Matt Damon's Weight Gain Puts Him In The Running For 'Sexiest Schlub Alive'

From High Atop His Lake Como Villa, George Clooney Preaches Solidarity In Looming SAG Non-Crisis

Like clusters of onlookers awaiting the Vatican smoke signals that announce a new pope, all of Hollywood stirred abuzz today learning that George Clooney would finally weigh in with a letter addressing the conflict between SAG and AFTRA. And weigh in he... didn't, instead choosing a neutral stand essentially saying everyone's right and would they please just sit down and try hammering out something constructive for once? Seriously, folks:

At the risk of being yet another actor giving his opinion about the ongoing fight between SAG and AFTRA, I'm hoping that there might be a way out of this. Rather than pitting artist against artist, maybe we could find a way to get what both unions are looking for.

Clooney Sells Showtime On A Suicide Comedy

Steven Spielberg, DreamWorks Ready to Join Other Hollywood Players Outsourced to India

Months of speculation over whom DreamWorks might be courting to help underwrite its ugly exit from Viacom ended late Tuesday when The Wall Street Journal reported that Reliance ADA Group, a massive Indian conglomerate, is close to sinking $500 million to $600 million into Steven Spielberg's breathless bid for autonomy. As presumed, the deal would expedite David Geffen's eventual departure from the DreamWorks fold and allow Spielberg to keep the DreamWorks name, if not the projects currently in development with Paramount/Viacom — alas, Transformers 2 stays behind. CEO and Spielberg right hand Stacey Snider would follow as well.

The rest of the picture is still taking shape, but after the jump we have a few educated guesses as to where things might land — and it looks curiously like Bollywood.

Olivia Munn And Boatload Of B-List Castaways Rescued Off Lake Como By George Clooney

If you, like us, were beside yourselves with worry when National Wiener-Biting Champ [NSFW] Olivia Munn abruptly announced she would be taking some time off from her co-hosting duties on Attack of the Show!, we can offer by way of comfort the above recent photo. We assumed correctly that she was in Europe—only where we thought she'd be found in the tiny German town of Osendorf in Land Sachsen-Anhalt, where the World Wiener-Biting Championships are held every June, she was instead spotted in a small boat on Italy's Lake Como, accompanied by boyfriend and October Road star Bryan Greenberg, trash TV veteran Tate Donovan, and a third, unidentified brunette we'll refer to as Signorina X. All, it turns out, were guests of Lake Como's most famous resident, George Clooney, who'd later invite them to dry their garments on a medieval sock-toaster and retire to Villa Oleandra's dedicated pizza room for an anchovy-and-burrata pie so transcendent, none would ever again question the existence of God.

[Photo: Bauer-Griffin]

• Ocean's two: George Clooney messes about on the water with a pair of beautiful brunettes [dailymail.co.uk]

The Old Clooney And The Sea

Unencumbered By Boob-Job Drama, George Clooney Mulls His Next Step

· Warner Bros. is developing the spy thriller novel The Tourist as a potential George Clooney vehicle which will explode in the first reel and set the entire plot in motion. What about the goat movie? When does that one come out? [Variety]
· The WGA will hold a referendum next month to simplify its credit procedures, hopefully eliminating screenwriter name-gumbo like this. [Variety]
· If you're currently in production, we hope you're shooting in Waiverland, as SAG head Alan Rosenberg doubts any agreement will be reached by the deadline date of June 30. [Variety]
· Jack Black has dropped out of Borat-writer/director Todd Phillips's Man-Witch, a movie about a man who's a witch, supposedly because Black is concerned Phillips will shoot another movie called Hangover, about a bachelor party who wakes up in Vegas and realizes they lost the groom, first. May the best wacky premise win! [THR]
· Universal buys a comedy spec called Raindrops All Around Me, about "a socially inept high school teacher who learns to 'dumb it down' in order to fit in with the people around him." Said a Universal rep, "We think after a few more drafts to broaden the humor, Middle America will really eat this up!" [THR]

Clooney Super Fan Almost Finished With 'Women Of Clooney' Scrapbook

Boob-Job Shocker! Model/Escort Sarah Larson May Have Opted To Surgically Increase Chest Size!

In a breaking celebrity-dumpee cup-enlargement stunner, In Touch Weekly is reporting that Sarah Larson, the woman who spent one year as George Clooney's girlfriend before being unceremoniously relieved of all arm-candy-tendering services, was actually recovering from breast enhancement surgery when she received the life-changing news. They report:

George Clooney broke up with his model girlfriend, Sarah Larson, shortly after she had a breast augmentation in mid-May. Was surgery the final straw in their already fractured relationship?

