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Three Reasons Why Madonna Will Never Have 'Incredible Sex' With Guy Ritchie Again

The seven-year itch has reportedly struck the unusually long and strong union between Madonna and Guy Ritchie, but news of the split isn’t exactly sending anyone into shock. It was only three years ago when Madonna practically divorced her frostylocks husband on television, telling the world in an MTV documentary that she “wanted to end everything,” and that Guy hadn’t lived up to whatever S&M-loving, hotel room-wrecking ideal she’d “imagined him to be.” But we’re not so sure the soft-spoken director of speedy-spoken indie flicks was necessarily the problem child in this couplet. Considering Madonna’s behavior over the past year or so, scented ever so slightly with desperation and Justin Timberlake’s ass cheeks, we came up with three of the most likely reasons we think the love story went sour: More »

autoerotica

Eva Mendes Realizes Your Wildest Shrimping Fantasies [NSFW]

We'd hate to ruin this moment with too much talking, so we'll keep this brief: Yes, that's Eva Mendes. Yes, she is savoring her own big toe. It's from a spread in Vogue Italia. Any questions? Many? Then you probably aren't a subscriber to Horny Hooves or Arch Arousal, and this probably isn't your bag. After the jump: Two more NSFW shots, including one of a topless Mendez beneath a glass serving tray that instantly calls to mind the Ira Isaacs obscenity trial soon to rock a 2 Girls 1 Cup-loving nation:

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dirty movies

Madonna's New Film Helps Viewers 'Get In Touch With Their Inner Slut'

That's according to The Hollywood Reporter's review of Madonna's directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom. And they're not the only reviewers struggling to find a silver lining for the Berlin Film Fest flop. The story revolves around three bohemians living together in London: one's a pervy musician, one's a ballet dancer/pole dancer, and the other wants to go to Africa and save dying babies or something. Clunky plot line aside, Variety managed to drum up a positive aspect as well; the soundtrack features "cracky little numbers"! More »