Defamer: Cnn

Will Larry King Pass The Softball- Lobbing Torch To Ryan Seacrest?

Seth — Wed, 07 May 2008 17:10:00 PDT

Despite having secured his future at CNN until 2010, Larry King, who come this November will turn 138, has finally acknowledged the fact that his career might have a finite end. (Even if his legacy does not: His Last Will and Testament contains detailed instructions of the children he expects his wife to bear from the 14 packages of Cryovaced semen he keeps stored in an industrial freezer in his basement.) That said, it's being reported that King is eyeing none other than American Idol's Master of Karaoke-Administrating Ceremonies Ryan Seacrest to fill his legendary seat. From The Scoop:

A source from within CNN says that Seacrest, who has filled in for his friend Larry King in the past, is involved in "serious negotiations" to take over "Larry King Live" around [2009]'s end.

"He's the classic generalist," King told the Times. "The only thing I don't know, and I've gotten to know him pretty well, is how versed he is in politics, world affairs. Does he read the paper? Is he interested in Iraq? Because if he is, he's going to be very good."

Better than good! He'll be terrific. Seacrest's duties until now have been limited to exchanging red carpet pleasantries, while occasionally offering a mascara-streaked singer who likens her "Idol journey" to the civil rights movement a shoulder to cry on. Imagine if he had access to the kinds of world leaders that his rapidly calcifying predecessor had? He could apply his preternatural, ladies-footwear-identifying gifts to influential heads of state, like President of India, Pratibha Patil! Yes, CNN should just go ahead and draw up the papers today, free from concern over the way Seacrest tends to hover over broadcast legends like a diminutive Angel of Death, waiting for the perfect moment to drop the scythe and snatch the reins from every Merv, Dick, and Larry to wander through his crosshairs.

Seacrest in, Larry King out? [MSNBC]

Rat Vs. Willis

Mark — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 12:29:05 PDT

· After a summerlong run of sequel-clogged weekends where the eventual winner of the box office battle was all too obvious, the outcome of the upcoming Die Hard vs. Ratatouille fight seems up for grabs. We're not betting against Pixar, even though we'll probably wind up watching John McClane blow shit up. [Variety]
· Oh yeah Die Hard made $9.1 million on Wednesday, its first official day of release. Is that a lot? We're not good with midweek box office record data. [THR]
· Universal signs up erstwhile Biggest Comedy Star In the World Jim Carrey for Sober Buddies, one of those magical projects with a title so concise that we don't have to waste any time explaining it. (OK, OK, Carrey is a Sober Buddy who falls off the wagon while helping an alcoholic pal on a business trip in Vegas. Hilarity ensues, etc etc.) [Variety]
· 3.2 million viewers tuned in to CNN to for Larry King's post-jail interview with Paris Hilton. While this was King's highest rated show since 2005, consider that three times more people watched So You Think You Can Dance on Wednesday night if you'd like to feel a little better about the public's TV-watching taste levels. [THR]
· We would never ask you to start thinking about the Oscars in late June. That's just sick, really. [Variety]

Paris Hilton Barely Survives Brutal Larry King Interrogation

Mark — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 08:21:31 PDT

In the end, CNN Grand Inquisitor Larry King did not, as we'd briefly dared to dream, douse himself in lantern oil and set his body aflame during his much-anticipated post-incarceration exclusive with Paris Hilton, as tantalizing as the prospect must have seemed after about thirty seconds of lobbing his softballs in the heiress's direction and watching them disappear into a dead-eyed abyss.

Despite the expected lack of revelation (kudos, Socialite Crisis Management division of Sitrick and Company!) about Hilton's prison ordeal, we re-learned much about the embattled former inmate: she suffers from ADHD, still wants to open a halfway house where her cherished Lynwood sisters can receive the seaweed wraps and hot stone massage needed to ease their transition back into society, and has never—not once—taken drugs. ("Never taken drugs?" asked an atypically skeptical King after a denial indicating she's might not be sure what constitutes a "drug.") But in the one profound failure of her painstaking preparation for the appearance, Hilton, whose jailhouse conversion and self-guided study of Scripture have been well-documented, inexplicably could not call to mind her favorite Bible passage, even after briefly glancing at the notes where a scribbled lifeline reading BIBLE QUESTION: SAY YOU LIKE THE ONE ABOUT THE PEOPLE WITH SINS AND THROWING THE FIRST ROCKS AT THE WHORE. She'll be ready to knock that one out of the park when Hasselbeck brings it up on The View.

Larry King Live [CNN]
Previously: Defamer Non-Exclusive: A Sneak Preview Of Paris Hilton-Related Things You'll Be Seeing On Your TV Shortly! [Defamer]

Paris Hilton To Express Insincere Remorse To Larry King First

Mark — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 09:33:35 PDT

Rather than get bogged down in rehashing how Paris Hilton's alleged $100,000 dalliance with Barbara Walters and disputed $1 million flirtation with NBC's Meredith Vieira ulitmately resulted in an unpaid chat with basic cable's most popular, semi-mummified inquisitor, we turn you over to CNN.com's Story Highlights box to get you up to speed on the venue change for the Hilton's post-jail soul-baring. She's agreed to one of Larry King's legendary softballings (set those TiVos for 6 p.m. PST Wednesday night), in which we expect the noted underpreparer to lead off the proceedings with something along the lines of, "So, Paris, I hear you've been away on vacation for a month, and everyone's angry about it for some reason. Also, didn't you recently die of an overdose in Florida? Help me out here," before nodding off for a quick nap as the reformed socialite can details her compassionate plan to open a halfway house to ease the difficult transition of other unfairly incarcerated celebrities back into their regular clubgoing routines.

Spring time for Paris - Larry King first stop after jail [CNN.com]
Previously: NBC Breaking Up With Paris Hilton? [Defamer]