It kicked off with the familiar kaleidoscopic opener, the viewing of which lulls the audience into a light trance, rendering them pliable to host Tom Bergeron's kinky sexual bidding whenever he utters the word "Bruno." That was followed by a series of political attack spoof ads, the twelfth as funny as the first, plus an encore performance of Lance Bass's sultry Tango del Eyeliner. Sadly, it was Rocco DiSpirito who danced with Death last night, its rhinestone-encrusted scythe falling on the comely chef who ultimately proved incapable of locating the soul inside a samba the way he does his Mama's Meatballs. At least he can go home with his head held high, knowing Mario Batali would never have been able to pull off that fuchsia sleeveless number.

• Dancing with the Stars [ABC]

Boomp3.com

The world’s ultimate cougar, Cloris Leachman believes she’s capable of carrying anything after carrying the popular ABC reality dance competition for the last few weeks. Leachman even carried her granddaughter a few blocks over to her car. Leachman said, “Put me on NBC and I’ll carry that network across the finish line, too.”

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

• Dancing With The Stars [ABC]

Kardashian: "I find it very odd that a man involved in a car accident would write a blog right away, instead of focusing on what's going on with the accident."
Tipster: It's not like I was standing in the intersection banging away on my sidekick - OMG, KK in person!!! - xo xo, gossip girl. And I wasn't in the accident. I stuck around to help the bleeding dude get out of this car, then I directed traffic til help got there, gave my number to the cops if they needed to call me as a witness, then continued on my run. I got back home and was so pissed off that someone would act like that, that I bitched about it to my friends on the phone. Then I sat down and bitched to the virtual friends at defamer, who I figured would share my consternation.

Much more, after the jump:

"I was driving in Reggie's black Escalade..."
Just when I thought the whole sense of entitlement thing surrounding this incident couldn't get worse, I find out that she's in Reggie Bush's car - the same Reggie Bush who is under investigation by the NCAA for accepting gifts from an agent while he was an "amateur" athlete at SC.

"...down Beverly Blvd. A Dancing With The Stars production assistant was in the car in front of me and my dance partner Mark was in the car behind me. We all had a wardrobe fitting and were going into the CBS stage lot, where our fittings are. There was an accident and an ambulance in the only drive way for the lot..."
There was no ambulance already at the scene. The ambulance was behind the tow truck, both of which had their flashers on, which was behind your dumb-ass Escalade that had pulled into the emergency lane to snake around the cars that had jammed up due to the accident.

"...however just one lane of the driveway was blocked. There were two still open to drive right into the lot. My phone rang and the production assistant from DWTS was calling to say to follow him right into the lot. We just had to drive around the wreck—the other lanes into the lot were open."
She certainly was on the phone, so this makes sense that it was the show's producers. But the security guard wasn't letting anyone past the wreck cuz there was glass everywhere. There's only 1 lane total at this gate, so I don't know how there could be 2 lanes open in addition to the car that was wrecked in the middle.

"While I was driving slow and looking at the accident..."
You were snaking around parked traffic with your cell phone. We have established this.

"I rolled my window down to see what was going on..."
Your window was closed. I remember this, because when I banged on the side of the car, all I saw was some super-dark tinted side window.

"...and a man tapped my car twice with his hand saying don't slow down, it's just an accident."
What??!!!!??? This is the batshit insane part. I was the only "man" anywhere near this accident, as I was standing in the street. While sometimes if I've been drinking, I've been known to slur, when I'm dead sober, at an accident site, I'm pretty sure "don't slow down" sounds fairly different than "are you fucking kidding me? there's been a serious accident - GET OVER" Also, omitted is the entire exchange when she told me that she knew there was an accident but not to touch her car.

"Mark yelled from behind, in his car, that we are employees and going into the lot..."
The only two cars directy behind her were a tow truck and an ambulance.

"The man said 'ok,' and then said 'that was Kim Kardashian,' as I was driving off..."
Batshit insane part two. Ignoring the reasons WHY I would say it, who the fuck would I say "that was Kim Kardashian" to? I'm the only person standing in the road! Is this to insinuate that I was so star-struck by her that I would fudge all these other details, thereby wrongfully spinning her as different than the saint she so clearly is?

