· We suppose deep down we always knew Barbara Walters slept with every one of her subjects, but some kind of psychic safety-net always omitted Ellen DeGeneres from that list. [Ellen]
· The Rocker trailer features more flying cymbals to the crotch per minute than any comedy in history! [Variety]
· Among the amazing revelations in this Lou Ferrigno interview: CBS changed Bruce Banner's name to David because they thought Bruce "sounded too gayish." [USA Today]
· Blinded By Thongs is now what we plan on calling that band we've been meaning to start since high school. [The Smoking Gun]
·"There's a SIG alert on the 405, apparently a multicar pileup caused by...this can't be right...Eddie Murphy's giant head?" [Deadline Hollywood Daily]
Everything is truly coming up roses for gay love in California this spring. The state’s gay marriage ban was lifted, Ellen DeGeneres got down on one trousered knee, and tonight, everyone’s favorite homophobic “comic”Jay Leno will put on his gayest face, prove just how much he adores boys who like boys, and attend an actual same-sex group marriage rally. As E! quotes the event’s spokesperson, “He said that he is from Massachusetts and that the sky did not fall in their state when marriage equality became the law of the land there...He wants to impress upon everyone here in California that the sky will not fall here either.” Yes, Jay. The sky will not fall on California, but we some interested parties certainly hope it falls right on top of you. More details on the event (get your fucking tickets NOW!) and the gay community’s reaction, after the jump:
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Who among us wasn't reduced to a useless, blubbering pile of lady-lovin' shmaltz upon learning from groom-to-be Ellen DeGeneres that she had asked for Portia de Rossi's hand shortly following the California Supreme Court's landmark same-sex marriage ruling? On today's show, presumptive Republican Party nominee John McCain stopped by to court its audience of all-important swing-dancers, and quickly found himself squarely in the crosshairs.
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Apparently Justin Timberlake and Madonna’s time spent collaborating in the studio was far from the sexy joy ride in needle park we originally envisioned. As Timberlake tells the altar-bound Ellen in this clip, the pair actually spent most of their time butting their beautiful heads over song lyrics. As surprised as we were to learn that either one of them actually writes their own lyrics in the first place, we were just as unsurprised by Timberlake’s continuous failed attempts to prove how funny he can be without cue cards. Sounding both desperate for a laugh and downright mean for daring to put down the vocally challenged but still iconic Madonna, we think the trouser snake should give up his comedy routine schtick for good.
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In the wake of yesterday's landmark ruling that stated gays living in the state of California would now be afforded the same basic rights and mutual-tattoo-application opportunities as Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, Ellen DeGeneres became the first celebrity to announce wedding plans to girlfriend Portia de Rossi. Addressing her studio audience yesterday for the show set to air today, a beaming DeGeneres declared, "I would like to say now, for the first time, I am announcing I am getting married."
Latest by Shazzer: I'm as non-romantic and cynical as they get, but that was a really lovely moment...Ellen's remarks, the audience's reaction, Portia's tears...LOVED all of it. "God bless us, everyone." more »
In a Battle of the Lesbian Talk Show Titans (and Rachael Ray, who isn't a lesbian, despite the fact that we could easily picture her spitting out tobacco juice from a softball dugout), producers of The Ellen DeGeneres Show made a last-minute attempt at blocking today's Rosie O'Donnell-themed episode of The Rachael Ray Show. The reason? Concerns that Ray's syndicated series, which used Telepictures-owned clips of Rosie's old show, would beat Ellen's (also a Telepictures production) in the ratings. The Scoop reports:
A spokesperson for the Rachael Ray show confirms the report. "Yes we did receive a legal complaint from Telepictures about Rachael Ray's tribute to Rosie. We think the complaints are invalid and without merit. We stand by the show. And, it will air as scheduled ... May 2."
The contagious, gag-repeating virus that so infamously befell David Letterman a few weeks ago was apparently also contracted last Friday by Jason Segel, who regaled his host at the Ed Sullivan Theater with yet another story about his ween-baring escapades on the set of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Yesterday on Ellen, meanwhile, Segel shared the same anecdote — literally the same one, almost verbatim down to the "Dockers" punchline. The look on Ellen's face is priceless: kind of the knowing, disbelieving grin of a woman praying her audience missed Segel's Letterman appearance and wondering how the imaginative writer of the weekend's top comedy can't find a more clever alternative for "third-string Chippendales model." But it did play well with the ladies, so hey. [video by Molly McAleer]
Latest by Babylonian: Am I the only person to whom this seems completely insignificant? Yeah he probably shouldn't have told the same story word for word, but it's basically the perfect anecdote to march out when on talk shows promoting your new movie more »
Even though Hollywood's A-List was deprived of a chance to eat and drink on Vanity Fair's dime last night, two fiestas proved that celebrities will not let a little thing like tradition get in the way of a night of free booze and swag. Elton John's Annual AIDS Foundation Oscar Party usually has a strong turnout of power players, but the star wattage at the 16th incarnation of the bash last night was a few standard deviations past the norm, thanks mainly to the absence of Graydon Carter's soiree. Highlights included Tilda Swinton kissing her Oscar in some sort of Buddhist mating ritual, as well as the public debut of Hollywood's newest power couple, Sean Penn and Petra Nemcova. We've got pictures after the jump.
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Perhaps as some sort of karmic payback for forcing thousands of Americans to endure Ellen Degeneres' terrible dance moves each and every weekday, it seems that The Ellen Degeneres Show is attempting to make things right by playing a part in getting Paris Hilton busted for overzealously breeding dogs. After Paris admitted to Ellen last week that she owns 17 dogs and likes to sleep with "all of them," the Los Angeles Department of Animal Services paid a visit to the Hilton home to investigate. While it's too early to learn this offense will land Paris back in the slammer (or, for that matter, the pound), we can't help but be reminded how similar this storyline is to a Season Two episode of The Sarah Silverman Program.
