Present in the Hyatt Regency's Grand "Kiss-Ass" Salon to wish their esteemed ringleader/fame-bequeather well were many members of the Canuck-heavy Apatow entourage: Seth Rogen (who had nothing but high praise for the man who paid for his "house and car"), Tropic Thunder's Jay Baruchel (totally pumped to cut out for a Dark Knight screening), and Bill Hader, who saluted the Funny People writer/director for his courageous return to the stand-up mike. (More on that in our review of tonight's show, Apatow For Destruction.) We cornered Rogen after the presentation, who mustered convincing faux-enthusiasm for the fact that we shared a first name and nationality—though were quickly cut off by a wiry male publicist, who karate chopped the voice-recorder out of our hands and shouted, "NO! INTERVOOS!...EVAH!" in a thick Nazi accent. Apatow proved more approachable, however, and offered to chat with us later tonight, if we "promised to be nice." We'll hold him to his word on that, but in the meantime, here's the video of his acceptance speech.

• Just Comedy event honors Apatow [Variety]

FRIDAY
· Wolf Parade at the Fonda
· Nas at the Roxy
· Of Equal Measure at the Kirk Douglas Theater

SATURDAY
· Jimmy Eat World at the Avalon
· Glow Festival at Santa Monica Pier
· Bob Powers at Book Soup

SUNDAY
· Feist at the Hollywood Bowl
· Download Festival '08 at the Gibson Amphitheater
· ASSSSCAT at UCB

Our favorite part of the clip as a whole? Letterman doesn't hesitate to a) request a closer look at Maggie's gorgeous legs, or b) attempt to hide his interest in what one does "for pain like that." We're, as always, impressed by Dave;s trademark method of wrapping perviness in a cute, toothy, smiley and lovable package.

• THE LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN [CBS]

But we're getting ahead of ourselves: Last night, we managed to get a freshly Emmy-nominated Kathy Griffin to sit down with us just minutes before taking the Theatre St-Denis stage for that night's comedy gala. Besides taping a special greeting just for you, dear Defamer reader, she was a great sport in submitting to all our probing Kathy questions. Has she ever grappled with addiction? Is Padma Lakshmi a coddled diva? Did The Woz ever get handsy? Should Ryan Seacrest suck it? All is revealed, after the jump.