Unlike Rest Of World, Sarah Larson Shocked To Learn She Was Little More Than Clooney Arm Candy

Even though she spent nearly a year silently standing by George Clooney's side at movie premieres and on jaunts to the United Nations, it seems that Sarah Larson forgot the first rule about Being George Clooney's Girlfriend. Namely, you do not talk about Being George Clooney's Girlfriend. Just days after her extensive interview with Harper's Bazaar hit the stands — one in which she confessed that "I don't think [George] has any trouble getting anything he wants" — she suddenly and quickly found herself on the receiving end of that maxim. Unfortunately for her, she learned that what Clooney wanted was for her to give back his garage door opener and hitchhike her way back to Vegas. Now, details have begun to emerge from the Larson camp about their breakup, ones that predictably cast a sympathetic light on the comely sandworm emulator. Serving as part of a vast right-wing conspiracy against noted lefty Clooney, Fox News reports:

“She thought they were getting married. Instead, she got dumped,” a friend said. “She’s really upset. Devastated.”

· From clingy dresses to canine masturbation, from mean-spirited reviews to disappointed Cosmo swillers doling out handjobs, we found ourselves oversexed in our city.
· The same cannot be said for Clay Aiken — he's pregnant!
· We were accused of being part of an "extraordinary smear campaign" after passing along a tip about Dan Aloni's alleged angry outburst on the Fox lot.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to two lovely, genetically perfect children named Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane. Wait, no she didn't. That left Entertainment Tonight paying the ultimate price.
· George Clooney bought Sarah Larson a one way ticket to Dumpsville.
· Lindsay Lohan's lesbian love was generously endorsed by Michael Lohan.
· Ben Silverman forgot to sync his Blackberry, enraging Ari Emmanuel [sic].
· We found out Kirsten Dunst wasn't drunk or drugged, just depressed. Then her pants caught fire.
· Sharon Stone got bit by the karma chameleon.
· The season finale of 'Lost' left us all wondering who's in the casket? Hint: he feels good!
· 50 Cent pulled a Left Eye (allegedly).
· We saved you $150K.
· Rachel [sic] Ray was in hot pursuit of extra virgins in the afterlife.
· We wept a little on the inside when Bill Murray's halo was tarnished.
· The End Of Ideas train kept plowing forward, picking up motormouth cops and ouija boards along the way.
· ScarJo CloneGate!
· We paid tribute to the dearly departed Sydney Pollack and Harley Korman (and angered a number of humor-challenged readers along the way).
· The next time we end up drunk in Tijuana, we are definitely getting that Patrick Swayze Centaur tattoo.

Vegas Bartendress Fails To Tame Bucking Bachelor Bronco George Clooney

Call us incurable romantics, but something about the pairing of Hollywood elder statesman George Clooney and Sarah Larson—the Phish-loving, sandworm-emulating Ginger to his Fred—seemed to us more than your standard, fly-by-night arm-candy operation. This was a girl who inspired in George acts of chivalry previously thought not possible—on one occasion requiring him to come nearly to fisticuffs with a physically imposing margarine-spokesman just to protect her privacy. Yes, we naively predicted these two crazy kids would find a way to muddle through, in road rash and in health. We were wrong:

George Clooney has broken up with Sarah Larson after nearly a year of dating.

What Harper’s Bazaar Wants You to Know About George Clooney’s Girlfriend

In the next issue of Harper's Bazaar, George Clooney's sand-loving girlfriend Sarah Larson gets the profile treatment. What follows is a list of things we learned by reading it:
· Sarah Larson was once on Fear Factor, where her crowning achievement was “eating” a scorpion. (When, in fact, she put it in her mouth then spit it into a bucket, which one can only assume is how she eats all her food.)

· She toured the country following the band Phish, making bracelets and sandwiches to trade for gas money. (Although Harper’s fails to mention what she traded for spending money.)

· She studied microbiology (pot?) at Evergreen State College (pot school) and worked in the school’s lab (presumably making pot).

· In 2002, Larson moved to Las Vegas to be close to her ailing father. Who lived in Palm Springs. 300 miles away. Because family's always there when you need them, sort of.

Clooney. Goats. Do The Math.

· "George Clooney to 'Stare at Goats.'" You know what, George? That sounds like a terrific idea. [Variety]
· William Morris has spearheaded a $100 million fund to produce features, which they know they should spend wisely on a number of sensible, moderately budgeted indies—but which they'll totally blow on one blockbuster stinker about the Alien Space Rabbit Olympics! [Variety]
· Well, that's the end of upfronts—a spectacular week of press releases, little get togethers at studio offices, and at least one Fox fondue party that the boys from Procter & Gamble are still buzzing about! Now it's time for the networks to wave goodbye to all that East Coast glamour, roll up their sleeves, and deliver on all the delicious promises they've made! [Variety]

Billy Ray Cyrus Is The Hillbilly George Clooney

The Clooney Charm May Have Met Its Match

'The View' Audience In Critical Condition After Patricia Heaton Devours All Available Oxygen

Brad Pitt Hoping To Ride His Own Silly, Coens-Movie Hairdo To Oscar Gold