The story involving Lohan is hardly new, and appears to be taken directly from last year's suspect News Of The World feature in which one of Lohan's cohorts turned over a tape allegedly showing Lohan snorting lines at Teddy's. The item, accompanied by grainy stills from the tape which have yet to convince us Lindsay's the girl peer pressuring everyone around her into joint key bumps, did provide a classic Lindsay quote: "I'm going to New York tomorrow to fuck Jude Law!" Funny. And sad, because of just how funny that objective would be today. As for the other excerpts, Johnny Depp is the actor who said he'd spent most of his life in a fog, but his comments on cocaine and all the "teeth-grinding" that came with it were made in retrospect during a 2001 interview with The Guardian. The star who relied on the drug socially? Shockingly (!), Elton John. Who provided the book's quote to the LAT back in 1992. And guess what? Robin Williams, believe it or not, was once fond of the same drug! Too bad that news is so old Williams was still using the memory of it to plug movies to People in 1988.

The book's authors also promise revelations from the secretly drug-filled lives of Whitney Houston, Courtney Love, Amy Winehouse, and George Michael. But rather than sit around in heated anticipation of the day you can waste $28.95 on the hardcover, we'll give you the Cliff's Notes:
Whitney Houston: "Crack is whack."
Amy Winehouse: "They tried to make me go to rehab, I said no, no, no."
George Michael: "Why can't I set my monkey free?"
Courtney Love: "im sur ei am quite Nuerotic."
[Photo credits: Wireimage]

• DOPE STYLES OF THE BOLD-FACES [NYP]

The singer's deathly pale skin drew gasps as she stepped out for a shopping trip in Malibu in a 1920s see-through lace dress, as did her painfully thin frame.

Love's weight has long been the focus of attention - she lost 52 pounds last year on a strict diet of shakes combined with minimal fish and vegetables.

She denied reports gastric bypass surgery and liposuction aided her initial transformation.

Gastric bypass? Surgery? C'mon, tabloids, this is Courtney Love we're dealing with here. Who needs traditional weight loss methods when you can snort five lines of rhino tusk and go shopping dressed as Mona from The Lady in White?

[Photo Credit: X17]

• Ghoulish Courtney Love reveals her skeletal frame in a see-through 1920s dress [Daily Mail]

"I am fed up with Los Angeles. It's dirty and full of crazy people. I want a complete lifestyle change. People criticise Britain but it is still a cleaner, safer place to live than Hollywood," she said. [...]

"I love the greenery and the freshness of the countryside. It is just a healthier place for me to be. I've been house-hunting seriously and I'll know as soon as I find the perfect place." [...]

The couple's daughter Frances Bean is now 15. Ms Love said: "Hollywood is not a healthy place for a teenager to grow up.

"There are too many bad influences. Frances is also looking forward to the move to England."

She said: "English men are more fun. I love all things British."

Depending on how much you trust UK's celebrity media for your news, England could be in the process of losing a divorcing Madonna to NYC. That would offer a perfect opening for Love to swoop in and become their self-exiled egomaniacal-pop-diva queen, in exchange offering them unfettered access to her new adopted lifestyle filled with naked equestrianism and crustless cucumber-and-heroin sandwiches.

• Watch out Sunningdale - Here comes Courteney Love! [Daily Mail]

God people are batshit. And im not the one who is.

I may be Eccentric, i certainly speak my mind and am slow to put out a record i need to mean the world to ME, and im sur ei am quite Nuerotic but "Bi Polar" . Thats just slander.I shoot straight from the hip and spellcheck has NOTHING to do with REALITY

So committed is the former Hole frontwoman to reestablishing her firm grip on reality that Love has already launched a companion blog on Tumblr* just to prove the point. Fans can check in from time to time for a dose of level-headed and exhaustingly spell-checked Courtney ying to MySpace's batshit crazy, word-jumble yang.

*Disclaimer: Tumblespot is a Defamer Parody™ and in no way is associated with a not-crazy Courtney Love.

• seriously? [Courtney Love's MySpace Blog]
• Courtney Still Has Identity — As for Her Mind ... [TMZ]
• Kurt bought a house last year [The Sun]
• Love So Sane [tumblr]

First, we present the predictable lot: Courtney Love, who Us claims "supported herself by stripping" after not fitting in at the girls reform school she attended. Then there's (RIP) Anna Nicole Smith, whose sordid past will soon be making its way to a television screen near you, followed by rapper Eve, who Us quotes as saying, "The money was good...I don't regret it at all."

But about those three Oscar noms? As for the guys, Brad Pitt and Javier Bardem, we'd pay good money for those shows. But Renee? Eh, ten years ago maybe, but we fear a pole could quite possibly break her in half these days.

[Photo Credits: Wireimage]

• STARS' SECRET STRIPPER PASTS [Us]

swank looked great, i bet that was Versace, she looke dgirly for the fiorst time in forever- im sad for PTA i love teh Coens but PTA well tehy shouldve let him release all 6 hours of There Will Be Blood cos thats what i bet there is of it, Kidman as anyone knows and me are not bffs by any stretch, and i though te edgy thing was cool but for some reason not onher- and her forehead is way too shiny it flips me out- iwas REALLY isnpired Diablo Cody won - that was fucking AWESOME in fact i think i just may have peed all over her My Space-

i was supposed to be at Eltons Party at i think noon or something and if we dont hiurry it will suck- i really dont want to get there ina crush of shit and stuff- wait my pr is outside im calling her hold on- okay i hope the disaster has been averted but m,y expirience with that party is that i do NOT want to see Paris dancing ona table i really really DONT and i dont want to stuff a stale slamon canape in my mouth and i really need to get laid so i m off to do so.

By way of summary:

Swank: Girly
Kidman: Shiny
Anderson: Sorry
Cody: Worthy
Elton: Party
PR Girl: Handy
Hilton: Skanky
Love: Horny

• Courtney Love's MySpace Blog

Elton John 16th Annual AIDS Foundation Oscar Party:

Elton John coddled Best Actress winner Marion Cotillard, while model Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn canoodled all night as the newest couple in Hollywood making their big debut on Oscar night.

Harrison Ford (victim of perhaps Jon Stewart's worst joke of the evening) arrived with the (finally) well-dressed Calista Flockhart; Courtney Love managed to clean up her act; Seal turned the cameras on the cameramen.