KATHY: It's so nice to meet you. I'm such a fan. [Hugs.]
DEFAMER: You are?
KATHY: Of Defamer? I read it every day. Are you kidding? I have arrived to be even slightly favorably spoken of on Defamer. Everybody e-mails me instantly. I love it. You know why? It's so clever, as opposed to being mean or shocking. I think the essays are so hysterical. I absolutely laugh out loud at that website. I think it's so good. And I always feel so famous if I'm in a PrivacyWatch. Very famous.
DEFAMER: Wow. Well that's really nice to hear, because we're huge fans of yours.
KATHY: I feel like I kind of cross over when I speak out about Scientology. Like, "Oh, good, only Defamer will support me on that." When all other heads of state turn on me.
DEFAMER: So what are your latest thoughts about it? Still a dangerous cult, or just a misunderstood community center?
KATHY: Well of course I love the Der Spiegel interview where Tom Cruise gets all indignant and says, "Would you make fun of someone's religion?" It's, like, fuck yeah, Tom. It's all on the table. The insidiousness of actually saying you can't make fun of someone's religion—it's ridiculous. Of course you can make fun of anyone's religion.
DEFAMER: And earn Emmys doing it!
KATHY: I'm a double Emmy nominee. Can you believe this shit? Can I tell you the press release that Bravo wouldn't let me do? Because they said they wanted something to put out there when I got the news today. And my official statement was, "Does this mean I can go to Lifetime and get more money like Project Runway did?" I thought that was funny, but today I heard from my publicist that Bravo won't release that. So I said somebody with a sense of humor should release it, then.
DEFAMER: Consider it released. So where were you when you found out?
KATHY: I was sleeping at the Hotel St. Paul. You think I expected it? Like I stayed up all night with my hair and makeup on? Please. I took an Ambien. You could have stabbed me in my sleep.
DEFAMER: Who told you? [Kathy's assistant and My Life on the D-List co-star] Tom?
[Tom nods.]
KATHY: Tom did tell me. It was actually a pretty Hollywood story. I got the call from Rogers and Cowens. So that's kind of A-list, that my publicist called me.
DEFAMER: You're up against Intervention, if I'm not mistaken.
KATHY: Which I would LOVE to be on. I'm trying to find just the right addiction. Right now all I have is hoarding. Like Delta Burke—she's a hoarder. But I feel that I can come up with just the right addiction, because I love the idea of all my relatives and friends coming together in one room and yelling at me together. You know, Janice Dickinson has this great story that apparently during her intervention, she was high, and she literally thought it was a party. For the entire intervention, she wasn't hearing them say, "OK, you need to get on the plane and go to rehab." And she was like, "WHOOO!!! Where we goin'? Party! Call Jagger!" I want mine to be like that, but, like, D-list, so I'm like, "WHOO! Where's Carrot Top? Where's Andy Dick? Let's goooo!"
DEFAMER: What do you anticipate will happen if you cross paths with Ryan Seacrest at this year's Emmys? He's nominated, and could even host again. So there's a good chance of that.
KATHY: Here's the deal. I'm going to shoot to kill. As you know, I have a hit out on LC from The Hills. And I feel that once I found out that that isn't illegal, then I'm now just taking hits out on several celebrities. And Ryan Seacrest is definitely in my crosshairs.
DEFAMER: He is?
KATHY: Yeah, of course.
DEFAMER: Remember the Poop On Ryan Seacrest's Walk of Fame Star Contest? A website put out a dare for people to send in photo evidence of them taking a dump on his square.
KATHY: And did they?
DEFAMER: I believe someone did.
KATHY: Ah, see, that's hilarious. I would be so thrilled if I had a star people pooped on.
DEFAMER: Why don't you have a star?
KATHY: I dunno. Gee. What a shock. Maybe for the same reason Bravo won't buy a billboard. You know why? 'Cause I'm not Padma. "Oooooooh! Padma is so wonderful. Padma Padma Padma! Ooh, she's thin and was married to Salman Rushdie." Well, I went out with Steve Wozniak. Who never had a fatwa, but still, people know him.
DEFAMER: We'll see how much Bravo loves Padma after Top Chef moves to the Food Network.
KATHY: That's my dream! To move to the Food Network. Don't say that—I want to be Paula Deen. She could buy and sell all of us.
DEFAMER: Can you cook?
KATHY: No. I just want to be Paula Deen. I'm not saying I have any talent. Paula Deen has her own airplane. How do you like that shit?
DEFAMER: You don't?
KATHY: Please. I'll see you on Southwest tomorrow. In the B group.
DEFAMER: Speaking of Woz, I think of all the Kathy Griffin storylines on Defamer, for some reason people connect to Woz the most.
KATHY: Gee, 'cause maybe they are online? I know. I was supposed to see Woz last week, and in fact the theater where I was going to perform was where I met him. The Saratoga Mountain Winery. Or as Star magazine calls it, "Saratoga, Florida." Which is, you know, his neck of the woods. But, no, we are definitely still buds.
DEFAMER: So what was the story there? Were you dating or not?
KATHY: The story was, we were frienemies.
DEFAMER: What was the "enemy" part of the equation?
KATHY: I guess we weren't frienemies, because we were never enemies. I was trying to liken myself to LC and...um...Whitney? Is Whitney on The Hills?
DEFAMER: I think LC and Audrina are the frienemies. But they hate each other now.
KATHY: Oh no! I love The Woz!
DEFAMER: Right. So there is no "enemy" part.
KATHY: Oh, okay. Well then we were...we were definitely...I'd say we were...I don't know what to call it.
DEFAMER: Did you ever make out?
KATHY: No.
DEFAMER: You never even made out?
KATHY: No. See—I can't really call it "dating."
DEFAMER: Did he put the moves on you?
KATHY: He didn't really put the moves on me. I mean, you have to ask him this. Because I am, you know, I am very protective of him and love him and I wouldn't want to say anything about him that would make him sound any less than the Wonderful Wizard of Woz that he is. Let's just say that we had much better chemistry as friends.
DEFAMER: You really do have great chemistry on the show. That Segway lesson was the cutest thing I've seen in ages.
KATHY: There's more Woz coming. I talked Bravo into doing an extra episode, so there's going to be 11 now. Because they overshoot the fuck out of the show.
DEFAMER: You guys should really have a whole spinoff with just the two of you.
KATHY: I don't even think he's aware he's on the show. He's so not in that world.
DEFAMER: The bear photoshoot was a classic.
KATHY: He didn't even know [what a bear was], or that he is a bear. I'm not even kidding. There's actually moments that didn't make the show that were really funny, where he was saying stuff like, "You know, if I fall in love with a man, I fall in love with a man. There's nothing wrong with that."
DEFAMER: Wow.
KATHY: Oh yeah. He's very forward-thinking, Woz. I mean, obviously.

