Before making a cooking demonstration at the Festival of Arts on Sunday, Marcel Vigneron of Bravo's reality show "Top Chef" first stopped at the Laguna Beach jail on Saturday.

Vigneron was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving at 12:45 a.m. Saturday off of Pacific Coast Highway in Laguna Beach, according to Laguna Beach police records.

...Vigneron, who was initially stopped on suspicion of speeding, was taken into custody and his bail was set at $2,500.

What the Register leaves out is the sudden jailhouse appearance of Padma and Tom Colicchio (with special guest judge Andy Dick), who immediately engaged Vigneron in a Quickfire Challenge. Droned Padma, "Your ingredients for this challenge will include peppermints from the front desk, a frozen chorizo from the break room, and your own booze-soaked Van Heusen button-down. Contestants, ready!"

• 'Top Chef' runner-up arrested on suspicion of DUI [OC Register]

• Million Dollar Listing [Bravo]

There's of course that blonde freak whose obsessive need to append the suffix "-licious" to any word he cant think of can only be logically explained away as some ugly neurological byproduct of methamphetamine addiction. There's Suede, he of the blue mohawk, because just a wispy, gelled mohawk isn't quite stupid-looking enough; did we mention he goes by "Suede," and refers to himself in the third-person? Is it any wonder, then, that the laser-depilated, elevator-boot-wearing drag cavalry was called in to shake up the proceedings? There's really no following an act like Christian Siriano: This show is a victim of its own fierceness.

• Project Runway

[American Artist] has been described by the Elves team of Dan Cutforth and Jane Lipsitz as a "Project Runway"-style competition series that takes on the art world.

Aspiring artists compete to produce various styles of artwork (painting, sculpting, etc.), which is then judged by a panel of experts.

We know what it is you're going to say: That something as subjective and pure of intention as art needn't be sullied by commercialism and voyeuristic opportunism. But as anyone who's ever blown a CalArts MFA prof to get their plasticine horse-busts into a Culver City new artists' exhibit already knows, the art world is as crassly trade-driven as any L.A.-based industry. Why not, then, use the power of cable to launch the next art world star, who'll emerge from a pack of hot tranny collaging messes to nab a handsome spread in Artforum, $100,000 to get their art business off the ground, and, best of all, the title of Top Art Fag?

• Sarah Jessica Parker lands show at Bravo [THR]

But we're getting ahead of ourselves: Last night, we managed to get a freshly Emmy-nominated Kathy Griffin to sit down with us just minutes before taking the Theatre St-Denis stage for that night's comedy gala. Besides taping a special greeting just for you, dear Defamer reader, she was a great sport in submitting to all our probing Kathy questions. Has she ever grappled with addiction? Is Padma Lakshmi a coddled diva? Did The Woz ever get handsy? Should Ryan Seacrest suck it? All is revealed, after the jump.

