the most important parts of a movie. Especially a comedy. And he's heavily involved in post. He's only around a little bit for production, but his producing partner Shauna Robertson is often on set. Basically, Judd creates a zone where we can kind of just do what we want. But, ultimately, he's very involved and wants to make sure that each movie hits some central truth.

D: Did you get into any arguments with him?
NS: Uh, no. We have a really good working relationship. He's very respectful and understands that I'm directing the thing. There were certain moments where I would insist upon a joke or a line and he would say, "Well, it's your movie. You can do it." But I've learned over the years that he's more right than wrong.

D: What is the test screening process like? Did you get any annoying notes from the studio? Anything crazy on the comment cards?
NS: Because Judd's so powerful right now, the studio was pretty hands off. As for comment cards, it ranged from audiences being way too savvy and literally talking about whether the movie would have appeal in the 18-25 demographic to being pretty dumb. The funniest ones were from guys in the audience who were so mad at having to see Jason Segel's penis, but in a homoerotic way. They were like, "Why do we have to see his penis for so long? I hate looking at his penis. It makes me want to make out with my roommate."

D: Well, I've seen them both, and I truly believe that Forgetting Sarah Marshall is better and funnier than Knocked Up. So, are you a better director than Judd Apatow?
NS: Ha. No comment. Judd, I think, is one of the best comedy directors ever. All of the things I employed on Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I learned from him.

D: How much of your current success comes from luck and knowing the right people versus actually working hard?
NS: The door opens, and you're very lucky when the door opens, but you do also have to be prepared. I would say it's about 1% hard work and 99% good luck. Though I do try to work a lot and be prepared for any kind of opportunity that presents itself.

D: Your career has just entered the next level. You're a big man in Hollywood right now. So, what does that feel like? Are people kissing your ass?
NS: Not as much as I'd hoped they would be. But we'll see. It all depends on opening weekend.

D: Forgetting Sarah Marshall opens on April 18th. Here's what else is coming out that day: 88 Minutes (the Al Pacino movie), The Forbidden Kingdom (the Jackie Chan/Jet Li flick), and Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden? (the Morgan Spurlock doc). Why should people go see your movie over the competition?
NS: First I would go to 88 Minutes, then if I still had time I would go to see the Spurlock documentary, then I would see mine, and then I would see The Forbidden Kingdom. And then I'd see Smart People. But really, much like it's important to see a big action movie in the theater, it's nice to see a good comedy in a movie theater because everyone is laughing and having fun together.

D: What does it feel like to have a major movie opening this weekend? Are you gonna check BoxOfficeMojo every second?
NS: It's really odd. With the moviemaking process, you start out really intense and it slowly trickles off as you do post and stuff. So now, I haven't really worked on it in a while. I've just been doing press. It kind of feels like the movie came out already because I've watched it so many times. But then I wake up in the middle of the night very nervous because I realize it's coming out Friday.

D: You and I have known each other for a very long time. That's why, as a testament to our friendship, I want you to give me a scoop about your upcoming Muppet movie that will set the Internet afire.
NS: You know it's kind of all been said. It's gonna be an old school Muppet movie like The Great Muppet Caper or Muppets Take Manhattan. Basically the Muppets have to put on a show to save their studio. And in the intervening years, there's been a Muppet Diaspora, so the main Muppets need to go off with Jason [Segel] and collect other Muppets from all around the world. We're in the middle of writing it now. We're on page 50.

D: Alright, one last question. How awesome is Iron Man gonna be?
NS: So awesome!

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Forgetting Sarah Marshall opens in theaters today (April 18th). Do yourself a favor and go see it.

Back in 1994 when Bruce Willis was still with Demi and still managed to maintain that sexy tough guy image, he revealed the full monty in Color Of Night. And the industry's most dedicated fan of showing off his package, Ewan McGregor, memorably lounged naked throughout several scenes in Young Adam. And we all remember the time from a chiseled Kevin Bacon subtly proved to the world how lucky Kyra Sedgwick is via steamy shower scene in Wild Things.

