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Life Imitating Art
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Desperate Housewives
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Life Imitating Art
nips and tucks
Did They Or Didn't They? (Botox, That Is)
A story in Sunday's LAT did the unthinkable by finally pointing out the big Botoxed elephant in the room: no matter how painfully obvious it is to viewers, many stars who get nipped and tucked insist on denying it. But as the Times argues, just how many episodes of this season's Dancing With The Stars or Desperate Housewives can we sit through before drawing our own conclusions? Have you seen Priscilla Presley lately? And if celebrities are going so far as to undergo actual "head transplants," when will they finally start fessing up? We took a look at a few of the stars in question, such as Teri Hatcher and Carrie Fisher, to innocently throw some visual evidence into the mix. More »
hatcher job
Teri Hatcher Attempts A Little Country, A Little Rock 'N Roll On 'Idol', Makes Us A Little Queasy
Teri Hatcher has admitted that her performance on last night's Idol Gives Back was "nerve-wracking," and we couldn't agree more. Watching the bat-faced Housewife dry hump the mic stand and hearing her attempt to carry a damaged woman tune about men and how they love to cheat was a very painful experience. Though her DH co-star James Denton is eager to remind us that Hatcher once performed in Cabaret, we're eager to remind him that the likes of Ashley Parker Angel and Joey Fatone have too. As Teri proved last night, Broadway experience does not a talented singer make. More »
wet television dreams
EW's Most 'Dateable' Small-Screen Players Make Us Swoon And Squirm
Every TV nut (well, isn't that all of us here?) has, at one point or another, spent a little time fantasizing about certain fictional characters on their favorite shows. These fantasies tend to be either soft-focus daydreams (say, dreaming up elaborate schemes in which they "bump" into you at a party) or something a bit more hard-core (picturing them while giving your significant other the old in-out). On that note, the clever list-makers over at EW decided to compile a Top 30 reader's choice collection of the small-screen boys and girls who most frequently make cameos in those illicit fantasies. But, with no offense to the site's readers, we have some serious vetoes to charge. After the jump, our picks for who falls under Strongly Agree (the predictable Jim Halpert) and those we brand as a Vehemently Disagree (four words: Bree. Van. De. Camp), as well as the most erroneous, mind-boggling oversight missing from the group:
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shiners
Cold-Cocking Jesse Metcalfe: Famous Person Eats Knuckle-Sandwich!
The cold-cocking of a minor celebrity outside a swanky Hollywood nightclub is hardly an uncommon experience, yet every time you see one—and thanks to TMZ's sleep-deprived video stormtroopers you are about to—it's as if you're experiencing the exhilarating adrenalin rush for the very first time. More »
naked housewives
Long-Rumored Marcia Cross Nude Photos Surface Online, Ushering In Second Golden Age Of Firecrotch Jokes
The Sultan of Sleaze David Hans Schmidt may be dead, but his less-than-gentlemanly legacy lives on: Like a sulphur bubble belched to the surface of the swampiest reaches of the internets, nude photos of Desperate Housewives star Marcia Cross, taken by her husband and discovered in the trash by garbage men outside the couple's home, have materialized online.
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defamer costume ideas
Versatile Mask Lets You Go As Michael Jackson One Year, Teri Hatcher The Next
Thanks to Defamer commenter el smrtmnky for pointing out that the Michael Jackson Halloween mask we linked to this morning bears an uncanny resemblance to Teri Hatcher. It's a fortunate bit of happenstance for the manufacturer, who can now double their profits by re-releasing the item as part of their Stars of Desperate Housewives Do Their Own Makeup collection, which could also include the slightly pricier Nicollette Sheridan/Gollum model.
insensitivity dept.