KATHY: It's so nice to meet you. I'm such a fan. [Hugs.]
DEFAMER: You are?
KATHY: Of Defamer? I read it every day. Are you kidding? I have arrived to be even slightly favorably spoken of on Defamer. Everybody e-mails me instantly. I love it. You know why? It's so clever, as opposed to being mean or shocking. I think the essays are so hysterical. I absolutely laugh out loud at that website. I think it's so good. And I always feel so famous if I'm in a PrivacyWatch. Very famous.
DEFAMER: Wow. Well that's really nice to hear, because we're huge fans of yours.
KATHY: I feel like I kind of cross over when I speak out about Scientology. Like, "Oh, good, only Defamer will support me on that." When all other heads of state turn on me.
DEFAMER: So what are your latest thoughts about it? Still a dangerous cult, or just a misunderstood community center?
KATHY: Well of course I love the Der Spiegel interview where Tom Cruise gets all indignant and says, "Would you make fun of someone's religion?" It's, like, fuck yeah, Tom. It's all on the table. The insidiousness of actually saying you can't make fun of someone's religion—it's ridiculous. Of course you can make fun of anyone's religion.
DEFAMER: And earn Emmys doing it!
KATHY: I'm a double Emmy nominee. Can you believe this shit? Can I tell you the press release that Bravo wouldn't let me do? Because they said they wanted something to put out there when I got the news today. And my official statement was, "Does this mean I can go to Lifetime and get more money like Project Runway did?" I thought that was funny, but today I heard from my publicist that Bravo won't release that. So I said somebody with a sense of humor should release it, then.
DEFAMER: Consider it released. So where were you when you found out?
KATHY: I was sleeping at the Hotel St. Paul. You think I expected it? Like I stayed up all night with my hair and makeup on? Please. I took an Ambien. You could have stabbed me in my sleep.
DEFAMER: Who told you? [Kathy's assistant and My Life on the D-List co-star] Tom?
[Tom nods.]
KATHY: Tom did tell me. It was actually a pretty Hollywood story. I got the call from Rogers and Cowens. So that's kind of A-list, that my publicist called me.
DEFAMER: You're up against Intervention, if I'm not mistaken.
KATHY: Which I would LOVE to be on. I'm trying to find just the right addiction. Right now all I have is hoarding. Like Delta Burke—she's a hoarder. But I feel that I can come up with just the right addiction, because I love the idea of all my relatives and friends coming together in one room and yelling at me together. You know, Janice Dickinson has this great story that apparently during her intervention, she was high, and she literally thought it was a party. For the entire intervention, she wasn't hearing them say, "OK, you need to get on the plane and go to rehab." And she was like, "WHOOO!!! Where we goin'? Party! Call Jagger!" I want mine to be like that, but, like, D-list, so I'm like, "WHOO! Where's Carrot Top? Where's Andy Dick? Let's goooo!"
DEFAMER: What do you anticipate will happen if you cross paths with Ryan Seacrest at this year's Emmys? He's nominated, and could even host again. So there's a good chance of that.
KATHY: Here's the deal. I'm going to shoot to kill. As you know, I have a hit out on LC from The Hills. And I feel that once I found out that that isn't illegal, then I'm now just taking hits out on several celebrities. And Ryan Seacrest is definitely in my crosshairs.
DEFAMER: He is?
KATHY: Yeah, of course.
DEFAMER: Remember the Poop On Ryan Seacrest's Walk of Fame Star Contest? A website put out a dare for people to send in photo evidence of them taking a dump on his square.
KATHY: And did they?
DEFAMER: I believe someone did.
KATHY: Ah, see, that's hilarious. I would be so thrilled if I had a star people pooped on.
DEFAMER: Why don't you have a star?
KATHY: I dunno. Gee. What a shock. Maybe for the same reason Bravo won't buy a billboard. You know why? 'Cause I'm not Padma. "Oooooooh! Padma is so wonderful. Padma Padma Padma! Ooh, she's thin and was married to Salman Rushdie." Well, I went out with Steve Wozniak. Who never had a fatwa, but still, people know him.
DEFAMER: We'll see how much Bravo loves Padma after Top Chef moves to the Food Network.
KATHY: That's my dream! To move to the Food Network. Don't say that—I want to be Paula Deen. She could buy and sell all of us.
DEFAMER: Can you cook?
KATHY: No. I just want to be Paula Deen. I'm not saying I have any talent. Paula Deen has her own airplane. How do you like that shit?
DEFAMER: You don't?
KATHY: Please. I'll see you on Southwest tomorrow. In the B group.
DEFAMER: Speaking of Woz, I think of all the Kathy Griffin storylines on Defamer, for some reason people connect to Woz the most.
KATHY: Gee, 'cause maybe they are online? I know. I was supposed to see Woz last week, and in fact the theater where I was going to perform was where I met him. The Saratoga Mountain Winery. Or as Star magazine calls it, "Saratoga, Florida." Which is, you know, his neck of the woods. But, no, we are definitely still buds.
DEFAMER: So what was the story there? Were you dating or not?
KATHY: The story was, we were frienemies.
DEFAMER: What was the "enemy" part of the equation?
KATHY: I guess we weren't frienemies, because we were never enemies. I was trying to liken myself to LC and...um...Whitney? Is Whitney on The Hills?
DEFAMER: I think LC and Audrina are the frienemies. But they hate each other now.
KATHY: Oh no! I love The Woz!
DEFAMER: Right. So there is no "enemy" part.
KATHY: Oh, okay. Well then we were...we were definitely...I'd say we were...I don't know what to call it.
DEFAMER: Did you ever make out?
KATHY: No.
DEFAMER: You never even made out?
KATHY: No. See—I can't really call it "dating."
DEFAMER: Did he put the moves on you?
KATHY: He didn't really put the moves on me. I mean, you have to ask him this. Because I am, you know, I am very protective of him and love him and I wouldn't want to say anything about him that would make him sound any less than the Wonderful Wizard of Woz that he is. Let's just say that we had much better chemistry as friends.
DEFAMER: You really do have great chemistry on the show. That Segway lesson was the cutest thing I've seen in ages.
KATHY: There's more Woz coming. I talked Bravo into doing an extra episode, so there's going to be 11 now. Because they overshoot the fuck out of the show.
DEFAMER: You guys should really have a whole spinoff with just the two of you.
KATHY: I don't even think he's aware he's on the show. He's so not in that world.
DEFAMER: The bear photoshoot was a classic.
KATHY: He didn't even know [what a bear was], or that he is a bear. I'm not even kidding. There's actually moments that didn't make the show that were really funny, where he was saying stuff like, "You know, if I fall in love with a man, I fall in love with a man. There's nothing wrong with that."
DEFAMER: Wow.
KATHY: Oh yeah. He's very forward-thinking, Woz. I mean, obviously.