Before Ewan McGregor, Harvey Keitel was Hollywood's go-to full-frontal actor, stripping down for both Bad Lieutenant and The Piano. But our all-time favorite appearance by a male actor's schlong has to go to Mark Wahlberg in Boogie Nights. Yes, it was a hefty prosthetic, and no, we don't learn just how much junk Marky Mark is packing, but the highly anticipated revelation of Dirk Diggler's legendary package was worth waiting two porn-y hours for back in 1997.

[Photo credits: Entertainment Weekly, Celebritycandids.com, nudemalestars.com, Maxim, malecelebrities.biz]

• 'FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL' LETS IT ALL HANG OUT [LAT]

News of the move broke Friday night, and by Saturday afternoon Stiller was telling the Reporter's Gregg Kilday: "I think Nick Stevens is a unique entity in this business: an agent with integrity, a point of view and most of all humanity. ... I would be with him if he was working out of the Sunglass Hut at the Beverly Center." Of course, Stevens rep was for working out of anywhere but the UTA office, which was a nagging bone of contention with the board that was trying to edge him off while keeping him and his golden geese — whose creative partnerships and overlaps have earned over a billion dollars globally since 2000 — in the talent department fold he'd maintained since 1995.

Obviously, that could have gone better. UTA brass, who had in recent weeks seen high-profile client departures like Kate Bosworth and Vince Vaughn, limped through the weekend telling anyone who would listen that no, it's not merging with Paradigm, and no, it's not for sale. Chairman Jim Berkus went on the defensive to say that UTA allowed as much rope as it could before things became untenable. We don't doubt it, but in any case, Stevens is the Salinger of talent agents and won't be giving his side of the story anytime soon. Watch for the talent defections to continue as Stevens settles in across Wilshire; share your tips if you see any comics jaywalking.

• UTA partners move to Endeavor [THR]
• Shocker! UTA's Nick Stevens To Endeavor... [DHD]

Jaded as we can be, the actual human in us does bristle a wee bit at the tasteful YES YOU LOOK FAT IN THOSE JEANS SARAH MARSHALL and I HATE YOU SARAH MARSHALL plugs scrawled all over our nation's metropolitan hubs. We'd love to think the anonymous San Francisco reactions picked up Tuesday by Hollywood Elsewhere are simply meta-culture critiques of media saturation and the General Absurdity of It All. Still, we wouldn't put it past the postmodern jokers at Uni to have stripped a batch of interns of their ID's, put $50 cash in their pockets and quietly sent them out like Watergate plumbers to fight their nasty word-of-mouth against trees, street lamps and anything else tape will stick to. Either way, we're guessing the real Sarah Marshalls of the world are considering viral marketing overall the stupidest idea ever right about now.

• Bay Area 'Sarah' Backlash? [Hollywood Elsewhere]

1. Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who! - $25.1 million
A second solid week atop the box office officially cements this all-CGI adaptation of the beloved children's verse as a bona fide blockbuster. Proving a perfectly successful Seuss adaptation can come from not veering too far from the source material, directors are now lining up to pitch their own faithful versions of works from his canon. First up: Oliver Stone's searing take on The Butter Battle Book, tweaked to better evoke the Iraq War with suicide-Eight-Nozzled Elephant-Toted Boom Blitz-bombing Zook-insurgents.

2. Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns - $20.01 million
Oh, who really cares if it's anachronistically racist, sexist, and/or homophobic: Madea's back! And her legions of fans were eager to part with their disposable leisure-dollars just to catch the latest adventures of their favorite gat-toting drag-grandma.

3. Shutter - $10.7 million
Yet another horror thriller from the Far East about spooky digital photos that sneak up on you in the bathroom mirror de-Asianized for American consumption, the critically trounced U.S. version of the Thai original is notable only for starring Joshua Jackson, offering plenty of opportunities for smart-ass entertainment reporters to ask the, "Talk to Katie Holmes lately?" question at press junkets, just to see him get pissed off.

4. Drillbit Taylor - $10.2 million
Owen Wilson's return as a leading man was met with a lackluster response, as this Seth Rogen-co-written, Judd Apatow-produced comedy about—a kid bodyguard, or something?—lacked the menstrual blood heart of the creative team's last teen raunchcom foray.

