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Celebrity Procreation
Father's Day Round-Up: Celebrities Endure Unearned Praise, Humiliation For The Sake of The Children
Ah, Father's Day. A day when all of us, rich and poor, famous and anonymous, get together with our families and try to keep our long simmering resentments from boiling over. Kevin Federline celebrated the holiday like so many others, in a kid-free Las Vegas nightclub. Naturally,Federline nabbed a Father of the Year Award at club Prive. In an item that is layered with "WTF?" Us Magazine magazine attempts to explain the inexplicable.
We are left to imagine what the ceremony entailed (Ritual sacrifice of a goat? A cleansing body wash with a soap-on-a-rope?), and why Prive gives out a father-of-the-year award. It seems clear by the winner, however, that the selection criterion was based on quantity of fathering, not quality. More »Federline had a quiet night at the club, chilling with friends and pumping his fist into the air when Timbaland's "The Way I Are" was played by the DJ. Prive presented Federline his Father of the Year trophy "someplace quiet" at the dad-of-four's request, so clubgoers didn't see the ceremony, according to a source.
Remember last month when we took a moment to consider the potential back-end windfalls for Steven Spielberg, George Lucas and Harrison Ford
defamer attractions
Defamer Attractions returns today with another round of movie scanning for your Memorial Day weekend. We already know you're planning at least two excursions to view Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (once out of drunken impulse, and once to make sure that really was the ending you saw before blacking out), but Indy alone does not a holiday make! At least one of the poor bastards sharing this opening weekend is bound to tank the worst, and yet another is a fine bit of foreign-language counterprogramming worth your consideration. And of course we've got a few new DVD choices for the agoraphobic, hungover and/or the cheapskates among us. As always, our opinions and projections are A) our own and B) impeccably fail-safe. Where should we start? More »
Indy's Box-Office Bullwhip Kills Uwe Boll, John Cusack and Rest of Competition
Defamer Attractions returns today with another round of movie scanning for your Memorial Day weekend. We already know you're planning at least two excursions to view Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (once out of drunken impulse, and once to make sure that really was the ending you saw before blacking out), but Indy alone does not a holiday make! At least one of the poor bastards sharing this opening weekend is bound to tank the worst, and yet another is a fine bit of foreign-language counterprogramming worth your consideration. And of course we've got a few new DVD choices for the agoraphobic, hungover and/or the cheapskates among us. As always, our opinions and projections are A) our own and B) impeccably fail-safe. Where should we start? More »
no bull
Expert Bullwhip Channeler Cindy Adams Has the Dirt on Every Nasty Prop in Hollywood
No one combats Indy 4 fatigue like our batty, beloved gossip aunt Cindy Adams, who today grilled one of the blockbuster's key consultants in an attempt to discover the sexy mystique of — wait for it — the bullwhip. Not just any bullwhip, of course, but Harrison Ford's $1,000 bullwhip — all 13 feet and two-and-a-half pounds of it, said whipmaster Anthony De Longis:
[T]his is a supersonic blade traveling 1,400 feet per second, 700 miles per hour. It can slice you in two at 14 feet. Once you hear that explosive gunshot crack, you never forget it. It's intimidating. Scary. Makes a big noise, but that's what it's intended to do.More »
In The Garage
Shia LaBeouf's Father Enjoying Life In His Son's Garage Just Fine
Even as Indy 4 is poised to do mammoth B.O. this weekend, it seems that one member of the LaBeouf Snow Cone Family Circus is a bit down on his luck. Shia LaBeouf’s father, whom Shia has already outed as a former drug dealer who used to smoke him out at 10 years old, has allegedly been crashing in Indiana Jones Jr.’s garage all winter long and has yet to return to his warm weather teepee in Montana (yes, really). As Shia puts it, "We've got this little air mattress set up for him. It's very comfortable. But now it's not winter anymore and he's still there. But I can't go there and go, `Hey dad. Listen it's time to go back.' I can't make him leave." So isn’t it time we finally figure out who this longshot Father Of The Year candidate is already? You know, before he inhales too many fumes while sleeping next to his superstar son’s pricey cars? More »
ad wizards
Harrison Ford And The Kingdom Of The Crystallized Chest Wax
With all the magnetized baked potatoes and dancing chihuahua sequences in store in this weekend’s Indy 4, it’s no surprise Harrison Ford’s next on-screen project is as simple and easy to understand as possible. As we noted weeks ago, Ford was filming spots for an environmental group that prompted him to step in as copywriter and retool the scripts. And thank goodness he did — who else could have come up with this illuminating dialogue between the grizzly manscaping actor and, well, himself? Apparently, even big boys like Ford wince when hair is ripped from their shiny manly chests using hot wax. And that’s how the environment feels. So get thee to the nearest beauty parlor, shoot the unsmiling waxer a charismatic flirty smirk or two, and save the planet already. More »
double entendres of the stars
'Confessions of a Beaver Pilot' Arguably the Best Harrison Ford Movie You'll See this Week
Looking remarkably sober and well-recovered from last weekend's Cannes-diana Jones sojourn, Harrison Ford returned home Tuesday for the film's long-awaited Harlem premiere (yes, Harlem) and a requisite visit with David Letterman. The conversation quickly turned to Ford's piloting hobby — particularly his fondness for taking off in a Beaver. What? No, not a late-model Calista Beaver, but rather a vintage de Havilland model — the bulletproof kind flown covertly by the CIA during Vietnam. Naturally Letterman's audience followed his train of thought straight into the gutter, but an unfazed Ford stuck to the high road with tales of his soaring journeys into the bush. If only Kevin Spacey had shown the host so much class the night before. [The Late Show With David Letterman]
indiana jones
IndyMania Continues with Gay Rabbis and Dangerous Furniture Adventures
After intrepidly (and only somewhat confusedly) parsing the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise yesterday, we've looked on in amazement as the phenomenon continues its global siege. To wit: If ever we actually wanted to see Harrison Ford return for a fifth Indy film, we can only hope it extrapolates the promise of the accompanying trailer for Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Gay Rabbi. Which looks suspiciously more influenced by the 1979 Harrison Ford/Gene Wilder vehicle The Frisco Kid, but still — it's not like George Lucas is going to come up with anything better. (via The Hot Blog) More »
cannes film festival
Today in Cannes Hell: Indy, Indy, Indy! (And Harvey and Woody)
The first-in-the-world hype accompanying Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's premiere at Cannes appears to remain the only story of interest to most festivalgoers, with everything from live-blogs of the screening to more meditative reads ("I was bored out of my mind," writes Manohla Dargis) peppering the spectrum of feedback. Of course there's always Harvey Weinstein, who continues his Cannes dealings with impunity despite our corporate death sentence leveled last week. And people actually seem to like Woody Allen's latest! It's the '80s all over again!
