As we noted a few months ago, Tom decided that the best way to kiss and make up with old pals Victoria and David Beckham was to offer the couple a weekend vacation at his own home. Nothing says "Procreate for the good of Scientology mankind!" like a few sleepless nights spent at an eerie secluded Hubbard boot camp disguised as a celebrity's mansion. And a few years ago, Cruise made a similar misstep by presenting his tiniest pocket spokesperson, Dakota Fanning, with a cell phone for her 11th birthday. Sure, Dakota's parents wouldn't let her use it and her lack of any actual friends made it entirely useless, but the alien-esque Fanning sure loved prancing down the street "pretending" to talk to imaginary contacts!

Though it wasn't exactly freaky or strange, Tom's gift of a Segway to Hollywood's resident Paranoiac J.J. Abrams left the mystery man disturbed (but mysteriously!). As Abrams told the NY Times in a 2006 interview, his favorite movie-star gift is indeed the Segway, but his quote frightens us just a tad: "Tom Cruise gave me one of those two-wheel Segway scooter things. I'm still trying to get him back for that." Um, because it was programmed to scoot directly towards COS headquarters no matter which direction you pointed it? Last and, in a way, least, future fugitive Katie Holmes has had the fortune of receiving more than a few of Tommy's bizarro presents. As a wedding gift, Cruise reportedly gave his new bride a $20 million dollar jet, even though Katie couldn't fly the thing and was pregnant at the time. But by far the most classic gift on the list is Tom's genius idea for Katie's 27th birthday present: a "DVD compendium of every movie he has ever acted in," inscribed with little handwritten notes from Tom on each film. Because nothing says Happy Birthday like a copy of Magnolia with "It's not going to stop. No, it's not going to stop. 'Til you wise up." scrawled on it by Tom himself.

• TOM, KATIE & THE KIDS SEND GIFTS TO BABY SUNDAY [People]

In today's installment: Britney Spears, Jeremy Piven, Paris Hilton, Vince Vaughn, Jack Black, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Luke Wilson, David Beckham, Dennis Hopper, Gwen Stefani, Cuba Gooding Jr., Jeff Goldblum, Zooey Deschanel, Rainn Wilson, Giovanni Ribisi, Judy Greer, Phil Spector, Kevin Federline, Morgan Spurlock, Kristen Chenoweth, Judy Greer, Cloris Leachman, John Slattery, Emma Stone, Bijou Philips, Jane Lynch, Dean Cain, John Corbett, Paul Scheer, and more.

SATURDAY, MAY 24
While surrounded by Brody Jenner-looking date
rapists at Happy Endings, I spotted a welcomed sight: Seth Morris, Owen Burke, and Paul Scheer. Joined by a bunch of other UCB comic types upstairs in the corner and looking almost as out of place as me.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 4
Saw Cloris Leachman at the Aqua Lounge watching Jeff Goldblum and his band play some jazz standards. Jeff's pretty talented on the keyboard, but the group as a whole made me feel like I was at someone's wedding.

Wednesday afternoon, my friend and I are having our usually mid-week lunch time phone conversation. In mid-conversation he gasps and tells me that he is at Chipotle in BH and David Beckham has just walked in. No f''ing way! David F'ing Beckham in Chipotle! BTW - what's up with that family and Mexican food? Just wish I could get shot in person of David's burrito! hehe

FRIDAY, JUNE 6
Vince Vaughn at the Greek Theatre for A Prairie Home Companion on June 6. Thinking he's a Garrison Keillor fan definitely makes me like him a little more.

Driving on Ledgewood in Hollywoodland today, I saw Phil Spector driving a Mercedes convertible, wearing that crazy giant curly fright wig he dropped in favor of the lesbian pageboy thing he wore in court. He wears it while driving a convertible! How the hell do you bolt that on?

Cuba Gooding Jr. with 2 friends eating sushi at Hana Sushi in Brentwood. He was a lot smaller than I thought he would be and was definately enjoying his wine. He was nice to everyone that came up and talked with him. He was abnormally excited about going to Q's (the pool bar next door). Oh wait, it was beer pong night. I'd be excited too!

SUNDAY, JUNE 8
Judy Greer (aka Kitty from Arrested Development) spotted Friday night at St Nick's Pub on 3rd st, sitting in a booth with friends. Had to stop myself from making a George Bluth reference.

MONDAY, JUNE 9
I love the show Mad Men, so what a thrill to spot Sterling Cooper honcho John Slattery getting his caffeine on at the Starbucks on Main Street in Santa Monica.

TUESDAY, JUNE 10
Former TV Superman Dean Cain swooping down into Beverly Hills for some shopping at Tom's Toys on Beverly Drive.

THURSDAY, JUNE 12
Saw John Corbett at LAX on Thursday. T-shirt, jeans, boots, with tinted Ray-Bans at the Hudson Books. Tall with a paunch that looks just right on him. Looks like a very hip carpenter. No one seemed to notice him even though he's a pretty big dude.

At the Palms in Vegas for a little work and a little fun, CineVegas is happening. I caught the opening night film, The Rocker, and went to the after party at Moon and the cast was there. Emma Stone is stunning in person, her waist is teeny and her skin is all Hollywood teen glow, she was hanging out with who I think was her mom. Jane Lynch was in a cool 50's style dress with pockets, lady is tall and very animated when she talks. Open bar here is a dangerous thing.

I was having dinner at the Mel's on Sunset Blvd. across from Ketchup. As me and my boyfriend got up to leave, I heard an easily recognizable voice. I look down and sitting at a booth with a couple of her friends was the star of Broadway's Wicked and ABC's Pushing Daisies, Kristin Chenoweth. She looked adorable as ever!

