Defamer: Halloween

'G.I. Joe' Movie Gets Three Teaser Posters, Porny New Subtitle

Kyle Buchanan — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 11:05:00 PDT

As we bide our time waiting for the inevitable $200 million feature adaptation of Captain N: The Game Master (Zac Efron, call your agent), Paramount has unveiled new details on its latest strip-mining of 80's nostalgia: G.I. Joe. Directed by failing-upward Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing), Joe is all set for a summer 2009 release, but that doesn't mean it's too soon to reveal three new teaser posters and a new, utterly superfluous subtitle: G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. Sadly, none of the teaser posters show off the film's most curious bit of casting — Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander — though the film's new subtitle seems to hint that Cobra won't be donning his live-action costume until everyone's bullshit detectors receive a proper workout.

Posters (and reactions) after the jump!

At left, we have Step Up star Channing Tatum as audiences are most used to seeing him: buried under several layers of clothes. Next to him is Snake Eyes. Though he looks reasonably cool, ninjas didn't help cartoon adaptation Speed Racer any. One suggestion to Sommers to avoid ninja ignominy: add more ninjas. And finally, at right, there's Sienna Miller uncomfortably slumming as Baroness. Coming so soon after Cate Blanchett's Eastern-accented Indiana Jones villainess, we can only hope that Miller, too, gets a chance to fight off CG monkeys while driving a Jeep.

G.I. Joe Promo/Teaser Poster! [Latino Review]

Halloween Carnaval In Under Two Minutes

Seth — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 11:20:24 PDT

We trust by now you've fully recovered from your Wednesday night Halloween activities—or, in certain cases, have yet to come down from what has quickly evolved into a three-day bender, your keys, wallet, and memory long gone and the last remaining threads of your Zombie Britney costume the only things covering your essential regions as you pound the hard streets in search of another hit of stale candy corn. Whatever the case, we think you'll thoroughly enjoy this music video of the WeHo Carnaval, compiled by crack Defamer videologist Molly McAleer.

And while there were many memorable costumes on parade, we'd like you to pay special attention to the Transexualformers at the 1:09 mark, whom, we think, could really jazz up the sequel to the Michael Bay blockbuster, with envelope-pushing sequences such as when Margeautron takes Optimus aside to demonstrate the proper execution of an exhaust pipe tuck.

Halloween Carnaval

Apes, Crosby-Alikes, She-Hulks Credit Astounding Headaches To Mr. T's Bowl Halloween Festivities

ryanm — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 16:12:47 PDT

Every now and again, new cultural correspondent (his title for at least the duration of this item) Ryan will be dropping by to toss some posts into our blog-mix. Today, he shares the photo-assisted recollections of a Halloween evening in which he learned why you never challenge a guy in an ape costume to a Wild Turkey-drinking contest.

Last night's All Hallows Eve affair at Mr. T's Bowl (Highland Park) found apes commingling with world-famous born-again Christian stuntmen, mysterious tight-clad cartoon racers, cross-dressing David Crosby-alikes and Red-Shirted® She-Hulks sporting this season's ubiquitous Amy Winehousian hairpile, the live soundtrack to which was enhanced by a burlesque troupe from beyond the grave. Join us now as we take a very brief, pointed look behind our shoulder at a few key characters encountered during the night responsible for this morning's headache . . .

Andy Dick's 'Bee Movie' Features Fine Colombian Pollen And Strap-On Stingers

Seth — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 12:34:34 PDT

We're going to have to give the cast of Jimmy Kimmel Live this year's Best Talk Show Costume trophy, with Jimmy, the band, and the security team decked out as every significant cereal mascot of the past 100 years (video here).

Trump-groping couch favorite Andy Dick made an appearance, too, and while he could have easily justified going along with the theme by saying he came as the Honey Nut Cheerios spokesinsect, he explained the outfit had nothing to do with the masquerading holiday, and instead was a shameless, Seinfeldian promotion of his own upcoming, bee-themed movie—the heartwarming story of an addict bee who likes to get hopped up on near-lethal quantities of nectar, then proceed to tongue celebrity wasps of either sex while attempting to fly up the pants of anything that moves. Enjoy all the filthy, drone-on-drone stinger talk in the clip above.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Last-Last-Minute, Slut-Related Costume Ideas

Mark — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 18:14:35 PDT

· Our friend People Paula has compiled a list of more trashy Halloween costumes than you can shake a slut at.
· Finally, someone stepped up to the plate on the Writers Strike costume. Though we will be sending him a bill for the use of our StrikeWatch logo.
· If one look at Gawker's Halloween costume chart doesn't drive you completely insane, chances are you're already crazy.
· Jerry Seinfeld reminds Hollywood about his fuck-you money.
· Thighs Wide Shut offers a heartfelt goodbye to Robert Goulet.

