"Unless I'm misunderstanding something, I don't know why, after the job Jay has done for them, why they would relinquish that," Letterman said, adding, "I have to believe he was not happy about it."

Letterman speculated whether "that's actually what's going to happen," while acknowledging NBC might be too far down the road to retreat. [...]

Letterman, who called O'Brien "a very funny guy," was asked about facing him as the new "Tonight" host. A cautious Letterman said he couldn't predict the outcome.

"It will be weird to see Conan at 11:30, don't you think? Which is not to say he can't succeed, but, no, I don't know what the competition will be like. I hope we're able to do OK."

The late night landscape is hardly recognizable from the one Letterman originally landed his comedy spaceship upon back in the early '80s, lowering its pod doors to release fantastical alien life forms like Larry "Bud" Melman upon America's unwitting insomniacs. Today's audiences have since grown utterly inured to the sight of Conan's masturbating bears and copulating manatees. Pitting these veterans against one another might therefore inspire a competitive Letterman to reach even deeper into his bag of absurdist-stunt-comedy tricks—perhaps with a heavily hyped round of "Will the Former V.P. Candidate In A Bikini Float?" Time will tell.

• Letterman wants to go out on his own terms [CNN/AP]
• Dave at Peace [Rolling Stone]

"Now, Brett Favre retired and then wanted to come back, and the Packers said no. What do you make of that?" Leno also asked, alluding to some speculation that NBC might bring him back on "Tonight" and prompting the following response by NBC co-chairman Ben Silverman, "Well, everyone's entitled to change their mind, but I would imagine that puts management in an impossible situation."

Also on Leno's list of questions: "Is it true that you offered Leno a fifth hour on the 'Today' show?"

The stunt, labeled by Graboff as "Jay's homage to Kimmel," didn't play as well the second time, causing more confusion than laughs since, with a bald cap and beard, Leno was all but unrecognizable.

As many have noted already, the stunt was almost identical to one pulled by Jimmy Kimmel last week, differentiated only by the fact that Kimmel's succeeded in making the reporters present laugh, as opposed to just feeling kind of awkward, filling the bloated silence that followed every wounded query by shifting their gazes downward and flipping haphazardly through their notepads. That said, no amount of bald wigs or NFL analogies can appear to save Leno now: The epic late shift is underway. We now merely await inevitable ABC casualty Martin Bashir to try his own riff on the stunt, showing up to TCA in a burqa to press Steve McPherson on the future of Nightline.

• NBC finalizes its late shift [THR]

[Michaels] told television reporters here Sunday that he wants Mr. Fallon to work out as many of the rough spots in his presentation as possible in performances on a website.

The web performances will likely begin in the fall, long before the transition from Mr. Leno for Mr. O'Brien is set to take place. The entries will not constitute anything like an entire hour-long show. "I expect that we'll do something like five or 10 minutes," Mr. Michaels said.

But he said they most likely will be on every night, to try to establish the rhythm of a nightly show. And he said, "I'm going to post them at 12:30 every night, so people will begin to look for Jimmy at that time."

The unprecedented step doesn't exactly smell like a vote of confidence. This was, after all, a talent who appeared on live, late night network TV from 1998 to 2004; how much more YouTube-honing does he need? Having come of age in the internet era, however, we really see no reason that Fallon shouldn't benefit from all the smaller-stakes advantages that medium implies. The deceptively difficult art of the interview, for example, is something that takes much practice. If he can sharpen his conversational skills first on the likes of Fat Tron Guy and Cindy Margolis, perhaps he'll be that much better equipped to later shoot the breeze with their A-list counterparts, Jack Black and Sandra Bullock.

• Fallon Will Start 'Late Night' on the Web [NY Times]

In the name of science, we've hooked ourselves up to a series of vital-sign monitors, and, as a team of white coats monitors our progress through this Fallon anecdote about proposing to his wife, we'll update you on our progress:

14 seconds: Slight increase in heart rate, pupil dilation. Shortness of breath. Why can't this guy sit still?
27 seconds: Dry mouth. Palpitations. Pulse up to 112 bpms. Carotid artery bulging. Put your goddamn hands down and just finish the story.
1 minute 15 seconds: Profuse sweating. Head the color of a purple cabbage. Face spread back as if subjected to a NASA 20-G Centrifuge Machine.
2 minutes 8 seconds : Loses consciousness at first mention of "Barry Gibb."

