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Mother Of The Century
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Cody Lohan
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Twisted Sister
Lindsay Lohan's 'Secret Half-Sister' Surfaces, Michael Lohan Excitedly Fuels Rumor's Truthiness
Not that claims like these are shocking when you’re part of that wild fame-chasing bunch currently Living Lohan, but Star is reporting that one of Michael Lohan's old flings has taken a paternity test to prove her 13-year old daughter is the newest member of everyone’s favorite dysfunctional family. According to the mag, a Montana woman named Kristi Kaufmann is coming forward to “make sure the truth comes out...‘My daughter has a right to know who her father is — and it’s Michael.’” Now married to a new cowboy hat-wearing realtor, the 44-year old’s claims aren’t exactly being denied by the wig-loving Born Again. Michael’s ambiguous response, and whether or not the details and timing supplied by Kaufmann support the possibility that Lindsay Lohan has yet another little sister who will inevitably want to "be just like her," after the jump. More »
Mother Of The Century
1) Always Take Your Children's Needs Into Consideration. Except When You're 'Bout To Get Your Party On In Vegas! As the doomed 11-year old Cody quietly requests to remain home with his friends rather than follow Dina and Ali around as they con rich gamblers like Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt in Heartbreakers, Dina smartly responds by laughing in his face, confessing "privately" to the entire world that her children do not have generic, boring human abilities like "choice." Thoroughly humiliated, talking back is no longer an option — job well done.
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Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: 'Where'd You Read That, On The Internet?!'
Last night's episode of Living Lohan was filled to the brim with heartbreak. Emotions, both minutely real and highly fake, were on display for the cameras. The actual sound of Dina's skin cracking as her now-infamous crocodile tears struggled to liquefy was audible. And, as every Dina-phile knows, each opportunity to feign care for her cherished cash cow kids brings another lesson from the one and only Mother of the Century. After watching Dina and her brood prepare for a wild 'n crazy trip to Las Vegas that may or may not be ruined by lovable lush/I Know Who Killed Me fan Nana Lohan, Defamer Video Vixen Molly McAleer plucked three classic family values as illustrated by Dina herself:1) Always Take Your Children's Needs Into Consideration. Except When You're 'Bout To Get Your Party On In Vegas! As the doomed 11-year old Cody quietly requests to remain home with his friends rather than follow Dina and Ali around as they con rich gamblers like Sigourney Weaver and Jennifer Love Hewitt in Heartbreakers, Dina smartly responds by laughing in his face, confessing "privately" to the entire world that her children do not have generic, boring human abilities like "choice." Thoroughly humiliated, talking back is no longer an option — job well done.
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Mother Of The Century
moneymakers children during whiny, crocodile tear-filled cries for help aimed at Tough Love Lohan grandmatriarch, Ann Sullivan. Our picks for Dina’s three most inspiring parenting lessons from last evening’s half-hour are:
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Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: 'She's Gonna Grow Up And Hate Me'
As we’ve learned on our first few voyages into the Living Lohan household, where Dina Lohan knows best and familial ties do not exempt you from abiding by her all-knowing wrath, the multi-tasking Momager extraordinaire proved her managerial skills outstandingly in last night’s episode. The Other Lohan, the surfer-haired preteen brother whose dismal fate has been shoved to the side the more worried and concerned we become following rising rap star Ali’s increasingly deafening fits of rage, had his first shot at some real camera time during this episode. And despite Dina’s obvious disinterest in her son’s career prospects (that is, until he hits puberty and his marketing appeal among tweenybop girls increases exponentially), the queen of the house does find time to throw cash at the problem. Low-prioritized Cody-centric tasks include hiring a token age-equivalent friend, halfheartedly attempting to include him in yet another Ali photo spread, and feigning concern for all three
Mother Of The Century
Dina Lohan, Mother Of The Century: 'I Will Rip You Up And Chew You Out'
In case you hadn’t heard, momager extraordinaire Dina Lohan’s new reality show was sadly slammed in the ratings by Sheen Sperm-aversive blabbermouth Denise Richards in the ratings. But before weeping for the runner-up, don’t forget: Dina still officially wears the crown of Mother of the Year! They gave her a trophy and everything! Yes, “they” are a group of cleavage-baring Long Island moms with fake tans and nails as long as their list of ex-husbands, but a title is a title. Which is why Defamer Video Vixen Molly McAleer has put together a rather inspiring series of moments from last night’s second episode, in which we learn three very important lessons on parenting from, that’s right, the Mother of the Year. Our favorite and most valuable parenting rules as taught to us by Dina herself: More »
the unstoppable momager
Dina Lohan's Dreadful Dreams Come True Now That 'Living Lohan' Reality Show Gets Picked Up
We are deeply saddened to report that momager, pimp and our very own white Oprah, Ms. Dina Lohan, has signed with E! to film her long-lusted after reality show. According to the network's official press release, we shall be forced to view Dina's attempts to jumpstart the other ones' (Ali and Cody) careers in showbiz, and they'll tell you why the torturous Living Lohan is necessary:"This is a family that knows how to roll with the punches and come out on top. Dina is an incredibly hard-working, passionate mom that I think our viewers will find both relatable and highly entertaining."Frankly, we can't argue with the E! mouthpiece. However, we have our fingers crossed that Dina's show ends up nothing like the mind-fuck Michael Lohan reality show pitch that we have clipped for you. More »