"So, how this story got twisted into me being a 'spoiled brat,' yelling 'don't touch my car,' or whatever was said, is just bizarre!"
That's right. Just bizarre. In fact, I'm a spy from one of your competitors on Dancing With the Stars (oops DWTS as you referred to it). My life's goal is to disparage your character so that America votes for Cloris Leachman instead. You got me.

"There were many cars in front and behind me going into the same parking lot. It's the main entrance into this CBS lot, so it's very busy in general. Why he would single me out, I'm not to sure."
"To sure" what?

"I did look at the accident and saw the paramedics talking to the passengers in the accident..."
You didn't look at shit. After you told me not to touch your car, you snaked in front of the line of cars and gunned it through the yellow light.

"...and know how scary accidents are."
Not as scary as spinning your narcissism into some bullshit tale of victimhood.

Sadly, for a celebrity whose every utterance and sexual encounter is usually preserved for posterity, there were apparently no cameras with Kardashian at that time, so we'll simply have to reconstitute the incident from the two perspectives provided. Whatever transpired, we hope that Kardashian has learned the lesson that when a bleeding accident victim desperately needs assistance, it's best to stop and help. Not only will the ambulances be able to maneuver around your Escalade more easily, but it could even lead to a positive, leering TMZ piece entitled, "Kim K Isn't The Only One Who Got Rear-Ended!"

[Photo Credit: AP]

Boomp3.com

Even though the economy is in shambles and Texans are just starting to recover from the devastating effects of Hurricane Ike over the weekend, there is no force of nature that will keep Kim Kardashian and her family from getting out the word about her upcoming run on Dancing With The Stars. Kris Kardashian-Jenner, the selfless head of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, felt it was very important for her family to get out the message about voting. Mrs. Kardashian-Jenner said, “This is the single most important decision facing the American people right now. We have to keep my darling Kimmy on that show for the next three months. I mean, everybody loves Kim. So, it shouldn’t be a problem, but everybody needs to get out there and vote!”

[Photo Credit: Flynet]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

"My shirtless photo-shoot days are behind me," Mario Lopez tells PEOPLE in a bitter blow to beefcake.

"My TV projects are my main priority," he says. "And no, you will never see me host Extra without a shirt."

Still, to every rule there's an exception – in this case, Nip/Tuck.

Lopez says he is "thrilled" to be reprising the role of Dr. Mike Hamoui on the cable series, with Dr. Mike moving to Los Angeles – where he can once again gain the attention of the ab-admiring Dr. Christian Troy (Julian McMahon) in the locker room.

"A small spoiler," says Lopez. "Dr. Mike might not be taking anymore showers at the gym with Christian, but he will lose his shirt."

Thank God: a reprieve! America, did we even know what we had before it had been briefly lost? From now on, no one is to ask questions in the rare event that Lopez goes barechested, lest the skittish actor be moved to cover up. Like a beautiful, Naired deer that could be spooked by the merest side-by-side Photoshop, Lopez is not ours any longer. He belongs to the wild.

• Mario Lopez: No More Going Shirtless [People]

Boomp3.com

At the premiere of The Women, all of the men in attendance were lured away from their dates by the sweet siren song of Cloris Leachman. Leachman, who's slated to compete in the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars, swept stars like Warren Beatty and Will Smith off their feet with her erotic tales of old Hollywood. Smith said, "Cloris has to be the ultimate cougar. If I wasn't with Jada, I'd make a serious play at her. Although, Warren might give me a run for my money." When asked about her newfound status as the ultimate cougar, Leachman said, "I would say that I still got it, but the fact of the matter is that I never lost it."

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Boomp3.com

A group of photographers broke up tween superstar Miley Cyrus and Dancing With The Stars contestant Cody Linley's night at the drive in movies on Tuesday. Apparently, the windows of Linley's automobile were getting too foggy preventing the capture of special or magic moment between the Hannah Montana stars. Another photographer asked if he could hop into the back seat of the car because he really wanted to watch Disaster Movie. The twosome shrugged their shoulders and allowed the man to join them in back under one condition: he gets the deluxe nachos combo and a large cherry Icee with two red vines to act as straws.