• Late Night with Conan O'Brien [NBC]

Apparently, two weren't speaking to the third until literally seconds before they took the stage. Conan didn't name names, and Leno, failing to realize that identifying the Angel serving diva bitchitude would ingratiate him with angry Gays, didn't press him on the matter. After taking in Conan's story, we invite you to revisit the reunion, and decide for yourselves which was the odd-Angel-out. Our bet's on brunettes vs. blonde.

• The Tonight Show

Senior executives at ABC and Fox said that their networks had discreetly gotten the message to Mr. Leno that they were waiting eagerly for the time when they would be able to make official overtures. [...]

Sony Pictures Television has made an approach through intermediaries to let Mr. Leno and his representatives know that as soon as he is allowed to discuss his next move, the studio will make him a rich offer for a syndicated late-night show that would make him the highest-paid host in late-night television, put his name on a new theater on the Sony lot and give him a financial interest in Sony music artists who appear on his show. [...]

NBC executives, including the chief executive of NBC Universal, Jeff Zucker, have reaffirmed their commitment to Mr. O'Brien. And if they did change their minds, they would owe Mr. O'Brien a penalty payment: an estimated $45 million.

Industry watchers suspect Leno will gravitate to whichever offer makes NBC seem like the biggest losers in this botched arrangement. Certainly, Sony's pledge to gift Leno with his very own theater, a yearly contract in the low trillions, plus a direct stake in Justin Timberlake and Beyoncés album sales would be an extremely attractive arrangement for the freakishly bechinned vintage-auto-enthusiast. But don't count out the networks, and particularly the anonymous third-party candidate who sent Jay a mint '52 Jaguar, along with a handwritten note affixed to the windshield reading, "Jay: Enjoy the ride. And remember: We can always shuffle old-man Letterman into the Craig Ferguson slot, and slip you into the one-one-three-oh, big guy! Love, L.M."

• Suitors Are Set to Say to Leno, Long Live King [NY Times]

What was that guy on Conan last night???Weird,some tae kwon do dude with NO sense of humor...made me laugh uncomfortably

Funny you should ask, Late Night audience member. That guest, seated alongside Will Ferrell and Rashida Jones, was officially billed as "Fred Simmons, the King of the Demo," a martial arts instructor from Concord, NC. He was, in fact, comic actor Danny R. McBride, who you might recognize from Hot Rod, and who you can catch in upcoming releases Drillbit Taylor and Pineapple Express. (Not to be confused with the stuntman/Underworld screenwriter Danny McBride.) McBride created the role of the bumbling Simmons for The Foot Fist Way, a movie from 2006 that will finally hit theaters on April 11.This Conan appearance was an Andy Kaufmanesque attempt at viral marketing for the upcoming release. So feel free to laugh away, feeling little to no agitation or discomfort!

• Late Night with Conan O'Brien
• Danny R. McBride [IMDb]

Even more shocking, however, is Gunn's frank disparagement of Hillary Clinton's personal style, which he suggests is probably better suited for a Secret Service agent nearing retirement. Siding with the impossibly pretty John Edwards that she would be best to throw her infamous pink jacket onto a small mountain of calf-length power suits and set the pile ablaze, we still doubt Gunn was suggesting the Presidential hopeful is beyond salvation. On the contrary, all she really needs is to to be locked in a room with Christian for a few hours, upon which the Project Runway frontrunner would put his bionic tailoring skills to good use, giving her a 17-piece, high-concept Three Musketeers outfit that would all but certainly tip fence-sitters into her super, super, super chic camp.

• Late Night with Conan O'Brien [NBC]

The disagreement spiralled out of control into a tragic tangle of responsibility-claiming and show disruptions that spilled onto all three hosts' sets last night, culminating in the Rambo-quality atrocities unflinchingly documented by O'Brien's Late Show cameras; proceed on to the video only if you're sure you're equipped to handle four punishing, uninterrupted minutes of Louisville Slugger bludgeonings, the gruesome torching of pasty comedian flesh, and a near-beheading by the razor-sharp blades of a pair of hockey skates.

• Late Night with Conan O'Brien [NBC.com]

For one night, Jay Leno and Jimmy Kimmel will solve the problem of booking guests during the writers' strike by appearing on each other's show. [...]

"There are only a few people in the world that know how tough this job is," Leno said Sunday. "Jimmy is one of them. It will be fun to discuss who's a good guest, who's a difficult guest and everything else that comes with sitting behind these desks."

Joked Kimmel: "If Jay and I can come together and guest on each other's shows, then surely there is hope for peace in the Middle East."

The one-night swap will provide band-aid relief at best for the two embattled programs, though may offer interesting scientific insights into whether or not pairing late night's two weakest interviewers could result in the formation of a massive entertainment vacuum that sucks all manner of desks, mugs, and audience members into the ground. Meanwhile there is still no word whether ABC and NBC's exchange program would extend to their other post-primetime properties, plopping a bewildered Martin Bashir on Conan's couch while Nightline devotes an hour to investigating the latest beard trends in the tall, pink and pasty.

• Leno, Kimmel to appear on each other's show [CNN]

· In a move sure to broaden the film's appeal among urban audiences but which probably won't be met with approval by hard-core fanboys, Tyler Perry has joined the cast of JJ Abrams' Star Trek, in which he'll play the sassy, fat-suited grandmother figure who runs Starfleet Academy. [THR]
· THR declares the record-setting 2007 The Year Of The Thrilling Threequel, noting that four of last year's 10 top-grossing films were no-brainer third installments of established blockbuster franchises. [THR]
· Meanwhile, the grosses for "specialty" films were down 4% in 2007, which couldn't rely on the public's insatiable appetite for pirates and superheroes to spur them to box office heights. [Variety]

• WATCH VIDEO

According to the complaint, filed by attorney Steven Sokoloff in Los Angeles Superior Court, O'Brien "showed a Christmas Card which featured the face of 2003 American Idol runner-up, Clay Aiken, smiling on the right side of the card, and the phrase 'All I want this year is a White Christmas' on a fold out flap on the left side of the card.

O'Brien then opened the left side of the card to reveal the punch line, '...And a Black Body Builder,' above which was a photograph of Plaintiff posing at the 2004 IFBB Mr. Olympia Competition."

[Photo: Hirepgym.com]

• Bodybuilder Drops Heavy Lawsuit on NBC's Conan O'Brien Over Clay Aiken Joke [THR]

· Focus Features is in a great mood, everyone! [THR]
· Always at the cutting edge of internet marketing content, Showtime has set up a hybrid video player/chat room for serial killer drama Dexter, allowing fans to learn cutting-edge knifing techniques visually as they swap mass-murder tips. [THR]

(At least until the idling staff rereads the threateningly vague layoff memo from the network saying, "If your services are needed, we'll contact you.") Meanwhile, TMZ reports that Jimmy Kimmel has been "quietly" paying low-level workers adversely affected by the strike, leaving picket-line-crossing Last Call host Carson Daly, who returns to the air tonight without his writers (but with some great material from his non-union inbox), as the late shift's only potential punching bag.

• Leno to pay 'Tonight' staff after all [Variety]
• Kimmel to Little People — I Got Your Back [TMZ]

· Conan O'Brien will attempt to keep about 80 of his show's non-writing staff financially afloat during the strike by paying their salaries "for the foreseeable future," a move that he hopes will keep beloved characters like the Masturbating Bear and Horny Manatee from having to sell their bodies to predatory sex-tourists prowling Rockefeller Plaza. [Variety]
· Oh yeah, that other strike is over after only 19 days. [THR]
· The WGA East and ABC have reached a tentative deal to cover 250 or so of the network's news employees, who were authorized to strike, but had not yet hit the picket lines.. [Variety]

• CELEBSLAM EXCLUSIVE: Conan O'Brien meets his stalker! [Celebslam]

"I want a public confession before I ever consider giving you absolution - or a spot on your couch," wrote the Rev. David Ajemian, who signed the notes "Padre," said Barbara Thompson, a spokeswoman for the Manhattan district attorney's office.

Court papers say Ajemian referred to himself as "your priest stalker" in one note and complained of not being allowed in to see an earlier taping of the O'Brien show.

"Is this the way you treat your most dangerous fans?" the note said.