5. 10,000 B.C. - $8.66 million
Run! CGI mammothsaurs! They'll kill us all!!!

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE March 21-23, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

[Drillbit] is based on a treatment Hughes wrote years ago for Paramount; he never turned it into a script. But two years ago, after Apatow's breakout hit The 40-Year-Old Virgin, the studio enticed him to develop Drillbit.

Hughes decided to not come aboard but has "story by" credit under his longtime pen name Edmond Dantes, protagonist of Alexander Dumas' novel The Count of Monte Cristo. It's the first participation in a feature of any sort for Hughes since he received "story by" credit on 2002's Maid in Manhattan and 2003's Beethoven's Fifth.

Even Apatow has never met Hughes, a notoriously studio-hating brat with the uncanny talent to churn out screenplays faster than most writers can finish a cigarette (''I may get in a lot of shit for this, but the last 40 pages of Home Alone took eight hours to write,'' he memorably told EW in 1994). He has yet to emerge from hiding in Illinois or express any interest in reclaiming his spot as the industry's reigning comedy kingpin, which is fine by us; we love a guy who knows to quit while he's ahead lest such overextended wares as Drillbit Taylor or, worse yet, Apatow's forthcoming mistake Step Brothers have our eyes rolling until they cramp. We strongly urge Brett Ratner, an unwavering devotee of Experimental Rejuvenating Arts&trade including tranny fellatio and frozen-yogurt chauffer bonding, to give a similar reclusion a go.

• Hughes treats Apatow to laughs [Variety]

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With the way things are going in Hollywood these days, studio executives and movie producers should be treating this trio (okay, well maybe just Seth Rogen and Judd Apatow) like they are the two guys who know the secret formula for Coca-Cola. You know, don't put them in the same room at the same time (let alone fly together), just in case something happens. The impact that a Day The Music Died type of plane crash would have on the Los Angeles economy could be worse than the Writers' Strike and the potential Actors' strike combined. Let alone the crippling impact it would have on those clothing companies that sell t-shirts with quotes from Apatow produced films. Not to mention, all the dudebros and frat guys who would be left to their own devices to come up with something clever to say instead of quickly dispensing a zinger from one of their films. For all of our sakes, please travel separately from here on out, stoners!

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

The gravity bong expert is none other than big baller Cisco Adler, the couch potato with a preference for apple bongs is Jonah Hill (sooo not surprised), and the lip gloss tipster is original America's Next Top Model winner Adrianne Curry. Other star contributers reportedly include Adam Levine, Melissa Etheridge and none other than Kumar himself, Kal Penn. If only Shoe Fairy Neil Patrick Harris would join his H&K co-star and come out of this closet, we'd start pre-ordering ASAP.

• REEFER MADNESS, CELEB-STYLE [NY Post]

· Jay Leno and Conan O'Brien still dominate late night, though overall ratings for post-primetime have been decreasing. [Variety]
· HBO veers away from the stunt-cock sexuorealism of Tell Me You Love Me, ordering 13 episodes of The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, Anthony Minghella's adaptation of the best-selling books by Alexander McCall Smith. Also: they greenlit a comedy pilot called Driving Around With Joni, about a widow who drives "around Los Angeles with her French bulldog, looking for meaning in her life." Finally—something to fill the Sex and the City void! [THR]
· The L Word got picked up for its sixth and final season, providing eight more episodes with which to wrap up the various dangling story lines. (We could have done it in one, but it would have involved a gigantic mothership beaming the cast up and flying them off to galaxy Sappho-18 for untold lesbian space adventures. [THR]

In today's episode: Bruce Willis; Kiefer Sutherland; Kris Kristofferson; Elizabeth Berkly; Owen Wilson; Matt Dillon; Naveen Andrews; Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann; Rashida Jones; Amanda Peet and David Benioff; Keri Russell; BJ Novak; Nicole Richie and Joel Madden; Brian Grazer; Brad Grey; Ian Ziering; Valerie Bertinelli; Grant Show; Udo Keir; Travis Barker; Jason Bantha; Jorja Fox; Eric Wareheim; Sara Rue and Glenn Morshower; and Joey Buttafuoco.