FRIDAY, JUNE 13
Around 8 am, I passed the front desk at The Palms and saw Dennis Hopper talking to who I assume was his assistant. He looks good for an older guy, white hair, sharply dressed, short and holding onto a bottle of water. I then head to the elevator and walk past Rainn Wilson in red wayfarers and a golf shirt, he's tall and funny looking, the same as one would imagine. Seemed like he had a long night and was asking where the Coffee Bean was. Later in the day, Bill Pullman came through the casino in a navy blazer, he stopped and took photos with people. There was a CineVegas anniversary party at the Palms Place pool. Hopper, George Maloof and tons of people were there including some guy with a cat perched on his shoulder and Britney Spears. She was seated in a cabana with a velvet rope in front of it where two HUGE security guys minded her and a few friends. She was in a black cocktail dress and sat sipping her drink and was surprisingly pretty. The fake tan didn't look so fake and she looked like she had been styled for the night. I wouldn't have noticed her had it not been for the rope. The whole thing was weird. Like walking past a diorama in the Natural History Museum...The Britney Exhibit. She sat watching the party happen and the party peered at her like she was some kind endangered species....and of course, Prince Paul kept interrupting his set to play her music. Tres surreal.

Jeremy Piven looking very chubby at Zen Zoo, on Vine.

Lunchtime in Beverly Hills near the Chipotle, I THINK I saw Jack Black coming down the sidewalk. He was carrying a bag of fast food, unlike other Bev Hills denizens, who carry bags of ugly empire-waisted dresses. I wasn't super certain it was him...but then I saw that belly, that belly that practically got second billing on Nacho Libre. I hope it was him as I said "Hello, awesome!" as we passed each other on the sidewalk. If it was just another chubby dude, then THAT was terribly embarrassing...

Luke Wilson looking extremely hot at my local pavillion supermarket in Santa Monica. Drove off in his illegally tinted silver porsche and while at the red light, kept raising and lowering his window like he couldn't decide if he wanted to be noticed. Looking very sexy tho.

SATURDAY, JUNE 14
Britney at Palms Place in Vegas. There with one of her enablers and a Russian bodyguard. She was chain smoking cigarettes and eating chicken fingers as she sat by the pool. It's true — she's all class.

Saw Giovanni Ribisi at the carwash on Vermont and Prospect. He smoked a cigarette and read a script while he waited for his car. He kept to himself and was completely unassuming so much so I almost feel guilty sending in this sighting. I wasn't able to see what type of car he drives as my car was finished before his.

At the valet stand at Planet Hollywood, I waited for my keys and looked to my left, there standing beside me was Kevin Federline. He's a little guy, wearing his requisite white t-shirt and baggy shorts. Wasn't impressed. Probably not a coincidence that Britney is in town too. Later that night at the Palms, I saw Bijou Philips perform at another CineVegas party. She sang for a little while and hung out by the pool, her voice wasn't half bad. Spotted Traci Lords waiting for an elevator in stilettos and a tight black dress, she has aged insanely well.

SUNDAY, JUNE 15
In Planet Hollywood, I saw Dwayne Johnson tan, lean and HOT coming down the main escalator going to a screening of Get Smart. He's tall and surprisingly good looking, not bulky or wrestler-esque. He stopped and signed autographs in the casino and had a seriously huge entourage.

Back at the Palms, I saw a sunburned Morgan Spurlock by the pool, handlebar moustache in full effect. Passed by Beastie Boy MCA (Adam Yauch) on the casino floor.

MONDAY, JUNE 16
I saw Vincent Kartheiser of Mad Men on the Continental redeye from Newark to LAX. He was dressed just like Pete Campbell in a brown suit and vintage skinny tie, and bopping around the terminal to whatever was on his iPod. Staying in his character's groove I guess, he was only slightly more subdued once on board (first class of course). Much better looking in person than on the show, but an occasional burger wouldn't kill him - the guy is rail thin.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 18
Last night I saw doe-eyed indie goddess/ingenue Zooey Deschanel at the Rilo Kiley Show at the Greek. Looked absolutely stunning (and happy), wearing a gorgeous green dress.

THURSDAY, JUNE 19
As we were leaving Juvenex Spa in Manhattan at 9pm, Paris Hilton was just coming in. She was all dressed up and decked out. I guess with the stress of being Paris she needed a massage.

Saw Gwen Stefani and family (including her dad) enjoying dinner at Buddha's Belly on Beverly last night (6/19). Aside from the few annoying paparazzi outside, they were pretty much left alone. Gwen looked gorgeous without all of that caked on makeup!

David has already shown his pecs, abs, glutes, and all other kinds of abbreviated names for manly muscles in ads for Gillette, Motorola and, of course, last year's bulge-centric ad for Emporio Armani's fragrance.

But Posh enjoys taking off her size 00 divvies just as much, seen here in 2006's infamous W spread (shot by Steven Klein) in which the LA-bound Beckhams played house in lingerie, treasure trail-revealing pants and, often, nothin' at all. Together again to promote their his-and-her fragrances "Intimately Beckham," a porn-y straddle session seemed perfectly in order. And just for fun, we've included a shot of David playing gladiator for Pepsi, standing in a sea of...Pepsi. But his arms are visible! Which reminds us: we could really use a Pepsi right about now.

[Photo credits: People, Thisislondon.co.uk, Daily Mail, PopCrunch, JustJared]

• DAVID BECKHAM STRIPS DOWN FOR ARMANI - AGAIN! [People]

The tiny couple in question? None other than Lily Beckinsale and Brooklyn Beckham. Apparently (and we quote), "Kate Beckinsale has reportedly given her 9-year-old daughter Lily permission to 'date' Brooklyn Beckham." But before Kate begins setting up a registry at Harrod's, she may want to consider the wrath of Tom Cruise's SWAT team of Hubbard-humping disco stars — a month back, we noted Suri's obvious crush on the very same hot boy on campus, and Beckinsale's new friendship with Victoria Beckham isn't going to protect her from the wrath of Xenuphobes either. But before we prepare for the impending battle of the broods, it sounds as though Kate is simply dreaming of a romance still in its very early stages: "I am dreading the day Lily brings home a boy. But she and the Beckham boys get on really well...If she did have to have a boyfriend, then I suppose Brooklyn would get my seal of approval!" And considering Lily's apparent fondness for wearing as much makeup as possible before reaching double digits, as evident in the above photo, we have a feeling Posh would gladly approve as well.

