short ends

Farmer Wants A Wife, Not A Toilet-Mouth

· Last night's Farmer Wants a Wife—which we're told actually exists and is not an elaborate 30 Rock joke—was the most! shocking! ever!, as contestant Ashley, a "catering sales manager," dropped a few f-bombs on the lonely Missouri field worker. (Who, it bears mentioning, we're almost positive we saw go-go dancing in nothing but a tuxSpeedo at last night's gay marriage rally at The Abbey). [The CW]
· We're going to go out on a limb and guess Ice-T is a breast-man. [flisted]
· Janice Dickinson's 8-week-old Chocolate Lab puppy is missing. Run, Hershey! Run! [TMZ]
· This is just a travesty: The Hockey Night in Canada theme is in jeopardy. Help us, Don Cherry. You're our only hope. [Reuters]
·Hey—Zebricorns! [greywolf]

hollywood privacywatch

'Bulimic Coke Whore' Janice Dickinson Sure Loves Her Popcorn

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers, and are posted several times a week (depending on volume), so send them in early and often—without them, global warming will surely accelerate at an even faster rate! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you watched Janice Dickinson eat two buckets of popcorn during the course of just one movie.

In today's installment: Janice Dickinson, Quentin Tarantino, Ellen Page, Sarah Silverman, Jason Schwartzman, Scott Speedman, Gene Simmons, Kristen Bell, Rachel Zoe, Adam Levine, Mila Kunis, Seth Green, Stacy Keibler, Reggie Bush, Dave Holmes, Holland Taylor, Busta Rhymes, and Lil Wayne.

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a call to the bullpen

Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures

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exes

Janice Dickinson's Bulging '90s Physique Has Nothing To Do With Me, Insists Sylvester Stallone

Many of our readers are probably too young to remember this, but there was a time, at the turn of '90s, when rapidly calcifying action star Sylvester Stallone and trap-jawed she-ninja Janice Dickinson were very much in love. It all ended badly, with a Versace catwalkside showdown after Sly learned the paternity of their supposed love child belonged to another man, leaving a shattered Dickinson sobbing into an oversized shoulder pad as she realized he was never coming back. Earlier this month, the modeling agency owner joined Fox News's Red Eye, where she said, "He juiced me. I'd wake up and my arm was as big as Popeye - steroids, testosterone, all that stuff that people say [mimicking Stallone], 'Hey, it's not that good 'cause you get really big, you know what I mean?" Stallone addressed the allegations on Howard Stern's show yesterday:

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short ends

Disappointed Supermodels, Musical Spartans And Broken Hearts

· While lesser, fake-model-agency-running crazy people would probably allow the last-second pullout of an A-list cover model like Carlos "Mind Of" Mencia ruin their shoot, the plucky Janice Dickinson has no problem "whoring herself out" if that's what it takes to save the day.
· This pretty much made this inevitable.
· And this has made us officially excited for this. Even the Heath Ledger parts.
· A slow-healing nose job breaks thousands of teen hearts.

paramount

Trade Round-Up: No Room For The Old At The New New Paramount

· Heads at the New New Paramount continue to roll! Veteran Paramount distribution president Wayne Lewellen, described as "part of the studio's old guard," (italics ours) is sensitively drop kicked in time for the new fiscal quarter and replaced with DreamWorks' Jim Tharp. [Variety]
· A noted lead actor on a TV comedy is making his feature film directing debut in a movie about "alienated youths in suburban New Jersey." No, this isn't a two-year-old story about Zach Braff and Garden State. It's Entourage's Kevin Connolly directing The Gardener of Eden, produced by his buddy Leonardo DiCaprio. [Variety]
· Oxygen network orders 10 episodes of The Janice Dickinson Project, a reality show about the self-anointed "first supermodel," in the hopes of netting the women's network the highly coveted 50-79 "nightmare bitch" demographic that is so attractive to advertisers. [Variety]
· VH1 will launch a new show called Web Junk 20 in January, a weekly top 20 featuring the hottest viral internet videos. So basically, by the time the Chronic(What)cles of Narnia goes from SNL, to the internet, then back to TV, it will surely be as hysterical as the first time you saw it. [THR]
· A conservative media watchdog group called The American Family Association is stepping up its campaign against NBC's upcoming series, Daniel, which their website claims is about a "drug-addicted Episcopal priest whose wife depends heavily on her midday martinis," or, as it was pitched in the room, "Thornbirds meets Will & Grace." [THR]

theater

What Would Janice Do If She Forgot Her Own Life?

For reasons that are completely inscrutable to us (really, is there no limit to people's appetite for campy crap?), some actual human beings attended "original supermodel" and reality TV personality Janice Dickinson's one-woman show, the imaginatively titled What Would Janice Do?, at the El Rey last night. The Office Monkey blog posts a review of the debacle: More »