Adrian Grenier's Mystery Package Confounds Celebrity Shlong Scrutinizers

Seth — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 14:41:33 PDT

Regardless of what your Halloween plans might entail, chances are pretty good that you'll eventually come face to face with the compressed, Lycra-silhouetted junk of at least one dude dressed as a superhero. Pretty on the Outside decided to grade some of the shrink-wrapped celebrity shlong on display this haunting season, giving head-of-the-class marks to Brody "The Hills" Jenner's shapely, right-bending manhood.

The jury appears to be out on Adrian Grenier's basket, however, as the elephantine mound on display suggests the star of Aquaman and Medellin either stuffed himself with one of Drama's gym socks, or opted to tie his firehose into a sailing knot before leaving the house for his All Hallow's Eve revelries.

Happy Halloween. Now Let's Talk Penises. [Pretty on the Outside]

A Gender-Bending Flapper Halloween On 'The View'

Seth — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 11:32:13 PDT

In all the strike deadline hysteria, we've barely had a moment to acknowledge that today is an (egregiously not nationally recognized) holiday. It's Halloween, everyone—the spookiest, scariest celebration of the year! And on The View, that usually means stuffing Barbara Walters into some sort of sex-kitten outfit. This year's theme—which we think was Ill-Fitting Cotton Club Costume Rentals?—gave Walters an excuse to talk about her club impresario father Lou Walters, a touching, grandmotherly reminiscence about a simpler time, when you could get a steak, a sidecar, and an unobstructed view of a showgirl's rack all for a nickel.

The View

The Writers' Strike, Coming To A Halloween Costume Party Near You

Mark — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 09:29:15 PDT

For those uninspired by our previous Halloween costume suggestions (honestly, we didn't really expect you to go around terrifying children in a Teri Hatcher mask), a thread developing on MetaFilter since yesterday could provide you with a more abstract, but no less timely, alternative that will make you the envy of every terrified, sporadically scribe writer at your local Halloween party:

I'm thinking of being the 2007 Writer's Strike for Halloween (because, you know, November 1st will be pretty scary for us WGA members living paycheck to paycheck.) Now— how to make this snarky, intangible and in-joke-ridden costume idea a reality?

I live in LA and the majority of my friends are screenwriters, so there shouldn't be too much of a problem with people 'getting it.' I just want it to be an awesome costume, with lots of funny little references. (A dartboard with Patrick Verrone's face? A handful of bounced checks to hand out?)

You can read the MeFi users' attempts at tackling the problem here; while our favorite from the thread was "a gigantic piece of paper that's completely blank save for a page number and the words FADE IN," we'd probably opt for an interpretation that more viscerally evokes the horror Hollywood could be facing on November 1st, suggesting that any strike-inspired costumes involve carrying a WGA picket sign and a two-months overdue unpaid mortgage bill (a screaming baby doll is optional) while wearing a pair of visibly soiled pants. We think the combination of those essential elements should be instantly recognizable to anyone who's been obsessing over the labor negotiations the past few weeks.

Boo! Now give me those internet residuals, dammit! [MetaFilter]

Versatile Mask Lets You Go As Michael Jackson One Year, Teri Hatcher The Next

Seth — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 16:32:49 PDT

Thanks to Defamer commenter el smrtmnky for pointing out that the Michael Jackson Halloween mask we linked to this morning bears an uncanny resemblance to Teri Hatcher. It's a fortunate bit of happenstance for the manufacturer, who can now double their profits by re-releasing the item as part of their Stars of Desperate Housewives Do Their Own Makeup collection, which could also include the slightly pricier Nicollette Sheridan/Gollum model.

frightcatalog.com

Michael Jackson Halloween Mask Contains 70 Percent Fewer Synthetics Than Michael Jackson

Seth — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 11:01:31 PDT

Considering your Leatherface costume ceased to be scary about eleven Halloweens ago, isn't it time to upgrade to something a little more terrifying? This Michael Jackson mask, unearthed by our friends at Boing Boing, should do the trick, inducing convincing screams from the neighborhood kids as the Kid Nation Koresh grabs his crotch in the doorway and shrieks, "HEEE-hee!," then proceeds to use the same palm to dole out handfuls of bulk Reese's Pieces. A word to the wise, however: inviting just the boy trick-or-treaters inside for an apple-bobbing contest, while true to character, might end up getting you arrested.

