"I am fed up with Los Angeles. It's dirty and full of crazy people. I want a complete lifestyle change. People criticise Britain but it is still a cleaner, safer place to live than Hollywood," she said. [...]

"I love the greenery and the freshness of the countryside. It is just a healthier place for me to be. I've been house-hunting seriously and I'll know as soon as I find the perfect place." [...]

The couple's daughter Frances Bean is now 15. Ms Love said: "Hollywood is not a healthy place for a teenager to grow up.

"There are too many bad influences. Frances is also looking forward to the move to England."

She said: "English men are more fun. I love all things British."

Depending on how much you trust UK's celebrity media for your news, England could be in the process of losing a divorcing Madonna to NYC. That would offer a perfect opening for Love to swoop in and become their self-exiled egomaniacal-pop-diva queen, in exchange offering them unfettered access to her new adopted lifestyle filled with naked equestrianism and crustless cucumber-and-heroin sandwiches.

• Watch out Sunningdale - Here comes Courteney Love! [Daily Mail]

The filmmakers have repeatedly said they had no inkling of the danger during the making of the film. "Nobody that we were working with [in Afghanistan] ever said this could be anything but a positive thing for these kids and their families and for their culture," says producer Rebecca Yeldham. "There was such joy and enthusiasm for the sincerity and seriousness of our approach." [...]

Yeldham says the scene was in fact depicted in a less harrowing manner than originally planned, in part "out of respect for concerns of the families and out of respect for the culture." (Apparently, the filmmakers had some inkling of these issues after all.) She also said that the studio wanted to be sure the movie got a PG-13 rating so it could "reach out and touch audiences around the world of all ages."

Ahmad Kahn said he declined to remove his trousers for the scene. He and his father became concerned that the studio would use computers to make the sequence more graphic. Yeldham says that is not the case. But she acknowledged that a body double was used, in one case to show a boy undoing a pants buckle and in another to show pants being tugged slightly down. "We shot those for continuity," she says. "There was no nudity involved." Somehow, we suspect that the Mahmidzada family will be unpleasantly surprised to see that bit of continuity.

"This has been a labor of love for four years," Yeldham says. "We have taken great pains to do right by Khaled's beautiful book. And, none of us being of this culture or faith, we really, really carefully undertook every step of this process and tried to do the right thing by the kids and the families always. It's tough to be on the receiving [end] of fraudulent accusations when you know that you can hold your head high because you did do the right thing."

One has to wonder if Paramount, crumbling under the building pressure of the controversy as the release date approaches, will decide it needs to sacrifice its filmmakers' uncompromising vision in the interest of peace. While critics will probably find replacing those rape-establishing continuity shots with something far less culturally explosive, such as an innocuous, violence-defusing title card reading, "And then Hassan and the nice man shook hands and went on with their day, having never been unclothed in each other's presence. The end," a creative disaster, the alteration may save the studio the expense of having to put the children through college.

• Previously: Studio Delays 'Kite Runner' While It Tries To Figure Out How Long It Needs To Protect Endangered Child Actors [Defamer]