· Bruce Willis shopping at John Varvartos on Melrose wearing a lavender sweater on Saturday March 1st.

· Last Friday - Kris Kristofferson in the New Zealand Air/Virgin lounge form LAX to London. No matter how old that guy is he always looks the same. I looked up at him as he came out of the bathroom and he smiled and did a little hat tilt at me...I felt a bit awkward and in no way attracted to him.

· Yesterday - Virgin Atlantic lounge at Heathrow and upper class on Virgin was our favorite world savior - Kiefer Sutherland. Actually looked quite good, thin and euro in jacket, tie, scarf and sunglasses. Probably the first time I've considered him sexy. He sat where everyone could see him but no one would talk to him in the lounge. Sadly, he slept most of the flight and didn't attack anyone.

· And finally, the best sighting ever - Nomi Malone, aka Jessi Spano, aka Elizabeth Berkly at Bodyfactory near the Arclight. I was behind her in line and hear a voice that was strangely familiar and loud asking if there was any lactose in the shake because she is lactose intolerant. I almost peed my gym shorts with excitement when I noticed it was Nomi. Showgirls is probably the greatest film of all time (and my favorite)...sadly, she caught me texting my friends and looking at her like 10 times. I genuinely wanted to ask for a picture but thought she'd get all Nomi on me. She's really tall and quite gorgeous.

· Feb 29 - Owen Wilson was spotted looking at art today with his dog, Garcia, at Regen Projects, where he looked at Raymond Pettibon's older drawings and Catherine Opie photographs of surfers.

· March 6 - Matt Dillon getting his mack on at the celebrity coffee bean(sunset and fairfax). He got dropped off in a crystler and proceeded to get his drink, then quickly began hitting on young girls. Reminded me of his brother johnny drama

· i saw Naveen Andrews on the corner of 4th and Santa Monica Blvd (near 3rd st promenade) on Feb. 29 around 7pm. Naveen was with a hot model-type chick (not Barbara Hershey—did they break up?). Naveen didn't look too happy to be reconized. i stared at him shamelessly, because i am an obsessive fan of LOST!!! i wanted to yell "Help me get back to the island, Sayid!!!!!" but i was too afraid he would torture me. Naveen and the mystery chick then headed into some fancy restaurant for dinner........

· March 3, 2008 Saw Naveen Andrews (LOST) at a park in Santa Monica. Was pushing my stroller and being sleep-addled and before I could stop myself, I turned to my husband and blurted out: "OH MY GOD, IS THAT SAYID?" To which Naveen laughed and waved. Then because I'm a total dork, I felt compelled to give him a thumbs up, to which he laughed and waved some more and then drove off in his sweet ass ride — a Porsche. btw, he's a total hottie.

· The next weekend I saw the always amazing Judd Apatow and his funny-talented wife, Leslie Mann, at the Grove. You'd never pick them out of a crowd, he in jeans and baseball cap, she in puffy jacket and sweat pants. Like not the velour matching kind but the old school kind of sweats — green with elastic around the ankles. It was raining. They seemed comfy and thank god because us understated puffy jacket and scarf wearing regular jeans people need to stick together... I mean, I've seen enough Marc Ecko jeans in LA to last a lifetime.

· Last night (3/6) I went grocery shopping and saw: 1) at the WeHo Trader Joe's Rashida Jones with chic geek glasses on—quite polite and very beautiful w/no make-up then 2) at the BH Bristol Farms Amanda Peet & David Benioff & their beautiful chubby baby. Amanda looked a little sleep-deprived but then again she didn't have make-up on either and still looked better than me. That's all.

· Saw Felicity (Keri Russell) at the bucolic Palisades Farmers' Market two weeks ago. She had her cute baby boy in one of those slings (Bjorns?) and looked fresh faced and happy, chatting with her similarly beponytailed husband. But she was super skinny. I know she's probably naturally tiny, but I'm not sure how her frail frame even supported the weight of that kid. Keri! The Oscars are over and you looked lovely! Now reward yourself with a sandwich for god's sake. The kid is going to be scarred for life if mommy
snaps in half next time she tries to pick him up.

