Studio Intimacy Sweepstakes Get Richer as Fox Joins Craigslist Circle-Jerk Circuit

At this rate Craigslist might want to consider a subcategory for "Studio J.O. Break" or some like-titled catch-all for furtive worktime leisure pursuits; Casual Encounters can't possibly contain the epidemic of solicitations that began yesterday on the Sony lot and continues today with an even more ambitious transmission from Fox [NSFW]:

20th Cent. FOX lot. MWM, horny, hung thick! Any other studs here? - 38 (Fox Lot)

Frustrated Sony Worker Seeks Circle-Jerk Companions

Now comes that portion of the broadcast where we break from our hard-hitting coverage of celebrity lingerie purchases and NBA ass-tastings to focus instead on what really matters: Bringing you, the lot-bound drone in desperate need of human connection, in contact with your perfect match. We turn to the always-fertile singles' mingling grounds of Craigslist for our latest bachelor offering, a pent-up fellow currently finding it hard to concentrate on his duties at Sony Culver Studios [NSFW] :

Anyone on the SONY lot up for a mid afternoon Jerk? (Culver City)

Help A 'Revenge Of The Nerds' Fan Achieve Darth Climax

Because we at Defamer are fully committed to bringing together fans of seminal '80s teen comedies and Star Wars geeks in possession of both a Darth Vader mask and a burning need to get laid (of which there should be no shortage), we now pass on a personals ad, salvaged by a sharp-eyed Defamer reader before being snatched from the ether by an unseen hand and replaced with the dreaded "flagged for removal." It read:

Remember the scene in Revenge of the Nerds where the cheerleader gets fucked while the nerd is wearing a Darth Vader costume.

I WANT TO BE THAT CHEERLEADER!

Craigslist's Carrot Top-Curious Couple

Longtime readers of Defamer know that we like nothing better than to break up the day with a dip into the Defamer Connections basket. This is L.A., however, where every taste and mathematical combination must be accounted for in the worthwhile pursuit of getting one's freak on, and thus requiring us to sometimes stretch the definition and who and what, exactly, constitutes a "connection." Which brings us to today's installment, via Craigslist:

Are you Carrot Top? - mw4m - 32

'Two Tickets To Oscars Gets My Wife As Your Unconditional Sex Slave!' Says Craigslist User

Because we at Defamer would like nothing more than to place visiting couples fully indoctrinated into The Lifestyle with spouse-sharing-curious members of the showbiz community who also happen to be in possession of a spare pair of tickets to the Academy Awards and Governor's Ball, we now faithfully reproduce for you a Craigslist ad brought to our attention over the weekend. (It's since been removed by conscientious members of the Craigslist community, who strongly feel that whoring our one's wife, however much mutual consent is involved, has no place in the most venerated and dignified awards show of all. Get thee to The Flackies, pervies!) The ad begins like this:

GF will do anything for Two (2) Tickets to Academy Awards - mw4m - 40

The rest of the ad, plus a screenshot of the goodies up for grabs, follow after the jump:

A Missed Connection At The CAA Death Star

Though we at Defamer realize that the primary function of CAA's Century City Death Star is to wreak havoc on behalf of its clients, we hope—delusionally, perhaps—that the temporary evil-slowdown the agency is experiencing due to the writers strike might allow employees to use the space to achieve happier, less detructive ends. In the hopes of promoting this briefly opening window of opportunity, we pass along this Craigslist plea by someone hoping to reconnect with a staffer who caught his eye:

CAA - m4m hey, you an asst, maybe?

Craigslist User Wants His 'Beowulf' In 4D

Surely the author of this posting can't have been the only one to emerge from an Imax theater screening Beowulf thinking of nothing other than the overtly sexualized title character, whose "third leg," as the Danish serving wenches blushingly referred to it, was practically within 3D grasp were it not for a strategically placed mead stein in the foreground. To their credit, however, the anonymous poster took to Craigslist's virtual medieval marketplace to make their warrior-blowing fantasies come alive:

Looking for Beowulf - 21

I'm looking to blow Beowulf.

Craigslist Stalking Victim Asks Rachel Bilson To Shit Or Get Off The Pot

While we usually delight in using this space to bring people together, Defamer Connections is occasionally called upon to step in and lend a hand in prying a stalker and their celebrity prey apart. Never, though, have we encountered an instance like the following—a curious reversal of the traditional male/female, celeb/stalker dynamics, in which a local gymgoer has turned to the Craigslist Bureau of Ships in the Night to address heightening concerns over the hungry eyes of Rachel "Formerly of The O.C., Tomorrow, Who Knows?" Bilson. The posting:

Dear Rachel Bilson, - m4w - 99 You practically raped me with your eyes at the gym the other day.

An Anonymous Angel Reaches Out To Britney Spears

As we all learned yesterday through two minutes and eleven seconds of the most affecting moving images ever transmitted over the YouTubes, even though it sometimes seems as if the entire world has turned on turned on VMA exploitation victim Britney Spears, there are still those willing to reach out to her as she tries to navigate this seemingly endless dark night of the erstwhile-pop-star soul. In the interest of connecting Spears with the generous, but anonymity-valuing, individuals offering to help her through these difficult times, we pass along this note from a Craiglister:

Britney Spears please read - m4w - 29 Britney when you want your life back on track and are willing to admit you need help eail me. You have hit rock bottom and only when you realise this will you truley be able to get back on track.

Corey's Angel

So distraught was one of our readers after watching the heartbreaking, lightly scripted Two Coreys moment where Corey Feldman devastates Corey Haim with news that a straight-to-video sequel to Lost Boys would be going forward without him (hell, even the Lesser Frog Brother probably got a call) that our compassionate operative immediately took to Craigslist to try and find the wounded Haim some companionship to get him through this difficult time. And Craigslist, that online lamp inhabited by millions of anonymous genies ready to fulfill even the most outlandish of wishes, predictably yielded help:

My Lost Boy-Corey Haim - w4m - 25 My name is Sammi and I am a 25 year old girl who lives in LA. I think the song about the girl stuck in 1985 was written about me because I love all thing's 80's especially Corey Haim. Of course I loved Lucas, The Lost Boys and Liscense to Drive but after seeing him in the movie "Blown Away" my infatuation with him became full fledged. His is gorgeous and talented and judging by his performance in "Blown Away" I think he would be fantastic in bed.

You're Just One Shady Craigslist Ad Away From Realizing All Of Your Hollywood Dreams

Broke 'Potter' Fan Willing To Play A Round Of Naked Quidditch In Exchange For Movie Ticket

We realize that between gas, parking, exorbitant ticket fees, and outrageous concession stand prices, the enjoyment of the latest chapter of your favorite fantasy film franchise can often turn into a cost-prohibitive affair. We here at Defamer are therefore more than happy to connect Harry Potter fans of limited means to those of you looking for moviegoing companionship with the potential for something more. Or, to put it more plainly, who'd like to get some hot Craigslist action for the price of a movie ticket?

will put out if u take me to see harry potter - 19

Craigslist User Wants Nothing More Than For You To Sit Back, Relax, And Enjoy 'Transformers'

Me: A Real Hollywood Director; You: Hot, Smart, Willing To Believe I'm A Real Director