Photo Credit: X17

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Production began last night on a pilot that a group of plucky producers hope will become the next big reality craze, Rollin' Sushi With The Stars. Combining elements from Bravo's Top Chef and Dancing With The Stars, Rollin' Sushi With The Stars is about discovering the celebrity with the greatest California Roll rolling ability. So far, the producers have only convinced two people to join the cast — veteran reality stalwarts Christopher Knight and Adrianne Curry. When asked about his involvement with the pilot, Knight said, "Well, we saw a camera setting up down the street from our house and we were like, "We haven't been on TV in weeks and these lavalier mics are just collecting dust. Turns out the producers were looking for some top notch talent and kaboom! We're creating some TV magic. After this, we'll definitely be able to get a table at Nobu."

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Susan Lucci, Toni Braxton and Lance Bass will hit the floor on ABC's "Dancing With the Stars." [...] The other contestants are Cloris Leachman, Kim Kardashian, Ted McGinley, Brooke Burke, NFL champ Warren Sapp and two Olympic athletes:

Misty May-Treanor, who won her second gold medal for beach volleyball at this year's summer games in Beijing, and Maurice Greene, who won two gold medals in track at the 2000 games in Sydney. Rounding out the cast are chef Rocco DiSpirito, Cody Linley of "Hannah Montana" and comedian Jeffrey Ross.

So many ways to analyze this. With Susan Lucci and Ted McGinley, we have perhaps the most famously whammied celebs in the history of Hollywood: the former forever associated with with an unmatched losing streak of 783 Daytime Emmy nominations, the latter synonymous, somewhat unfairly, with being a kiss of series death. Surely this can be of little consolation to co-host Samantha Harris, who's positive their accursed presence will lead to her freak goring by fumbled disco ball trophy. 82-year-old Cloris Leachman, meanwhile, will have a chance to vindicate herself after being passed over by the producers of Young Frankenstein the Musical, who worried she wouldn't have the stamina required for the role. Surely if she can hoist a full kegger over her head, she can master the foxtrot. As for Jeffrey Ross, we think the comedian fills the Honorary Adam Carolla Spot, i.e. someone completely out of their league, who signs on for indeterminate reasons, only to get voted off in the first week after calling Carrie Ann a bitch.

• 'Dancing' unveils new lineup [Variety]

"After several great years together my last assistant and I have decided to date, thus making a professional relationship a conflict of interest. Be aware that this could be a temporary position if things do not work out between the two of us. All the standard prerequisites apply, positive attitude, promptness, attention to detail, good hygiene and strong fashion sense a MUST."

More gratifying household chores responsibilities — and your guesses as to the aid-boffing boss's identity — follow after the jump.

Of course you'll be expected to perform all the usual call-rolling, filing and calendar coordination duties, but the ideal candidate will have additional tolerance for an even wider range of soul-coarsening degradation:

Other duties that may be asked of you from time to time are:
Personal shopping (i.e. belts)
Cooking- experience with liquidarian preparation preferred but not required
Pet management (I live in a ranch style home in the Hollywood hills so hope you like horses, dogs, and a prize winning show peacock) may be asked of you from time to time but not part of your regular duties

So! We have a belt-wearing liquidarian with a handsome peacock (unless that slyly refers to either an NBC dance show we don't yet know about or... well, never mind). That should be easy enough to suss, right? Help us help you.

• Assistant Needed for High Ranking Staffer on Hit Dance Reality Show [Craigslist via WYBM]

Historically speaking, ballroom dancing is considered to be an incredibly hetero environment. There's nobody "light in the loafers" on that stage. The constant bedazzling of the purple, stretch satin leisure suits is not so much a fashion statement as it is a safety precaution: you need those sparkly guides to assist you during all that hetero twirling. So the announcement of male partners comes as shock to many, but as always, Hollywood is ready to plan massive events to support this radical cause.

First up will undoubtedly be a massive A-List gala. Co-chaired by Elton John and T.R. Knight, the benefit will feature Eva Longoria-Parker, Victoria Beckett, Liz Taylor (scheduled to appear before 4PM), and cause-whore Sharon Stone, but only after promising not to speak.

Throwing "quieter" support behind the cause are Hollywood's Four Stooges – Clooney, Pitt, Damon and Cheadle. These four often opt out of attending flashy, public events. Per usual, they'll hold a far more civilized and appropriate gathering in Vegas called Poker Playing Celebrities United Behind Male Dance Couples.