· On March 1st I was waiting in line at the Starbucks at the Farmers Market at 3rd and Fairfax BJ Novak of the office got in line behind me. He had sunglasses and looked like he hadnt shaved for a week also he looked kind of edgy like he wanted to get out of there as quick as possible.

· Geeze, i think it was Monday march 3. Nicole richie and joel madden shopping for lingerie at neman marcus in beverly hills. Im guessing they were shopping for her... Her boobs looked like they did when she was fat. Milk does a body good indeed.

· wednesday - 05 march. malibu colony plaza. decided to have sushi for lunch when who should i see walking out of the restaurant but BRIAN GRAZER with, no - not his new cultural attache/shamen - rather his new girlfriend, pianist chau-giang nguyen. he's way shorter than i imagined, though his melon is as enormous as it looks in photos. his skin gives keith richards a run for its louis vuitton epi leather texture. chau was wearing a sun hat the size of an o.g. satellite dish. i'm guessing she thinks of brian as a cautionary epidermal tale. good call.

· Spotted at the Grove on Sunday 3/2: Paramount overlord Brad Grey shopping with daughter in Apple Store (didnt buy anything) and the adjacent Nike store. BG checked out the Nike merchandise and then spent some time in the changing area trying on different pairs of athletic pants while checking out HIS merchandise in the mirrors i.e. "does my but look fat in these trackpants?"

· Sat, March 1 - So, I've just gotten my bikini line waxed at FACE IT SKIN AND NAIL SPA in Hollywood at La Brea and Sunset in the El Pollo Loco/ Wendy's strip mall. As I walk back out to the nail area in my state of post-pain euphoria, I see a familiar man with a distinctive blonde fro-mullet. It's Steve Sanders! Excuse me, it's IAN ZIERING. He's sitting in one of the spa chairs getting a pedicure and the best thing about it is that he has that same perfect, smirky smile you always see on his face. Today it said, "That's right, Baby. You remember me, I'm Steve Sanders and I'm gettin' a pedicure." What is it with that smirk, EYE-An? What the f#@$ secrets of life do you know that I don't know? I know he lives in this annoying hood and all I can think is, if I were him and had a couple of bucks, I'd move as far east of Vermont as would make me cool again.

· I saw Valerie Bertinelli shopping with her man Tom Vitale in the Studio City Ralph's on Saturday night (03/01). She looked great in jeans and sunglasses, what a cutie. Then I went home and she was on a late night Oprah rerun promoting her new book "Losing It".

· Former Melrose Placer - Grant Show (you'll always be JAKE to me!) at Happy Ending's bar on Sunset. Man, he is aging well! Homie looks good for 46-years old, floppy hair and rock hard abs. I tried to get him to win me a lobster out of the tank, but he was too busy staring at some blond (sad face).

· A friend and I were enjoying $5 pitchers of beer at the Eagle in Silverlake on Monday night, March 3. I then notice Udo Keir cruising the bar in a black leather biker jacket and pristine blue jeans, how utterly German of him or not, it's a leather bar. He looked creepy and surprisingly well preserved. He left without closing a deal.

· March 3 - So I'm leaving the Disneyland Grand Californian after having brunch with my friends and I see a filthy looking, tatooed amaciated Travis Barker "rolling" in to the valet. From out of the ghetto fabulous Escalade emerges Shauna Moakler sans extensions and makeup and a bunch of little children. They were very conspicuous with the ink and Travis with his big shades in ANAHEIM!

· Tues, March 4, The Room (Cahuenga Corridor)
enjoying a late night snatchtail with some friends where we spotted Jason Bantha of National Treasure and Peadbody award winner National Treasure 2 having some drinks at dancing in that goofy white hipster boy kind of way. looked super cute and seems like an okay guy.

· Last Saturday (Mar 2) saw Jorja Fox with 3 non-celeb friends (2 guys and a girl) buying wine a bit after 10pm at CapNCork on Hillhurst in Los Feliz. She was in jeans, green shirt and white vest, hair down, no makeup and looking very casual but easily recognizable.