Wacko Jacko Ultimate Halloween Mask [thegreenhero.com via BoingBoing]

The End Of A Record-Shattering, Sequeltastic Summer

Mark — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 08:44:24 PDT

By now it should be sinking in as you sit down at your computer on this post-Labor Day Tuesday morning: Summer is over, burned off in this weekend's triple-digit heat. Make peace with the unofficial beginning of Fall by reviewing the long weekend's box office numbers (we'll list the four-day grosses because we don't want to cheat any studios out of a few million extra holiday dollars):

1. Halloween - $31.012 million
Apparently, sitting through 109 air-conditioned minutes of Rob Zombie's utterly unnecessary reimagining of the 1978 John Carpenter masked-slasher classic was preferable to expiring from heat stroke, as audiences flocked to their local multiplexes to watch a resurrected Michael Myers return home to eviscerate his suburban neighbors.

Perhaps now that this new Halloween has broken the Labor Day box office record, original Myers stalkee Jamie Lee Curtis will take to her Huffington Post blog to complain that having her iconic role reprised by "some skinny bitch named Scout," is further evidence of the decline of Western civilization.

2. Superbad - $15.6 million
Emboldened by the newfound heat he's enjoying following a third consecutive impressive weekend for Superbad, star Jonah Hill will seek to emulate writer/co-star Seth Rogen's career plans by having his agents call around town to mention that it's always been his dream to don The Phantom's purple tights and restore dignity to a beloved hero whose legacy was defiled by Billy Zane a decade ago.

3. Balls of Fury - $13.873 million
We knew that Rogue Pictures should have put Christopher Walken on its poster, holding a pair of ping pong balls in front of his testicles. Maybe they'll go with that image for the DVD cover.

4. The Bourne Ultimatum - $13.193 million
Matt Damon's publicists are hard at work cementing his position as the Most Likable Movie Star in the World; soon, Damon will attempt to maintain the nice-momentum he's built through yesterday's animated Arthur cameo by appearing in a commercial in which he helps the Snuggle Teddy Bear recover from a nasty cold by feeding it chicken soup with a medicine dropper.

8. Death Sentence - $5.2 million
We'll admit that we're a little surprised by Death Sentence's poor debut; nothing premiering this weekend sounded more appealing to us than Kevin Bacon revenge-slaughtering a gang that killed his kid.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE August 31-September 3, 2007 [Box Office Mojo]

Kevin Federline To Rap In General Direction Of Half A Million Disinterested Halloween Revelers

Seth — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 17:04:24 PST

Sales may not be brisk for Kevin Federline's upcoming East Coast dates, but he's all but guaranteed an enthusiastic hometown welcome when he takes the KIIS FM Stage at tonight's West Hollywood Halloween Carnaval at 8:45. The appearance comes in support of his album, "Playing With Fire," which had its nicely timed debut on record store shelves and iTunes today. ("Be the first to write a review," Apple's online music store plaintively solicits, as K-Fed stares out blankly from behind a desk on his album cover, as though he were hosting one of his own inevitably underattended CD signings.) And while coming to the festivities dressed up as Britney's background-dancing babydaddy might seem so, like, 2005, we'd encourage last-minute costume scramblers to throw on the wife beater, baggy pants, and baseball cap, and show up anyway, taking the stage behind their inspiration as his backing chorus line of high-kicking, hip-hopping K-Fedettes.

[HalloweenWestHollywood.com]
Previously: Defamer Halloween Costume Ideas: Baby Daddy On A Budget [Defamer]

Officials Still Combing Local Resident's Halloween Decorations For Missing Black Box

Seth — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 12:17:39 PST

Expounding on the Truly Tasteless Halloween theme that began with a post on Bill Maher's stingray-speared Crocodile Hunter costume, we continue with this picture of a North Hills residence that has foregone clichéd skeletons and tombstones to decorate their front yard as something far creepier: no, not Courtney Love, but an ultra-realistic plane crash scenario, thanks to the painstaking arrangement of actual airplane parts obtained by the mechanic who lives there. Luckily, the coroner who lives next door refused to supply the scattered body parts they sought to complete the illusion.