• Project Runway [Bravo]

The ad was for a product called Boy Butter, which its makers describe as "a creamy lubricant targeting the Gay market." In other words, you use the stuff for anal sex. According to creator Eyal Feldman, "Bravo is the perfect channel for these commercials and the best platform for a little bit of Gay TV history." We couldn't agree more, but now that the floodgates are open, hopefully ads like this will run on even more mainstream gay fare like Ugly Betty or Are You Smarter that A 5th Grader? And what about product integration? Wouldn't it be great to see the contestants on Celebrity Apprentice sell Boy Butter to tourists waiting in line for Broadway musicals? This is only the beginning, people. Put that in your "tight agenda" and smoke it.

• ADULT: June 30: Boy Butter Launches First Gay Personal Lubricant TV Commercial [E World Wire]

It's not exactly "Everyone's on pins and needles!", is it?

• Project Runway [Bravo]

"We were dating, but were just friendly. I never f—--d him or anything!" she told Usmagazine.com during a visit to our NYC offices last Thursday.

"The truth is," she added, "we really were friends the whole time."

She announced their split in April (they met in 2007 after he watched her perform).

After they called it quits, she said "he met someone very quickly and then they [got] engaged."

"I have had dinner with them, and she's a thousand times more appropriate!" she said. "I hate to say it, but in the Bruce, Demi, Ashton [scheme of things], I'm the Bruce!"

We doubt we'll be able to mask our disappointment that neither could satisfy one another in ways that might have ensured a lasting relationship, and who knows—maybe even some little Griffniaks down the line. Regardless of carnal knowledge, however, the bar has been set: If you expect to woo her, Miss Griffin demands nothing short of one billion dollars in liquid assets (that's what comes of learning your first husband took $72,000 out of your bank account in small ATM installments), upon which she'll gladly accept your offer for dinner, and generously overlook any obvious toupees that might have come along for the ride.

• EXCLUSIVE: Kathy Griffin: I Never Slept With Steve Wozniak [US Weekly]

• Flipping Out [Bravo]

Show: On The Lot, 2007
Network: Fox
Wizards: Steven Spielberg and Mark Burnett, producers. Carrie Fisher, Garry Marshall, and Brett Ratner, judges.
Fate: Lasting only one season, the extremely low-rated show pitted unknown directors against one another based on three-minute film submissions. Despite winner Will Bigham's "directing" aspirations, Will is currently and unsurprisingly pounding the pavement as a (still-unknown) actor.

Project Greenlight, 2001-05:
Network: HBO (two seasons), Bravo (one season)
Wizards: Alex Keledjian and Eli Holzman, creators. Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, and Chris Moore, producers, backed by Miramax Films and LivePlanet.
Fate: HBO dumped the series to Bravo after two seasons in which the winning screenwriters' films each grossed under $300k in national releases. Bravo's winning duo turned out the little-remembered horror movie (oops) Feast that, despite the best efforts of GULAGER, went quickly to limited release, and even more quickly to DVD.