• KATE BECKINSALE: MY DAUGHTER CAN DATE BROOKLYN BECKHAM [NYDN]

Hello Magazine is reporting that Tom Cruise was plum out of ideas for what to get recently drifting BFF David Beckham for his birthday. So instead of a fruit basket or a lifetime supply of Tom Cruise Purple, the Hubbard-loving Clear decided to treat both Posh and Becks to a private weekend getaway at one of Cruise’s favorite romantic spots in Napa Valley: his very own home!

”They wanted [Posh] and David to make use of their property [and] insisted that it should be just the two of them and that they should thoroughly spoil themselves.”

But after hearing more details on just how Tom planned this so-called “private” getaway, we’re worried the Beckhams are about to be abducted by a Xenuphobic SWAT team...

It's true that TomKat's birthday surprise might very well be an innocent gift, or a way of saying "We've never had sex in this place, but someone should!" But as the story's source continues, "Tom even booked his jet for them and told them they had to be at a private airfield at a specific time so work commitments couldn't get in the way." Let's see: Tom's private jet, taking off from a private airfield at a time designated by Cruise. Is no one else getting the creepy feeling this "vacation" is Cruise's sole tactic remaining in Scientology's official bag of conversion tricks? We'd like to request the assistance of British feds in setting up spies at both the Freelands dock and Gold Base stat.

[Photo credit: Socialite's Life]

• TOM CRUISE GIVES THE BECKHAMS A BIRTHDAY SURPRISE [Starpulse]

Though Hubbard's crowned prince did his best to quite literally shove little Suri towards the more age-appropriate 3-year old Cruz, Suri was visibly smitten with Brooklyn. Anyone else hear "Suri, Brooklyn" and get just as uncomfortable as David Letterman's Oscar audience did post "Uma, Oprah"? In any case, it seems Tom may have given up the fight towards hooking up Posh 'n Becks to e-meters, and has begun using Suri as a delectable treat for the kids. We can just little Brook Becks now: "Mommy Posh! Suri says honey babas are brilliant! I must have ten this instant!" But Brooklyn may have some serious competition...

As Us reports, Suri's favorite movie thus far is Travolta's drag vehicle Hairspray, leading the Cruise fam to a viewing of the Broadway show while in New York early this month. And Suri's giggles and shy grin upon leaving tend to mean only one thing: she can "hear the bells," and they've been rung by star Ashley Parker Angel. We're just left feeling sorry for Tom's Other Daughter (Isabella, 15, who appears to have overcome that "awkward" stage). When will Katie take her along to the next Scientology mixer at the House of Hubbard?

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

• TOM AND KATIE PLAY BABYSITTER FOR THE BECKHAMS AS THEY TAKE BABY SURI TO WATCH DAVID PLAY FOR LA GALAXY [Daily Mail]
• SURI CRUISE'S FAVORITE VIDEO IS HAIRSPRAY! [Us]

Call it a magic moment, call it a completely forced photo opp, but the Cruises and Beckhams did briefly pose on the carpet before entering the Gala. And though Victoria certainly didn't look happy about it, her nipples sure did.

Amidst the sea of designer gowns, we thought Eva Longoria's dramatic ruffle-adorned number was most impressive. Busy and over the top maybe, but her petite little body suddenly looked voluptuous and the midnight purple color was the perfect choice.

Thandie Newton usually kills on the carpet, so we were baffled to see her in this very Madonna circa 1995 S&M lingerie-esque ensemble. And poor Mischa Barton, possibly still smarting from those unflattering balcony bikini pictures, chose a shapeless dress that was boring on the bottom, modern Bride of Frankenstein on the top.

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage, Daily Mail]

• TOMKAT AND THE BECKHAMS TURN ON SOME OLD-FASHIONED GLAMOUR - BUT WAS IT TOO OLD FOR POSH? [Daily Mail]

"Holmes is annoyed Beckham is choosing to spend most of her time with new friends Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale."

After reports surfaced that Katie and Tom were not invited to Posh's dinner at Eva Longoria's restaurant last week, Victoria was predictably labeled the villain in the situation. But as we learned yesterday, Cruise had a conflict, which suggests it wasn't Posh's decision to ban the couple from her small gathering. However, as we just noted, Katie is reportedly jealous that Victoria has become chummy with Eva and Kate. But really, Katie, are we still in high school? Sure it's lovely to have a BFF, but this new jealousy-driven behavior is striking us as being very Single White Female of you. We know that Tom keeps you on a short lease, but surely you could find some other pro-Scientology friends to play with. Say, maybe, Erica Christensen or Laura Prepon? We know they're not quite as major as Posh, but at least with those two, you'll always be the queen bee!

[Photo credit: Getty]

• VICTORIA BECKHAM AND KATIE HOLMES' FRIENDSHIP 'STRAINED' [Showbiz Spy]

As we reported, on the night of April 16th when Posh and Becks held an intimate dinner the night before her actual birthday, only a select few glamour girls were invited, like Eva Longoria and Kate Beckinsale. But being the clever talentless superstar that she is, Posh sneakily planned a bigger, better, over-the-top celebration last night, inviting the more usual suspects like Will Smith, Elton John and Gwen Stefani.

And, thankfully, Tom and Katie. But it turns out Tom had a good excuse for missing last week's gathering; he was busy saving the world one gala at a time by presenting an award at the Will Rogers Motion Picture dinner that night.

And as for Katie, we're never ones to jump on the premature pregnant guessing game, but compared to her most recent trend of showcasing her trim figure with body-hugging dresses, this loosely fitting shift dress is the ideal shape when it comes to hiding baby bumps. Has the all-mighty Cruise sperm struck again?

[Photo credits: X17]

As we heard last week, Tommy had just about had it with Katie and Posh's buddy system when it came to losing weight, and intended on splitting up the power union so he could have his regular-sized wife back. And we'll never know how they do it (or who "they" is, for that matter), but all the forces of Scientology seem to have come together to dissuade Katie from hanging out with the Beckham bunch in order to please Hubbard Hall of Famer Cruise. But really, we somehow suspect Beckinsale and Longoria are far more fun to hang out with. They both have that ginormous toothy laugh going on, and don't come accompanied by men who are over a foot shorter than them in their heels.