defamer instant reviews
Even Hours of Instant Messaging Can't Help Us Make Sense of 'Indiana Jones 4'
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull has been unveiled at last for international critics, and with most verdicts coming in mixed to above-average, our discriminating tastes still found much left to be desired. Defamer editor Seth Abramovitch and senior editor S.T. VanAirsdale attended yesterday's screenings in Los Angeles and New York, respectively, after which the slow process of psychological reckoning and franchise restoration began the only way they knew how: via instant messaging.
What follows contains numerous spoilers, though not much that isn't distinguishable from the trailer or the word-of-mouth teeming around the Web this morning. In any case, if you want a virginal Indy experience when the film opens Thursday, we'd recommend skipping to the next item right about now. Or join in the fray as our wounded critical minds clear the air and let the healing begin.
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great men of science
Just in Time For 'Indy 4,' Archaeologists Fight it Out Over Harrison Ford
Pity the poor, misunderstood archaeologist, chained to painstaking years of research and field work only to live in the cultural shadow of the globetrotting, Nazi-battling adventurer Indiana Jones. Not ones to miss an opportunity, though, the leaders of the Archaeological Institute of America have dovetailed with the forthcoming release of Indiana Jones 4 to welcome franchise star Harrison Ford as a trustee. "The group promotes archaeological excavation, research, education and preservation worldwide," notes an AP dispatch. "AIA President Brian Rose says Ford's Indiana Jones character has played a major part in stimulating interest in archaeological exploration."
A rebel faction within the group is calling bullshit, however, alleging that even the Nazis did a better job of preserving antiquities in the series than its hero ever did:
More »
Vampires Need Love, Too
'Twilight' Teaser Trailer Aims For Teen Titillation, Scores
After only three days, the teaser trailer for Twilight — that highly anticipated franchise initially classified as the "new Harry Potter" — racked up more than two million views on the film’s MySpace page. As industry insiders have noted, the vampire flick may break the record of 4.1 million first week views set by Indy 4 earlier this year. But after viewing Twilight's trailer for ourselves, we couldn't care less about records or the fate of Indiana What's His Name. Why? The folks at Summit Entertainment managed to create excitement (and widespread teen titillation) not by appealing to HP dorks or Narnia obsessives, but rather by going the Gossip Girl route and putting together an ensemble cast comprised of barely known and ridiculously hot actors. Take a gander at what appears to be a fantastical and surprisingly romantic Tim Burton-esque world after the jump. More »
de-chewiefying indy
Indy's Back, And He's Ready for The White Party!
As if to say to the world, "You think Indy's too old? Well, how do you like these rippling, 8-pack apples?" as well as, "I'm smiling on the outside, but on the inside, my chest feels like it's being gnawed upon by 10,000 hungry rats," Harrison Ford took to the depilatory chair recently. It had nothing to do with Crystal Skull, but rather some pet cause that involves deforestation and a Spice Girl. Still, we'd hope his co-star and protégé Greaser LaBeouf will follow suit, with an Earth Day season pledge to submit himself to a Brazilian as a means of encouraging better sorting of compostables. [Access Hollywood]
rocket man
Overlong 'Indiana Jones 4' At Least Promises Humorous Production Scrapbook
We're not surprised at the news that Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is locked in at a running time of 140 minutes — at least 20 minutes longer than it should be to achieve that coveted $300 million mark Paramount wants for it. But that's nothing compared to the film's production stills, the most dismaying of which we found couched over at Hollywood Elsewhere and you can check out after the jump. More »
temple of dank
Were Shia LaBeouf And Harrison Ford Stoned To the Bone While Shooting 'Indy 4'?
As if George Lucas' forewarning that Indy 4 just won't be all that great weren't enough to lower our expectations, now we learn that heir to the throne Shia LaBeouf filmed most of his scenes while injured. As the star told MTV News, "I pulled a rotator cuff in my hip...because the injury got worse and worse while filming, I pulled my groin also." And not only did Shia gimp his way through scenes, recent reports suggest that he may have been high as a kite while filming. A recent blind item suggests Harrison Ford and his Mini-Me made a habit out of puffing the green dragon in Shia's trailer and even had code names for being stoned.
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bridging the gap
