Madge-Rod
We realize it's challenging to keep up with this whole A-Rod/ Madonna/ affair/ divorce/ something-about-Lenny Kravitz business, a convoluted celebrity love-polygon which we wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn also involved Gary Coleman, Eliot Spitzer, and a Coors Light Twin. Still, you wouldn't want to be caught at some swanky dinner party filled with effete liberal elites and not have your talking points straight. Here's a round-up of the latest:
· A personal trainer present at the exact moment Kravitz learned he was embroiled in the primordial tabloid ooze said he "looked like he was going to throw up." The link between he, Madonna, and A-Rod is manager Guy Oseary, who told Kravitz he was going to "pimp out" the singer and Yankee. Whatever that means, Kravitz disapproved of it, and fired the manager a couple weeks later. He claims to have never had an affair with Cynthia Rodriguez; this was just a retaliatory smear campaign. [NY Post]
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software update
A grieving flack has emerged from Drew Barrymore and Justin Long's Shiva-House of Love, mascara smeared, lapel torn, and offering a somber, "I can confirm the split but have no other comment," before adding, "And if you'd like to come in to pay your respects and have a nice piece of kugel, you're more than welcome." Our deepest condolences to both families.
Madge-Rod
But what of little David Banda? For whatever reasons, that was our first reaction to rumors that the marriage of conical-bra-popularizer Madonna to lad-flick director Guy Ritchie was all but over. Well, when we actually stop to think about it, we can figure out the reasons: Lourdes and Rocco are half Ciccone—meaning their DNA is hardwired to withstand just about anything life could throw at them. What's more, were there a divorce, the two elder siblings could access their respective biological dads at virtually any moment with little more than an international mobile calling plan. But not little David: His known world would be splintered apart, one parent flouncing off to the country of hot dogs and baseball, the other staying put in bangers-and-cricket land. His real dad, meanwhile, was a world away, catching glimpses of the domestic unrest in his local Malawian celebrity tabloid, and second-guessing all the while his decision to sell his son to the global pop icon for a year's salary and a signed copy of "The Immaculate Collection." We prayed—oh, how we prayed!—that somehow these two would make it work. Clearly, God hates us:
Us Weekly reports in its new issue, on newsstands tomorrow, that Madonna's seven-year marriage to Guy Ritchie has stalled out – and the singer has been hosting late-night visits from New York Yankee Alex Rodriguez at her Central Park West apartment in New York City.
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celeb divorce
There really is no pleasant way to spin a story in which one the great American comedy icons is accused in a court filing of chronic infidelity and physical abuse (save your comments—Charlie Sheen is far from an American comedy icon), so we'll leave it to The Smoking Gun to fill you in on the ugly details of the Bill and Jennifer Murray divorce:
Bill Murray is a drug-addicted spousal abuser and serial adulterer who has abandoned his family, according to a scathing divorce filing by his estranged wife.
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Real Housewives Of Fruitcake County
Oh, what's to be done with Denise Richards and Charlie Sheen. They may bicker incessantly and claim they can't stand the sight of one another, but deep down, you just know they're hoping the other contracts feline AIDS. With her E! reality series set to premiere on Memorial Day, Richards has been hitting the talk show circuit harder than Richie Sambora in a bathroom stall at the LAX wrap party. This included some face-time with fossilized CNN grand inquisitor Larry King, where she explained that the show comes directly out of need; not, surprisingly, the need to be on TV, but rather the need to feed and shelter her two children, abandoned by their father to follow his tween-outfitting, trampoline dreams. Now, a "Sheen insider" tells Page Six that Richards' claims are absurd, as the actress is regularly greeted by the beeping sound of a Hollywood Alimony Services dump truck backing into her driveway to release that month's child support payment:
But, "Denise gets $52,000 a month tax-free in child support," a Sheen insider fumed. "Most people in America can figure out how to live on that, but Denise can't?"
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celeb divorce
It's difficult enough to note the end of another seemingly rock-solid Hollywood relationship when the two parties are willing to at least admit that yes, they were involved. But how does one go about relaying the sad news that a love is no more, when the love was never outwardly acknowledged in the first place? What's that you say? By ceasing to be such a busybody and allowing them to lead their private lives in private? But we simply cannot do that! This is Jodie Foster we're talking about—and her beautiful Cydney!
[T]he National Inquirer [sic] magazine claims the pair have now parted ways.