Grease: You're The One That I Want, 2007
Network: NBC
Wizards: BBC fashioned the US show after Andrew Lloyd Webber's successful format for casting Broadway unknowns in How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? in the UK. Billy Bush hosted.
Fate: As with so many series borrowed by the Brits, NBC's gamble followed in the footsteps of The Office and American Idol, turning out big ratings and even bigger interest (at first) on Broadway once the winning leads took the stage.

It Factor, 2002
Network: Bravo
Wizards: Nicole Torre, Alice Peck, producers.
Fate: Though the show lasted just two seasons, the documentary following actors trying to get their big break did turn out two working stars. Sure, one got a gig as a 7Up spokesman, but Michaela Conlin went on to become a regular on Bones.

Show:Fight For Fame, 2005
Network: E!
Wizards: Adam Lieblein and Greg Meyer, producers and Acme agents.
Fate: Another documentary-style program, featuring five wannabe actors competing for a deal with Acme, the show suffered due to a boring format (monologues began each episode) and predictably low interested in real-agents-as-stars. Had Ari Emanuel been in charge, it would have been another story. The SF Gate summarized the one-season snoozer by including it in a piece entitled "Some Shows So Bad You Can't Be Paid To Watch."

• VH1 GREENLIGHTS 'SCREAM QUEENS' [THR]

After lifting our jaw off the ground upon hearing Roker's response to the Griffin bump and grind ("Anyone got any cigarettes?"), we had to relocate our jaw once again as Griffin swiftly switched subjects to her hosting gig and, in a well-executed non-seguitur, finally said what has needed to be said about to-be rap star Ali Lohan for quite some time now. Explaining that she was given the job due to Ali and Dina Lohan's conflicting schedules (a joke, people, relax), she went ahead and launched our inner monologue right out into America's eardrums: "Yeah, Ali was busy doing her hip hop CD, because, you know, she’s white and 14 and lives on Long Island, so hip hop speaks to her." Oh Kathy. What was Woz thinking?

• THE TODAY SHOW [NBC]

1. Haylie Duff Will Host: While Duff isn't the worst reality show host in history (in case you hadn't heard, Elizabeth "I'm! So!...Scared." Berkeley is currently overseeing Step It Up And Dance), she's no Heidi Klum or Simon Cowell. Sure, she has a smidge of Broadway cred (she appeared in Hairspray), we're not too optimistic about her ability to intimidate the ten competitors or dominate the judges' table.

2. Speaking Of The Judges' Table: We do hate referencing Step It Up twice in one post, but as Var reports, legendary Broadway vet Jerry Mitchell will join casting agent Bernard Telsey in roles roughly equivalent to Project Runway's Michael Kors and Nina Garcia. But Jerry, the adorable Tim Gunn-esque bundle of loveliness that he is, currently mentors the scandal-ridden contestants on Step It Up. Two problems here: one, is this an early sign that the Bravo dancing show is kaput? And secondly, is Mitchell really titillating enough to keep viewers coming back? He's a sweetheart. He doesn't say "dawgs" like Idol's Randy, or "I feel like the Pope at a sex club" like PR's Kors.

3. The Movie-To-Musical Trend Is Risky Business: With the exceptions of Hairspray, The Producers, and Cabaret, the latest attempts to turn hit movies into Broadway hits have failed both critically and monetarily. Mel Brooks' sophomoric effort to turn one of his classics, Young Frankenstein, into song-and-dance gold fell short as critics frowned. Xanadu has done well with tourists but at the end of the day, the only reason to go is to watch hot boys and girls wiggle around stage on roller skates. And don't forget that Footloose recently crashed and burned. Unfortunately for the producers of Legally Blonde (who will not only have to train a new lead, but also part with Laura Bell Bundy, the show's only saving grace), the only hope for the continuation of their show appears to be, well, this show.