Kate Beckinsale proved having kids does not a schlumpy mom make; Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres continued their Lesbians Are Cool, Just Deal With It Tour; Jeremy Piven took a break from his yoga pursuits to swing by The Rocket Man's shindig.

Other guests included:
Simon Cowell, Sharon Stone, Diddy, Minnie Driver, Heidi Klum, JC Chasez, Chace Crawford, Len Wiseman, Al Roker, Billy Joel, Chris Noth, Chris O'Donnell, Christian Slater, Faye Dunaway, Tara Reid and Zoe Saldana.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images and Wire Image]

In today's episode: Matthew McConaughey and Lance Armstrong; Justin Timberlake; Susan Sarandon; Kiefer Sutherland; David Beckham; Courtney Love; Lindsay Lohan, Balthazar Getty, Taryn Manning, Avril Lavine and Deryck Whibley; David Spade and Verne Troyer; Anne Heche; Adrian Grenier; James Cromwell, Jeremy Sisto, Lake Bell, and Dita Von Teese; Kyle MacLachlan, Chad Lowe, and Bridget Moynahan; John Mayer; Andy Dick; Christina Ricci; Greg Germann; Ian Ziering; Enrico Colantoni, Judy Reyes, and Curt Smith; Scott Caan; Wanda Sykes; Diablo Cody; Greg Grunberg; Daniel Baldwin; Jason Segal; Zoe Bell; Vanessa Paradis; Nathan Fillion; and Adnan Ghalib.

· Monday 2/11 — Saw MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY spending some of his Fools Gold at Cut. He was having dinner with LANCE ARMSTRONG. Just the two of them ... alone. Two guys dressed very casually sharing wine, steak, and conversation. Matthew's hair was cut very short like Lance's - perhaps they've found their leading man for whatever LiveStrong biopic that's surely in the works.

· On Saturday (2/9) I ran into Justin Timberlake — as in, he got in my way and we accidentally sort of collided — in the lobby of the Ojai Valley Athletic Club. He was there playing basketball with some hot hanger-on chicks and a few (local?) dudes. Very strange.

· Last night (2/10), Susan Sarandon at an outdoor table at the restaurant at the Beverly Wilshire. My friends and I had to do a triple-take because we were arguing that the woman we were looking at was way too young to be Susan Sarandon. Seriously, I'm gayer than a pink hairnet, and this woman was beautiful as hell. Gracious with the staff, blah blah. I'd go on, but I don't want to be accused of being her publicist. Sorry to gush.

· 2.8.08 - Saw Kiefer Sutherland at The Roxy. It was a showcase for the three bands on his record label. He had on jeans, black shirt and a gray blazer. The man is very good looking in person. He was wonderful about stopping and talking to fans and signing autographs. He seemed to be having fun with his friends and kept a very low profile.

· Crawling along Santa Monica Blvd in Beverly Hills on Tuesday afternoon (2/12), none other than Britain's gift to America, David Beckham rides past going down Rodeo Dr. in his convertible Porsche. Along for the ride were at least two of his sons, looking suspiciously unrestrained. Tsk Tsk Becks!

· Courtney Love unnecessarily raising hell at the Troubadour, 11 pm, Thursday night: I was at the Troub to see the Morning Benders open for the Kooks. It was sold out to the gills, so I camped out on the VIP staircase to watch from above. Courtney comes tearing up the stairs, with a blond minion in tow and no VIP pass. When the nice security guy asked her to please leave the VIP area, she said, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" The security guy then had a long talk with her to convince her that he was serious about not permitting her in the area, at which point the blond minion RAN to get her a pass. A pissed Courtney stood there grudgingly until the woman came back with the wristband. She waved the wristband in the security guy's face, and tried to brush by him once again. At which point he informed her that she needed to put the wristband ON. News flash: The world is over Courtney Love and her rockstar bullshit. When is Courtney going to get over it, too?

· Well I guess the quiet neighborhood Italian restaurant my parents love is now the hottest meal ticket in town. Last night, Thursday, Feb 7, at Madeo: Lindsay Lohan with brown hair, Balthazar Getty & wife, Taryn Manning & Boyfriend (Mams Taylor), pre fight and leaving in a black Rolls Royce Phantom, as Avril Lavine and Deryck Whibley arrived in their black SUV. What a night!

· A bearded David Spade and shockingly tiny Verne Troyer chilling together last night (2/7) in the most visible entry area of Ketchup on Sunset. Laughing and drinking and skeezing out on the Playmate-types circling them. Could someone please give these two a basic-cable reality show? Like, now? I'll make it easy for you, VH1 junior alternative development exec. Just cut and paste this PrivacyWatch sighting into an email and send to your boss. I won't even ask for a commission.

· Anne Heche dining with 2 or 3 other peeps at Mercedes Grill in MDR last night, Feb 7. Pretty & petite with a black fedora that she surprisingly pulled off while simultaneously wearing cargo pants. She's a smoker, yuck.

· Just saw Adrian Grenier, looking mighty scruffy at the MOCA opening tonight. Didn't really see who he was with, but it seemed like he was being left alone. I wonder if he Jacksoned the Pollock out of anyone after the show.

· Fun times at Hugo's in West Hollywood, Sunday February 10: The inexplicably famous Dita Von Teese (who's notability, as far as I can tell, is due only to having been married to a mid-level rock star, as emulating styles of 60 years ago and removing said styles in the 'burlesque' fashion is, no matter how well it is done, neither unique nor worthy of such fame).Far more exciting was our second viewing of prominent Oscar-nominated 'that guy' James Cromwell, the ever delightful Jeremy Sisto (who my fiancee insists bears uncanny resemblance to Skeet Ulrich, who was not there and the comparison isn't true anyway) and the underrated Lake Bell (also the second time we've seen her there). Sisto, on leaving after a quick coffee with someone I didn't recognize, proceeded to have friendly conversations with both Cromwell (a 'Six Feet Under reunion' as commented by the lady at a table nearby) and Bell.

· Today, Sunday 2/10, was a fabulous day at Hugo's on Santa Monica! First, Dita von Teese walked in, wearing a great 40s-style outfit and looking flawless as always. Her skin is to die for! Then, I saw Jeremy Sisto from Six Feet Under and Clueless...he was scruffy but looking good! He ate and then lingered outside for a while talking to some girls. Also at Hugo's was his Six Feet co-star James Cromwell! He was so, so tall! Jeremy and James saw each other after a while and had a friendly hello.

