Fear And Loathing In Palm Springs With Former 'CSI' Star Gary Dourdan

As we write this, recent CSI casualty Gary Dourdan is likely recovering from an even gnarlier Coachella hangover than most: TMZ reports the actor was discovered by Palm Springs police asleep in his car at 5:21 a.m., upon which he was arrested on "suspicion of possession of heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription drugs," otherwise known as the bare minimum required to make a Jack Johnson set seem remotely exciting. His genuinely pained mugshot—we seriously can't stare at it for more than a few seconds—is pictured above. Developing...

• "CSI" Star Popped for Heroin, Coke, Ecstasy [TMZ]

When Richie Sambora Gets A DUI, The Jersey Girl Inside Us Dies A Little

DUI Reaper Swings Scythe At Thomas Jane

It brings us no pleasure to inform you that Thomas Jane, star of the non-Dolph Lundgrenian version of The Punisher and husband of Patricia Arquette, was arrested early this morning for driving under the influence of a social lubricant. The details, as we know them so far:

Jane, whose real name is Thomas Elliot, was nabbed in Kern County, Calif. by CHP officers. He has been charged with DUI and driving with a blood alcohol level above .08% — both misdemeanors.

Mischa Barton Charged With Four Missy Misdemeanors

Deck-chair-mangling Method actor Mischa Barton finally faced down her Christmastime D.U.I. yesterday, with a Beverly Hills Superior Court having issued four misdemeanor charges against The O.C. star relating to her drinking, driving, and deep-ganja-toking arrest:

The former star of "The O.C." was charged with driving under the influence of alcohol or drugs, driving while having a 0.08 percent or higher blood alcohol level, driving without a valid license and possession of 28.5 grams or less of marijuana, according to court papers.

DUI Arrest Marks Barron Hilton's Entree Into Celebutard Society: UPDATE

18-year-old Barron Hilton has yet to really capture the world's imagination the way his older sisters Paris and Nicky have, his wealthy parents perhaps waiting until he turns 21 before gifting him with his very own orange-faced pet flack to encourage such profile-building. And while some suspected the Hilton family's dominant Shameless Famewhoring Gene may have skipped him entirely, the young heir may just have that Hilton magic after all, having been picked up this morning in Malibu for a DUI:

UPDATE: Gas station attendant down!

Kiefer Sutherland Is Free!

That deafening cheer you heard last night, so loud it blew the Ye Rustic Inn's front door right off its hinges and into an adjacent stripmall's parking lot, had nothing to do with Brett Favre's crushing defeat, but rather a triumph of the highest order involving one of Silver Lake's favorite sons. For Kiefer Sutherland, you see, had emerged from the Glendale City Jail a free man at precisely 12:05 a.m., having served the entirety of his 48-day sentence, where he passed the long hours "cleaning sheets, pillowcases and blankets on laundry duty." John Balian, a jail spokesman always forthcoming with kindly soundbites and incremental Kiefer updates, offered that the 24 star was wearing "a shirt and jeans," and "looked like he was glad to be out." Why was the beloved Christmas tree assassin forced to serve out his entire sentence, where lesser shock-starlets have been released early for far more serious, traffic-flow-flouting crimes? The AP report explains:

One Dead, One Injured, One Arrested After Roger Avary DUI Accident

Following in the tragic and treacherous path of Prison Break actor Lane Garrison, currently serving a 40 month sentence for killing a Beverly Hills High School student on a DUI fun run, Roger Avary, the Academy Award-winning writer/director who's worked on Pulp Fiction, The Rules of Attraction, and most recently the Beowulf screenplay, now finds himself in his own living nightmare following a fatal accident early Sunday morning in Ojai. Here's the chain of events, according to the LAT:
· Avary was driving outside Ojai Lumber Co. building at 2:54 a.m Sunday when the accident occured.
· Avary's wife, Gretchen, 40, was ejected from the back seat. She was taken by paramedics to Ojai Valley Community Hospital, with injuries listed as "serious."

Mischa Barton Opens Up To Ryan Seacrest About Her DUI, Set To A Marvelous Array Of Fantastical Creatures

Last Celeb DUI of 2007 winner Mischa Barton phoned into omnipresent showbiz presence Ryan Seacrest's radio show On Air this morning, her first public statement on the matter since being picked up by cops in WeHo two days after Christmas for driving under the influence of alcohol and non-medical marijuana.

Mischa Barton DUI Mugshot One For The Ages

Pencils down, everyone! We have the Official Mischa Barton 2007 Drugs-And-Alcohol, Not Just Alcohol, DUI Mugshot for you courtesy of TMZ—and it's a doozy. We can practically hear Imogen Heap's "Hide and Seek" playing over it. Those of you who guessed half-smile, you win. Those of you who guessed Nick Nolte hair, you win too. And to astute commenter Muzzy Van Hossmere, who went all in with the "'crying from one eye' technique she perfected on The O.C.," well—you've won big, our friend. Your wall-sized, Warholian lithograph of the image, suitable for framing, is in the mail.

• Mischa Barton Busted for DUI [TMZ]

Welcome To The DUI, Mischa Barton

We knew the end of the year would net a far bigger DUI fish than Boy Meets World's Topanga, and Swervy Claus has come through once again, crashing his sleigh into the side of Defamer HQ-2 with a newly booked Mischa Barton to put under our twinkling Christmas stump. True to their names, the girls at Hollyscoop were first on the scene:

Sources tell Hollyscoop EXCLUSIVELY that actress Mischa Barton was arrested in the wee hours this morning! She was handcuffed and arrested at 2:46AM last night and booked at 3:10AM.

A Stocking Full Of Assorted Goodies For You

· As we gaze at the Bassett Hound literally taking a dump in the middle of the three-way intersection outside the window of Defamer HQ-2 (a Christmas miracle!), we think fondly of Defamer videographer Molly, who is away today. We therefore had no choice but to plunder from the tidily wrapped video gifts beneath the tree of our more affluent cousins over at Jezebel. Look, everyone! It's Charo singing "Feliz Nablahblah" on the Pee-wee's Playhouse Christmas Special!
· 'Tis the season to be breathalyzered: In what is unlikely to be the last celeb DUI of the year, Boy Meets World's Topanga was picked up for drunk driving.

Presenting Your Michelle Rodriguez Back-In-Jail Mugshot Keepsake For The Holidays

True, celebrity mugshots bring us joy all year round, but there's something about the final few of the year, as reassuring as a Happy Everything card dropped in our mailbox from an old friend, that truly touches us in the most tender quadrants of our hearts: a happy reminder that regardless of what strife is thrown at us, life in Hollywood will go on. And so we share with you this booking photo of stalwart recidivist Michelle Rodriguez, who checked herself into former Hilton-rehabilitating facility Lynwood on Sunday for the first of a Kiefer-eclipsing 180-day sentence for failing to perform court-ordered community service and drinkin' on the SCRAM.

What's Kiefer Eating In Jail?

As a parked RV full of vigil-standing Defamer commenters idles outside of the Glendale City Jail, Kiefer Sutherland sits in his solitary cell just a few hundred feet away, beginning Day 3 of what will eventually be 48 days in the correctional facility. His only crimes? An illegal U-turn and perhaps loving life too much. Still, a repentant and cooperative actor appears to have accepted his fate, with one jail spokesman going so far as to describe him as a "model prisoner":

"He's not happy to be here," Officer John Balian says, "but you can tell from his demeanor that he's sorry and takes responsibility for what's he's done."