· i saw a very tall Eric Wareheim (from tim and eric awesome show on adult swim) last night at Katsuya in Studio CIty. He was with a gorgeous girl with short blonde hair, i assume it was his girlfriend. They were smiling and laughing, and very affectionate. It was very cute to watch and he seemed really sweet.

· At the Commerce Casino on March 3rd, watching the final table at the World Poker Tour event, saw the perfectly lovely Sara Rue (Less Than Perfect) seated front row to cheer on a friend. Also spotted veteran character actor Glenn Morshower in the crowd. OK, honestly I spotted "Agent Aaron Pierce" in the crowd, and had to check IMDB for his real name. Regardless, having a few seasons of 24 on his resume makes him the closest I've gotten to a Kiefer sighting in a while.

· March 5, 2008 12:50:31 PM PST - Joey Buttafuoco dining outside at the ivy right now!!

· A campaign for Diane Lane dud Untraceable, which allowed Facebook users to pull up "gruesome torture scenes" from the movie about, uh, a Facebook-using serial killer or something, has been pulled by the social networking site. Let's keep it to werewolves and zombies, folks. Maybe a nice Underworld 3 promotion? Thanks. [Variety]
· The Judd Apatow Repertory Players are back for Five-Year Engagement, from the Forgetting Sarah Marshall writer/director-writer/star team of Nick Stoler and Jason Segel. Your circle of friends, meanwhile, have yet to sell anything besides overpriced coffee and crumble pastries to Universal. [Variety]
· ABC wants to breathe new life into canceled Zach Braff launching-pad Scrubs with an order of 18 episodes. An unnamed representative from NBC countered, "No! We killed that! Let it die, you sad little D-girl!" [THR]

"It's an honor to be up here and to be honored as publicity whore of the year," Apatow deadpanned. "And you're all my pimps."

There were surprisingly few references to the writers strike other than a guffaw-inducing jibe by Apatow.

"I have 27 pages of jokes here; I've been on strike for three months and haven't been allowed to write," he said. "I was up all night laughing and looked outside my window, and Paul Haggis was outside picketing."

Despite such welcome moments of levity—publicists can laugh at themselves, but they'll fucking cut you if you try that with one of their clients—the awards were not without their disappointments: sadly, our prediction that New Line would be honored for its groundbreaking work in frozen-dead-baby-related viral marketing on behalf of The Number 23 did not come to pass. Instead, the Warner Bros. publicity team was recognized for helping to sell the year's most homoerotically charged entertainment, 300, to mainstream America as a CGI-enhanced action-adventure, then immediately repackaging the film for its incredibly successful run of campy midnight screenings in which audience members joined in "It's Raining Men" singalongs while tossing plastic spears at a chorus line of dancing, scantily clad Spartans reinterpreting the blockbuster's action at the front of the theater.

[Photo: Getty Images]

Humor meets hype at ICG nods [THR]

Angelina Jolie
Category: Best Actress, for A Mighty Heart's Mariane Pearl
Snub-O-Meter: 6 Nose-Thumbings (out of a possible 10)
Why They Deserved It: Jolie's widely heralded turn in the harrowing role of wife to real-life journalist Daniel Pearl had all the earmarks of an Oscar-worthy performance, including an accent and makeup-assisted physical transformation.
What Might Have Happened: Like the general public, voters dismissed Heart with the rest of this year's post-9-11 downer crop.
Unspoken Factor: Persisting Academy fears that she'd blow creepy kisses to her brother from the podium.

Sean Penn
Category: Best Director, Adapted Screenplay, for Into the Wild
Snub-O-Meter: 9 Nose-Thumbings
Why They Deserved It: Following in the path of Academy favorite Clint Eastwood, beloved actor Penn's transformation into a director and screenwriter of quintessentially American dramas seemed complete with Wild.
What Might Have Happened: An overcrowded and particularly outstanding director field, an unlikable protagonist, and an underlying sentiment that the movie really wasn't all that great.
Unspoken Factor: Period epics beat self-righteousness every time.

