In the annals of celebrity scandal, the question of whether a Saved By the Bell co-star fibbed about his chest hair would surely rank below most — but not to the aggrieved, vigilant readers of Star magazine. After Mario Lopez gave an interview with People where he testified — under oath, no doubt — that he has never had to manscape, Star dug out old photos of the Dancing with the Stars alum that tell a different tale. What started as an eagle-eyed catch by connoisseurs of celebrity skin quickly became full-on outrage as fans of Lopez flocked to the forum to castigate their former idol. Said Star:

Apparently honesty isn't always the best policy for Mario Lopez.

Last week, Star told you that Mario was double-timing his recent ex, Karina Smirnoff, with a Hooters waitress. Now, we've caught him telling another fib.

Guttenberg's Got Five Reasons Why The 'Police Academy' Movies Rule

Brad Pitt's Chilling 911 Bear Attack Call

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'What Happens In Vegas' Meant To Elicit Laughter From Paying Audiences

· A bumper crop of comedies are set for release in the coming months, including Baby Mama, Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay, Sex and the City, What Happens in Vegas, and Made of Honor, some of which could actually be classified as comedies! [Variety]
· An "intimate upfront...at Soho house" unveiled Oxygen's new tagline ("live out loud," whatever that means), as well as their new logo ("the black, lower-case 'oxygen' inside the yellow letter 'O,' which is tilted to one side"). Save it for your iVillage blog, Zucker. [Variety]

Did They Or Didn't They? (Botox, That Is)

Aaaaaaah! She Can't Hear!

· "Fabian is my music," Marlee Matlin said, just moments after playing grab-ass with her mambo-champion Dancing with the Stars partner. This suggests to us that her gaydar is about as finely tuned as her hearing. [DWTS]
· Set your alarms, everyone: Your first glimpse of J.Lo's twins comes at 7 a.m. sharp! [People]
· Ivan Dixon, aka Hogan's Heroes Kinchloe, dead at 76. [AP]
· Hey—it's that immortal dude from New Amsterdam's junk! (NSFW) [OMG BLOG]
· Bring this coupon Saturday, get $100,000 off your Silver Lake loft—and free sangria. [Curbed LA]

New 'Dancing' Promos Eager To Remind America That Marlee Matlin Is Deaf

While execs at the Fox network long ago learned that people have a strong desire to watch shows aimed at an audience of gore-hound rubberneckers (think, America's Most Shocking And Deadly High-Speed Rollover Accidents Part Six), the folks at the more family friendly American Broadcasting Channel rolled the dice when they cast the last season of Dancing With The Stars. Their bet was that they could appeal to an under-exploited niche of the American television viewing audience by casting a one-legged former trophy wife of a Beatle. After all, would people really tune in to see whether or not she would fall on her ass while doing the Cha-Cha? Not surprisingly, they did tune in ... in droves, even. So when it came time for this season to roll around, producers decided to go right back to the developmentally-challenged well when they decided to cast the hearing-impaired Oscar winner (and stone fox) Marlee Matlin.

The Guttenberg Danceth: 'Dancing with the Stars' Announces The Class of '08

Is there any mid-February tradition more cherished than the announcement of the Dancing with the Stars cast? These dozen brave, ballroom soldiers—of wildly varying Q-ratings and coordination skills—are plucked from every conceivable branch of celebrity, thrown into chest-bearing vests and horrifying baby doll dresses, and shuffled onto a well-greased dance floor. And it's all for America's perverse, compound-fracture-curious pleasures. Revealed last night on Dance War: The Chatterbox Gaytalian Strikes Back, and repeated again this morning on GMA, the sixth season brings Dancing a higher caliber of "star" than ever:

Until we saw this clip from Larry King Live last night, we honestly had no clue how hard Johnny Carson made things for our secretly favorite Dancing with the Stars contestant, Wayne Newton, who couldn't pull on a single, sequined polyester outfit and launch into song in a Las Vegas floorshow without having the late night despot crack some crass joke questioning his sexuality. (And later, he claims, finagling him a spot on a Mafia's Most Wanted hit list.)

