Defamer
Posts Tagged “
Cupcakes
”
not-so-hard time
Nicole Richie's DUI Sentence Measured In Hours
After all the heartache we've already suffered this summer from our vicarious incarceration with Paris Hilton, where our souls died a death from a thousand undignified paper cuts delivered over those draining 23 days, there's nothing left for Nicole Richie, who was just sentenced in connection with her Vicodin-fueled, wrong-way joyride on the 134. More »
war preparations
WeHo Residents Girding For Next Week's Hilton-Related Media Invasion
Still waking up slick with nightsweats at the passing of every traffic copter, anticipating that another airborne invasion by local news vultures is at hand, residents of Paris Hilton's neighborhood are preparing for the media Apocalypse that awaits them when the world's most famous political prisoner is released from her unjust imprisonment. Notes Gatecrasher's Ben Widdicombe: More »
cupcakes
City Bakery Likely To Be Wiped Out In L.A. Cupcake War
While we appreciate the City Bakery's attempt to use Paris Hilton's incarceration to drum up a little buzz (as illustrated in the above photo from Eater LA), they ultimately stand no chance against the more dedicated attention-whores of Mrs. Beasly's in our city's ongoing Cupcake Wars. Sticking nail files in some spice cakes and putting up a sign is definitely cute, but demonstrates that the Brentwood outfit lacks the dedication of rivals who have proven they're willing to fellate swarming news crews for coverage or slaughter a disloyal A-lister. Until they accost Rick and Kathy on one of their well-publicized visits to their jailed daughter and demand they deliver their "Visitation Cakes" in front of dozens of cameras, we have no choice but to dismiss them as lazy dilettantes lacking in killer instinct. More »
red velvet salvation
Hilton Home-ImprisonmentWatch: First Luxury Baked Goods Arrive
With the media gathered at the orgy developing outside Paris Hilton's house greedily filling each quivering news-hole in the aftermath of the heiress's unexpected release from lock-up, we salute the LAT for uncovering an orifice that had yet to be penetrated. In detailing the chaotic scene at the Kings Road Regional Detention Facility, the Times brings word of which of the area's warring cupcake factions was first to the scene with snack; unsurprisingly, the treat-pushing attention-whores from Mrs. Beasley's arrived with the cameras: More »
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