[Photo credit: Pacific Coast News via Daily Mail]

• POSH AND NEW BEST FRIENDS KATE AND EVA DINE OUT AHEAD OF 34TH BIRTHDAY...BUT WHERE WERE THE CRUISES? [Daily Mail]

Becks, 32, and Posh Spice, 33, met staff at a top private nursery attached to a Jewish temple in Los Angeles last week.

A source said: "There's no plan for Cruz to be educated in the Jewish faith.

"It's just one of the best schools for young children in LA." [...]

Becks' mum Sandra's family is Jewish but she doesn't practise and he has no other association with the religion apart from his famous Hebrew tattoo.

But David referred to himself recently as "half Jewish".

Success would certainly count as a coup, as the school's strict admissions policy rarely makes exceptions for non-100% certified Jewish students—i.e., ones not born to a Jewish mother. (Posh, despite all her feroshity and love of a good shmata deal, is a shiksa. We know! It's totally ferkakte!) Still, no L.A. institution is completely immune to the seductions of power and celebrity, and the couple's generous offer to fund The David and Victoria Beckham Jewish Children's Soccer Camp—a stunning facility housed in a Rem Koolhaas-designed, geodesic half-dome meant to resemble a massive yarmulke—may be just the gesture to shuffle their little one to the top of the long waiting list.

[Photo Credit: Future Forcast, Off Beat Ink]

• Beckham is Star of David [The Sun]

• WATCH VIDEO

In today's episode: Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong; Justin Timberlake; Susan Sarandon; Kiefer Sutherland; David Beckham; Courtney Love; Lindsay Lohan, Balthazar Getty, Taryn Manning, Avril Lavine and Deryck Whibley; David Spade and Verne Troyer; Anne Heche; Adrian Grenier; James Cromwell, Jeremy Sisto, Lake Bell, and Dita Von Teese; Kyle MacLachlan, Chad Lowe, and Bridget Moynahan; John Mayer; Andy Dick; Christina Ricci; Greg Germann; Ian Ziering; Enrico Colantoni, Judy Reyes, and Curt Smith; Scott Caan; Wanda Sykes; Diablo Cody; Greg Grunberg; Daniel Baldwin; Jason Segal; Zoe Bell; Vanessa Paradis; Nathan Fillion; and Adnan Ghalib.

· Monday 2/11 — Saw MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY spending some of his Fools Gold at Cut. He was having dinner with LANCE ARMSTRONG. Just the two of them ... alone. Two guys dressed very casually sharing wine, steak, and conversation. Matthew's hair was cut very short like Lance's - perhaps they've found their leading man for whatever LiveStrong biopic that's surely in the works.

· On Saturday (2/9) I ran into Justin Timberlake — as in, he got in my way and we accidentally sort of collided — in the lobby of the Ojai Valley Athletic Club. He was there playing basketball with some hot hanger-on chicks and a few (local?) dudes. Very strange.

· Last night (2/10), Susan Sarandon at an outdoor table at the restaurant at the Beverly Wilshire. My friends and I had to do a triple-take because we were arguing that the woman we were looking at was way too young to be Susan Sarandon. Seriously, I'm gayer than a pink hairnet, and this woman was beautiful as hell. Gracious with the staff, blah blah. I'd go on, but I don't want to be accused of being her publicist. Sorry to gush.

· 2.8.08 - Saw Kiefer Sutherland at The Roxy. It was a showcase for the three bands on his record label. He had on jeans, black shirt and a gray blazer. The man is very good looking in person. He was wonderful about stopping and talking to fans and signing autographs. He seemed to be having fun with his friends and kept a very low profile.

· Crawling along Santa Monica Blvd in Beverly Hills on Tuesday afternoon (2/12), none other than Britain's gift to America, David Beckham rides past going down Rodeo Dr. in his convertible Porsche. Along for the ride were at least two of his sons, looking suspiciously unrestrained. Tsk Tsk Becks!

· Courtney Love unnecessarily raising hell at the Troubadour, 11 pm, Thursday night: I was at the Troub to see the Morning Benders open for the Kooks. It was sold out to the gills, so I camped out on the VIP staircase to watch from above. Courtney comes tearing up the stairs, with a blond minion in tow and no VIP pass. When the nice security guy asked her to please leave the VIP area, she said, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" The security guy then had a long talk with her to convince her that he was serious about not permitting her in the area, at which point the blond minion RAN to get her a pass. A pissed Courtney stood there grudgingly until the woman came back with the wristband. She waved the wristband in the security guy's face, and tried to brush by him once again. At which point he informed her that she needed to put the wristband ON. News flash: The world is over Courtney Love and her rockstar bullshit. When is Courtney going to get over it, too?

· Well I guess the quiet neighborhood Italian restaurant my parents love is now the hottest meal ticket in town. Last night, Thursday, Feb 7, at Madeo: Lindsay Lohan with brown hair, Balthazar Getty & wife, Taryn Manning & Boyfriend (Mams Taylor), pre fight and leaving in a black Rolls Royce Phantom, as Avril Lavine and Deryck Whibley arrived in their black SUV. What a night!

· A bearded David Spade and shockingly tiny Verne Troyer chilling together last night (2/7) in the most visible entry area of Ketchup on Sunset. Laughing and drinking and skeezing out on the Playmate-types circling them. Could someone please give these two a basic-cable reality show? Like, now? I'll make it easy for you, VH1 junior alternative development exec. Just cut and paste this PrivacyWatch sighting into an email and send to your boss. I won't even ask for a commission.

· Anne Heche dining with 2 or 3 other peeps at Mercedes Grill in MDR last night, Feb 7. Pretty & petite with a black fedora that she surprisingly pulled off while simultaneously wearing cargo pants. She's a smoker, yuck.