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While it's true we've rarely seen Harvard's Woman of the YearParis Hilton far from at least one member of her four-legged menagerie, had you asked us to guess just how many animals co-exist with her behind the walls of her gated estate, we would have probably thrown out a number like a half-dozen: a chihuahua, a kinkajou, a billy goat, couple ducks, maybe an emu for good measure. Never, however, in our wildest, animal-exploiting, poopie-bedsheet dreams, did the following occur to us:
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· Wait a minute: Did Ryan Seacrest think he was giving Ellen a dildo in a fun little gift bag? Oh, that's just a bingo stamper, and not a Big Blue Violator? What a silly mix-up! An honest mistake, really.
· Mona Lisa with a shoulder-mounted rocket launcher would've made a much betterRambo poster.
· Mary-Kate Olsen's thought process upon receiving that fateful call from the masseuse, in flowchart form.
· "Those pigs were about 400 pounds each, and there were four of them. I was tied pretty tight into that pigpen by my neck and my hands, and my mouth was gagged. At one point while we were filming one of the pigs broke through the fence and actually came right at me. I was freaking out, and they were rushing in to try to get me out, and of course Sly is in the background yelling, 'Keep the cameras rolling!'"
Latest by Reggie Cameron: On any given day, between the time Seacrest gets out of bed and makes it out the door to the gym, I'd have enough material to fill a book with what a big homo this guy is. The morning grooming more »
It's hard to believe, but TV talk show host and scrappy-mutts'-rights activist Ellen DeGeneres is turning 50 on Saturday. (Also on that Day in Lesbian History: In 1913, Toklas and Stein discover the Scissor Sisters technique while on holiday in Marakesh!) To celebrate a life devoted to bringing unscripted laughter and the gift of aisle-choreography to the masses, the comedian has gone through the archives to share with Us Weekly some of the worst outfits from the past decades spent in the public eye. (Click here or the thumbnail for a closer view.) For you see, before discovering the custom-tailored Gucci tuxshedo, DeGeneres spent most of her time working the corner of Mullet Ave. and Fashion Nightmare Blvd., hitting style rock-bottom in a haze of high-waisted stonewash, bolo ties, and patterned linen vests.
Latest by Benovite: @Sweet Panda Love: Ya the early 90's was a dangerous time of white t-shirts with vests and Beverly Hills 90210-inspired hairstyles. I remember going for a job interview in the Chrysalis building at Melrose & La Cienega and there were more »
From one Queer comic to another, Ellen, Margaret Cho wants you to know that she loves you. Adores you. She just refuses to do your show: "[B]ecause of the way that I was raised, because my political views are they way they are, because I believe that workers should have the power and the ability to make their lives better, because many of my close friends are the ones picketing, I cannot cross the picket line." Fine, Margaret. Take a stand—see if Ellen cares. No dancing for you! [HuffPo]
When news broke yesterday that the moviegoers of this great nation of ours had voted Lindsay Lohan's dead-stripper turn in "I Know Who Killed (My Career)" as the single worst performance of Anno Domini 2007, our reaction was laced with both sadness and shock. Sadness because we all long for days when the frecklecrotched wonder's biggest problem was her slightly jiggly thighs, shock because we could think of no fewer than six and no greater than seven performances that were CLEARLY worse than Lindsay's. What follows, dear friends, is that list (in descending order, no less)!
Latest by n/a: -I'll tell you why: As someone who was "in" Scientology for 30 y e a r s, and escaped out in 2000---I can tell you unconditionally that both Tom and Katie are being used by both Celebrity Center, AND Scientology. more »
· Who needs writers when you have Carmen Electra, a pair of beds, and some pillows to hump? Not Ellen, that's who.
· A bigger impediment to one's game: being David Faustino, or having a giant dildo affixed to one's head?
· The Santarchy guys really need to crash the Beverly Center's Hunky Santa booth.
· New Yorkmay have found true reality TV love.
· The one about the vacationers and the toothbrush in the ass has always been our favorite urban legend.
· For heaven's sake, people: Heed Tippi Hedren's warnings about what happens when you bend over in front of a tiger! It could save your lives!
· First impressions of Britney Spears's new video: She's wearing more clothes, she's standing up without the use of steadying device, and several Britney-like extras are on hand to perform choreographed dance moves. Triumph!
· Madonna, Leonard Cohen, John Mellencamp, The Ventures, and The Dave Clark Five will be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, an honor the "Like A Virgin" singer has graciously accepted, so long as they start the ceremony with her, and she isn't expected to stick around for any of the decrepit British Invasion also-rans.
· "Tony Parker says he's not a double dribbler." We think this is about cheating, though he still might want to have a doctor check that out, just for his own peace of mind.
· In case you still haven't seen it, here's the NY Post's tasteful headline commemorating the passing of Ike Turner.
Latest by raincoaster: @raincoaster: I said that? Wow, these painkillers are awesome! I have absolutely no memory of that whatsoever! more »
A tipster forwarded this cameraphone photo of an unattended WGA picket sign found on the Warner Bros lot this morning; hopefully, its owner has permanently abandoned it in favor of one with a more up-to-date slogan, as no one really needs a reminder that the strike has dragged on so long that references to DeGeneres' pet adoption problems once seemed timely.
Defamer
From one Queer comic to another, Ellen, 
