And The Gold Medal For Casting Michael Phelps Goes To...

Like a record-setting swimmer surging forward towards the goal, you, the Defamer readership, have flooded us with suggestions for which actor could best play the role of gold medal Olympian Michael Phelps. Swimming prowess was secondary (that's what they have CG for) and so were bankable names; after all, no A-list actor worth mentioning could hope to fill the speedo of these perfectly cast finalists.

Bronze, silver and gold medals awarded after the jump:

Now that Michael Phelps has finally won more gold medals than Geena Davis, we can get down to the real business at hand: the swimmer's showbiz future. Sure, there's bound to be an awkward SNL-hosting stint yet to come, but as the boys at THR note today, most Olympians have to reconcile themselves to appearing in Duracell commercials or baring their midriffs opposite the Village People. Thus, let's focus on more positive matters, like casting the Michael Phelps Movie of the Week:

Billy Bob Thornton 'Elm Street' Rumors Spark Defamer Casting Frenzy

The day's fastest-spreading casting rumor intrigues as much for its potential for on-screen carnage as its requisite off-screen tragedy: The man who originated Freddy Krueger in A Nightmare on Elm Street has Billy Bob Thornton pegged to portray the razor-fingered villain in a planned remake. Robert Englund doesn't sound too upset about it, either, informing JoBlo that the Michael Bay-produced reimagining would treat Wes Craven's original with the hacky, high-gloss dignity it deserved 25 years ago. Englund stopped short of suggesting he'd join the film, of course, lest he subject himself to Thornton's infamous scythe-handling clumsiness.

Nevertheless, his overall support reminds us what a fertile period it is for the villain in American cinema — and how '80s/'90s-era schlock could stand to benefit from an A-list talent injection. We consulted our own casting department for five ideal remakes, and the stars who might push them over the top:

Victor Announced In Defamer's 'Cast The Subway 911-Caller' Sweepstakes

We are humbled—truly, humbled—by the singular talents of you, our astute readership. Shortly after petitioning you to find the perfect man or woman to assume the psychologically complex role of Reginald Peterson—the sandwich-dressing-deprived Subway patron who boldly tried to take on the system and lost—and combing through your many suggestions (surprisingly, Abigail Breslin's name never came up), one casting idea came through the Defamer tipbox that towered above all others. The clear winner is after the jump.

Upon learning of the crimes of Jacksonville, Fl. native Reginald Peterson—who placed two 911 calls demanding local police locate and return a missing sandwich dressing to its rightful place atop his Subway spicy Italian sub—we were instantly reminded of Thelma Dennis, the Patron Defamer Saint of Emergency Phone Services Squandering, who phoned in fake bomb threats for 24 years.

Miley Cyrus ('Slut!') And Seven Other Casting Ideas For MTV's 'Rocky Horror' Remake

As we briefly touched upon a post or so ago, MTV has announced they'll be producing a remake of midnight movie classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show, which struck us as a slightly less onerous addition to our ever-growing End of Ideas library. (Perhaps it was the delightful image of a whole new generation of Rocky disciples chanting, "Lips! Lips! Lips!" in anticipation of Audrina Patridge's ladyparts' soulful rendition of "Science Fiction, Double Feature" that did it.) Variety has the details:

Lou Adler, exec producer of the original film, is partnering with BermanBraun and Fox Television Studios on the new rendition. Two-hour remake will use the original screenplay by Jim Sharman and Richard O'Brien but may also include music not featured in the original.
"I'd like to see it shown a year from this coming Halloween, but that's up to MTV," Adler said.

Our casting ideas after the jump!

Ambitious Colin Farrell Tell-All Now Casting Suckers With $20

The most important, non-hamster-related casting news of the summer trickled into Defamer's inbox today, with the modestly subject-lined "MOTHER OF ALL PRESS RELEASES" issuing a heads-up for anyone interested in auditioning for author Dessarae Bradford's adaptation of her book, Colin Farrell: A Dark Twisted Puppy.

What? You haven't heard of it? Where have you been?

I AM TRUMPETING THE MOTHER OF ALL TALENT CASTING CALLS!!!!.

Breakthrough Awaits Talented Hollywood Hamster

As much as we bemoan the dearth of good roles for women, minorities and Coreys, things have really never been worse for gerbils. But a change may be in the offing as early as this weekend, when one lucky hamster has the chance to break the fluorescent-plastic ceiling en route to the A-list:

CASTING Hamster for short film (los angeles)

I am looking for a hamster.

I know I could buy one, but then I would own it. So , I was hoping to just rent one for 50 bucks for a couple hours.

We Nominate Molesty Matt Damon For Mr. Shoop In 'Summer School' Reenvisioning

Having already identified the source of the famous scruff from Guess the Celebrity Nape!, we now invite you to browse further sumptuous set stills from Steven Soderbergh's The Informant—where star Matt Damon can be found undertaking a harrowing physical transformation into paunchy, Mai Tai-loving, real-world whistleblower Mark Whitacre. Wait one second: agricultural price-fixing scams? Boooring. We have a better idea: What ever happened to that Summer School remake? We've got our perfect Mr. Shoop right here!

[Photo Credit: Splash]

• Matt Damon no longer the Sexiest Man Alive? [telegraph.co.uk]