1) Justin Reportedly 'Had His Idols Rolling In The Aisles': Not only do we doubt this, but the idea of Michael Jackson, currently being wheeled around Vegas for his ailment du jour, and Prince, hardly a "sports junkie" like Justin, falling off their auditorium seats in some sort of laugh attack just isn't an idea we can properly picture.

2) Using Truly Pathetic Lines: While in faux-drag, Us reports that Justin had the crowd in hysterics due to NippleGate-referencing jokes like "I wanted to be the only guy at a football game to get to second base!" And, while in Simpson mode, (s)he pondered possible Bennifer-esque nicknames such as the but-gusting "RoJo" or "Tessica." Howl!

3) Drag Does Not Become Him: The sight of Timberlake in a wig accompanied by a five-o-clock shadow and ungroomed mangy brows, not to mention double Ds and Jessica's thick Daisy Duke legs, is no picnic.

But! To give Timberlake mildly well-deserved credit in the jokester department, we fondly remember his "I'm Awesome!" Punk'ing Punk'd skit from his 2003 hosting gig at SNL, plus a classic bit from the same evening in which a Simpson-imitating Justin played dumb blonde to the Nick Lachey-imitating Jimmy Fallon. Even a simple throwaway joke like "Nick" telling the audience "She can't even cure a ham." Justica's response? "Aww, is the ham sick?" was made funny due to Justin's steady confidence post-solo breakout:

[Photo credits: Just Jared]

• Project Runway [Bravo]

10. Tom Cruise, Top Gun

9. Renee Zellwegger, Chicago

8. Keira Knightley, Edge Of Love

7. Nicole Kidman, Moulin Rouge

6. Rupert Everett, My Best Friend's Wedding

5. Diane Keaton, Radio Days

4. Scarlett Johansson, Lost In Translation

3. Gwyneth Paltrow, Infamous

2. Zooey Deschanel, Elf

1. Heath Ledger, 10 Things I Hate About You

• Kate Hudson Joins Cast of Movie Musical Nine [People]

• Andy Dick Arrested For Alleged Sexual Battery [KCAL]

Meanwhile, paparazzi parked outside CBS's New York headquarters captured quite the moment: Katie Couric leaving work, being told that A-Rod was dining across the street. Pan to A-Rod, who gestures for her to come over. Ick! A tawdry scoop! She'll pass. There's 40 pages of Eye On America paperwork that needs to be filled out before she can even begin to ask him about the connection between red string bracelets and batting averages.

• Tonight on CBS: Not A-Rod [TMZ]
• MADGE EATING UP A-ROD BUZZ [NY Post]

1) How To Cure Pre-Teen Son’s Boredom: Place Silicone Breasts Directly In Front Of Child’s Face! While Ali burns eardrums away in the recording studio, Dina finds herself in a horrifying place: alone with Cody, the one kid she has nothing in common with. And Cody was bored, as many a boring person becomes when left unentertained by others. So! Off to meet the Girls Next Door and their owner Hugh Hefner, where any swinging dick, no matter how pre-pubescent, will promptly blush, explode in giggles, and shamefully retreat.

2) How To Undermine Your Daughter: Ensure They Never Succeed In Showbiz! After Dina hires the aforementioned Mr. Hot, a clearly under-qualified music producer who specializes in "guy songs," Ali musters up enough courage to question her mom's decision. But the poor tone-deaf kid obviously still doesn't know who she's dealing with — whenever her expert opinion is questioned, Dina knows to respond by instantly blaming the inadequate results on your child, and secondly, repeat the under-used and always infuriating "I told ya so!" mantra.

3) How To Feel Sexy When Pushing Fifty: A Little Trick Called 'Me Time'! If you're like us, you've often stared into the flawless abyss that is Dina Lohan's wrinkle-free face and wondered how, (HOW!?) can anyone be so impossibly beautiful after pushing out three and a half kids. Dina's secret? Odd and embarrassing workouts involving melon-size green aerobic balls used as disco-blaring speakers only the insane can bop along to! Oh, and mani-pedis, of course.