· Friday 2/8, at the Rhett Miller show at the Troubadour, Bridget Moynahan wearing a Giants hat (kidding!) and looking good post-Brady Baby. Also Chad Lowe looking, well, like Chad Lowe.

Also, Monday 2/11 at the Stairs in Santa Monica, John Mayer slowly walking off the champagne and caviar from Grammy night.

· Prior to going to the Rhett Miller show at the troubadour on fri (2/8) my friend and I hit Lou on Vine for a bite and some vino... sitting near the bar was agent Dale Cooper, Kyle MacLachlan. He wears the hell out of a pair of Levi's. Hit the show, Rhett was amazing, no surprise there, but as we were leaving Bridget Moynahan came down from the VIP section looking for Rhett. She looked great, was with some girlfriends....

· Friday February 8th - Went to the Woods where Andy Dick, in the spirit of Adrian Grenier, asked if he could "blank" the "blank" out of me. I declined, and he proceeded to chat up a booth of blondes, who must have been more receptive.

Later that same night, I saw a blonde Christina Ricci at Denny's, accompanied by an two older gentlemen. I'm not sure of what she ordered, but she looked very cute with no makeup.

· Feb 7 - At a party in Chinatown for Dwell Magazine. Bizarrely, so is Andy Dick —drinking beer (is he supposed to be sober?) — and he's chatting with Greg Germann from Ally McBeal. Picture attached.

· Sunday 2/10: Hiking Runyon Canyon with a friend was Ian Ziering. Later, at Studio City Jamba Juice, spotted Judy Reyes from Scrubs. Then at the upstairs California Pizza Kitchen, Enrico Colantoni (Just Shoot Me & Veronica Mars) was eating lunch with his family. At the next table Curt Smith from Tears for Fears (!!!) was having lunch with his daughters and helping them color. So cute.

· Yesterday (2/5) my friends and I spotted Scott Caan of Oceans 11,12,13, etc fame at the Whole Foods at Santa Monica and Fairfax. He wearing one of those hats, like a fedora but smaller (porkpie?). He was also wearing black Chucks. Typical Hollywood short but definitely do-able.

· Writing this on my cell, so it will be short. Right now (5:30pm on Monday, Feb 11) Wanda Sykes at Marix in WeHo. Walked in with a guy and a girl.

· 2/06 at the new retail space called: Grove, one Diablo Cody, looking just like her EW illo!

· On my way to work Downtown today (Feb 6) and was walking past the Original Pantry and saw Greg Grunberg, (OFFICER PARKMAN from HEROES) standing outside waiting. He was texting on his phone and he caught me staring and then I pulled out my phone so I think he was waiting for me to go for it, but I felt silly. And also I could feel him reading my thoughts about the whole situation...

About an hour ago I was walking to 3rd street promenade from a parking garage on 2nd, when someone asked me for a light. It was a VERY drunk Daniel Baldwin! Any other time, I wouldn't have batted an eye, but one of my guilty pleasures just happens to be Celebrity Rehab (I know, I can't help it). So seeing Daniel drunk was quite a shock! I didn't say anything for fear he would lose it, so I obliged and lit his cigarette. Then he staggered off alone without saying thank you. I guess Celebrity Rehab really doesn't work.

· 2/1 Was forced to go to a series of one act plays friday night and not happy about it. Was excited, however, when I saw Jason Segal of How I Met Your Mother sitting in the front row. I've crushed on him since Freaks and Geeks! I assumed he was there to support a fellow writer or actor. Spotted him again during intermission kissie-facing one of the actresses in the play:( As much as I wanted to hate her - she was gorgeous - I couldn't because she was hilarious in the show and incredibly sweet when I told her great job which,yes, also allowed me to get closer to my crush.

· Wednesday 02/05 Death Proof's Zoe Bell drinking a PBR and checking out the art at the imuhwherwulf opening at the Thought Gallery in Hollywood. In person she was a total double threat. Not only was she very pretty but she looked like she could beat up half the dudes there. Granted half the guys there were wearing girl's jeans but still.

· Today (10-Feb) I was enjoying a gorgeous day at Disneyland's California Adventures when I should happen to look over and see Vanessa Paradis, Johnny Depp's "girl", (as he refers to her). She was with their young son Jack who looked to be having a fantastic time and a Disney VIP Liaison. I didn't see their daughter nor the Demon Barber himself. I think I was pretty much the only person in the vicinity to have any clue who she was.

· Tuesday 2/5 Nathan Fillion (you'll always be captain tight pants to me) with a lady friend taking in Wicked at the Pantages.

· 2/11 - Last night, I watched professional toolbox, Adnan Ghalib, dining with a young coquettish brunette at SFValley celebrity haunt Hugo's Studio City. He had an animated conversation outside whilst re-read the menu - thrice. I was surprised to see the amount of bling he was wearing, and watched him inappropriately touch the waitress on her arm. I need to bathe again...he makes me feel greasy. Who do these people think they are?

Playing the tried-and-true role of bleeding-heart teacher (perfected already by Michelle Pfeiffer first in Dangerous Minds and Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson), Coogan's annoyingly named character Mr. Marschz will save his drama department by writing a sequel to Hamlet. Judging by the dearth of updated Shakesperean knee-slappers in the last decade of cinema (does 10 Things I Hate About You count?), we're not really sure how Coogan pulls this off, but we are hoping for a Courtney cameo in which she slithers onto the stage of the inevitable High School Musical-like finale and whispers "Oh what a rogue and peasant slave am I!" in her crackheadiest voice.

To play herself, Love reportedly chose Scarlett Johansson: While The Nanny Diaries star most certainly has the musical chops, having performed to sell-out Coachella crowds as The Jesus and Mary Chain's "Just Like Honey"-repeating girl, we're not entirely convinced the pouty-lipped ingenue would be able to accurately capture the troubled rocker's wildly modifying looks, or successfully tap the far, demon-prowled reaches of her psyche. Still, Johansson has always been one to rise to the occasion, and should she nail the pivotal scene in which she is called upon to lift her shirt so an unidentified Wendy's patron (Don Cheadle) can suckle on a single bazoombah, this might finally be the project that spells Oscar for the always in-demand actress.