An even more chilling look into the Padre's mind can be found on The Smoking Gun, which has the criminal court order that led to his arrest, including this sample: "THIS IS YOUR PRIEST-STALKER AGAIN, THE ONE WHO HAS BEEN TRACKING YOU THROUGH SPACE AND TIME, FROM MATHER HOUSE TO ST. LAWRENCE TO THE MAJESTIC. I PAID $250 TO FLY DOWN TO NYC JUST TO HAVE A SPOT IN THE AUDIENCE, IN THE DIMMING HOPE THAT YOU MIGHT FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGE ME...I'M TOLD BY SOME OF THOSE OFFICIOUS LITTLE USHER PEOPLE THAT YOU'RE OVERBOOKED AND TO GET THE *** OFF THE PREMISES!!!" Thankfully for all involved, even though the priest-stalker believed his brand of crazy couldn't be restrained by space and time, all it took was one uppity NBC page to foil the deranged cleric's plans to meet his favorite Boston Catholic-boy-made-good.

• Conan O'Brien's "Priest Stalker" Charged [CBS]
• Priest Arrested For Stalking Conan O'Brien [TSG]

"Conan O'Brien will take over 'The Tonight Show' in 2009," NBC Universal President and CEO Jeff Zucker said Monday in New York at an event arranged by Syracuse University's S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications.

Zucker said he'd like Leno to remain with the company and that "we are in those conversations now."

"I'm hopeful that Jay will be with us," the executive told the question-and-answer session.

Continuing in a more somber tone, Zucker added, "Of course, sometimes these conversations don't lead anywhere, and a loved one makes the choice to leave the family. We'd really hate to see that happen. And it would be sadder still if, on the way home from the conversation in which we decided to go our separate ways, the brakes on one of those unreliable old jalopies Jay is so fond of mysteriously give out, and the car winds up in a ditch off of Mullholland Drive, tragically cutting short his search for a new family."

• NBC exec: Leno will leave 'Tonight' on schedule [CNN.com]

But balancing the Peacock's excitement about its big move is its growing apprehension about the inevitably problematic transfer of The Tonight Show from Burbank to the Universal lot's soon-to-be refurbished Studio One, as a smooth handoff from Jay Leno to Conan O'Brien seems increasingly unlikely; at this point, they'll probably consider the transition a success if their snipers can take out Leno before he has has a chance to detonate the farewell explosives he's rigged beneath his desk to take his final live audience with him into his early retirement.

• MetroStudio&Lankershim [metrostudiolankershim.com via Curbed LA]
• Leno keeping NBC up at night [LAT]

• Late Night with Conan O'Brien

Now, the movie's producers are mulling their legal options, claiming NBC used the footage without their permission. We're hopeful both parties might find a workable solution, however, as the impressive work of the Feed The Bears players certainly deserves to be seen by a wider audience, and sits comfortably along such other Late Night niche fetish material as HornyManatee.com's "man-on-manatee" sex.

• Conan O'Brien Airs Gay Porn Clip [AVN via Fleshbot]

Bay Area land baron George Lucas dropped by to chat with Conan O'Brien on last night's show from San Francisco, stoically enduring a procession of cheaply revised Star Wars characters meant to elicit a chuckle from a creator who wasted untold millions developing his own ridiculous affronts to the 'Star Wars' legacy. The unamused Lucas did offer a grudging thumbs-up to R2-Mr.T2 and seemed indifferent at best to Liposuctioned Jabba the Hut, but we think we detected a flash of annoyance at the appearance of Jewbacca, whose unexpected embrace of Judaism makes a mockery of the Wookiee's deep-seated faith in the Force.

• Late Night with Conan O'Brien in San Francisco [NBC.com]
• Previously: Hollywood FeudWatch: Frank Darabont Vs. George Lucas [Defamer]

• Conan - Studio 6A [YouTube via BWE/TV Tattle]

Executives aware of the negotiations said NBC had been in talks with Mr. Fallon and his representatives for a deal that would make his television services exclusive to the network. One of those executives, who did not want to be identified because the deal has not yet been signed, said the deal could include a crack at the "Late Night" host role, though it was by no means guaranteed.

We'd caution the comedian to think carefully before signing over his soul's exclusivity to NBC's rainbow-plummaged Beelzebub; he could end up disappointed to learn there will be no show with the words "With Jimmy Fallon" in the title, and instead his option will be exercised by a lesser NBC Universal property, such as delivering live red carpet coverage via satellite to resident Access Hollywood jackass Billy Bush.

