A Very Brady Bitchfight

It’s always fun when a Shiny Happy People show like Full House, The Partridge Family or The Brady Bunch is unveiled as a breeding ground for future meth addicts, domestic abusers, and on-screen mother/son duos still bitchily feuding decades after their stars have burnt out. And the Brady cast is by far the most over-achieving bunch of fuck-ups to efficiently destroy any warm and fuzzy associations we may have had with that humorless bundle of 70s saccharine. Following Jan and Marsha’s fictional sibling rivalry leading to a non-fictional lesbian porn, little Cindy Brady showed up to a radio interview last week reeking of vintage wine and memories, excusing herself to vomit during commercial breaks. And now, reality trainwreck Christopher “Peter” Knight has taken down the last remaining beacon of Brady light, Florence Henderson, by involving the (until now) scandal-free actress in a messy online war of words:

Jeremy Piven and Stephen Dorff Invoke Fragile Peace at 'Public Enemies' Wrap Party

Amy Winehouse Says Something Crazy, Kanye West Responds With Something Slightly Less Crazy

When times are slow in the world of celebrity gossip, two people can always be counted on to liven things up a bit: Amy Winehouse and Kanye West. And now those two powerhouses of crazy have joined forces to pump out a story that is ...hold on to your hats... mildly interesting!

During her recent post-emphysema performance at the Glastonbury Music Festival, Winehouse not only punched a fan in the head, she also called Kanye West a cunt! Actually, according to NME, first she asked, "Are there any black people in the crowd?" Then she continued, "Let's hear it for Jay-Z. The man has got bollocks to come here, and play the tunes you don't even know you remember. Imagine if it was a cunt like Kanye West. 'Cunts Like Kanye' - that should be his next album title." Kind of a rambling, unfocused insult, but an insult nonetheless.

Old Friend Shaq Consoles Kobe Bryant With a Song: 'Tell Me How My Ass Tastes'

Rising Disney Star Eyes Miley Cyrus' Tweenybop Throne, Earns Spot On All-Time Best Teen Feuds List

Tom Cruise's Lawyer Suggests Dr. Drew Better Suited To Host History Channel's 'Nazi Rehab'

While they may seem to occupy far flung quadrants of the celebrity spectrum, Tom Cruise and Dr. Drew Pinsky share more than one might initially surmise. Both are charming and boyishly handsome men in their mid-to-late 40s, and both have devoted a good part of their lives to helping celebrities and non-celebrities alike overcome the various chemical dependencies preventing them from achieving their full potential as human beings. It's in the approach where they diverge, for while Pinsky employs a more traditional treatment of group therapy and close medical monitoring, Cruise instead adheres to the lesser-proven Scientological methodology of prescribed vitamins, rigorous shvitzing, and however many hundreds of auditing hours might be required to fully rid oneself of one's recreational-drug-loving thetans.

Which would all be well and good—there's more than one way to skin a once-famous cat who's lost everything to an expensive coke habit, after all—except that Pinsky has now publicly come out against Cruise. Not just his qualifications as a dependency counselor who has personally—personally!—helped hundreds of people get off drugs, but the man himself, throwing the megastar's very sanity into question in an upcoming Playboy interview. From Page Six:

Burgeoning Power Player Jon Favreau Cockblocks Proposed 'Iron Man 2' Release Date

We're receiving our first signals this week that the Jon Favreau Power Index has irrevocably entered "player" levels of awareness. While the global $550 million take for Iron Man says pretty much all the industry needs to know about the viability of the franchise itself, director Favreau bristled recently (and publicly to fans on Iron Man's MySpace message board) at Marvel Studios' sequel announcement — especially that troublesome part about Iron Man 2's scheduled April 30, 2010, release date. Or, as Favreau might say it these days, "Nobody asked Jon Favreau!":

It's been five weeks since the one and only phone call my reps have gotten from Marvel. I know their hands are full with The Hulk and I'm sure they will get into it shortly, as they tell me they intend to. I ran into the Marvel guys at The Hulk premiere and everyone sounded eager to get to work on IM2.