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moving on
After three-and-a-half years of wardrobe-sharing bliss, standing side-by-side through the good times (the Branded Wedding of the Century, brought to you by 1-800-Flowers, Smirnoff Ice, and the Portugal Tourism Board) and the bad (her Barbara Walters-issued View death warrant), ETOnline is now reporting that Star Jones has filed for divorce from husband Al Reynolds. From their Star! On! Her! Own! Exclusive!:
STAR JONES (46) has filed for divorce from husband of three-and-a-half years AL REYNOLDS (39).
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ik ben droevig
Between a needles-and-drugs-heavy induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and the upcoming release of a hotly buzzed new album touched by Timbahands, cooch-bearing prizefighter Madonna has had a run lately of the sort of positive, lightly controversial publicity that has defined her career from its jelly-bracelet-adorned nascency. But now comes another wave of unwelcome and unorchestrated chatter from the British tabloid press, saying the singer and her filmmaker husband of seven years Guy Ritchie have finally agreed to go their separate ways:
The couple's pals told Britain's Sun newspaper yesterday they're already living separate lives, having divided their country and city homes into "his and hers quarters" to avoid each other.
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Pop star-alternative Pink (hey—isn't her hair supposed to be pink? What gives? That was her whole thing!) has left her husband of two years, Xtreme athlete Carey Hart, apparently because he was seen with another woman, color-indeterminate. Our mama always warned us about them MotoX—she said they'd drag our hearts around like a 450cc+ railing a berm like a pro. Keep on keepin' on, Pink. [
AP]
charlie sheen
Charlie Sheen and ex-wife/mortal enemy Denise Richards were back in family court yesterday, arguing behind closed doors over Richards's decision to expose her life, and the lives of her young children, to reality show cameras. From the EOnline.com report:
Sheen arrived at the Los Angeles courthouse with his attorney, while Richards' legal camp participated by phone.
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Grasping for answers and hoping to bring some much-needed order to a world plunged into chaos by
Sean Penn and Robin Wright's split after 11 years of marriage, an anonymous source describes a possibly meaningful incident in which a tarted-up
Sienna Miller sat in the actor's lap at a NY party. Titillated yet? What if we told you that during that lap-sitting, Miller had her arm around his neck? A
ha! Fortunately for all parties involved, a "Penn friend" dismissed the idea that the actress was somehow involved in the break-up, disclosing that the actress has a tendency to "drape herself over people she likes." See, she's just drapey! You may now return to snipe-hunting for clues about why the couple ended their relationship
in old movie footage. [
Rush & Molloy]
celeb divorce
We regret to inform some of you (and are thrilled to inform some others) that a stunning reversal of romantic fortunes has befallen Oscar-jilted comedy superstar Eddie Murphy: A mere two weeks after what by all accounts was said to be the tropical fairy tale wedding to end all tropical fairy tale weddings, the Shrek Goes Fourth star (yes, it's coming, don't even try to escape) has announced that his legally-binding-only-in-Bora Bora marriage to girlfriend Tracey Edmonds has already come to an end:
"After much consideration and discussion, we have jointly decided that we will forego having a legal ceremony as it is not necessary to define our relationship further," Murphy and Edmonds tell PEOPLE in an exclusive statement.
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semi-public fights
In a surprise Defamer World Exclusive! (must credit Defamer's World's First Surprise Super Exclusive!) videographer Molly McAleer, who spent last evening in the Hollywood Hills working on choreography with her Satanist friends as she always does, captured this altercation between Sean and Robin Wright Penn—possibly the final blow-up that led to today's divorce announcement. Sean clearly seems to be the more conciliatory of the two, sweetly offering up small fondnesses, such as the way Robin reads her script dialogue out loud before bed every night—but we'll leave it to you to decide where, if anywhere at all, the fault lies.
celeb divorce
In a disastrous Hollywood disunion tantamount to a massive, tectonic fissure erupting at Nichols Canyon, splitting our fair city in half and sending the two distinctive, autonomous land masses, rechristened Los and Angeles, their separate ways, divided by a blocks-long body of water that will eventually come to be known as the MidWilshire Ocean, Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn have announced that their love, it is no more:
Sean Penn and wife Robin Wright Penn are divorcing, their rep, Mara Buxbaum, confirms to PEOPLE exclusively.
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celeb divorce
And you thought they wouldn't last. Actually, you probably haven't thought about them at all, but Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride star Brendan Fraser, and his wife, Afton Smith ("Ursala's Friend" in George of the Jungle) are splitting after nine years. Nine years of marriage. In Hollywood years, that's like not getting divorced at all. People reports:
Brendan Fraser and his wife Afton, married since 1998, are going their separate ways.
The Mummy star, 39, announced through his publicist Wednesday that the couple are ending their marriage.
"They continue to maintain a close and caring friendship," representative Ina Treciokas said in a statement, the Associated Press reports.
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