ABC Apologizes For 'Desperate Housewives' Criticism Of Filipino Medical Education System
Guessing incorrectly that Filipino Desperate Housewives fans would find a tossed-off reference about the inadequacy of medical education in the Philippines* uproarious good fun, ABC was forced to apologize for its insensitivity in airing the joke after outraged viewers lit up the network's switchboards and an online petition (internet activism really does work, even if it failed to free Paris Hilton from her unjust imprisonment) drew the e-signatures of 30,000 individuals better informed about the quality of the nation's health care system. The offending dialogue and commentary from the man who started the petition follow:
"Listen, Susan, I know for a lot of women the word `menopause'" has negative connotations. You hear `aging,' `brittle bones,' `loss of sexual desire,'" the gynecologist tells her.More »
This just in: 
trade roundup
Tom Cruise Vs. Germany III: The Benderblock Lockdown
· In the latest development in the increasingly hard-to-follow story of Valkyrie's Tom Cruise and Bryan Singer's attempts to obtain shooting permits for German government sites in Berlin, the production has been denied permission to film in the historic Benderblock building, where the revered Nazi-hunter to be portrayed by the actor was executed. But not because Cruise is a Scientologist! Government officials understandably just want to preserve the dignity of their memorial, realizing that everything Hollywood touches is instantly desecrated. [Variety]
· Actors who may or may not be joining the cast of Desperate Housewives: Dana Delany, Nathan Fillion, and Lyndsy Fonseca. Fun fact: Delaney was the first choice for the role eventually given to Marcia Cross. [THR]
· Transformers gets a "six-day weekend" to squeeze as much money as possible out of the Fourth of July holiday. [Variety]
· Sad news: We may be falling slowly out of love with the most promising show of the summer, NBC's Kittens Vs. Cougars: The Battle To Bone Onetime Tennis Star Marc Philippoussis, which felt a little desperate and saggy after last night's low-rated, back-to-back installments. (And what happened to companion show Boner Vs. Science?) [THR]
· Spike Lee angry. [Variety]
overconfidence dept.
'Desperate Housewives' Already Preparing Their Emmy Victory Speeches
A Defamer operative who shall remain nameless so that he won't suffer the public humiliation of admitting that he was perusing the official ABC website for Desperate Housewives (which, much to our bafflement, continues to exist on the schedule despite its removal from our DVR season pass list three episodes into the second season—doesn't hitting the delete button send an immediate cancellation notice to Steve McPherson?) pointed us to this curiously blank "About" page, which seems to indicate that someone expects multiple Emmys are coming in mid-September. We suppose it's possible that the space is intended to recognize the show's former winners, but we prefer to think that its producers are boldly servicing notice to the hyberverbal bitches of Grey's Anatomy, who've been hogging the network spotlight for far too long. More »
trade round-up
Trade Round-Up: 'The Contractually Mandated Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants'
· Warner Bros. is in talks with American Ferrara, Blake Lively, Amber Tamblyn and Alexis Bledel to reprise their roles in a much-clamored for sequel to The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, which will finally provide some answers to the many unanswered, peripatetic-jeans-related questions posed by the original. [Variety]· But wait! Scandal! THR says that Ferrara, whose Ugly Betty stardom has made her outgrow her humble, traveling pants beginnings, is being forced back into the project by a sequel option. [THR]
· Warner Bros. buys the feature remake rights to the documentary Our Brand Is Crisis, about how James Carville's political consulting firm helped changed the course of the 2002 Bolivian presidential election, for George Clooney's Smoke House shingle to produce as one of the smallish directing and/or starring vehicles in which the actor likes to dabble between Ocean's 11 sequels. [Variety]
· ABC wins Sunday night despite Desperate Housewives hitting an all-time viewership low. Time to kill off Eva Longoria during sweeps? Probably couldn't hurt! [THR]
· Lindsay Lohan loses her job in the Dylan Thomas biopic The Best Time of Our Lives to Sienna Miller, whose inevitable tabloid misadventures will probably be somewhat less damaging to the production than Lohan's. [Variety]
trade roundup
Trade Round-Up: Christ Punishes 'Housewives'
· Apparently, The Departed's Best Picture win triggered a clause in all participants' contracts mandating that all of their subsequent movie projects must involve at least two Departed alumni, as Leonardo DiCaprio and screenwriter William Monahan form yet another "reunion" for the adaptation of the novel Body of Lies for Warner Bros. [Variety]· Emboldened by the Easter holiday, Jesus finally serves a cold dish of revenge to Desperate Housewives for its second-season "slutty nun fight" episode, sending the series to its lowest ratings in its three-year history. [THR]