· Just saw Adrian Grenier, looking mighty scruffy at the MOCA opening tonight. Didn't really see who he was with, but it seemed like he was being left alone. I wonder if he Jacksoned the Pollock out of anyone after the show.

· Fun times at Hugo's in West Hollywood, Sunday February 10: The inexplicably famous Dita Von Teese (who's notability, as far as I can tell, is due only to having been married to a mid-level rock star, as emulating styles of 60 years ago and removing said styles in the 'burlesque' fashion is, no matter how well it is done, neither unique nor worthy of such fame).Far more exciting was our second viewing of prominent Oscar-nominated 'that guy' James Cromwell, the ever delightful Jeremy Sisto (who my fiancee insists bears uncanny resemblance to Skeet Ulrich, who was not there and the comparison isn't true anyway) and the underrated Lake Bell (also the second time we've seen her there). Sisto, on leaving after a quick coffee with someone I didn't recognize, proceeded to have friendly conversations with both Cromwell (a 'Six Feet Under reunion' as commented by the lady at a table nearby) and Bell.

· Today, Sunday 2/10, was a fabulous day at Hugo's on Santa Monica! First, Dita von Teese walked in, wearing a great 40s-style outfit and looking flawless as always. Her skin is to die for! Then, I saw Jeremy Sisto from Six Feet Under and Clueless...he was scruffy but looking good! He ate and then lingered outside for a while talking to some girls. Also at Hugo's was his Six Feet co-star James Cromwell! He was so, so tall! Jeremy and James saw each other after a while and had a friendly hello.

· Friday 2/8, at the Rhett Miller show at the Troubadour, Bridget Moynahan wearing a Giants hat (kidding!) and looking good post-Brady Baby. Also Chad Lowe looking, well, like Chad Lowe.

Also, Monday 2/11 at the Stairs in Santa Monica, John Mayer slowly walking off the champagne and caviar from Grammy night.

· Prior to going to the Rhett Miller show at the troubadour on fri (2/8) my friend and I hit Lou on Vine for a bite and some vino... sitting near the bar was agent Dale Cooper, Kyle MacLachlan. He wears the hell out of a pair of Levi's. Hit the show, Rhett was amazing, no surprise there, but as we were leaving Bridget Moynahan came down from the VIP section looking for Rhett. She looked great, was with some girlfriends....

· Friday February 8th - Went to the Woods where Andy Dick, in the spirit of Adrian Grenier, asked if he could "blank" the "blank" out of me. I declined, and he proceeded to chat up a booth of blondes, who must have been more receptive.

Later that same night, I saw a blonde Christina Ricci at Denny's, accompanied by an two older gentlemen. I'm not sure of what she ordered, but she looked very cute with no makeup.

· Feb 7 - At a party in Chinatown for Dwell Magazine. Bizarrely, so is Andy Dick —drinking beer (is he supposed to be sober?) — and he's chatting with Greg Germann from Ally McBeal. Picture attached.

· Sunday 2/10: Hiking Runyon Canyon with a friend was Ian Ziering. Later, at Studio City Jamba Juice, spotted Judy Reyes from Scrubs. Then at the upstairs California Pizza Kitchen, Enrico Colantoni (Just Shoot Me & Veronica Mars) was eating lunch with his family. At the next table Curt Smith from Tears for Fears (!!!) was having lunch with his daughters and helping them color. So cute.

· Yesterday (2/5) my friends and I spotted Scott Caan of Oceans 11,12,13, etc fame at the Whole Foods at Santa Monica and Fairfax. He wearing one of those hats, like a fedora but smaller (porkpie?). He was also wearing black Chucks. Typical Hollywood short but definitely do-able.

· Writing this on my cell, so it will be short. Right now (5:30pm on Monday, Feb 11) Wanda Sykes at Marix in WeHo. Walked in with a guy and a girl.

· 2/06 at the new retail space called: Grove, one Diablo Cody, looking just like her EW illo!

· On my way to work Downtown today (Feb 6) and was walking past the Original Pantry and saw Greg Grunberg, (OFFICER PARKMAN from HEROES) standing outside waiting. He was texting on his phone and he caught me staring and then I pulled out my phone so I think he was waiting for me to go for it, but I felt silly. And also I could feel him reading my thoughts about the whole situation...

About an hour ago I was walking to 3rd street promenade from a parking garage on 2nd, when someone asked me for a light. It was a VERY drunk Daniel Baldwin! Any other time, I wouldn't have batted an eye, but one of my guilty pleasures just happens to be Celebrity Rehab (I know, I can't help it). So seeing Daniel drunk was quite a shock! I didn't say anything for fear he would lose it, so I obliged and lit his cigarette. Then he staggered off alone without saying thank you. I guess Celebrity Rehab really doesn't work.

· 2/1 Was forced to go to a series of one act plays friday night and not happy about it. Was excited, however, when I saw Jason Segal of How I Met Your Mother sitting in the front row. I've crushed on him since Freaks and Geeks! I assumed he was there to support a fellow writer or actor. Spotted him again during intermission kissie-facing one of the actresses in the play:( As much as I wanted to hate her - she was gorgeous - I couldn't because she was hilarious in the show and incredibly sweet when I told her great job which,yes, also allowed me to get closer to my crush.

· Wednesday 02/05 Death Proof's Zoe Bell drinking a PBR and checking out the art at the imuhwherwulf opening at the Thought Gallery in Hollywood. In person she was a total double threat. Not only was she very pretty but she looked like she could beat up half the dudes there. Granted half the guys there were wearing girl's jeans but still.

· Today (10-Feb) I was enjoying a gorgeous day at Disneyland's California Adventures when I should happen to look over and see Vanessa Paradis, Johnny Depp's "girl", (as he refers to her). She was with their young son Jack who looked to be having a fantastic time and a Disney VIP Liaison. I didn't see their daughter nor the Demon Barber himself. I think I was pretty much the only person in the vicinity to have any clue who she was.

· Tuesday 2/5 Nathan Fillion (you'll always be captain tight pants to me) with a lady friend taking in Wicked at the Pantages.