[Photo credit: More Things]

• 'BLONDE' A HIGHLIGHT OF MTV'S SLATE [Var]

When Bravo debuted Queer Eye For The Straight Guy back in 2003, the network's tiny audience and overall lack of buzz went away overnight, replaced by soaring ratings, critical praise and a groundbreaking moment for gay-themed television. Sure, Will And Grace had already proven that a mass audience could accept the sight of two guys kissing, but a sitcom featuring abnormally handsome straight-in-real-life actors couldn't compare to Queer Eye's cast of flamboyantly charming girly boys and their instant appeal among stay-at-home moms and former soap obsessives.

And, intelligently, Bravo capitalized on the show's success by producing endless reality shows featuring gay characters and themes. They started launching shows about styling hair (Shear Genius) to cooking (Top Chef) and, of course, their flagship runaway hit, Project Runway. And as we all know by now, Lifetime (who coincidentally picked up a Queer Eye spin-off starring Carson Kressley) has jumped on the glamour bandwagon by stealing PR away in an effort to exhibit a similar "cool" factor. It was inevitable that TLC would follow suit, and their decision to feature Jennifer Lopez in this upcoming snoozer will undoubtedly appeal to all 6.5 million drag queens who impersonate her on a nightly basis. Our only concern? How exactly will they film Marc Anthony during the day? Don't vampires tend to whither under bright lights? Fingers crossed their solution doesn't include featuring him solely in bedroom scenes (shudder).

[Photo credit: FilmMagic]

• J.LO TO GIVE CABLE'S TLC A GLIMPSE OF HER TWINS' TLC [NYDN]

• Official Bios [Step It Up & Dance]
• STEP IT UP AND DANCE GAY PORN SCANDAL!!!! (NSFW) [theashtoncruzzoo.blogspot.com via Towleroad]

NBC Universal Chief Executive "Jeff Zucker has been a friend of mine for many years," Weinstein said today at a lunchtime programming presentation hosted by Lifetime Networks at a posh midtown Manhattan restaurant. "Over the next three years, once I finish my servitude of cleaning his house, driving him to work every day, baby-sitting the kids and taking [his wife] Karen shopping, I think we will be friends again. ...

Weinstein declined to comment on [an NBCU lawsuit] Monday, but said, "I don't think there's anything to worry about."

"As I've said before, Jeff Zucker has been one of my best friends for many years," he added. "The show was never going to be renewed for Bravo anyhow. ... We wanted to grow the show; we have the rights to leave."

Good God — Harvey's glorious cutthroat miracles never cease. Never mind his tease (in the same breath!) that he wants to be reincarnated as network playboy Ben Silverman; we worship at the altar of a man who suggests his alleged breach of contract can be remedied through cleaning Jeff Zucker's house. Or by watching his children! As if Harvey wasn't a threat to "accidentally" gulp down a pair of Zucker kids while reaching for M&M's during My Name is Earl. "No problem," he'd respond to the criminal charges. "Georgina and I will crank out a couple new ones for him. Jeff and I go wayyyy back. He'll understand."

• Weinstein promises 'servitude' to make up with Zucker [LAT]

"Harvey hates us passionately, always did...He despises Bravo because he thinks we didn't pay him enough."

As the NY Post reports, Lifetime will be shelling out $1 million per episode to the Weinstein Co for Runway, while Bravo was set to pay only $600K per episode for the next two seasons. And sources say Weinstein had dollar signs in his eyes since Runway's early days: "The situation came to a head after Season 3 when Macy's...dropped its show sponsorship after Weinstein insisted that a representative from Wal-Mart, where he had a DVD deal, appear on the finale." Coupled with Weinstein's alleged resentment towards Zucker and co. for undermining his involvement with the show, the Post blames Harvey's ego and greed for all the animosity. For Weinstein's sake, we certainly hope one of his "five true friends" includes whichever judge is assigned to this case.

• IT'S MY PROJECT! [NY Post]

Well, guess what, Rami! You can proceed to suck it, cause Christian now has $100,000, a spread in Elle, and a fierce Saturn hatchback to help him learn. Cause he WON, bitches! He turned this mother out. Guess Christian let it slip on Regis and Kelly after all! How does that feel, Rami? Probably less than feroche.