Clint Eastwood Would Like Spike Lee To Shut His Face Right About Now

The Guardian runs an outrageously satisfying interview with Clint Eastwood today, in which he was asked to address comments made at Cannes by his perennially malcontented, bullhorn-wielding peer, Spike Lee. In them, Lee suggested Eastwood ignored African-Americans' contributions to the Allied cause in Flags of Our Fathers. (The exact quote: "There were many African-Americans who survived that war and who were upset at Clint for not having one [in the films]. That was his version: the negro soldier did not exist. I have a different version.") And while "a guy like him should shut his face" will undoubtedly emerge as the rant's most pull-quoted phrase—and deservedly so, being eight perfectly chosen syllables that manage to encapsulate everything we love about the shoot-first, dump-the-body-later Eastwood mystique—there's much else to savor in the permagrizzled auteur's verbal swat-down:

Eastwood has no time for Lee's gripes. "He was complaining when I did Bird [the 1988 biopic of Charlie Parker]. Why would a white guy be doing that? I was the only guy who made it, that's why."

This Day In Hollywood Catfight History Presents: When Bette Bludgeoned Joan

We take a moment now to honor the memory of the two biggest bitches in Hollywood history—that would be Bette Davis and Joan Crawford—whose man-swiping, lesbian-overture-rebuffing, Oscar-campaign-sabotaging exploits provided the behavioral template for generations of shock starlets to come. Today's Daily Mail provides a highly engrossing and detailed account of their lifelong rivalry, its poisonous roots stemming of course over ownership of a man—in this case, actor Franchot Tone. (He might not look like much, but trust us—this guy was totally the Joel Madden of his day.) It all came to a head on the set of the 1962 sleeper thriller that would offer both women not only an unlikely comeback, but all the near-fatal accident-rigging they could handle:

Dolly Parton Threatening To Sue Howard Stern For Tossing Her Lovely Audio Book Into A Filth Salad (NSFW)

"I have never been so shocked, hurt and humiliated in all my life,"

Viacom PR Admits 'Public Crapping' May Not Bode Well For New Pay Network

The marketplace reaction to the fourth feevee was predictable: Who needs it?

Paramount, Showtime, CBS Spend Weekend Fighting in Grandpa Sumner Redstone's Sandbox of Death

'Gimme More (Random Lookalike Actress Remix)'

· Remember that unknown actress who bore enough of a resemblance to Lindsay Lohan to take off her clothes in a parody video a few months back? She's obviously found her niche as a seminude trainwreck-alike, because now she's returned with in a remake of Britney Spears' lazy-stripper video for "Gimme More."
· Someone's gone through the trouble of assembling a massive collection of screengrabs of all of David Duchovny's Californication conquests. [link NSFW]
· Unbeknownst to us, the Fabio/George Clooney feud of early November was in need of further closure. Nothing says "let's be friends" like a couple of new pals out for a leisurely motorcycle ride.
· If you're trying to make a hardboiled gangster flick, isn't your rich wife sprinkling some stardust on it the last thing you need?

George Vs. Fabio: The Bird-Flipping Evidence

As a follow-up to this morning's post about a scuffle at Madeo between reigning hunks of two widely differing showbiz arenas—George Clooney and Fabio—we pass along this photo evidence, obtained by TMZ. In the pictures, the famed Lake Como resident is clearly seen delivering a middle-fingered salute in the direction of the male model, as annoyed that his extremely recognizable face might wind up on Fabio's Flickr page as he was that his nemesis's spoken-word album, "Fabio After Dark," had outsold his own, "A Few of George Clooney's Favorite Things," by a ratio of nearly two-to-one.

• Fabio to Clooney: I Can't Believe It's Your Finger [TMZ]

With A George Clooney Vs. Fabio Fight, Everyone Wins

In an unlikely celestial confluence that saw the collision of the A-listiest of conscience-bearing Hollywood marquee idols with the synthetic-butter- substitute -hawking former star of Acapulco H.E.A.T., In Touch Weekly is reporting that a disagreement erupted between George Clooney and Fabio at Madeo Friday night, nearly bringing the two men to fisticuffs:

Fabio and a group of women, including a professional photographer, were sitting at a table next to George and his girlfriend, Sarah Larson.

Britney Spears Serves Her Mother Trailerside With Scary Lawyer Letter

Rosie's Joke-Writing Henchwoman Defaces Elisabeth Hasselbeck's Photo

Candy Spelling Getting Early Start On Emotionally Blackmailing Grandson