Crashing the Halloween Party [LAVoice.org via Curbed LA]

Bill Maher Wins 'Too Soon' Award In Local Costume Contest

Seth — Mon, 30 Oct 2006 17:13:55 PST

Ours is not to cast judgment upon Bill Maher's choice of costume, nor, for that matter, to say what constitutes an appropriate waiting period before a freak celebrity death becomes fair game for laughs—after all, 40 years still hasn't made it possible to show up to a Hollywood Halloween soirée as a "decapitated Jayne Mansfield" without hearing at least a couple tsks of derision from offended partygoers. Still, if Maher simply had to go to the Playboy Mansion (or whatever monster bimbo bazaar he opted to attend this year) dressed as Steve Irwin with a stingray barb hanging out of his chest, one would have hoped he would have more fully embraced the "tasteless mockery of untimely, recent tabloid deaths" theme by throwing Al Franken in a short, blonde wig, giving him an oversized, prop pill-bottle marked "METHADONE," and introducing everyone to his "bunkmate in celebrity heaven, Daniel Smith."

The Crock Hunter [The Wow Report]

Spooks, Spells, And Spandex: A 'Hollyween' Round-Up

Seth — Fri, 27 Oct 2006 17:52:37 PDT

You'd think that in a town where a significant percentage of the population spends the other 364 days of the year slicing, injecting, and restuffing themselves beyond recognition, by the time All Hallow's Eve rolls around, they'd have no energy left for yet further modifications—but you'd be wrong. Something about L.A.'s highly plasticized nature, paired with the bloodcurdling showbiz tales of terror we all know so well, make Hollywood and Halloween a nearly perfect complimentary pairing, resulting in a holiday of heightened horror: Hollyween. In honor of your pre-Hollyween weekend festivites, a round-up:
· The LAT details how the studios have been cashing in on a healthy chunk of what has become a $5 billion-per-year industry, through the licensing of their characters to costume manufacturers. Long ago having outgrown the Disney character kiddie-sector, you can now buy fully authorized costumes of all your grown-up screen favorites, including a Nacho Libre Spandex get-up sure to give everyone at your office party love-handle-related nightmares for weeks. [LAT]

· Baltimore.metromix.com (hey—sometimes you need to step outside the bubble for perspective), provides a guide to dressing like some of your favorite tabloid regulars. A handy addendum to our recent tips on celebrity mother-daughter costuming, it offers helpful hints for those still wracking their brains for an idea. Example: "Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong. What you'll need: A buddy dressed like you—that is, shirtless, or as near to it as possible. Optional accessories: Spandex in some form, bike helmets, a 'Jake Gyllenhaal.'" [Baltimore.metromix.com]
· Our gadget-gorging sister-site Gizmodo has compiled a highly entertaining "Monster Halloween Roundup," including a link to 3Wishes, where you can buy the Slutty Hogwarts costume prominently pictured, and enjoy an evening of having your fellow party guests greet you with an enthusiastic, "Hello, Hermi-aye-yai-yai- yai-yai-yai-yai- yai-yai-yai-yai!" [Gizmodo]
· The honorary Mayor of Hollyween (or is he its Jack Skellington?), Tim Burton, takes the LAT on a nostalgic tour of the favorite Hollywood "haunts," sites that inspired and informed many of his future classics, including Hollywood Toys & Costumes and the Hollywood Forever Cemetery. [LAT]

Letter From The Editor: Defamer Returns From Working Vacation

Mark — Mon, 31 Oct 2005 07:00:43 PST

Hello, folks, Mark Lisanti here. I've returned from yet another all-too-brief hiatus from the blogging grind. But please don't think that I put aside my responsibilities to go cavorting in some hedonistic paradise where the blow is served in hollowed out coconuts and delivered to your cabana by a volcano-ready virgin. No, this was a working vacation. Unfortunately, a pretty comprehensive nondisclosure agreement prohibits me from divulging the details, but suffice it to say that when Brian Grazer offers you a million dollars to carve his likeness into a pumpkin, you call in sick to the day job and learn to love the feeling of seedy, orange guts running between your fingers.

Another hearty thanks to ursine guest host extraordinaire Seth Abramovitch, whom we understand is already calling in some favors to find out where Survivor's Jeff Probst works out. Once again, we promise to forward on any propositions meant for the guest editor, because at least one of us should be using this blog to get laid.