• Courtney Love chooses actor to play Kurt Cobain [NME]

· Universal hires David Benioff to write a biopic based on the Kurt Cobain biography Heavier Than Heaven. While the "nature of the story they are trying to tell" hasn't been revealed, Courtney Love is executive producing, so we wouldn't be too surprised if the project becomes the tale of a totally stable, sane wife who just couldn't save a troubled genius from his demons. [Variety]
· Valerie Bertinelli signs on as "celebrity content buddy" for the Rachael Ray show, with the former Mrs. Van Halen handling various BFF duties for the host, like traveling the country to bring her fun stories from the road, or dropping by the studio to cook and do each other's hair. [THR]
· CBS's The Big Bang Theory and The Unit and ABC's Private Practice get full-season pick-ups—you know, unless that little strike thing winds up happening. [Variety]

Once the actor befriended Wilson on the set of A Night of the Museum—the two men played warring diorama figurines—it was only a matter of time, Love suspected, before they mounted their miniature horses and galloped off into the dark abyss. Now Coogan, who was set to have a cameo in the same Ben Stiller-directed movie from which Wilson just pulled out, has rushed back to town for what will likely be the greatest damage control performance of his life. From Page Six:

Our source reports, "Coogan was in Hawaii when the news [of Wilson's suicide try] hit, but he came back Wednesday night and is trying to get in touch with Owen, Luke [Wilson] and Ben [Stiller]. He's trying to make sure that the movie ['Tropic Thunder'] doesn't fall through now."

Coogan fired back on "Access Hollywood," saying, "I do want to set the record straight and say that the allegations . . . are completely and utterly false." [...]

Love hasn't had contact with Coogan in months, except for an e-mail she sent him after Wilson's suicide attempt. It read, "You must feel really great right now. Does this feel life-affirming?" Love has said on her Web site she'll have no further comment.

There would, of course, be more comment—lots more—including this choice one from an interview with The Sun: "Hopefully the guy will leave us alone in this town and go back to Brighton or wherever the hell he's from...and stay there." If Coogan does manage to salvage his Thunder cameo, we suspect the production will quickly become The Most Awkward Set in Hollywood, marked by excruciating moments in which the actor idles up to the craft services table to see what Stiller, Jack Black, and Robert Downey Jr. are laughing so heartily about, only to have the three stars fall deadly silent, before ringleader Downey Jr. pipes in, "At least I never took anyone down with me, you fish n' chips-eating enabler."

• OWEN BUDDY: DON'T BLAME ME [NY Post]
• Love: Coogan should go home [The Sun]

"ive put on 10 pounds (thank you Sprinkles cupcakes wic h i must admit are overrated)" and "i never ever sia di was some pop tart singing griunning dancing 'enjtertainer' did i?"

"i must point out the hypocrisy of this crazy hysteria about my weight- ... Noones going to mistake me for Eva Longoria, andmy god I am truly hAppy to be who an what i am with my life an dmy expirience i can do so many things help so many people and make such a beautiful clothing line too! and maybe finish this dammed sript one day."

It's heartening to know the same gourmet iced confections that brought some solace to house arrest inmate #9818783 in her darkest hour are also helping to put some meat back onto Love's brittle bones, thereby giving her the stamina to help people, make beautiful clothes, and finish her "dammed sript"—a semi-autobiographical romantic drama called Hart Brakr that's never gotten further than, "INT. A BH Estate. Chelsea Hart, astunning rock icon who doesn't hav Body Dysmorphic Disorder, skims Billboard and learns her albmu is #1 for a record-breaking 78th week!"

• Courtney Love: I'm not too skinny! [USA Today]
• [Courtney Love's MySpace Page]

Love denied reports gastric bypass surgery and liposuction aided her initial transformation, but she caused controversy recently by making light of her painfully thin appearance.

During a free concert in New York last month, she sipped on a protein shake and told the audience: "[I] had to take care of my eating disorder."

She then swiftly insisted she was joking, adding: "I don't have an eating disorder."

Denying gastric bypass? That sounds familiar somehow. Yet we're not really sure why the Mail's panties are in such a wad. This is Hollywood, people. Don't they know that you're nobody in this town unless you diet yourself into a stand-in for those skeletons that sit in biology classrooms, and then get the cover of Us Weekly for being seen eating a bag of Skittles in triumphant proof you're on the mend? Courtney is probably just trying to fit in at the lunch table. Now that Nicole Richie's pregnant, there's room there for a clone.

[Photo: Splash News]

• Skeletal Courtney Love Takes Dieting To Extreme [Daily Mail]

"My mouth still looks wonky, i think i gott go back to paris tot he dr, he fixes bad surgery and also cleft palates and serious [bleep] its nbot really vanity hes conservtive, wich we like," the grunge singer wrote on her Web site. "This really isnt znyones business but im hating that id di that to my mouth back in the day and he didnt really take out enough the first time around i just wnt the mouth god gave me back."

"It was perfectly cute. and i had nice big lips as Gwyneth says when i was "Out Sick" (genius phrase) of my dark years id id some damage and i have to restore myself to not looking ridiculous, idont care if im prettty or ugly or jo de lie wich is what i apretty much am (french for ugly pretty - theres no english word fo rit and im sure im nots pelling it right)."

The Hole frontwoman has since gone on to other matters: She brushed off the lack of straight men in her fan base on the blog last night, pithily writing, "i prefer my frmale sof all ages and my young homos, colopur my ass liza im thrilled"—oblivious to one young homo fan whose heart she broke into a million little rainbow pieces. Still, we can't help but respond to the honesty of the multiple voices in her head—here's to hoping the world's leading facial reconstructionist can work the same scalpel magic on Love as he does on children born missing significant portions of their face.

• Spelling challenged [MSNBC]
• dudes/homos [MySpace]

In today's episode: Al Pacino; Lindsay Lohan; Jeff Goldblum; Jason Schwartzman, Illeana Douglas, Talia Shire, Roman Coppola, Robert Schwartzman, Kelly Osbourne, Busy Phillips; Josh Duhamel, Fergie, Jerry O'Connell, Rebecca Romijn, and Emmy Rossum; Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson; Paul Reubens; Vincent Gallo; Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Greg Grunberg; Serena Williams; Fred Willard; Jeremy Sisto, Eric Michael Cole, and James Kimo Wills; Rex Lee; Bryan Greenberg; Ian Ziering; Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown; Lisa Edelstein and Bingo the Dachshund.