· 2/11 - Last night, I watched professional toolbox, Adnan Ghalib, dining with a young coquettish brunette at SFValley celebrity haunt Hugo's Studio City. He had an animated conversation outside whilst re-read the menu - thrice. I was surprised to see the amount of bling he was wearing, and watched him inappropriately touch the waitress on her arm. I need to bathe again...he makes me feel greasy. Who do these people think they are?

In today's episode: Britney Spears; David Beckham; Mandy Moore; Joan Rivers; Justin Long; Rachel Bilson; Jason Priestley; Jordana Spiro; Elden Henson; and Joanie Laurer.

· So I was walking into Best Buy on Sawtelle near Olympic at five o'clock on Wednesday and just as I get near the front door I am scared half to death by six or seven screeching, speeding huge black SUV's, one of which almost hit me by thismuch, a few motorbikes whizzing around the cars, and as I turned around to see who was shouting SWAT-like commands and to find out where President Bush was or what terrorist attack had befallen Best Buy, I saw a literal army of two dozen photogs leaping over bushes and practically knocking me over to get to the front door. Britney Spears drove up in some smallish car, a BMW I think? And she sent her assistant, a normalish looking girl I'd seen in other photos, to buy something in the digital camera section. All the store employees were telling the assistant they felt really bad for Britney because they couldn't believe the invasion outside. Didn't get a really good look at Britney in the car but the assistant was nice enough to the sales clerk.

I take back every snarky thing I ever said about celebrities who complain when the paparazzi come after them. I was seriously frightened at their sheer animal-like reckless behavior. What a bunch of creeps. This wasn't Hyde or the Ivy, it was Best Buy for crying out loud!! And I am NO Brit fan...but these people were digusting, rude jerks. They were really nasty to me, and I'm just the nobody they almost ran over!! I never did get my camera battery charger. They were out of it.

· David Beckham Saturday 1:30P @ Solley's deli in Sherman Oaks (Van Nuys Blvd.) With 2 young kids in soccer jerseys with "Daddy" on the back and 3 or 4 bodyguard-looking white guys (one with ear piece)
They were taken to some private area in the back.
Posh not in tow.

· Mandy Moore at (a pretty empty) Mexico City restaurant on Hillhurst, Wednesday 10 October. Sittting with some guy (adult, but looked about 17), she was animated, laughing and, seemingly, unself-conscious. Seemed completely natural, friendly and open. Girl is gorgeous and tall with a beautiful body.

· Went to the opening of "The Quality of Life" at the Geffen Playhouse last night (starring Scott Bakula, Laurie Metcalf and JoBeth
Williams). Joan Rivers was in the audience, and let me tell you, she's been nipped and tucked into oblivion. Barely recognizable. Has the creepy fish-look so common among the old wives of Bev Hills and Bel Air.

· 10/10 - Justin Long spotted having a lunch outside Bay Cities Deli in Santa Monica. He walked in alone, but came out with some food and a lovely unknown 20-something.

bad photo attributed to taking picture from hip.

· 10/8: Sherman Oaks Fashion Square, near the food court: Spotted Rachel Bilson hugging a blonde woman pushing a stroller. RB was in a jaunty hat, white top, and jeans and looked very cute. She was with another woman with a baby and she was all into the kid.

· Sunday, Oct 7th - While watching the Red Sox spank the Angels at Sebastian's in Burbank, I saw Jason Priestley walk in with his wife and baby for lunch.

· Saw Jordana Spiro ("My Boys") at last night's Morrissey show (10/9). Seemed to be enjoying the show (along with the rest of the gothic/ Latino/hipster/old-school KROQ types). If she's as Moz fan, that's good enough for me. I'll watch her show. Moz was in fine form, BTW, and took his his shirt off three times.

· As I was leaving a screening of Lars & the Real Girl (Thurs 10/11), I noticed late 90's teen sidekick extraordinaire Elden Henson arm-in-arm with whom I can only presume to be his girlfriend going up the escalators to The Landmark Theater (West LA). I can't deny that I desperately wanted to start quacking (none of us want to admit it, but we've all seen at least one of the Mighty Duck movies)

· Tuesday 10/9: I saw Joanie Laurer a.k.a. Chyna Doll at the Burbank Target. Aside from being a plastic surgery fest, she looked kinda cute—wearing the kind of clothes rich housewives wear when they run errands.

"It was so much fun!" a guest tells PEOPLE.

Boasting a Who's Who celeb turnout, including Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Brooke Shields and husband Chris Henchy, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy, Bruce Willis, newlywed Eva Longoria (without Tony Parker), Ron Howard, Brian Grazer and Quincy Jones, the party came on the heels of Saturday's much-anticipated American debut of the L.A. Galaxy's newest and most famous soccer player.

Holmes and Cruise, who flew in for the weekend from Germany where he's shooting the movie Valkyrie, drove to the party with the Smiths, and the three couples posed for photos before heading inside the decked-out warehouse space, where a deejay spun tunes into the night.

And the music struck responsive chords, with the Cruises, Smiths and Beckhams all hitting the dance floor.

On the menu were such British favorites as bangers and mash (sausages and mashed potatoes), as well as such classic American fare as burgers, fries and salad.

Once the dance floor finally cleared (that Will Smith character can really get the "booties" moving with his lively "raps"!), the assembled revelers somberly gathered to participate for the evening's centerpiece: the ritualistic sacrifice of two cater-waiters (one for each royal, naturally) by the winners of a special raffle, a dramatic act of fealty demonstrating that everyone in attendance is utterly dedicated to the service of their belevolent king and queen. The Beckhams are expected to proudly display the blood-stained jackets of the fallen servers above the mantle of their Bel Air mansion, alongside the mounted head of a Hilton heiress just as soon as one can be captured.