Helio Dancing Right Into Barbara Walters' Web Of Seduction

· Did Dancing with the Stars champ Helio Castroneves announce that he's newly single before he took his victory lap on The View? Because we want to know if we should read the crackling sexual tension between him and Barbara Walters as the forbidden or out-in-the-open, headed-to-her- dressing-room-at-the-commercial-break kind. (We know! And with the dance partner he may or may not be diddling sitting right there! Shameless.)
· Meanwhile, all former Dancing contestants and their guests were treated to complimentary face paralysis at the finale's afterparty.
· The writers strike seems to have cost Chevy Chase a regular gig on SNL's Weekend Update desk.
· Remember when posing semi-clothed on a magazine cover while pregnant was kind of a novel thing?

Third-Place Finisher Marie Osmond Deprives 'Dancing' Audience Of Much-Anticipated Emotional Meltdown

Truth be told, we can't be made to care about who took home the Golden Tap Shoes—by far the most coveted of all the celebrity-based reality TV talent competition trophies—on last night's Dancing with the Stars finale, even after discovering that the heady rush of victory was so overwhelming that the show's new champion was moved to drop his fiancée like she was a tango partner who caught fire in the middle of a dip. The only reason we even bothered to tune in to the fifteen-hour coronation ceremony was to check in on Marie Osmond, America's Emotionally Fragile Sweetheart, whom we weren't sure would survive the defeat her now-legendary Baby Doll Dance of Despair made all but inevitable.

It's Like 'Big,' But Backwards, And With Only Enough Money In The Casting Budget To Get Matthew Perry

· Var insightfully notes that picket lines full of bored writers marching in endless circles with little else to do but chat, network, and dream up theme events have transformed into something of a "social scene." [Variety]
· Hollywood Out of Ideas, Tom Hanks On A Budget Edition: Matthew Perry will play a grown-up version of Disney superstar Zac Efron in Big-in-reverse project 17, in which a suddenly teenaged, mysteriously overtanned Perry/Efron enrolls in high school so he can hang out with his children, who wonder why the "new gay kid" keeps trying so hard to become friends with them. [THR]

Marie Osmond's Baby Doll Dance Of Despair

Before you pass an unfavorable judgment on Marie Osmond's bizarre performance on Monday night's Dancing with the Stars finale, please remember that she's going through an extremely difficult stretch in her life right now, catty accusations of being an attention-craving drama queen nothwithstanding. After surviving a terrifying fainting spell on live TV, a son being sent off to rehab, and the loss of the Osmond family patriarch, we really can't blame her for succumbing to to the enormous pressure of making the finals by engaging in an act of self-sabotage in donning that ill-considered baby doll costume and flailing limply through "Start Me Up."

Richard Simmons Brings Whispered Affirmations, Sassy Pom Poms To 'Dancing With The Stars'

If there's one potentially happy side-effect of the strike-hobbled, reality-TV-riddled primetime schedules that will soon be necessitated by the writers strike's shutdown of the script pipeline, it's that Richard Simmons will probably enjoy a much-deserved career resurgence as his personal services become coveted by producers desperate for a hit from the stunt-cameo crackpipe.

Dropping Marie Osmond: Family And Friends React To The Fainting Spell That Shook The World

The Z-List celebrity dance competition world was thrown for a loop yesterday when Marie Osmond collapsed on live TV following a performance on Dancing with the Stars: It was a shocking turn of events that elicited gasps from the audience, if not a few snickers of derision from overzealous competitors, at least one of whom was overheard to have said, "Geez, my mother died and yet I still managed to keep it together. Looks like the pressure's finally getting to someone. Team Seymour!" A round-up:
· Marie describes what it feels like to survive a post-Samba, nowhere-near-death experience: "I wasn't quite sure what was going on and then I saw everybody. I saw my kids, I saw TOM [BERGERON] and I think I said, 'Oh, crap!'" [ETOnline]
· Brother Donny helpfully speculates on some of the external factors that might have contributed to Marie's loss-of-consciousness! Health scare! Tragedy!: "Marie is touring, she has 8 children and went through a divorce." If we had 8 sets of crushed eyes staring down at us after falling off the reality TV gravy-train, we might say, "Oh, crap" too. [ETOnline]

Marie Osmond Faints On 'Dancing With The Stars'

Mere minutes ago, millions of east-coasted Dancing with the Stars fans watched as Marie Osmond fainted during judge Len Goodman's appraisal of her samba, a dance apparently so physically draining that it was impossible for Osmond to stay conscious long enough to signal the show's producers to cut away from a coming swoon in time to avoid unnecessarily upsetting America. But don't worry: we're told the Dancing crew returned after the impromptu break to let everyone know she's fine.