And rounding out the trifecta of celebrity support will surely be the all-important PSA. We can't forget you, Julia, Tom, Cameron, Reese, Ben and Jen. Male dance couples everywhere will be thanking you for your overly earnest remarks.

Way to go, Hollywood!

• Celebrity Side Dish [NYDN]

Apparently honesty isn't always the best policy for Mario Lopez.

Last week, Star told you that Mario was double-timing his recent ex, Karina Smirnoff, with a Hooters waitress. Now, we've caught him telling another fib.

Recently named to a magazine's hot bachelor list, Mario was asked during the accompanying interview if he "manscapes," which means removing excess body hair via waxing, shaving, laser or plucking. He responded, "Not at all. That's the Latin Indian blood in me. My Dad has a hairy chest, but I don't."

So how come he has a hairy chest in this 2003 photo... and a bare one in a more recent one?

J'accuse! Reader "blah" recoiled in shock, spitting, "What a liar! You can see the stubble on his ta'ta's... He is a complete loser!!" But perhaps no one was more hurt than "chris," who said, "I think Mario is pretty dishonest. He talks about how religious he is, and has such a strong faith. Excuse me...since when is not being honest ok?"

Indeed, Chris! Did Moses (or whoever) die for our sins so that Mario Lopez could lie to Hollywood publications about his smooth chest? Who among us will stand idly by while the pecs of Hollywood's so-called "Christians" go unchecked? Kudos, Star magazine: only one tabloid had the guts to adhere to that most forgotten of commandments (Commandment 9c): "thou shalt not worship false razors."

[Photo Credit: Star Magazine]

• Did Mario Lopez Fib about His Hairy Situation?! [Star Magazine]

boomp3.com



Former Dancing With The Stars contestant Steve Guttenberg snapped in New York on Wednesday afternoon. A photographer asked if Guttenberg had any insight on the recent split between his former Dancing co-star Karina Smirnoff and Mario Lopez. Guttenberg said that he didn't really get to know many of the other dancers on the show since he was voted off fairly on in the series. The photographer backed off for a minute, then asked if Guttenberg had any scoop on his former Veronica Mars co-star Kristen Bell's romance with comedic actor Dax Shepard. The photographer kept on pressing the issue until Guttenberg introduced his close friend, "Righty McSledgeHammer", into the situation.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

• [Watch Video]

· Mariah Carey's "E=MC2" sold 463,000 copies in its first week, earning her her sixth #1 album, and us a whole new crop of Stairmaster anthems! [Variety]
· Dancing With the Stars gives ABC a "boost" (translation: still trailing Idol, but a little less pulverized than usual) Tuesday, though let's not forget the contribution of those "two According to Jim episodes as its lead-in." [THR]
· As hopes for a pickup on Cashmere Mafia unravel, showbiz survivor Lucy Liu secures an attractive backup deal in which she'd join the cast of Dirty Sexy Money. [THR]

As the Times notes, Hatcher "has both confirmed and denied" having work done, but the image at left of Hatcher in 1991's Soapdish shows a smoother, plumper visage. And Carrie Fisher's triumphant and hilarious guest appearance on 30 Rock last year was tarnished only because "you had to hit the rewind button a few times to make sure it was her."

As much as we adore Barbara Walters til death does us part, it's hard to ignore her incapability to express more than one stoic expression on The View these days. And Melanie Griffith's less-than-stellar career of late hasn't been helped by what the Times refers to as "much-speculated-upon changes to [her] visage."

And then there are the two wild cards. As easy as it seems to label Priscilla and Marcia Cross as Botox users, we can't help but notice how similar they look to their decade(s)-old versions. Maybe we're going out on a limb, but is it possible that these two were simply born with sky-high eyebrow arches and remarkable cheekbones? As they say, maybe she's born with it.

