Freewheeling Infant Surfs Out Of Womb A Healthy Baby McConaughey

Sexiest Beef-Pusher Alive Matthew McConaughey can strike "dabble in fatherhood" from his phonebook-thick bucket list, as his girlfriend has just birthed the actor's first child: a healthy son, with ten fingers, ten toes, but—in an unfortunate congenital defect which doctors reassure will have no bearing on the child's quality of life—only one, tiny flip-flop. From the Reuters report:

The child — the first for McConaughey and model Camila Alves — was born on Monday evening, the report quoted the actor's publicist as saying.

McConaughey, 38, said in January that he and Alves were "stoked and wowed" by the pending arrival.

Help name him in our Name Matthew McConaughey's Son Poll after the jump!

Ali Lohan Zit Crisis Exclusive!

Chosen Blobs Won't Crown For 'Weeks,' Says France's Sexiest Celebrity Obstetrician

Twice now, we've dangled before you the magnificent prospect of Angelina Jolie delivering two more blob-angels to her growing lineage. Both stories turned out to be wrong—the last of which left us so disappointed, we found ourselves tormented by anxiety nightmares on the topic. (One particularly harrowing scenario involved the Wanted star in stirrups as she shot out two genetically flawless newborns, who somehow managed to curve around a suspended pig carcass and land gently in adjoining cribs on the far side of the room.) In any case, it appears we are inching towards some perfect-baby-making resolution here:

Angelina Jolie's obstetrician, Dr. Michel Sussmann, who is watching over the 33-year-old actress at a French Riviera hospital where she is expected to give birth, called a news conference for later Wednesday afternoon.

Angelina Gives Birth! For Real This Time! Or Not! Don't Ask Us! We Just Work Here!

A little over a month ago, typically dependable celebrity-water-breaking newssource ET reported that Angelina Jolie had birthed conjoined-lifemate Brad Pitt's second batch of genetic progeny. But just as the world prepared to deliver a thunderous "Hazzah!" for Chosen Ones Numbers 2 through 3, the story was debunked, and a low moan of disappointment rolled across the land. Still, she can't hold on to those little messiahs forever—they'll eventually want out. In fact, one French publication called Closer (a brief look at their website suggests they cater to that lesser-sophisticated segment of France's population who demand access to exclusive photos of Really Skinny Colin Farrell) claims they are already here! From HuffPo:

En exclusivite mondiale, Closer est en mesure de vous annoncer qu'Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ce matin dans un hôpital français ! La star serait rentrée hier soir en salle de travail. Toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site closermag.fr

Breaking! Jamie Lynn Spears Completes Circle Of White Trash Life

'Ahm Mashew McConauhdgrl--Ahm Gonna Be Daddee!!!'

We once pledged that impending fatherhood would do nothing to tame the mighty, freespirited party-beast that is Hollywood's most sought-after torsobitionist, Matthew McConnaughey. Loath as we are to deliver a pinky-flinging, double-shaka "we told you so" sign—well, we told you so:

The Fool's Gold star was in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua, on June 6 drinking himself into a near-stupor at the Iguana Bar, while groping and hitting on a number of women, Star has learned.

Vin Diesel: From Duck Addict To Dad

Sure, things may seem to have gotten quiet on the Vin Diesel front, but that doesn't mean Hollywood's Biggest Action Hero Bargain hasn't been keeping busy. He's currently shooting The Fast and the Fourious, the third sequel to the street-racing-movie franchise to which he once swore he'd never return. (His legendary kiss-off speech, climaxing with, "Pimp my balls! The only movie I'm interesting in making stars an army of elephants and costs eleventy billion dollars!" is required reading for USC's From A to Z-List: A Survey of Movie Star Hubris class.) Even more exciting? People reports Diesel is a new dad:

Vin Diesel and his girlfriend, model Paloma Jimenez, have quietly become parents of a baby girl, his rep tells PEOPLE.