• Jimmy Fallon Said to Be in NBC's Late-Night Plans [NY Times]

When NBC's censors approved the following lyrics to air on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, sung by a new character called the "homophobic country-western singer," they couldn't possibly have anticipated any kind of outrage from Christian groups who think that television is nothing but a Godless, flickering hellbox that beams the will of Mephistopheles directly into America's living rooms: "Oh I love you Jesus/But only as a friend./ You touched my heart but I hope/ That's where the touchin' ends. You're always lookin' over me/ When I need a higher power./ But you better look at somethin' else/ When I'm in the shower." But before the singing cowboy's final note had stopped ringing, an organization called Life Decision International was already cc'ing NBC executives on a press release decrying the show's musical reference to an unacceptably pervy Jesus:

"We wonder if O'Brien's description of the character as a 'complete idiot' is based on the man's 'homophobic' beliefs or if it is because of the inference that Jesus could be sexually interested in seeing the man naked," Scott said. "I don't know if the man is a complete idiot, but I do suspect that the writer of the segment is a complete bigot." [...]

Scott has written a letter to Kevin Reilly, president of NBC Entertainment, objecting to the airing of this material. "I notice the song was not about a Rabbi. I notice the song was not about Buddha. I notice the song was not about Muhammad. If it had been about any of these, the network would surely have disallowed the airing of such garbage," Scott said in the letter. "But since the song was about Jesus Christ, nothing was done." Scott's letter was copied to Mr. Robert C. Wright, chairman & CEO of NBC Universal, which owns NBC Entertainment, as well as Jeffrey R. Immelt, chairman & CEO of General Electric, which owns NBC Universal.

While it's too late to do anything about the song that's already aired, the wording of the statement makes it seems like the offended LDI could be placated if the show would dedicate some time to blaspheming some other religions. In the interest of fostering an ecumenical spirit of equal-opportunity offense, Reilly should suggest that Conan's next "new characters" sketch introduce the Rabbi Who Loves Water Sports and Handsy Buddha, just so that the touchy Christians don't think they're being unfairly picked on.

• Like CBS, The NBC Television Network Blatantly Mocks Christianity [Life Decisions International via Good As You]

· We're not sure what possessed Gawker's video-editing guru to throw together a clip of Conan O'Brien dancing and set it to "Monster Mash," but it's easily more frightening than anything you're going to see on their upcoming Skelevision episode—even Larry King accurately represented as nothing but suspenders and exposed bones.
Namibia: Now not only celebrity-childbirth friendly, but celebrity-fugitive friendly.
· We tend to ignore California politics, mostly because we fear that this attack ad is less insane than what Schwarzenegger's people will come up with in the nex two weeks.
· TVGasm has obtained exclusive footage of Isaiah "Dr. McChokey" Washington's recent Grey's Anatomy blow-up, which we previously did not realize included the use of automatic weapons.
Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's recent reconciliation seems to have involved the transfer of Hilton's mystery assflap to her skeletal pal.

Signs saying "Welcome to Conelandia" awaited Mr. O'Brien at the airport's V.I.P. lounge. Outside, a tightly packed crowd of an estimated 2,000 people many of them frenzied teenagers chanted his name and waved banners, one of which declared, "Tarja is our president but Conan is our king."

"We are breaking into new territory of a late-night show, where we are exerting an influence in the politics of another country," Mr. O'Brien joked in an interview. He also said he was impressed by the very intense reception his show had received in Finland. [...]

He is scheduled to meet with President Halonen on Tuesday at the presidential palace in Helsinki. In a ceremony to be broadcast live in Finland that evening, Mr. O'Brien is to be presented with the Finnish television award, Telvis, granted by Finland's oldest television magazine based on a public vote. Mr. O'Brien's award is "for the most surprising and entertaining TV personality."

Talk show hosts eager to dip into the choppy waters of international politics, be warned: Apparently, the punishment for interfering in Finnish politics is being awarded the Finnish Emmy and crowned King.

• A Trip to Conelandia, Also Known as Finland [NY Times]
• Previously: Will Conan O Brien Affect Finnish History? [Defamer]