[Photo credits: Getty, Wireimage]

• ON TV: BOTOX. FACE-LIFTS. RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY. [LAT]

And wouldn't you know it, their promos for the show are crassly geared to let everyone out there in TV Land know that they should tune in to see whether or not a deaf woman can rumba when she "CAN'T HEAR THE MUSIC" (their words, not ours)! Kudos, ABC, kudos. We didn't think you'd dare go there, but of course, you did. [ABC]

We are most excited about Steve Guttenberg's involvement, whose stream-of-batshit-consciousness ramblings in recent years suggest to us that the rapidly unraveling '80s screen titan will lend an element of must-see-insanity to the proceedings. Hairspray star Marissa Jaret Winokur has also signed on, with many pinning their hopes on the plus-sized firecracker to finally integrate America's last segregated reality show. In the role of Most Inspiring Absence formerly occupied by Heather Mills's left leg, we have Oscar-winner Marlee Matlin's hearing. Penn Jillette, Priscilla Presley, Adam Carolla, Shannon Elizabeth, Monica Seles, Cristian De La Fuente, Kristi Yamaguchi, Miami Dolphin Jason Taylor, and someone named Mario (not Lopez, we think; he already had his chance) round out the group.

• Dancing with the Stars: Announcing

Watch as the consummate entertainer revisits the painful time in his career, clearly still scarred by the memory of The Tonight Show host ripping open the edge of a white envelope, blowing into it, and producing an index card that read "Name a cancer, a dancer, and a prancer," (the response to Great Carsoni divination, "Lung, Baryshnikov, and Wayne Newton") to the audible delight of the studio audience.

• Wayne Newton threatened to kick Johnny Carson's ass over gay jokes [PageOneQ]
• Larry King Live

Thankfully, Osmond did somehow find the inner strength to weather this crushing disappointment, at least temporarily; as you can hear for yourself in the above clip, she made it through her brief concession speech without a meltdown. However, once the reality of her third-place finish finally sank in, she unexpectedly returned to the set with the giant key used to wind her up during her ill-received doll performance, nearly bludgeoning judge Bruno Tonioli to death with the prop for the perceived role his tragically sassy comment about her looking like a cross between "Baby Jane and the bride of Chucky" played in destroying her dreams.

• Dancing with the Stars [ABC.com]
• Previously: Marie Osmond's Baby Doll Dance Of Despair [Defamer]

· Last night's Dancing with the Stars finale wasn't quite as popular as the show's previous season-ending offerings, but it was still high-rated enough to give ABC its biggest Tuesday night Nielsens in seven years. A basket full of muffins from Steve McPherson has already been delivered to Helio Castroneves in gratitude. [Variety]
· Depending on who you are, The Golden Compass is either too religious, or not religious enough. [THR]
· The Sundance festival unveils the lineup of independent films that inevitably will be overshadowed by constant media reports about which Park City gifting suites and nightclubs Paris Hilton and the cast of Entourage are frequenting. [Variety]

All things considered, we're relieved that last night's dance wasn't an even more dramatic reflection of the turbulence in Osmond's personal life; things would seem even bleaker this morning had she chosen a different Stones tune as her farewell number, dumping a can of inky Benjamin Moore over her head before writhing on the judge's table for the duration of "Paint It Black," leaving her devastated partner with nothing to do but watch while their fleeting championship hopes dissolved into a sticky, ebony pool of despair.

• Dancing with the Stars [ABC.com]
• Richard Simmons Brings Whispered Affirmations, Sassy Pom Poms To 'Dancing With The Stars' [Defamer]

After dropping by Dancing with the Stars to serve as Jennie Garth's pom-pom-wielding, short-shorted life coach and leading the show to yet another Nielsen victory, even established hits like Deal or No Deal will soon be clamoring to line up Simmons appearances, knowing that viewers won't be able to resist tuning in to see if the exertion of prying open one of those briefcases might shake loose a painstakingly depilated testicle from its vertically striped, minimum security prison, instantly creating the kind of spontaneous watercooler moment that overworked alternative programming executives crave.

• Dancing with the Stars [ABC.com]

· Marie's partner Jonathan Roberts knew something was wrong halfway through the performance, as Osmond's breath was catching, she was missing steps, and she never once whispered, "C'mon, let's bring that big, shiny disco ball home for mama. Waddaya say, Jonny m'boy?!" into his ear during the performance. [ExtraTV]
· "She's OK, she just doesn't breathe," says Osmond's publicist, just one vital human function off from the, "She's OK, she just doesn't eat" statement the flack typically issues on behalf of younger starlet clients. [accesshollywood.com]

We suppose we'll have to wait a few hours to see whether or not the footage makes the West Coast airing of the the show, which they could rush to promote (The Shocking Samba That Took Marie Osmond's Breath Away!) for a quick ratings boost, hoping to capitalize on the tensest moment in series history since Goodman leapt from behind his table and interrupted a particularly inept, flailing Billy Ray Cyrus foxtrot, mistakenly believing the contestant to be suffering from a grand mal seizure.