· During late rush hour today (7-18), I and two friends were going east on Wilshire nearing La Cienega and I noticed this tousle-haired, slightly stooped guy standing in front of a restaurant. I could only see him from behind at first, but something about him made me keep looking at him. I thought he might be a homeless guy or something, and then as I passed him and looked back... and saw that it was none other than Al Pacino himself, talking on his cell phone. I don't really get starstruck, but there's really no actor that I'd rather spot. I told my traveling companions who I'd just seen, and they pulled over and walked back to get a glimpse. By that time he had sat down at one of the outdoor tables, and my friends reported that he was sitting with two attractive young women. I mean, Al Pacino, come on. Seriously.

· Tuesday, July 17th, I saw Lindsay Lohan at the Mel's Diner on Sunset at around midnight. She had two people sitting across from her, neither of them recognizable. She kept glancing at the door and at the paparazzi outside. It was like the end of the Sopranos, only without Journey power ballads and critical acclaim. I almost fell out of my booth trying to see her ankles - I didn't see any alcohol monitoring anklet. Maybe it's invisible.

· On Sunday morning (7-15) I saw Jeff Goldblum walk in and get close with our waitress at Jinky's in Hollywood. He's a tall *vernicious, **kanid. *by vernicious I mean "man" and **by kanid I mean "with long legs." She went running down the steps chasing him with an iced green tea that may potentially neutralize the PH balance of his hair which was leaking 5W-30 oil. I kid.

· At The Roxy's sold-out Rooney cd release show, Monday, July 16, scads of model types and hiptard boys everywhere the eye could see. Mixing in and out of the crowd (because the VIP section was overflowing and table seating sucks there) were:

1) Kelly Osbourne sporting a dark bob that is so much better than the pink hair of a few days ago. For the record, her skin is luminous and she is the size of any normal/non-celeb girl that you know. I would have expected her to be a fatty but she isn't at all. Small even. 2) Busy Phillips who looked really tired/sullen wearing the high-wasted mom shorts that are de rigueur and are unfortunate on any body type. Minus the shorts she looked really pretty and hung in the midst of the plebes the whole show. 3) Illeana Douglas in a short skirt looked great/hip for over 40 but had a hard time packing into the VIP section. Had to wait for people to exit before she was allowed to enter but was gracious about it. 4) Talia Shire (not surprising) in a light blue summer dress and matching cashmere button-up sweater. She looked frail but beautiful. She spent most of the night sitting up on one of the banquets rocking out as moms do. 5) Roman Coppola also not surprising but very exciting. Every time that I see him he is wearing a suit?!? Wonder if this is his attempt at the Bogdanovich ascot? Last night it was a light-colored summer suit that he accessorized with yellow-tinted sunglasses. He's lost a lot of weight and looked good/healthy. Seemed to be on a mission every time we squeezed by each other, not one for eye contact. 6) Jason Schwartzman opened for Rooney with his new solo-endeavor Coconut Records. Completely charming both while speaking and singing. Initially had on a hoodie but took it off to reveal a plain brown T, he wore his glasses the whole time. Geektastic. Rooney came out and played a few songs with him and he encouraged everyone to buy his brother's cd and to check out his new album. Pretty adorable actually (especially whilst dancing). As a side note, Rooney was really f'ing good. The set was tight and Robert Schwartzman has definitely grown up, boy ain't short on charisma (even though the rest of the band seemed comatose) and he can totally pull off the tight 70's-rocker/girl jeans.

· I just got home from the Fergie concert at the Wiltern (7/18) (hey, I'm a Rooney fan and was there for work). I was in the back, by the sound boards, where I had a terrific view of Josh Duhamel (of course) who was hanging out with adorable and super newlywed-esque couple Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell who were all lovely-dovey and super cute, dancing and singing along all set right next to us. Emmy Rossum was also by us, just down a ways, standing with a nerdier Zach Braff-type, but she was singing along and dancing the whole time as well.

· Spotted at the Ryan Adams show at the Wilshire Theatre last night (7/19): Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson, Jason Schwartzman. I'm too tired to make a pithy comment about Schwartzman's height.

· This is now the second time I've seen Paul Reubens at the Hungry Cat (Tues. 7/17). Either coincidence, or he really likes seafood and fresh juice cocktails.

· 7-18 Vincent Gallo @ Carnie's He was eating alone, bellbottom jeans, ate a burger and fries quickly, kept checking out my girlfriend (course she kept looking at him too); when he was done drove off in a Grandpa style burgundy Lincoln Continental (luxury cars that shift themselves...though not a Cadillac).

· Just got home from Dodgers v. Mets game. A friend managed to wrangle "Dugout Club" seats and we were right in front of Greg Grunberg (the sort of chubby one from "Heroes"). He was with 2 little kids who elbowed their way into a foul ball - I assume at least one of them was his. He was very gracious when the chicks next to him asked for his autograph. He was wearing what looked to be a promotional Blue Man Group windbreaker. Wtf? They left after like the 5th inning.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in the section next to us. He rejected my friend's request for an autograph by saying "I can't do that right now" but seemed nice enough. And so tall his legs were all out in the aisle.

Also, Dodgers lost.

· Two extremely random sightings this week. On Tuesday night, I was getting my Churro fix in Westwood Village when who should I see running from their white SUV into Sansai but Serena Williams. She looked good in jeans & a hoodie, but she had something on her wrist (tennis injury maybe?). She also looked to be in between hairstyles (if you know what I mean). Second time I've seen her in the Village. Maybe she works out at the Equinox?

Second, completely random sighting: driving down Washington Blvd in downtown Culver City last night and who should cross in front of our car but Fred Willard. I tried desperately to explain to my mum & sis who he was, but I could not think of the name of a single character he's played, only the movies themselves. Strangely enough I did not have to IMDB him (but I did anyway to confirm). It was dark, but he looked good.

· Cousin got married on Catalina over the weekend and I had a privacywatch cable movie trifecta. On the boat back to LB was Jeremy Sisto, the guy from Gia (Eric Michael Cole per imdb), and the Stu from Tao of Steve (James Kimo Wills per imdb) with a bunch of other dirty dudes. They were all pretty smelly and loud. I was the only one on the boat that knew we were in the presence of a trifecta; everyone else only recognized the Sisto one-fecta .