Judd Apatow
Category: Best Original Screenplay, for Knocked Up
Snub-O-Meter: 3 Nose-Thumbings
Why They Deserved It: His raunch-and-heart formula, of which Knocked Up is the perfect example, has conquered the hearts of critics and the masses alike, ushering in a crop of the most laugh-out-loud funny American comedies since the days of Caddyshack and Stripes.
What Might Have Happened: Academy members still skew old, and fail to find humor in crowning baby heads and freaking out over chairs in a hotel room while on mushrooms.
Unspoken Factor: La Heigl.

American Gangster
Category: Best Picture, Best Actor, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay
Snub-O-Meter: 8 Nose-Thumbings
Why They Deserved It: An epic crime drama directed with a sure hand by Hollywood giant Ridley Scott, set in a period not that long ago, but almost impossible to get right: The '70s.
What Might Have Happened: Start with Denzel sleepwalking through a role he never seemed quite sure how to play, and all the "enh"-factor dominoes seemed to tumble accordingly.
Unspoken Factor: Naked chicks filling bags of heroin, however tastefully shot, never really screams, "Oscar!"

Tim Burton
Category: Best Director, for Sweeney Todd
Snub-O-Meter: 10 Nose-Thumbings
Why They Deserved It: One of the most visually imaginative directors of our time, Burton proved he could chew precisely the amount he sought to bite off with his stylish, cohesive adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's musical masterpiece.
What Might Have Happened: The Academy doesn't get starry-eyed for Sondheim the way Tony voters might. Too much singing. Too much blood. Not enough meat.
Unspoken Factor: Sacha Baron Cohen's stuffed package.

"It's important to me to take a minute and clarify the quote about Knocked Up in Vanity Fair," Heigl tells Usmagazine.com. "I was responding to previous reviews about the movie the interviewer brought to my attention.

My motive was to encourage other women like myself to not take that element of the movie too seriously and to remember that it's a broad comedy."

Heigl adds, "Although I stand behind my opinion, I'm disheartened that it has become the focus of my experience with the movie. The truth is, it was the best filming experience of my career. Every person that was a part of making Knocked Up helped to encourage, support and inspire me. I never intended for anyone to think otherwise."

Heigl, of course, is hardly the first celebrity-profile to fall victim to time-tested, reptilian journalistic tactics, in which a reporter will relentlessly browbeat their subject, asking, "What do you say to all those strong, independent women out there who you personally let down the moment you let that internet-porn-addicted pot-fiend back into your life? Do you think he would have stuck around even one year after the credits rolled? Couldn't you hack motherhood alone, or are you one of those women who needs a man to feel fulfilled?" until the devastated actress collapses into a convulsing heap, mumbling through short breaths the money-quote sure to send magazines flying off newsstand shelves.

• Katherine Heigl: "I Stand Behind My Opinion" About Knocked Up Being "Sexist" [Us Magazine]

"I think the characters are sexist at times," he told us, "but it's really about immature people who are afraid of women and relationships and learn to grow up."

"If people say that the characters are sexist, I say, yeah, that's what I was going for in the first part of the movie, and then they change."

When we asked if he's had his feelings hurt, he blamed Vanity Fair for twisting poor Katherine Heigl's comments. "I've done a lot of interviews, and when you're promoting a movie, you talk for hours and hours and hours, and so it's very easy for something to be taken out of context. I'm just happy people are talking about Knocked Up six months after it came out."

Apatow in fact sees so much commercial benefit to the free publicity, a second DVD release, entitled Knocked Up: Deluxe Chauvinist Pig Edition, is being planned for release in second quarter of '08: a four-disc, bonus-packed extravaganza featuring commentary tracks in which Heigl and co-star/Mrs. Apatow Leslie Mann offer fascinating insights into what they were feeling during all those fantasy-baseball-league-crashing, overbearing-nag moments.

• Marketing Genius Judd Apatow Turns Katherine Heigl's 'Knocked Up' Slam Into a Sales Pitch [nymag.com]

"It was hard for me to love [Apatow's] movie" because it's "a little sexist