• Project Runway

"Are you happy with the winner?" he asks, as his munchkin co-host scans their faces for traces of victory or bitter resentment. Though three respond with a stony silence even more deafening than the one executed by Tim Gunn upon first witnessing Sweet P's wrestling outfit, one (and this is where we start shouting POSSIBLE SPOILER! MAKE IT SPOILER! IN FASHION, SOMETIMES YOU'RE IN AND SOMETIMES YOU'RE A SPOILER!) professes, with a shit-eating grin, to be "happy with the winner...of course!" A feroche red herring? A slip of the fierce? We won't know until the German lady sings, in the second half of the two-part finale airing March 5.

• Live with Regis and Kelly
• Project Runway

In it, two of the remaining designers were to be eliminated before the Fashion Week finale shows to come. We'll never say which, of course, lest some surly, spoiler-averse Runway fan leave a gift on our doorstep of a beloved pet with a stiletto heel jutting through its skull. Given free run of the Metropolitan Museum in which to find their inspiration, some rose to the challenge (Christian's "super super super super super super super chic" Three Musketeer's outfit), and some did not (Sweet P's utterly un-peacock-like Cinderella smock). As for gigglebear Chris, he finished early, earning himself a nice nap—that is, until a deeply disappointed Tim chose to rouse him from his snorey slumber by tiptoeing up to his ear, and shouting, "BUT IS IT WOWABLE?!?!?!" at eardrum-lacerating decibels.

• Project Runway [BravoTV.com]

Make it work! Where's Andrae?! Models, this is also a challenge for you as well! TRESemme Hair Salon and Loreal Make-Up Room! Hi guys! You have 30 minutes to sketch! Fierce! That collar is matronly! Mood Fabrics! Designers, we're going on a field trip! I'm concerned! One day you're in, the next day you're out! I'm just thinking about what the judges will say! It looks expensive! [Indecipherable Austin Scarlett squeal]! You haven't seen the last of [insert name of person you'll never hear from again]! Auf Wiedersehen!

[Photo: Getty Images]

• Project Runway [BravoTV.com]

• Project Runway

That resulted in an impressive display of bush and tush (special mention to Frankie "BAM! Welcome to my body!" Godoy), the likes of which Bravo reality watchers have never seen—and thankfully so, as a Naked Quickfire Challenge on Top Chef would probably wind up with more food coming up than ultimately going down. And while our brain told us it was nothing more than gutter-level smut cleverly framed as an exercise in high art, our groin told our brains to shut the fuck up—that is, when it wasn't cursing out that strategically framed canvas for being the only thing standing between us and pure Perry's-package-peeking ecstasy.

• Make Me A Supermodel [Bravo]

Namely, the sensual awakening of latent homosexual Ben (a married-with-child prison guard from Nashville), through the blossoming of a love-that-dare -better-speak-its-name -by-the-end -of-the-season with certified homosexual roommate, Ronnie. (Our fave. Tee hee!) But while things developed nicely on that front, we were also pleasantly aroused surprised to see the rest of the cast exploring their same-sex-ravishing sides in a photo shoot at the Chelsea Hotel. Enjoy this montage of all the supermodel-on-supermodel action: a little something for everyone! It is Friday, after all.

• Make Me A Supermodel [bravotv.com]

This week, contestants were set loose, like Gays in a candy store, in a candy store. While the audio is nice, you really don't need it to figure out from the judges' expressive faces whose designs sent them over the moon (two words: licorice bodice), and whose left them with a sugar-coma bellyache (eight words: Walking Tootsie Roll with Hershey Kiss elbow pads). Where was the joy, indeed, Mr. Kors—or for that matter, the Mounds?

• Project Runway

You know what's funny about that? Nothing! Couldn't we have at least pulled Tim Gunn's inadvertent joke about all the bad decisions he's made at 3 a.m.? What's that? We're informed we could not. So it's staph infections, tears, and failure for you. Enjoy!

• Project Runway

We picked up the phone and called Jack, who had this to say:

"It's very baby steps. I really like him a lot. And geography is a bit of an issue, but we'll see where it goes. I like him a lot. I assume he likes me a lot. Unless he's lying...(laughter)... He's adorable. I like keeping it incestuous, keep it in the Bravo family."