· Harrison Ford will sneak in a stint protecting America from illegal immigrants in the Weinstein Co.'s Crossing Over before reporting for duty this summer as cinema's most beloved, swashbuckling sexagenarian archaeologist. [Variety]
· Jared Padalecki will play the Painter of Light™ himself in Lionsgate's groundbreaking adaptation of Thomas Kinkade's blockbuster "Christmas Cottage" painting. [THR]
· 300 topples Mr. Bean at the foreign box office on its way to a $32 million weekend, boosting the tale of a crazed Persian emperor's ill-fated campaign to give every last soldier in Greece an erotic shoulder-massage to a $367 worldwide gross. [Variety]
desperate housewives
Tireless Celeb Newsmagazine Searches For People Who Might Remember Who Jesse Metcalfe Is
Getting the drop on famous people and breaking potentially upsetting news to capture their shocked reactions is a popular bloodsport with local celeb-stalking news crews, but Extra failed to put any points on the Gotcha! scoreboard by waylaying Eva Longoria about her former co-star's recently announced trip to rehab. Even after being gently reminded that Metcalfe was the guy who both provided her expert lawn care and sexually serviced her for 22 episodes, she merely shrugged, offered a polite, "No, I'm sure I don't know who that is," then continued in a whisper, "you know, I might 'go to rehab' too once the show's over and I need to get my name out there. Check back with me in couple of years and I'll get you the exclusive." More »
trade roundup
Trade Round-Up: Cherry Locked Up By Clingy ABC
· Is it starting to feel like ABC's getting a little desperate to squeeze the life out of its hits? They've now signed up Housewives creator Marc Cherry to a four-year, eight-figure deal to stay with the show through its seventh season, during which the only remaining unexplored plotline will involve Eva Longoria and Teri Hatcher waking up to find themselves trapped in each other's bodies. [Variety]· Today in theoretical WGA strike saber-rattling: A Los Angeles County Economic Development Corp. study says a strike, whether "real or de facto," would "not be good news for areas of Los Angeles County with exposure to the business." The LAEDC also recommends that studio executives who find themselves suddenly impoverished by a labor stoppage "burn piles of stockpiled scripts for warmth." [THR]
· The DreamWorks Obamamaia fund-raiser may have raised $1.3 million for Barack, Hollywood blood money the candidate's campaign has no intention of giving back, no matter how pissed off Hillary was by David Geffen's crack about the Lincoln Bedroom. [Variety]
· American Idol producers Nigel Lythgoe and Ken Warwick are tasked with trying to make the moribund Emmy telecast a little more exciting, a goal they hope to achieve by handing Paula Abdul a garbage bag full of prescription painkillers and then sending her out on stage as host and sole presenter. [THR]
· Rules of Engagement's early success following Two and a Half Men leads Var to postulate that audiences might be craving more formulaic, multicamera sitcom crap. [Variety]
marcia cross
Too Pregnant Marcia Cross Forced Into Bringing Her 'Desperate Housewives' Work Home With Her
Marcia Cross, heavy with double child, has been ordered to bed rest by her doctor, but try explaining that to millions of rabid Desperate Housewives fans who could care less about healthy prenatal development if it gets in the way of tying up the "Kyle McLachlan's ex-wife is moving down the block and Bree still doesn't have any idea!" loose-ends Season 3 has presented for her anal-retentive homemaker character. For producers, there was only one solution—bringing the party to Cross: More »
golden globes
More Golden Globes Fallout: A Round-Up
· A distribution of nominations according to studio puts Paramount Pictures at the head of the pack with 15, not including Paramount Vantage's 7 for Babel. You can bet the hugs were flying at Vantage today! [GoldDerby]· If you caught a replay of the nomination announcements this morning (or, heavens forfend, actually woke up to watch them), then you probably caught an ethereal Jessica Biel's shimmering cascade of giggles as she twice had to read the words Borat: Cultural Learnings Of America For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. You then fell back to Earth with a thud when permanent grouch-face Matthew Perry approached the podium to cough up his list of nominees. [Reuters]
· Nominee quote orgy! The Gloater: "I'm just going to sit and bask in people's envy." -Justin Kirk. The Anhedonic: "Our film is really about enjoying the experience of life...and not getting caught up in the contest." -Jonathan Dayton, co-director, Little Miss Sunshine. The Liar: "It is a privilege to be mentioned in the same breath with actors like...Will Smith..." -Leonardo DiCaprio. [AP]
· Desperate Housewives creator Marc Cherry describes the typical writers' room post nomination announcement celebration: "I will probably toast my writing staff with Diet Coke and we'll spend about 10 minutes talking about it and then we'll just jump back into work," putting their celebration at roughly five times the duration of the one Teri Hatcher and Eva Longoria have planned for their nominated co-stars, Marcia Cross and Felicity Huffman. [AP]
desperate housewives