Inspiring 'People' Cover Has All Of America Wondering Who Ex-Crankhead Jodie Sweetin Is

As we mentioned yesterday, the cover of the current issue of People magazine bears the image of Jodie Sweetin—famous for being a former meth addict, star of Full House, and host of a waist-down exotic dancing competition, in that order—holding proof positive of a God that believes in second chances: Zoie, her 7-week-old baby daughter. (Who, contrary to an erroneous rumor floating around the internet, was not named for a two-headed pygmy rabbit who'd frequently appear after several sleepless nights on the pipe, offering Sweetin companionship and life coaching whenever it could.)

Angelina Jolie: 'The Moment I Realized Brad Had Interests, I Knew I Had To Carry His Love-Children'

Welcome to Day 5 of Jolie WombWatch: We join you live as the world's downtrodden and miracle-needy—still frustrated over the lack of any measurable improvement since the last Chosen One graced our midst—sit glued to their ham radios, anxiously awaiting any verifiable updates on the official birth-status of Jolie-Pitt Chosen Children Numbers Two through Three. (The latest theory is that ET was right all along, and that the couple is covering up the delivery in order to score an exclusive payday with another publication. Conspiracy! Building 7! Runner 6074! Hill: Ego Only!) Meanwhile, Baby Truth is wheezing its tiny lungs out behind a full-on media-assault smokescreen. Most notably, Jolie graces the cover of the current Vanity Fair, where she describes all the dilletanteish qualities in Pitt that inspired her to break up his marriage:

After my last divorce, I said I was absolutely going to marry somebody in another field, an aid worker or something. Then I met Brad, everything I wasn't looking for, but the best man, the best father I could possibly wish for, you know? I don't see him as an actor. I see him very much as a dad, as somebody who loves travel and architecture more than being in movies.

'People' Non-Exclusive! Angelina Jolie Still Pregnant! Must Discredit 'ET!'

No sooner had we endured the traffic overload at the Petit Trésor website long enough to order a pair of custom-bedazzled Isla and Amelie onesies for the proud parents, came shocking news over the Biological MaternityWatch transom suggesting the Chosen Twins were in fact still resting comfortably inside their mother. People.com debunks:

Contrary to a flurry of recent reports that Angelina Jolie has delivered her twins, PEOPLE confirms that the rumors are not true.

Breaking! Angelina Jolie Proud Mother To Two More Healthy Baby Blobs: UPDATE

Big news! The first Morse code beeps heralding the arrival of two more biologically achieved additions to the Jolie-Pitt clan have landed in our Google Telegraph inbox. The joyous development comes almost two years to the day that the couple's first amorphous Chosen Blob was ushered into this world by a coterie of Namibian midwives. By contrast, genetically flawless Jolie-Pitt White Children Numbers 2 through 3 (names pending) were delivered in France, with all the First-World-medical-facility pampering that implies. More details as they come, including the all-important How Jennifer is Handling the News report, and whether or not it involves any huffily dispatched text messages demanding to know, "So r u in or out?? My body is a ticking biologicl wonderlnd!!"

UPDATE #1: We have names. "ISLA (pronounced eye-la) MARCHELINE (after Angie's mom) and AMELIE JANE (after Brad's mom) JOLIE-PITT."
UPDATE #2: ET's report is wrong, says People!

• Angelina has her twins! [ETonline.com]

Breaking: Clay Aiken Pregnant!

We have good news. Strike that—we have unbelievably good news. What's the difference? Unbelievably good news is good news you once thought impossible—like a live-feed from Mars, or Robert Downey Jr. dominating the summer box office. Or Clay Aiken becoming a dad. TMZ reports:

Multiple sources tell us the mother is Jaymes Foster, a record producer and Clay's best friend. He lives at her home when he's in L.A.