SO we immediately had to call Dale, who told us,

"Yeah, we randomly met over Myspace. And then we bumped into each other at the OUT100 party and clicked. He's hilarious. We're just gonna roll with it and see what happens. And he's cute as %&#@. We have the same sense of humor. We giggle a lot, and you know, anytime you end up going through the Bravo-reality-show...we just looked at each other and said, 'yeah...'"

As Bravo's executive yenta Andy Cohen kvells until his head explodes from all the cross-promotional love in the air this Chrismukkah, let's take a moment to remember the millions of single Gays (and lightly delusional hags), whose weekly rendezvous with either of the two Fantasy Boyfriend templates—Dale (bearishly Semitic with a touch-of-danger mohawk), and Jack (WASPy, gymtastic body, with a touch-of-danger elbow tattoo)—was the closest thing any of them had to an intimate relationship. Still, that photo is the cutest thing we've seen since injured baby hedgehogs, rendering us incapable of wishing the two anything but many happy years and Chinese girl babies together.

• Jack and Dale: Dating [blogs.outzonetv.com]

It's a shaky (motion-sickness-sensitive and epileptics be warned) YouTube audience video of the To Catch a Predator bit from last night's show, only with all the cussing, racism, and too-dirty-for-basic-cable material included. Still not laughing? Try three shots of Jager and some whippits.

• Kathy Griffin's Official Site
• Kathy Griffin - To Catch A Predator [YouTube]

Elizabeth Berkley has been tapped to host Bravo's new reality competition series "Step It Up and Dance" (formerly "Step It Up"), sources said.

"Step It Up" will feature contestants trying to master a range of dance styles, from ballet and ballroom to Broadway and burlesque. The winner will receive a cash prize.

The series is in production, shooting at locations in and around Los Angeles. A premiere date has not been announced.

We can't be the only ones to feel that Berkley is a tragically underutilized talent, and only hope she can handle the rigors of a reality TV shooting schedule: The last thing Step It Up needs is for the host to freak out during the competition's Tap Challenge, pushing amateurish contestants aside and screaming, "Step! Step! Ball change! Reverse step! Ball! Change!" before collapsing to the floor and sending dozens of Jesse's Little Helpers flying off in all directions. That said, we'll submit, "You don't know shit! Please pack your Capezios and go," as a possible kiss-off phrase, but admit that our Showgirls-quoting skills are novice at best, and open the commenting floor to other suggestions.

• Berkley, Bravo mambo combo [THR]

Second, the very presence of male models sent many designers aflutter, hands trembling and hemming pins accidentally swallowed as they resisted every urge to drop to their knees and beg to service the adonises gifted to them by a merciful and beneficent Tim Gunn. As a side note, somewhat surprisingly, Elisa did not take the opportunity to take her model's hand-measurements or spit-mark his inseam, choosing instead to modestly turn away from the exposed boyflesh as a gesture of respect to the mate she left light years away on her home planet.

• Project Runway

After some cursory Googling for contestant Chris March in the bearish altogether failed to turn up anything, we settled for Jack Mackenroth—he of the square jaw and chiseled physique, who may or may not have been prematurely ejected from the show for staph-infection-related reasons. Photographer Frank Louis captured the contestant in a variety of poses, including the above study which contained what we can only imagine was a none-too-accidental balls-slip. (Continue to Louis's website for the uncensored photo and the rest of the NSFW series.) While there is much to admire in the portraits, we prefer our images of Mackenroth to be more candid, such as this priceless screengrab of the gasp-inducing moment he first laid eyes upon featured fashion icon guest judge, Sarah Jessica Parker.

• franklouis.com via Queerty

The breakout contestant of episode one would undoubtedly be resident kook Elisa, who "imbued" her expensive fabric with intentional grass stains, "hand-measured" her models (sure to be a commonly used defense from now on in designer rape trials), and who sent something down the runway that looked, to quote one party guest, like "a blue sack that shit the NBC logo out its back." Sadly, when it came down to Elisa's peacock poop or Simone's "boring, poorly made, no 'wow!'" outfit, as Michael Kors put it, the decision was all too easy: On Runway, the crazies always win.

• Project Runway [BravoTV]

• Project Runway [BravoTV]