· Sunday, July 15th. Flying back from a wedding in Pittsburgh (yes, Pittsburgh), I saw Rex Lee (aka, "Lloyd!!" from Entourage) sauntering around the airport, obviously waiting for a flight. I thought I might see him on my flight back to LA, but he was nowhere to be found. What was he doing in the Pittsburgh airport at 7:30am? Odd. He's even shorter than you expect.

Same day, upon returning to LA, I had brunch at Doughboys on Highland. Sat outside near the hostess station, and Emmy Rossum popped around the corner to ask for a waiter, as they'd been sitting for some time without service. Her smile barely disguised her annoyance.

· Spotted Rex Lee, Lloyd of "Entourage", attending a film at the Showcase theater on Tuesday (July 17) as part of Outfest. Looks exactly like he does on TV and in this film festival crowd, a popular guy!

· Bryan Greenberg, that dude from the movie where Uma Thurman wants to knit his cock a hat, at 101 Coffee Shop, Thursday, July 19, 9 p.m. I did not want to knit his cock a hat.

· On Saturday night July 14 I saw Ian Ziering at Ritual. The guy is in his mid-40s and I always see him at the clubs and always with a nasty plastic bimbo. He didn't disappoint. He was with a butter-faced blond and looked like a sweaty mess. Brandon would be so disappointed

· July 16th, Monday Night on the Strip. Just before the Thailand/Happy Hollows show at the Viper Room, I stopped to get some pizza at Panini's across the street. While I waited to order, some nice-looking woman in her thirties walked right by me in a huff. Just as I blurted "I think that was Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown", I noticed an Eddie Murphy movie playing on their big-screen tv. He had the nappy short dreads thing going on—so one of the Doctor Doolittle epics? Bad memories for S.S., I guess. She looked a little better than she has in recent pics. Well-dressed, but not going for "hot". Pretty enough for her next back-up dancer/paramour, though.

· Saturday 14th- Lisa Edelstein (Dr Cuddy on House M.D.) at the Weinerschnitzel Weinerdog Races at the Los Alamitos Racetrack. Dressed in a miniskirt and cowboy boots cheering on "Bingo" with other assorted Silverlake hipster types. Yes, in Orange County.

In today's episode: Hilary Swank, Kate Bosworth, and Courtney Love; Nat Faxon; Penelope Cruz and Shakira; Halle Berry; Julia Louis Dreyfus; John C. Reilly; Cuba Gooding Jr; Dave Chappelle; Lionel Ritchie; Henry Rollins; Judd Apatow and Emmanuelle Chriqui; Ryan Seacrest; Paula Abdul; Larry Birkhead; Jason Bateman and Martin Short; Milla Jovovich; Jeremy Sisto and T.R. Knight; Kevin Connolly; Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu; Michael Cera; Adam Levine; John Cho; Rick Schroeder; Pat O'Brien, Dido, and Todd Louiso; Dita Von Teese and Andrew Keegan; and Jake "Body By Jake" Steinfeld.

· A triple header night at Pizzeria Mozza! Sunday night, as we walked up we noticed the paparazzi hiding in the bushes. My first comment to my boyfriend was "Great - I'll have something to email defamer about!"...First celebrity of the evening was Courtney Love, looking pulled together, cleaned up, sober. Really, she looked like just another LA blonde. She was heading to the back room, where apparently Gwyneth Paltrow was throwing a private party. Nope, didn't see Gwyneth. My boyfriend noticed Hilary Swank sitting against the wall at a regular table. She looks smaller in person...very pretty, but I would have been happier seeing her look like her Brandon Teena character. (YUM!). As we were leaving, Kate Bosworth came out of the private party room. Hat trick!

· This morning (June 10), at "Tiny World" (westside baby furniture/gear store) saw Hilary Swank hanging out with a guy checking out furniture. Hmm....

· At the Rose Bowl Flea Market this Sunday, I had the pleasure of
standing behind 'Superman Returns' star Kate Bosworth on line for the venue's obscenely usurious ATMs, whose huge, floppy hat was probably great for keeping the sun off her fair head, but not quite big enough to hide her from identification by fans. Skinny, but not "Kate Bosworth Eating Disorder Shocker" skinny. She was with a guy I didn't recognize, but whose undeniable handsomeness means he's almost definitely an actor/bartender or model/waiter.

Also saw Nat Faxon, who currently stars in virtually every commercial currently on television and who recently sold a screenplay or something. I swear on the life of my nonexistent children that I am not a publicist trying to drum up buzz for his career by saying I saw him at the world's most impressive crap-meet.

· 6/10- Saw Penelope Cruz at the John Mayer show at the Hollywood Bowl. She skipped Ben Folds set and was escorted to her seat right before John came on stage. She was totally in to the show and gushing over Mayer. Found out later that she was with Shakira.

· 6/9 - Saw Halle Berry at the John Mayer concert at the Hollywood. She was sitting in one of the lower level boxes. Was with a couple of other women - no guys with her. Very nice skin.

· 6/10 - around 4:00pm, saw Julia Louis Dreyfus at the new Westwood Landmark Theater. She was coming out of theater 10 (we were coming out from theater 9) and on her way to the bathroom. No makeup, very casual shirt and shorts. You couldn't miss her. She looked like she was with some family and friends.

· Saw a very thin looking John C. Reilly at Safari Sam's on Sunday getting his hillbilly on at the Porter Wagoner show. Go ahead, google Porter Wagoner. You know you want to.

· So I know Cuba Gooding Jr. is a hero and all, what with the incident at Roscoe's over Memorial Day. That being said, I saw Rod Tidwell at the Famous Pinks Hot Dog Stand this past Monday as I was giving my visiting parents a tour of the city. My Girlfriend actually spotted him in line behind us and asked me for a verification and once I recognized the man that gave us such great works as Snow Dogs and Boat Trip, I slyly told my parents who they were about to see. Now being fro out of town, I didn't want them to be the tourists that asked him for his picture or made everyone else aware of his presence in line, as he had been incognito up until then (playing with his crackberry mostly). I told then, they saw and played it cool as well, not making a sound about it. Then of course no more than two minutes later some people further back in the line saw him and starting pestering him for pictures and whatnot. He was very nice to everyone, despite the fact that his son had just joined him in line. In any event, my parents were excited to see a real celebrity, and while I was proud of them for not saying anything to him, I greatly wish I could go back and yell "show me the money" just to see if he'd look in our direction.