• Inside the Beckhams' Star-Studded Bash [People]
• Previously: David Beckham Disappoints CAA Minions Forced To Show Genuine Enthuiasm For His L.A. Arrival [Defamer]

In today's episode David and Victoria Beckham; Dustin Hoffman, James L. Brooks, and Amanda Peet; Keannu Reeves and Claire Forlani; Britney Spears; Julian McMahon and Adam Levine; Seth Rogen; Jason Schwartzman; Jason Lee; Derek Fisher; Richard Chamberlain; Andy Richter; Marcia Cross; Jason Biggs; Sandra Oh; Ron Jeremy; Chris Noth; Kenneth "Babyface" Edmunds, Tom Arnold, Dax Shepherd, Josh Randall; and Shirley Manson.

· Front & Center (Thurs 7/12) at the waaayyy warped "freedom of the press" on display as David & Victoria Beckham arrived via British Airways to the third world enclave that is the Arrivals Hall at Tom Bradley International Terminal (Terminal B) LAX. She - surprisingly demure and cordial / He - surprisingly SKINNY, but yeah a nice looking couple with 3 kids...however, WHAT is their allure? Very strange...considering our soccer stadium is in Carson , CA ...Compton adjacent...?? and they are "famous" because of his soccer playing...?? Mummy & Daddy were prepped and escorted out a side exit, whereby the children could exit the front doors to their waiting vehicles without the glare of the PIGNORANT PAPARAZZI!! (I mean there are COFFINS coming into airports back east carrying REAL HEROES...and the paps / press salivate over a "Victoria Beckham" or a "Paris Hilton". Strange. Very strange.)

· Thursday Night 7/12: Osteria Mozza:
Investor Dinner:
-Amanda Peet w/ husband & asst. friends.
Dustin Hoffman w/ his kids.
-Producer/Director James L. Brooks.
All there for the 8:30 PM seating & FREE Dinner , incl. wine, before
they opened to the public on Friday.
All looked happy & ate alot (of free food & wine)!

· Saturday July 14, Arclight Theaters. We wre there for a 5:10 showing of Transformers. Definitely not there for a 5:10 showing of Transformers, Claire Forlani and Keanu Reeves. I actually only saw Claire Forlani who is gorgeous and skinny but not scary skinny. When I don't have my glasses on people's faces are blurry so I tend to stare if I think I recognize someone, so I was staring at her and quickly looked away when I realized I only knew her because she was famous. Thus I did not see Keanu, but my sister told me after that is who she was with.—Says sister, "He looks really good...really, really good."

· Fri 7/14 - Ritual
Got a tip from a friend that Britney Spears was there and sure enough . . . I wandered over to the VIP area in time to see a couple huge security guys escort her straight to the back bathroom. No sighting of the new tiny dog.

Sat 7/15 - Roosevelt Hotel Pool
Julian McMahon (Nip/Tuck) walked through the pool area in a suit looking way good.
Later, Adam Levine - SO skinny - came through with a few people. He has a little flock of seagulls haircut but otherwise cute.

· 7-15-07, around 3:45PM Insomnia coffeehouse on Beverly. As a dozen or so of us wanna-be screenwriters spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon plunked in front of our laptops, Seth Rogen and his girlfriend wander in. No one seems to take any notice. Seth was wearing sunglasses, dressed like every other semi-chubby hipster guy in L.A.. His girlfriend was cute in a non-actressy way. I wasn't 100% sure it was him until I heard his distinctive Canuck voice. He and his girl got their drinks then skedaddled out before anyone could pitch him their scripts. Once he was gone, everyone whispered to each other verifying that we'd all just been in the presence of Apatow's Annoited One.

· 7-15 In line at the Egyptian for a documentary on Harry Nilsson, as part of their Mods and Rockers series, I saw Jason Schwartzman, picking up his tickets right next to me. He was looking good, with his usual 7-day stubble. I really had no idea he was that short, though. Had a perfectly cute, but average looking girl with him.

· Monday jul 16th — Jason Lee decked out in "My Name is Earl" plaid-ness yet again. He was with a small group of friends..didn't recognize any of the others. They were at Rooney's CD release party at the Roxy, checking out Jason Schwartzman's musical project Coconut Records, who opened up. (His baby brother Robert is Rooney's lead singer and was in The Princess Diaries and The Virgin Suicides). Jason (Lee) and his gang were very amused when Jason (Schwartzman) sang a song with just an iPod and requested that the venue turn off all the lights so he could dance with a flashlight. It was pretty damn awesome.

· I saw ex-now-future Laker Derek Fisher at Saks in Beverly Hills today (7/13). I almost pooped myself. I mean, D. Fish, Mr. .04 himself was at the counter buying some ties. I even think one was in Purple and Gold. Bonus, I got a Dolce & Gabbana suit half off! I still think Kobe is going to leave...

· 7/14 & 7/15 - I don't know if you kids will appreciate this but... I saw Richard Chamberlain (Dr. Kildare, Thorn Birds, Nip/Tuck and he was the original Jason Bourne!) shopping for electronics at Century City on Saturday afternoon. Early Sunday morning, I spotted a solo and sans suspenders Larry King (watch him voice a bee version of himself in Bee Movie this fall!) strolling down Rodeo and heading into his fave place to nosh - Nate 'n Al's.

· While dining at delightful eastside bistro Blair's (7-16), caught a flash of Andy Richter, star of tragically short lived shows Andy Richter Controls the Universe and Andy Barker, PI, entering the "new" dining room. He was by me so quickly that I couldn't see what he was wearing or who he was with, but I would know that former Conan sidekick anywhere. I did not at any time consider shouting a quote from one of his sitcoms at him as he passed, as is the custom of my fellow privacywatchers.

· I saw Marcia Cross shopping in the Pacific Palasades July 12. I wish I could tell you which store, but I only remember that it was overpriced and the sales ladies gave me dirty looks as I touched their wares with my jam hands.

· @ Beverly Hills Benihana on 7/16 for a cooking show with the same 5 tricks for the last 30 years. Spotted Rebecca De Mornay with a bunch of children. She seemed out of it (exactly like I am after John From Cincinnati), She was nursing a couple of martinis and correcting her children's posture. She didn't seem to mind when her kids disappeared for 10 minutes while she toyed with her cellphone.