• LIVING LOHAN [E!]

· Coldplay @ The Forum.
· Willoughby @ The Fold.
· Sentimental Lady @ UCB Theater.

One sleepless night later, he arrives on set, where dutiful assistant/underminer Nelle marks his trailer door "The Haimster." Sadly, however, this little Haimster wasn't yet ready to climb back into its wheel: his session in the mortician's wax chair quickly devolves into a rambling tribute to all his favorite uppers, quickly followed by some incoherent small talk with mortal frienemy Corey Feldman.

• The Two Coreys [A&E]

1. Hellboy II: The Golden Army - $35.885 million
Every true visionary director has their own methodology, and Guillermo del Toro is no exception: Every night before going to bed, the Guadalajara native consumes approximately two dozen tins of tainted sheep and pork products, their deadly bacteria providing the nightmare fuel that produces such del Toroian visions as cat-snacking bag ladies and 20-story legumes hellbent on destruction. Apparently America has an appetite for these fever-dream delicacies, as the reluctant red hero's adventures took an easy first place win. Selma Blair, meanwhile, returns to full-fledged movie-star status, just in time for the debut of NBC's Kath and Kim, effectively making her the new Steve Carell.

2. Hancock - $33 million
This movie's central theme of overcoming potential-stifling demons in order to fully benefit from one's innate super-abilities is rich in the tenets of Scientology, making Hancock in many ways Will Smith's own Battlefield Earth, and explaining all those assist tents set up in the Grove theater lobby.

3. Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - $20.58 million
Brendan Fraser's return to summer blockbuster action hero status begins with this immersive experience, as the once white-hot leading man tumbles into the perilous abyss in search of his former career, fighting off carnivorous plants and role-hungry Van Der Beeks along the way.

4. Wall-E - $18.509 million
Obese-Americans continue to cry foul against Pixar's dark masterpiece, claiming the portrait of the overweight painted by the movie—perennial couch potatoes, forever slurping down Jamba Burgers and texting the people directly next to them—to be an ugly and unfair stereotype. Bloggers, meanwhile, herald it as "the first accurate depiction in a mainstream Hollywood film. Thank you, Pixar, for finally legitimizing our kind!"

7. Meet Dave - $5.3 million
Or just ignore him completely.

• WEEKEND BOX OFFICE July 11-13, 2008 [Box Office Mojo]

• WATCH VIDEO

Friday
- Dan Deacon at the Getty Center.
- Supergrass at Amoeba .
- Ricky Gervais at the Kodak Theater.
· Yaz @ The Orpheum.
· Taming Of The Shrew at The Shakespeare Festival LA (going all weekend).
· Outfest continues all weekend long, too.

Saturday
- Paula Poundstone at the Brentwood Theater.
- Hieroglyphics at the El Rey.
- Unwritten Law at the Malibu Inn.

Sunday
- Bastille Day Festival in West Hollywood Park.
- Heather Thomas at Book Soup.
- Live, Collective Soul and Blues Traveler at the Greek Theater.

• My Life on the D-List [BravoTV.com]

• Brooke Knows Best [VH1]

5. Back To The Future: What to do when you're on a DeLorean-powered trip back in the 50s and you need a master plan to make sure your teenage parents fall magically in love so you can, you know, exist and stuff? Why, plan an Enchantment Under The Sea dance of course! Technically not a prom per se, but Marty McFly's artfully designed gymnasium paired with Lea Thompson's updo sure made it look like one. Our favorite moment is above, after the Biff-as-recurring-obstacle-laden plan finally works, and Michael J. Fox rocks out like a regular Danny Zuko to "Johnny B. Goode" because the crowd calls for something that "really cooks."

4. Carrie: Oh dear. Nightmares much? After only one viewing of the DePalma classic at what was probably a far too early age, we still feel the instinctive need to run far, far away from whatever photo or television suddenly shows Sissy Spacek.

3. Pretty In Pink: Confession time. However ridiculously unrealistic it is when the uppity Andrew McCarthy boldly tells poufy-shouldered Molly Ringwald that he loves her, and as much pity we feel for the Right One that is adorable Duckie, we still sorta kinda need a tissue (just one!) whenever we watch this scene. Sappiness aside, any movie featuring James Spader in his trademark 80s sad snob role is a classic in our book.

