Defamer: filth

'The Dark Cock' Could Surpass 'Titanic Cock' As Biggest-Grossing Cock Movie Of All Time

Seth — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 15:52:52 PDT

Move aside, The Dark Whopper! There's a blacker, juicier mouthful being featured over at Portland's CineMagic theater. One moment..this just in. Sorry, our bad. This was just a marquee changover from Hancock to The Dark Knight. Never mind. (Though if we got you all worked up with promises of summer-movie-inspired adult fare, we understand the TomKat is currently screening a double feature of XXX-Files: I Want To Be Fisted and Mamma All-Boy Anal Gangbang Mia!.)

Thanks, Defamer editor-at-large Mark Lisanti, for The Dark Tip!

Changeover [Hollywood-Elsewhere via Lisanti Quarterly]

Three Reasons Why Madonna Will Never Have 'Incredible Sex' With Guy Ritchie Again

Molly Friedman — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 14:20:00 PDT

The seven-year itch has reportedly struck the unusually long and strong union between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, but news of the split isn’t exactly sending anyone into shock. It was only three years ago when Madonna practically divorced her frostylocks husband on television, telling the world in an MTV documentary that she “wanted to end everything,” and that Guy hadn’t lived up to whatever S&M-loving, hotel room-wrecking ideal she’d “imagined him to be.” But we’re not so sure the soft-spoken director of speedy-spoken indie flicks was necessarily the problem child in this couplet. Considering Madonna’s behavior over the past year or so, scented ever so slightly with desperation and Justin Timberlake’s ass cheeks, we came up with three of the most likely reasons we think the love story went sour:

1. The World No Longer Wants Madonna's Sex: As we know by now, Lesbian Chic is the word. And despite her reputation as being so very salacious in the Erotica department, Madonna's on-stage kiss with her female backup dancer two months ago didn't cause much of a ripple in the pop culture universe. All the stunt really did was make Lourdes cry and finally learn what all those ladies were doing crawling in between Mommy's legs in the Ritchies' many life-size portraits hung prominently in each and every house they call home. Marrying Madonna should mean being one half of a super sexy barrier-crossing team — if Madge couldn't even compete with Lindsay Lohan in making lesbianism "cool," what is she doing for his stock?

2. Guy Ritchie Does Not Have Brad Pitt Penis Envy: Just as little Maddox put the nail in Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton's bloody coffin of a relationship, adopting the Ritchies' newest asset David from Malawi was allegedly not such a joyous occasion for Guy. After rumors surfaced that Ritchie wasn't on board, his public denials after the fact didn't do much to help squash the gossip. As he put it, "We don't talk about it. We haven't talked about it for the past six months." And somehow we doubt Guy will be yammering on and on about his legally adopted son David for the foreseeable future either.

3. Madonna Officially Swept Away Guy's Filmmaking Cred: After pulling a Gwyneth in 2006 and "giving up" that whole showbiz career, the Desperately Seeking Susan scene-stealer spent years trying to figure out, Her Madgesty not-so-memorably spread her directing wings for this year's Berlin Film Festival disaster, Filth And Wisdom. And even after THR noted its sole saving grace was assisting audience members with "getting in touch with their inner slut," Madonna just announced last week how much she prefers unloading bombs like these to shimmying around stages. But when you're dating the likes of former BAFTA nominee Ritchie, whose highly stylized gems have managed to make Brad Pitt look funny and indecipherable dialogue feel tolerable, the battle between Guy's talent and Madonna's indestructible ego is enough to make anyone run for the hills. The silver lining? Madge will no longer singlehandedly wreck any more of Ritchie's films by testing out her accents on-screen.

MADONNA AND GUY 'DISCUSS SPLIT AS SEVEN-YEAR MARRIAGE HITS ROCK BOTTOM' [Daily Mail]

Eva Mendes Realizes Your Wildest Shrimping Fantasies [NSFW]

Seth — Thu, 08 May 2008 12:25:00 PDT

We'd hate to ruin this moment with too much talking, so we'll keep this brief: Yes, that's Eva Mendes. Yes, she is savoring her own big toe. It's from a spread in Vogue Italia. Any questions? Many? Then you probably aren't a subscriber to Horny Hooves or Arch Arousal, and this probably isn't your bag. After the jump: Two more NSFW shots, including one of a topless Mendez beneath a glass serving tray that instantly calls to mind the Ira Isaacs obscenity trial soon to rock a 2 Girls 1 Cup-loving nation:

Eva Mendes Topless And Toe Sucking In New Photoshoot (PICTURES) [HuffPo]

Madonna's New Film Helps Viewers 'Get In Touch With Their Inner Slut'

Molly Friedman — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 13:57:28 PST

That's according to The Hollywood Reporter's review of Madonna's directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom. And they're not the only reviewers struggling to find a silver lining for the Berlin Film Fest flop. The story revolves around three bohemians living together in London: one's a pervy musician, one's a ballet dancer/pole dancer, and the other wants to go to Africa and save dying babies or something. Clunky plot line aside, Variety managed to drum up a positive aspect as well; the soundtrack features "cracky little numbers"!

As for the cinematography, Var chides Madonna for staying stuck in the 80s: "It's as if she's taken her video for 'Papa Don't Preach' as her main dramaturgical template." But despite all the Madonna-hatin', we're somewhat tempted to sneak into a theater incognito and watch it based solely on the description of leading man Eugene Hutz. Var claims he's got "rock-star charisma" and is the only actor since Daniel Day-Lewis to make a handlebar moustache look sexy. Though we beg to differ with that last assertion (Sascha Baron Cohen in Sweeney Todd, hello!), we'd sit down for a reading session of Erotica with Hutz any day.

FILTH AND WISDOM REVIEW [Variety]
FILTH AND WISDOM [THR]