· Jason Biggs at All'Angelo on Melrose tonight (Sat. 7/14) with three people. Six or seven years ago the would've been an, er, bigger sighting than it is now, unless he's had some major recent career achievements I've missed out on.

· Tuesday, July 10 (a bit late, sorry): Saw Ron Jeremy with a much younger, dark-haired female companion at the Hollywood Bowl. Was a bit surprised, as it was classical music night, but I guess he likes Tchaikovsky, too.

Saturday, July 14: Saw Sandra Oh and assorted friends (and probable boyfriend) at the Hotel Cafe. She is very tiny in person — I am 5' 4" and was towering over her as she brushed past me.

· On Wednesday night I was drinking a Corona at the Cheetah, trying to estimate how many outfits each of the girls had, when suddenly, the sky parted angels sang hymns, and a hedgehog walked in. Yes, Ron Jeremy himself walked in. The giant sucking sound was the sound of every girl in the place running to meet him. I had hoped he was there to guest star in a floor show but it wasn't to be. Oh well. Mercedes was good for two songs.

· I had a "this dude looks way too much like Chris Noth not to be Chris Noth" sighting at the Peets at Sunset and Larabee today (7-16). I do have to say that the man is looking pretty good for his 50-some-odd years. He should definitely keep the beard.

· Saturday night, July 14th @ Arclight: Producer extraordinaire Kenneth "Babyface" Edmunds leaving one of the upper movie screens with his wife. Then inside the 4:45 Rescue Dawn showing, Dax Shepherd and Tom Arnold together, and Josh Randall (he was in the NBC TV show "Ed". I think he was the doctor).

· Saturday 7/14 — after 7 pm... my friend and I had just bought a ticket at the Arclight Cinemas. We walked north on Vine towards Kabuki's for a pre-movie dinner .... And right outside Borders Books, we pass 4 people heading south. I noticed the Redhead with the wild eye make-up - just as my friend said "Thats Shirley Manson of Garbage". I did not see where she had been or where she was going. Last I saw her and the three people she was with, they were crossing Sunset Blvd.

2:17 pm: Ordered to love David Beckham: He'll be here [at CAA] by the time you post this and we are all (as directed by a company-wide email) supposed to crowd the stairwells (floors 2-8) to give him the royal welcome.

I couldn't even tell you what team he'll be playing on but we have orders to show the love.

2:30 pm: So we're all in the stairwell as ordered. And then news comes in that he's running late to Leno and ain't coming by. Haha.

While Beckham's tragic scheduling conflict no doubt left many CAA staffers disappointed, we're sure he'll be back to the Death Star the first moment he's available. At that time, he'll finally be able to gaze upon the awe-inspiring majesty of the 100-foot "Becks Collossus," the momument they've erected outside of their headquarters as an extravagant tribute to the greatness of their current most-beloved client.

The euphoric, citywide buzz accompanying today's official welcoming of David Beckham, Los Angeles's newest tabloid superstar (who's expected to lead the league in magazine covers and gossip column inches, even though he's ostensibly in his declining scandal years), was dampened when embattled mayor Antonio Villaraigosa took to the podium and was showered with boos by an angry throng. Unfortunately, the video feed was cut off immediately after Villaraigosa handed the Galaxy star his framed Certificate of Pre-Recognition of Future Charitable Works, depriving us footage of the ensuing riot in which constituents stormed the dais, tossed the politician from the stage, and installed the wildly popular Beckham as our new mayor.

• Cheers for Becks, Jeers for LA Mayor [Breitbart.TV via Fishbowl LA]

NBC is close to a deal with former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham for an upcoming reality show, a source with knowledge of negotiations confirmed on Tuesday.

The show would focus on Beckham's move to America with her husband, international soccer star David Beckham, who will be plying his trade for the Los Angeles Galaxy of Major League Soccer beginning this summer.

England's Daily Mail newspaper values the deal at $19.6 million.

The pending deal was reportedly brokered by Simon Fuller, who managed the Spice Girls, brokered David Beckham's new soccer contract, and is behind Fox's smash hit American Idol.

"The Americans were falling over themselves to sign Victoria up for a TV show but we had to choose the right deal for her," Fuller was quoted as saying in a British paper. "NBC won out in the end as they have really taken a shine to Vic's hilarious sense of humour [sic] and they want to capitalise [sic] on this."

The series' hysterical fish-out-of-water premise alone (overexposed British famewhore, most memorable for being photographed while shopping and providing some vocals to "Spice Up Your Life," makes her way through the superficial and affluent community of Beverly Hills!) should be enough to have the curious flocking to NBC to see what Posh is up to. We're already atwitter about the plot of the first three episodes, all involving some variation of Posh calling her relatives back home to brag about the sunny SoCal weather, then having her driver bring her to Robertson, where the swarming paparazzi momentarily threaten to prevent her from entering her favorite dress shop.

• NBC Close to a Deal for Victoria Beckham Reality Show [Broadcast & Cable]

· The Soup proposes yet another way that FX can introduce a little more lightheartedness into dreary tabloid drama Dirt.
· Paula Abdul's flack blames her slurry, wildly gesticulating morning show performance on a cocktail of exhaustion and technical difficulties.
· Soon-to-be L.A. resident David Beckham consulted BFF Tom Cruise before agreeing to take $250 million from our local soccer club; once Cruise assured his pal that he'd still have plenty of money left over after he paid Los Angeles' mandatory 30-percent Celebrity Centre tax, Beckham was ready to sign his contract and start making his moving plans.
· Survivor is making further strides in diversifying its cast, choosing only 10 Californians for its upcoming Fiji Islands installment, as compared to the 13 they signed up for the Race Wars season.
· L.A. finally gets its own mystery stench a few days after New York's goes out of style. Typical.
· Our gloryhole-inspecting siblings over at Fleshbot have spent the week porning it up at the AVN Expo in Vegas.

We now return to the important business of looking at pictures of Tara Reid hugging a dolphin in Australia presented underneath headlines punning on a possible inattention to matters of feminie hygiene.

• David Beckham Leaving Real Madrid for L.A. Galaxy [ABC News]