2. Buffy The Vampire Slayer: Both Kristy Swanson and Luke Perry haven't exactly seen their career trajectories blow up since this 1992 gem, but at their height looks-wise, watching them battle vampires using things like wooden stakes, stiletto heels and motorcycles is always a fun ride. And who can resist Paul Reubens in what might be the best proof of Pee Wee's comedic abilities?

1. Jawbreaker: Simply. The. Best. The tiara that could double as a weapon. The slow-motion ascent to the stage. Rebecca Gayheart mouthing "Eat Shit." Rose McGowan's gradual death via flower massacre. An epic journey from queen bee to exiled Heathers-like outcast, all set to the Donnas' "Rock & Roll Machine" and Frank Sinatra. Genius

• NY TIMES TAKES MIRAMAX TO 'PROM' [Var]

• Scare Tactics [SciFi]

• Katt Williams on Racism and the Roast [Dead Frog]

Oh, and here's some stuff you can do tonight:
· Mods and Rockers Festival at the Egyptian Theater.
· Bimbos Live! Girls Gone Funny at the Knitting Factory.
· That's What She Said Show at Eagle LA.

- What's worse. Stepping in gum or stepping in dog poop? - If you live next to a park and saw dog poop, would you avoid that park?

- Would you confront someone about spitting out gum on the sidewalk or not picking up dog poop in a public place? - Would you confront a neighbor about picking up after their dog?

Jurors who demonstrated no visible dogshit biases were then made to answer one final bonus-round question ("If we were to tell you the complimentary paté you've been enjoying in the holding room was actually made from Rottweiler droppings, would you feel compelled to eat more, less, or about the same amount?"), at which point their final choices were made. Next up, the jury watches what the landlord claims is the case's smoking turd evidence: a video of the offending mongrel assuming the arched evacuating position in the apartment courtyard. Be sure to return soon for a Defamer exclusive: Dominick Dunne's front-row seat take!

• Forget Dr. Oz — Dane Cook Knows His Poop [TMZ]

Produced by 51 Minds' Cris Abrego and Mark Cronin, who together with Michael "Mr. Bad Taste" Hirschorn elevated the entire genre of reality dating shows to levels not seen since Joe Millionaire with their landmark Celebreality work, the show derives its strength from its unrivaled cast of charismatic, shameless and fame-hungry characters. While "real" dating shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette systematically place the focus of their shows on the show's primary character's search for love, the Vh1 shows revolutionized the genre by deciding to keep the cameras trained squarely on the contestants. And now, after multiple seasons and endlessly repeated marathons, millions of Americas have developed relationships with bizarre cast of characters (all of whom truly are "characters" in the truest sense of the word). I mean, come on. Mr. Boston? 12 Pack? Pumkin? Chance and Real? Rodeo? Midget Mac? Hoopz? After spending an inordinate amount of time watching their antics over the last few years, we would gladly pay money to watch these loveable bozos "compete" to see who's going to take home the $250,000 first prize — fuck finding true love! Fortunately for us and for you, we don't have to pay anything at all to watch the madness go down. Maybe summer 2008 isn't going to be so terrible after all.

• I Love Money [Vh1]

In it, they spied a blurb for the upcoming July 13th episode in which "Haim arrives on set visibly under the influence, and Corey Feldman can only watch in horror as things progress from bad to worse." It sounded like a doozy, but the reality, which we share now in the leaked clip above, is way rougher than anything we imagined. On the set of Lost Boys: The Tribe for reshoots, Haim had a crisis of confidence and flatly refuses to leave his trailer. Questionably motivated assistant Nelle then fetches him his bag of scrips, and the audio continues to run as he can be heard rummaging through bottles, followed by coughing. The editors then deftly weave Haim's line-flubbings into a chilling monologue delivered by Susie Feldman: "That's what happens when you don't care...you never try...a single pill has ruined his life, every relationship, his career, his health, his teeth, from one pill." Yeah. While you watch that, we're going to pour ourselves a glass of beer and notice the ripples our tears make across its surface.

• The Two Coreys [A&E]

[video by Molly McAleer]

• Beef, It's What's For Dinner

• The Bachelorette