· First, there was Lionel Ritchie on my Heathrow to LAX flight on Monday. Looking dapper and bejeweled, he held court by the baggage carousel while a flunkie directed two British Airways baggage handlers which of the bags belonged to Mr. Richie. There were 17 in total. Then after waiting a good 10 minutes for a car to pick him up at the curb (during which time he graciously posed for cellphone camera photos and shook hands) he hopped in the passenger seat and was off.

· Then, yesterday while driving down 3rd street waiting to turn onto Robertson, Dave Chappelle pulled up alongside me in his silver Lexus convertible. He was driving very slowly, stopped when the light was still green, and generally looked disoriented.

· After that, while leaving the Trader Joe's WeHo, I saw a man who looked like an old, frail version of Henry Rollins. And then a woman walked by him and said "I love your shows" and he said "thanks" so I guess it was either really him or just an old man with his own performing career.

· The Grove. Emmanuelle Chriqui was standing outside the theater/restrooms following the 10:15 showing of "Knocked Up". Bad security there, btw. They made everyone wait outside with no supervision , and there were "cutters". And not the Amy Winehouse kind. We responded by cutting the cutters and it get all West Side Story. Anyhoo, she was with a group of people, some of whom looked like they were family. "Knocked Up" with your family? Okaaay. And I'm usually the first to say celebrity girls look even better in person, but she was not nearly as hot as she was on Entourage the following night. My friend assured me that she probably wasn't wearing make-up, but I just call 'em like I see 'em. Sorry, I forgot to say when this happened—it was last Friday night (June 1). And my friend talked to Judd Apatow before the film started; he was milling about in the hallway. There—I gave you a bonus, so don't bust my balls. :D

· Sunday, June 10: At trendy hard-to-get-reservations-at Pizzeria Mozza (Highland & Melrose), unshaven, t-shirted and jeans, Ryan Seacrest was sharing a lunchtime pizza with your typical skinny, blonde Hollywood-type young woman. Despite the close-together tables, (he was sandwiched between two other tables at elbows' distance), no one bothered him and he graciously thanked the people next to him with a fond goodbye.

· 6/10 - Bristol Farms, Bev Hills - I'm waiting for my soppresata panini like a commoner when I spot Paula Abdul standing right next to me. She was very well dressed and my first reaction to her was "just another rich Beverly Hills lady in a push up bra and fancy jewelry." I told her "the girls at the office are going to hate me for seeing you because THEY love you" (a slight hint that I do not watch American Idol). She gave me a sideways hug for this comment. I didn't know what to say next so I called her a "wonderful lady". God I need to work on my Jedi lying skills. I believe she was getting a turkey pesto sandwich - what this says about her is beyond me. Someone else can read into it. Also, I know what you want to know, NO she did not seem drunk. She seemed very lucid and very busy.

· I saw Larry Birkhead at Ralph's on Ventura in Studio City today (June 9). Cart was completely full; he was buying tons of cookies and doughnuts! Looks exactly like he does on tv.. best celeb sighting!

· June 9: Saw Jason Bateman and Martin Short at Cedars-Sinai. Jason is just as cute as on tv but Martin looks very decrepit.

· Saw Milla Jovovich at Nordstroms at the Grove. She was with a man-handler/agent type, really pretty.

· Sunday (6/8) at the Rose Bowl, amongst the unwashed hordes: Jeremy Sisto, mit entourage, and T.R. Knight, looking good, with a girl. Not shopping together, although both were probably thinking they could outsmart the canny old dude selling vintage Star Wars figurines.

· Last night around 7:30pm I was at the Bristol Farms on Doheny trying to figure out what wine to buy. As I come out of an aisle I am nearly run over buy Kevin (the suit) Connolly and his shopping cart, as he races (no exaggeration) the man was running around trying to get his groceries as quickly as possible. Despite my near death experience, it was a good sighting. He's pretty cute in person.

· Not even the most in-demand Mexican director can resist the powers of the Pinkberry. I saw Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu at the Pinkberry on Beverly on Saturday (6/9).

· Cute-as-a-button Michael Cera ("Arrested Development," the upcoming Superbad) was at Palermo's on Vermont yesterday (Sunday June 10th) afternoon. He is very young. And the gnocchi is totally decent there.

Monday, 6/11, 4:45 pm

· Waiting for the bus (I'm poor and new to LA) on Sunset and Vine when I see none other than Adam Levine of Maroon 5 speed by in a sleek-looking Mercedes SUV. Lots of gel in his hair. I'll have to call my girlfriend when I get to Crenshaw.

· Not much of a sighting, but today (6-11) sat next to Harold from "Harold and Kumar" fame (John Cho) while he lunched at Alcove with an Asian girl about his age, and perhaps her mother. Notable only because he discussed how freaked out he was by the fact that when he met with Larry David, the comedian looked exactly like he does on "Curb"—wore the same sort of clothes and spoke the same way. Later in the lunch, his friend asked him if Sacha Baron Cohen was really as brilliant as everyone says—Harold had apparently gone to a "Borat" party—and Harold said yes. Shocking revelations from the younger generation.

· My Saturday night was born with a Silver Spoon in its mouth (June 9). Around 9:30, I walked in on a bizarre "Phantom of the Opera" inspired masquerade costume ball going down on the first floor of wannabe posh lounge Empress on Sunset. Sitting quietly amongst the white wigs, purple masks, and glittering wardrobe was a (Rick Schroeder). Black shirt and normal pants, he was the only civilian dressed soul in a corner table of 8 friends from the 1800s. At 11:30, saw (Alfonso Ribeiro standing in a circle with 4-5 "dudes" drinking bottled beers in the back room (its not a VIP) at LAX. No, I cant get you in anywhere when you come to visit LA.

· I attended Largo both Friday and Saturday nights to see Jon Brion. Friday night won for Most Random Sighting - Pat O'Brien. Homeboy is tall, but so tanned and generally weather-beaten that I couldn't tell whether he still had a moustache from where I stood. Turns out he does. One of my friends scored a table right next to his. She said he looked uninterested through most of the show. I guess Botox will do that.

