Lindsay Works! For Real This Time!

Exciting news indeed, as America's Little Career-Squandering sweetheart Lindsay Lohan has—we repeat has—secured an honest paycheck, and one that doesn't require her to climb onto a hotel diving board before a swarm of paparazzi, shouting, "Mom! Mom over here! Watch me suck some serious face with my best-friend-with-benefits, Samantha Ronson! Mooooom! You're not waaatching!!!" Fake-pregnancy comedy Labor Pains has managed to avoid the on-again, off-again fate of another Capitol Pictures-financed production, David O. Russell's Nailed, reports Variety:

Rescuing a film that was placed in limbo by the Capitol Films cash crunch, Nu Image/Millennium Films Overnight Productions has set a June 9 production start on the comedy "Labor Pains."

Britney Spears Does The Unthinkable: Looks Gorgeous, Laughs, And Dates A Normal Human Being

Is Britney Spears Plotting A Comeback In The Perilous Land Of The All-You-Can-Eat $4.99 Buffet?

Disaster Addict John Cusack to Drive Limo Into the Apocalypse

After the implosive one-two punch comprising his recent tandem War. Inc. and Grace is Gone (not to mention, of course, his spellbinding online short film featuring Diablo Cody as "Girl Who Thought He'd Be Cooler"), fortune may yet favor the slumping John Cusack. Or at least that's the only option our optimistic hearts will allow upon reading about the actor's reported next project, a massive-budget, honest-to-goodness end-of-the-world film by apocalypse maven Roland Emmerich:

John Cusack is in negotiations to star in director Roland Emmerich's (10,000 B.C., The Day After Tomorrow) new disaster movie 2012 for Sony Pictures. The title refers to the year the world is supposed to end after a global cataclysm. Cusack is negotiating to play Jackson Curtis, a divorced dad who alternates between writing and driving a limo. ...

Alec Baldwin Fights Off '60 Minutes' Offensive With Thoughtful Age Gags

• WATCH VIDEO

Britney Spears' Answer To Beating The Traffic Blues Includes Applying Makeup And Playing Bumper Cars

Looks like last week's news that the Britney Spears Comeback Tour were showing signs of slowing down were more prophetic than we thought. On Saturday night, Spears was on her way to break bread with her semi-estranged mother Lynne when she rear-ended a Nissan that stopped in traffic in front of her on the 101. The cause of the accident? Britney was applying her makeup while driving:

"The guy she hit...says before the accident, he was admiring the white Mercedes and the woman putting on makeup while driving it. It wasn't until after she hit him at an estimated 10-15 MPH that he realized the woman was Britney."

Britney Spears Shops Around Reality Show, Throws Wrench In Comeback Tour

Just as the Britney Spears Comeback Tour was picking up fuel with that promising role on HIMYM and a temporary absence from the tabloids, it appears that Spears may be regressing. The National Enquirer is reporting that Britney and her recently reunited manager Larry Rudolph are shopping around a reality show that would look, talk and walk far different from Chaotic: no K. Fed, two babies to feed, and no one to drug her and prompt intelligent conversation:

"She believes a reality show is a no-brainer. She can be herself and not have to study lines...Several production companies are interested in a Britney reality show and are willing to pay her millions."

Kathie Lee Gifford Returns To TV Just In Time To Be Serenaded By Harvey Fierstein

Britney Spears May Return To 'HIMYM', Finally Jumpstarting That Comeback We've Been Expecting For Half A Decade

Reclusive John Hughes Returns! As the Man Responsible For 'Drillbit Taylor!' Kind of!

Arguably the Judd Apatow of the '80s and currently the movies' equivalent of J.D. Salinger, prolific writer-producer-director John Hughes dropped out of filmmaking in 1991 after helming eight movies and developing stories and characters for nearly two dozen more to come. But now, in a symbolic Easter-weekend resurrection perhaps possible only in Hollywood, the writer Hughes and producer Apatow share above-the-line credit for the latest doomed Owen Wilson vehicle, Drillbit Taylor:

[Drillbit] is based on a treatment Hughes wrote years ago for Paramount; he never turned it into a script. But two years ago, after Apatow's breakout hit The 40-Year-Old Virgin, the studio enticed him to develop Drillbit.

Hollywood Scab Alex Perez Returns To Save The Oscars

The Governator May Already Be Thinking About Hopping On His Harley And Riding Back To Hollywood

Can it possibly be that Governator Arnold Schwarzenegger is already tired of the emotional demands of enveloping the panicked citizenry of Malibu in his strong arms each time a wildfire cuts a new swath through some eight-figure weekend homes, and might be planning a return to the Hollywood superstardom he's briefly forsaken to dabble in public service? THR's Ray Richmond blogs that some picket-line chatter amongst the writers of Schwarzenegger's signature blowing-shit-up fare indicates that he may have his eye on a possible comeback:

A few high-profile writers of action films who wished not to be ID'd (you know how that is) were heard conferring that before the strike hit, agents were putting out feelers for material and pitches to develop projects with Schwarzenegger in mind. Nothing specific yet. All just preliminary stuff. [...]

Isaiah Washington More Popular Than Hillary And Barack Combined, Thank You Very Much

Isaiah Washington, now a member of Bionic Woman's big happy family, is never too busy to shatter the deafening, one-day silence that followed his ouster from Grey's Anatomy at the hands of a shadowy cabal of moustache-twirling gay foes. Speaking to Extra, the actor delivered a curiously roundabout answer to a question about whether or not potential Bionic viewers might be turned off by his year of very bad press:

Extra: Did you ever worry about any negative feeling that might affect the ratings of this show? [...]

Washington: I was just recently at the Congressional Black Caucus, this past weekend. And there was a gentleman there who was a member of those 43 members by the name of Sen. Barack Obama. And there was also two young women there—or, women there—one named Nancy Pelosi, and another named Hillary Rodham Clinton.

Britney Spears Gives The People What They Want: A Nationally Televised VMA Trainwreck

In the end, there would be no baby dolls dropping from the rafters, giant Jacuzzis filled with writhing background dancers servicing a fading pop star's exhibitionistic sexual needs, or even a female albino python with which Britney Spears might share a same-sex, cross-species kiss to open last night's VMAs.

Unfounded Rumors That Britney Spears May Have Once Had A Music Career Are Circulating

While Access Hollywood has helpfully added some subtitles to the audio of Britney Spears' rumored comeback song so that you can bring along a copy of the clip to Valley institution Sardo's legendary "Celebrity Trainwreck Karaoke Night" tonight, we think they've badly misinterpreted the potential hit single's lyrics. Indeed, "Everyday, I'm a daze," requires no explanation given Spears' half-remembered, topless hot tub encounters with loose-lipped video extras, but "So why do you desert me, baby boy?" is obviously a reference to her still-unnamed second offspring, who's developed a vexing talent for escaping his playpen each time mommy wants to spend some quality teeth-whitening time with the child.

• Access Hollywood
• Previously: Britney Spears: The Last Usable Photo Shoot [Defamer]

Brokeback Brian

Britney Spears Always Leaves Us Wanting More, Except When She Doesn't