'G.I. Joe' Movie Gets Three Teaser Posters, Porny New Subtitle

As we bide our time waiting for the inevitable $200 million feature adaptation of Captain N: The Game Master (Zac Efron, call your agent), Paramount has unveiled new details on its latest strip-mining of 80's nostalgia: G.I. Joe. Directed by failing-upward Stephen Sommers (Van Helsing), Joe is all set for a summer 2009 release, but that doesn't mean it's too soon to reveal three new teaser posters and a new, utterly superfluous subtitle: G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra. Sadly, none of the teaser posters show off the film's most curious bit of casting — Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander — though the film's new subtitle seems to hint that Cobra won't be donning his live-action costume until everyone's bullshit detectors receive a proper workout.

Posters (and reactions) after the jump!

NHL Stars Are Way Less Pussy Than Their Hollywood Counterparts

We honestly thought there was no way we'd be able to shoehorn a reference to the NHL playoffs—and, more specifically, a tuque-tip to our beloved Habs, who dismembered the Bruins 5-0 Monday, inciting one of many dépanneur-looting riots to come—in this space. But that was before we came across this beyond-inspired gallery at SI.com, placing some of the lesser-known faces under the helmets alongside their celebrity doppelgangers. The effect, in certain instances, is nothing short of astonishing, introducing a whole new audience to the likes of Sharks goalie Evgeni "Chino" Nabokov, and Penguins center Sidney "Stick in a Box" Crosby.

[Photo Credits: Getty Images]

• NHL players resembling entertainers [sportsillustrated.cnn.com via ONTD]

Are Ryan Phillippe's Abs Enough To Convince Audiences To See An Iraq-Themed Movie?

Judging from the TV ads and posters for Stop-Loss, the film looks as if it would be just another teen flick where pretty boys with pretty faces chase some equally pretty girls with equally pretty faces. However, director Kimberly Peirce's first film since Boys Don't Cry is actually a big, serious movie about the plight of soldiers fighting in Iraq. But before you go and tune out the film solely on the basis of it being another one of those dirge-like films, it's worth noting that THR is predicting that this may be the very first movie centered around the War in Iraq that actually breaks through with both critics and audiences:

"The recent boxoffice fate of Iraq movies has prompted Paramount to take a notably careful approach that downplays the war. The movie is being sold as an MTV Films picture with an attractive young cast (Ryan Phillippe, Joseph Gordon-Levitt) that will lure people to theaters for other reasons."