• Dancing With the Stars [ABC.com]

And [the contestants] are: · Melanie "Mel B" Brown, 32, Spice Girls ("Scary Spice") singer (pro partner: Maksim Chmerkovskiy); · Sabrina Bryan, 22, actress/singer (The Cheetah Girls) (pro partner: Mark Ballas); · Helio Castroneves, 32, racecar driver (pro partner: Julianne Hough); · Mark Cuban, 48, businessman (owner of NBA's Dallas Mavericks) (pro partner: Kym Johnson); · Jennie Garth, 35, actress (Beverly Hills, 90210) (pro partner: Derek Hough, older brother of Julianne Hough); · Josie Maran, 29, supermodel (pro partner Alec Mazo);

· Cameron Mathison, 38, actor (All My Children) (pro partner: Edyta Sliwinska; · Floyd Mayweather, Jr., 30, boxer (pro partner: Karina Smirnoff); · Wayne Newton, 65, singer (pro partner: Cheryl Burke); · Marie Osmond, 47, singer/doll designer (pro partner: Jonathan Roberts); · Albert Reed, 22, supermodel (pro partner: Anna Trebunskaya); and · Jane Seymour, 56, actress (pro partner: Tony Dovolani).

Our comedown has been swift and painful. While we're pleased to see Wayne Newton getting a chance to prove on live television that he is still a living, flesh-and-blood man and not a crudely made papier-mâché impersonator, we question the logic behind leaking fake names that are actually better and more interesting than the real ones. We don't even know who this Albert Reed character is—unless this is another clever piece of misdirection, and mid-routine a loincloth-clad Ferrigno will violently burst forth from the his chest to reclaim his partner, and perform a stirring tango over the fictional "supermodel's" bloody remains .

• Dancing With The Stars announces new contestants [People.com]

The gays are atwitter and I got in a debate with my pal Troy about it on Saturday night when I took the position that the org can depend on fair portrayal of gays from their own people and they are about pushing fair portrayals in mainstream media. [...]

Speaking of public images, I think the SFPWOL, the Society for People With One Leg, should revoke any tributes they have planned for Heather Mills. It is not working, Heather. Sorry, but it is not. The lady on Amazing Race last season was a true inspiration for us all. You are not!

And with one seamlessly executed segue, Cohen manages to clarify all the hot-button LGBT media awards issues, while demonstrating his facility with the time-honored skill of the bitchy gay aside. No, no one is safe from Cohen's acid tongue—not even Dancing with the Stars's resident Beatle-divorcée amputee, whose calculated attempts at hijacking America's sympathies through prosthetic-enabled foxtrots are completely transparent to Cohen's showbiz-jaded eye.

• Image Awards! [BravoTV.com]

Laila Ali — Daughter of Muhammad Ali, retired boxer. Billy Ray Cyrus — Best known for his 1992 hit, "Achy Breaky Heart." Heather Mills — Separated from singer and songwriter Paul McCartney. Clyde Drexler — Former shooting guard for the Houston Rockets. Joey Fatone — Member of 'N Sync. Shandi Finnessey — Won the Miss USA pageant in 2004

Leeza Gibbons — Entertainment Tonight, Leeza. Paulina Porizkova — '80s supermodel. Ian Ziering — Beverly Hills 90210's affable Steve Sanders. Vincent Pastore — "Big Pussy" Bonpensiero on The Sopranos. Apolo Anton Ohno — Olympic speed skater.

Among the exciting firsts this season, Mills is the only celebrity amputee to compete, which led Springer to already crown her "sentimental favorite" before even a single routine has been performed. As her disability gives her an understandable, if somewhat unfair, advantage over the other contestants, we can only hope ultra-competitive Ian Ziering doesn't "accidentally" swing his forearm into the path of a rotary saw in the days leading up to the premiere, all in the name of scoring the extra stumpathy he'll need from the judges to guarantee it's he who hoists the disco-ball trophy high above his head come the series finale.

• Meet the New Cast of 'Dancing With the Stars' [abcnews.go.com]