Saturday night we spotted Dido hanging around as well as Todd Louiso, who played Dick - the nerdy, mild mannered record store clerk in High Fidelity. He was accompanied by an attractive brunette in a classy black dress.

· Andrew Keegan at (6/8) Friday's Hollywood Bowl Morrisey concert. (hey, I like 10 Things I Hate About You!) He still looks all right. He was carrying a picnic bag.

Dita Von Teese on (6/9) Saturday at the Bossa Nova on Sunset having lunch with two older female companions, I'm guessing they were family members. She looked stunning in a burgundy red dress with white polka dots on it.

· Body by Jake (Jake Steinfeld) on a very delayed flight from JFK to LAX Sunday night.

I noticed a frail blonde with a Betty Page haircut sitting on the bench at the front entrance digging through her purse and swearing. I realized it was Courtney Love herself. David LaChapelle and Sharon Gault (Madonna's old makeup artist) were assisting her in some sort of frantic search. I slowly approached and Courtney immediately snapped, "Can you give us some privacy?" [...] Courtney continued to dig through her purse and I overheard her saying that she'd lost a $3,000 jacket inside the club...I sat on the bench with Sharon while Courtney complained to David about her $3,000 loss.

Then Courtney, David, and Sharon piled into a black town car. I followed in a cab. They ended up at the Chateau Marmont. I jumped out of the cab and said, "Hey, Courtney!" I was about to tell her that her show rocked and ask for one simple picture. That' s it. Before I could do that, she said, "Why is this ugly guy following me?" and sauntered into the hotel. The Chateau Marmont security promptly told me to leave the property. I cried hysterically all the way home...I am still crying as I'm writing this. What a horrible, horrible night. I want to flush my head down a toilet.

Our hearts go out to the writer, undeservedly decimated by his idol. Maybe Courtney mistook the guy for a stalker, and not just someone who trailed her in a cab from one place to another to express his admiration for her work. Clearly, however, Courtney was in a fouler mood than usual that night, having left the gig one $3000 jacket poorer (unlike Kurt's clothing, Courtney's is pricey and worth holding onto). We hope this will provide at least a modest level of consolation to Ibrahim the next time a track from "America's Sweetheart" plays out of a nearby speakers.

• No Love from Courtney [The WOW Report]

In today's episode: Sean Penn; Mark Wahlberg; Ben Affleck; Ralph Fiennes; James Woods; Jessica Biel; Courtney Love; Randy Johnson; Jessica Simpson and Jewel; Stanley Tucci and Maura Tierney; Patrick Dempsey and Michelle Monaghan; Paula Abdul and Tony Schiena; Danny Bonaduce; Scott Speedman; Johnny Knoxville; Jesse Bradford; Paul Mazursky; George Lopez; Monica Lewinsky and Emily Bergl. In San Francisco: Owen Wilson.

· Sean Penn driving East on Santa Monica Blvd. on 5/1 about 6pm by Trader Vics in a grey Audi RS4, looking very tan. Nice ride.

· Friday 7:30ish walking home from early drinks at Ketchup (fun place) was with a friend from out of town and we came around the corner on sherbourne just above sunset on our way up to our street and walked right by Mark Wahlberg sitting in his black Mercedes SUV talking to some guy and signing something. It must have been business because i think he has offices right on the corner.............My friend was thrilled wanted to run up to him and tell him how much she loved his brother lol!!!

· 1:15pm today, saw ben affleck at rock island wraps in old town pasadena. he was alone, reading the paper and desperately needs to shave the scruff. that's all.

· Thursday, 5/3: Runyon Canyon - Spotted a shirtless Ralph Fiennes trekking up the main road, closer to the top of the park. He was with a tall brunette gal and gleaming with sweat, but had no dog. He's quite tall. And pale. Which makes sense, since he's Voldemort. Also spotted Eddie Jemison (Livingston Dell from the Ocean's Eleven movies)—he seemed very sweet. He was with another guy, who was walking a puggle.

· I just saw Ralph Fiennes in front of the Hermitage BH. He was talking to an industry "type" who was saying: "It's a great story about . . ." I kept walking on very coolly. But was sort of stoked! He was wearing a floaty shirt right out of the English Patient and khaki pants. He looked pretty cute.

· Tuesday 5/1, 11:15a, Old Town Pasadena: - while walking down Colorado Blvd. saw Celine Dion carrying a ginormous Tiffany's parcel, headed toward/ chatting to someone who looked like her assistant.

· I just saw James Woods and his teenage girlfriend and their little doggy getting into a grey Jeep Cherokee in front of the Hermitage, BH. People keep telling me he's hung like a horse. Is that true? Should I stop and ask him next time?

· Enjoying a leisurely Sunday (4/29) afternoon shopping trip at Ritual Adornments (DIY jewelry shop on Main Street in Santa Monica) when I noticed Jessica Biel shopping with her friends too. They were picking out beads and getting something made. She's shorter than I thought — but aren't they all. Looked very LA-ish in that I'm a celebrity but look oh.so. Bohemian chic kinda of way — if that makes any sense.

· Sometime last week, Courtney Love taking a purposeful walk down Hollywood Blvd at Ivar. She had on a low-slung cowboy hat, and made an unfortunate decision to bare her newly-tightened midriff (which looked like Jared Leto's arm in "Requiem For A Dream").

Sports might not count to many people here, but on Tuesday (5/1), couldn't avoid noticing Diamondbacks pitcher Randy Johnson at Amoeba. He was in the used section and had someone there helping him look for something I overheard was "UK only" that "doesn't come in often". Famous hockey hair and dirt 'stash were cut pretty tight. 6 foot 10 in person is even more disconcerting than you would expect. Everyone was double-taking at the sheer height.

· Tuesday, 5/1, Dresden Room (again): A group with that certain protected scent of sycophant/privilege walked in all laughs and smiles. I recognized nobody, so didn't think much about it but then Elayne asked me did I see Jessica Simpson was there? I looked over, but the blonde looked nothing like Jessica—turns out Jess has brown hair now and Jewel was the blonde. It was open mic night and they were both good sports enough to sing. Jewel was great, if a little too pleased with herself, and told the horn section to shut up which made more than a few people happy (except the horns). Jessica did "These Boots Are Made for Walkin'," kind of. She claimed shyness, said she didn't want to disrespect Nancy