Tom Cruise Image-Reclamation Campaign Targets Baby Stores, Google Users

With his dreams of an eye-patched, SS-uniformed Oscar statuette slipping through his Hitler-hunting fingers, and his billion-year war bride having successfully sanded through her reinforced-leather ankle restraints and hightailed it to the Great White Way, Tom Cruise has responded to the steady unraveling of his meticulously constructed, intergalactic Camelot in the only logical fashion: by attempting to reclaim his own image. Beyond the "Take Back The Tom" campus marches planned around the country (ours meets at the Celebrity Center quad at 10), the NY Daily News is reporting that reps for the UA minimogul have fired off a Scary Hollywood Lawyer letter to millionaire-baby-outfitter Petit Trésor. Claiming they told Life & Style that the couple bought Suri $400,000's worth of high-thread-count swaddling cloths and ruby-encrusted platinum rattles (or enough to feed, heal, and clothe every child in Africa until 2069), the letter asserted that the sum was "simply false," "violates our clients' rights of privacy," and that the couple would therefore "request that you no longer use our clients as part of your public relations and marketing efforts."

Nicole Kidman Latest To Join The Pregnant Celebrity Belly-Baring Club

The latest celebrity said to be jumping on the nudie pregnant pictures bandwagon is Nicole Kidman, who was seen yesterday attending a “top secret” modeling session for a potential cover shoot with Frenchy photographer extraordinaire Patrick Demarchelier. While he’s no Annie Leibovitz, and it’s unknown which magazine this shoot was for, Demarchelier is a monthly contributor for Allure, Vogue, and Demi Moore’s old knocked-up-while-nude stomping grounds, Vanity Fair. So whether or not Nicole is looking to appear on an upcoming cover of VF as Demi’s successor is still unknown, but we took a look back at some classic big-bellied celebrity appearances in the past to see some glossy examples of what Kidman will be competing with in the Nude And Pregnant Hall of Fame:

[Warning: What follows is NSFW, and in the case of one Lisa Rinna shot, NSFLunch.]

Angelina Jolie Set To Break The Elusive, Eight-Figure Baby-Photo Barrier

As the country plods along to what seems like inevitable recession, not all trends suggest our economy is necessarily swirling clockwise down the shitter. Take the celebrity-baby-photo market, a financial spit-up bubble seemingly incapable of bursting. Leading the way is People magazine, who apparently have a budget surplus in the trillions to lavish on Hollywood's most recognizable faces and the powerblobs they spawn. They rocked the status quo back in 2006 by shelling out $4.1 million for a glimpse of Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt, and more recently paid $6 million to Jennifer Lopez for a stunning photoset in which her adorable newborns were woven into a plexus of mother's hair extensions, like nested baby sparrows awaiting their next grub feeding.

After Much Divatude, Jennifer Lopez Shares Her Baby-Looking Twins With The World

It's tough out there for a celebrity mom with a baby cover exclusive with People. From Nicole Richie's non-groundbreaking Harlow cover to Christina Aguilera's boobalicious Max debut, no glossy cover with a star baby splashed across it will ever compare to that of The Chosen One. Well, unless The Chosen Two follow in their goddess-like older sister's footsteps. And despite the fact that Jennifer Lopez received the heftiest payday on record to introduce twins Max and Emme to the masses, MSNBC reports that Jenny From The Block went into vintage diva mode both prior to the shoot and throughout the painful session:

"'There were some surprising demands this time around though,' said one source. Among them, it's Jennifer now, and not J.Lo, a point that has been brought up in recent weeks. 'J.Lo' was from her Puffy and Ben Affleck days — she's in a different place now."

Taking A Cue From J-Lo, A Tight-Lipped Angelina Waits For Water To Break Before Revealing The Big Twins Surprise

All you needed to do was take one look at Angelina Jolie's SAG Awards gown, a billowy sail of silk charmeuse that could have easily smuggled a schoolhouseful of multicultural toddlers, to wonder if the actress wasn't perhaps camouflaging something beneath all of that fabric. The world, of course, was not caught entirely off guard: News of a possibly Jolie-Pitt twins pregnancy inched its way up the tabloid totem last week, up from the paparazzi blogosphere, into the pages of supermarket literature, and now arriving in the semi-legitimate pages of Us Weekly: