A hearty congratulations to Suri Cruise, whose highbrow taste in designer duds earned her a spot at the very top of the list (in full, here). And Tom's "stylish" little prisoner's ensemble this past 4th of July, with her flag antennae and plaid jumper, really showcase the 2-year old's sartorial eye. Shiloh pouted her way into second place, while none other than Violet Affleck received the bronze. Yes, pairing thick socks with that Ugg-ish footwear fad, "vibrant baby Crocs," really warrants the fashion spotlight. But we do award bonus points to OK! for including "typical hipster" Matilda Ledger on the list — Matilda's uncanny resemblance to her late dad is surprisingly comforting, especially in photos of the adorable 2-year old smiling.

[Photo credits: X17, Splash, Aussiebubblog]

• HOLLYWOOD'S BEST DRESSED LITTLE GIRLS [OK!]

—The mayor of Nice, Christian Estrosi, went before the cameras Saturday evening with Knox Leon's birth certificate; officially carved from Jolie's belly at 6:27 p.m., he was one minute older than little sis Vivienne Marcheline.

—Jon Voight is excited, even if he apparently had to pass along his grandfatherly love through second-rate gossip conduit Pat O'Brien and has yet to be summoned to his daughter's bedside. But! "If I were called today, I'd be there," he added.

—And seriously, Jolie would have called, except she and Pitt were having too much fun in the delivery room. No, really, said Dr. Michael Sussman: "It was an epidural, so [Angelina] was awake and speaking and laughing. They were happy. ... Saturday was a great day for us all."

—First photos of the blobs could fetch up to $20 million. We don't want to talk about it.

—Can't stand to live in a world without a pregnant Brangelina? US Weekly has just the remedy: The official "Angelina's Bump Days" memorial slideshow. And yes, Mary Hart — it's real. Or was, anyway.

[Photo Credit: AFP]

It's been a week since the hoards of press gathered at the Jolie-approved press conference to learn that nothing has happened, is happening, will happen for "weeks to come." And without vital information such as this, the media was forced to gather these stories from the next best source: disgruntled hospital staff.

"I think she's in meltdown mode. She's been getting upset if there's not enough ice in her glass."

To be fair, an adequate amount of ice, a perfect drink makes.

But far worse, Jolie has abandoned her typical Jolie behavior like tatoo-ing Mr. Jolie's back or proudly commending Maddox on his Charlton Heston-y ways and instead, has morphed into some sort of mousy-haired housewife from Kansas:

She's not walking around anymore. She doesn't even take a shower early in the morning. She just stays in bed, talking on her phone, typing on her computer, reading magazines and watching TV.

Luckily, Jolie will soon return to her Benetton-approved family and enjoy adequately iced beverages because the World's Most Important Pregnancy is scheduled to conclude via c-section on Tuesday.

"Shit," said the unborn twins.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

• Heavily pregnant Angelina Jolie 'fed up and can't wait for twins to be born' [Daily Mail]

[Photo credit: AP]

• Angelina Jolie [news.yahoo.com]

And with that, we are out. Have a happy and safe Fourth Of July, we'll see you on Monday!

Apparently Damon held out hope that he might join George Clooney and Brad Pitt among the only actors to nab the cover two years in a row, despite the fact that the two former tiara winners all but bent over in a public campaign to name him last year's winner. Initially joking to the mag on a recent red carpet about his fears of losing the crown, Damon launched into an explanation regarding his current aesthetic: "It wasn't necessarily that I needed to be fat...it was that I needed to be 'doughy.'" And Matt even apologetically curses his age for the ability to gain weight so quickly, adding that he used to be able to maintain his girlish figure while inhaling burgers and beer but, now that he's in his 30s, those habits only helped his transformation. We personally think Damon should stop being so defensive about the new look — any time he can aid off-the-radar buddy Ben Affleck in making the pages of a glossy these days is worth more than a hundred heavily airbrushed sash-wearing covers.

[Photo credits: People, Splash]

• MATT DAMON: MY 'SEXIEST MAN' TITLE IS IN JEAPORDY [People]

Angelina Jolie's obstetrician, Dr. Michel Sussmann, who is watching over the 33-year-old actress at a French Riviera hospital where she is expected to give birth, called a news conference for later Wednesday afternoon.

Would he announce that her twins had been born? That remained a mystery; the hospital wouldn't say.

Jolie's partner, Brad Pitt, was seen leaving the seafront Lenval hospital Wednesday morning with one of their four young children.

At this point, any announcement from Dr. Sussmann at the very least better contain the words, "Nous ici à Saint-Angelina Divin sur la Côte d'Azur sommes ravis d'annoncer que l'utérus sacré a vidé. Mlle Jolie est maintenant l'heureux propriétaire de jumeaux, de sexe indéterminé."* We'd like to see this news conference end in cheers, cigars, and the sounds of popping champagne corks—not a mob of exhausted and unruly celebrity journalists pummeling the Hardest Working Obstetrician in Show Business.

*"We here at Saint-Angelina Divine on the French Riviera are delighted to announce that the sacred uterus has emptied. Miss Jolie is now the proud owner of twins, sex undetermined."

UPDATE: Dr. Sussmann has delivered his statement, and we're afraid it's yet more disappointment. From usmagazine.com:

Angelina Jolie hasn't given birth yet, her obstetrician, Dr. Michel Sussman, said Wednesday at a French Riviera hospital. Asked when Jolie is expected to have her twins, he replied "in the weeks to come."

How much more of this can we take? All we want is to welcome the Chosen Twins and the helium is fast leaking from our Welcome Baby Saviors! mylar balloons!

• Angelina Jolie Hospital Details [AP/HuffPo]

En exclusivite mondiale, Closer est en mesure de vous annoncer qu'Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ce matin dans un hôpital français ! La star serait rentrée hier soir en salle de travail. Toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site closermag.fr

Translation: Angelina went into labor Tuesday night and gave birth this (Wednesday) morning in a French hospital.

While that's a pedestrian translation at best (they forgot about all the "A Closer world exclusive! All mentions must credit Closer! Long live the Republic!" stuff), they've managed to capture the central concept: The Chosen Twins are back, for the very first time. Beyond that, details—including whether their names are Isla, Amelie, Eloise, Madeline, Gigi, Irma La Douce, or some other beloved character from the French fiction canon—are scarce. Developing!

Ohmaga! There's a development already:

In Touch has learned that the Wanted star did check into the Hospital Lenval's Santa Maria clinic in Nice, France on June 30. "Ms. Jolie came to the hospital last night as part of a pre-planned rest period, before she gives birth," Nadine Bauer, spokeswoman for the hospital tells In Touch. "The visit has been planned for a long time, there are no complications. She is just resting" Bauer adds. Angelina's babies are expected to be delivered by French doctor Michele Sussmann and her regular OBGYN Jason Rothbart, who is due to fly to Europe later this week.

Merde. Oh well, c'est la vie. And don't forget—toute reproduction interdite sans la mention du site intouchweekly.hollywood.com.

• Angelina Jolie In Hospital To Have Her Twins [HuffPo]
• Angelina Jolie aurait accouché ! [Closermag.fr]

“Ms. Ferocity knows damn well if she keeps up the drugs like most of her addicted colleagues have, she’ll say buh-bye to everything she’s nabbed… that is why Fake à la employs some of Hell-Ay’s fanciest docs, their specialty being weaning famous folks off drugs via synthetic goodies that’ll make anybody’s bad day a tad more doable.”

Though Ted makes it crystal clear that Ms. Ferocity is the busting-at-the-seams Angelina Jolie, the idea that Jolie would risk turning the Chosen Two into heroin babies seemed out of the question until we heard yet another rumor that (gasp!), the cherubs not only have already been pushed out, but are holding on for dear life:

As we all fondly remember, People egregiously reported that the Chosen Two had been born an entire month ago, only to backtrack and look like idiots. But that hasn't stopped other gossip outlets from looking like idiots! As the NY Daily News reports today, "the premature infants are being secretly cared for in a French hospital. 'They're waiting till the babies are bigger and stronger before they allow anyone to take their picture,' contends a source." Coupled with Ted's seemingly too-sordid-to-be-true story, the idea that Jolie's couplet would be born a wee bit early due to "fancy docs" filling her up with meds to ward of 'drawls, the silly rumor becomes slightly easier to swallow. Until of course we hear the NYDN source's explanation for very recent photos showing Jolie still looking very pregnant: "Maybe it's a prosthetic tummy." Right. Jolie is high on horse tranquilizers, tending to sick infants in a hospital, and somehow found the time to custom-order a prosthetic Chosen Two bump. Color us cynics, but we remain unconvinced.

[Photo Source: Getty Images]

• NOT SO BLIND ITEM? [ONTD]
• BRANGELINA TWINS IN HIDING? [NYDN]

1. The World No Longer Wants Madonna's Sex: As we know by now, Lesbian Chic is the word. And despite her reputation as being so very salacious in the Erotica department, Madonna's on-stage kiss with her female backup dancer two months ago didn't cause much of a ripple in the pop culture universe. All the stunt really did was make Lourdes cry and finally learn what all those ladies were doing crawling in between Mommy's legs in the Ritchies' many life-size portraits hung prominently in each and every house they call home. Marrying Madonna should mean being one half of a super sexy barrier-crossing team — if Madge couldn't even compete with Lindsay Lohan in making lesbianism "cool," what is she doing for his stock?

2. Guy Ritchie Does Not Have Brad Pitt Penis Envy: Just as little Maddox put the nail in Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton's bloody coffin of a relationship, adopting the Ritchies' newest asset David from Malawi was allegedly not such a joyous occasion for Guy. After rumors surfaced that Ritchie wasn't on board, his public denials after the fact didn't do much to help squash the gossip. As he put it, "We don't talk about it. We haven't talked about it for the past six months." And somehow we doubt Guy will be yammering on and on about his legally adopted son David for the foreseeable future either.

3. Madonna Officially Swept Away Guy's Filmmaking Cred: After pulling a Gwyneth in 2006 and "giving up" that whole showbiz career, the Desperately Seeking Susan scene-stealer spent years trying to figure out, Her Madgesty not-so-memorably spread her directing wings for this year's Berlin Film Festival disaster, Filth And Wisdom. And even after THR noted its sole saving grace was assisting audience members with "getting in touch with their inner slut," Madonna just announced last week how much she prefers unloading bombs like these to shimmying around stages. But when you're dating the likes of former BAFTA nominee Ritchie, whose highly stylized gems have managed to make Brad Pitt look funny and indecipherable dialogue feel tolerable, the battle between Guy's talent and Madonna's indestructible ego is enough to make anyone run for the hills. The silver lining? Madge will no longer singlehandedly wreck any more of Ritchie's films by testing out her accents on-screen.

• MADONNA AND GUY 'DISCUSS SPLIT AS SEVEN-YEAR MARRIAGE HITS ROCK BOTTOM' [Daily Mail]

As Us informs us today, the former nose candy aficionado who was rumored to spend Nelson Mandela fundraisers traipsing in and out of bathroom stalls with Kate Moss, is the current bedmate du jour of boy-crazy Cameron (who thinks "sex is the best" like OMG!). The supposedly clean Sculfor spent a few weeks slowly chipping away at Aniston's already damaged little heart after everything went sour with Vince Vaughn.

As for Diaz, the supposedly matured John Mayer spent a few weeks wiping away her post-Timberlake tears most likely in an effort to obtain as much rebound sex as possible. But back in 2003, good old Vince was the one wiping away another set of Diaz tears, this time caused by detox dieter Jared Leto.

Vince Vaughn, you charming devil, you. Now we understand why you turned down that threesome with Owen Wilson. Because when it comes to schtupping celebrity blonde singletons over the age of 30 in Hollywood, you are so money! You don't need his help after all.

[Photo credits: Wireimage, Splash]

• CAMERON DIAZ'S PDA-PACKED DATE WITH JENNIFER ANISTON'S EX [Us]

It may or may not still be moving forward, but I have it from the most reliable source possible — Perelman himself — that it will not be going forward with him at the helm. ... Perelman was attached, and I can say with as much certainty as one can possibly have about a situation like this that the decision to step down was on Perelman's side.

Some fans of Ayn Rand's book are already bemoaning the Atlas Curse, fearing their beloved 12-pound brick of American letters will never receive the marathon film version it deserves. We're a little more optimistic, however, envisioning its star's symbolic embrace of the directing, screenwriting and acting reins in tribute to the source novelist's self-made spirit. Between Brad Pitt as John Galt and crewing up with first assistant director Maddox and the rest of the brood, this idea may really be about as right-place-right-time as it gets.

• BREAKING: Vadim Perelman Shrugs off 'Atlas' [Cinematical via Hollywood Elsewhere]

The rest of the picture is still taking shape, but after the jump we have a few educated guesses as to where things might land — and it looks curiously like Bollywood.

Led by Anil Ambani, by Variety's count the world's sixth richest man (and the husband of a Bollywood actress), Reliance is apparently taking over Hollywood one A-list player at a time. Its film funding arm, Reliance Big Entertainment, made headlines at Cannes last month when it announced development deals with the likes of George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Tom Hanks and others, splitting with studios the costs of new productions costing up to $1 billion. Reliance's latest venture is decidedly more ambitious, expanding its vast media footprint to claim what will be roughly half of the new DreamWorks: Six or so films a year through a studio to be determined (probably Spielberg's old stomping grounds at Universal, where he still keeps an office).

The deal also continues Asia's incursion into Hollywood, perhaps epitomized by Sony's $4.8 billion takeover (with Comcast) of MGM in 2005. But India has been even more active in the last year, with TV producer UTV Software buying into Fox's The Happening and Lionsgate entering a development deal with Mumbai-based shingle Eros International. The Reliance/DreamWorks pact is the biggest by far, but as noted by WSJ, the Snider connection gives Reliance stable executive footing for its grand Hollywood experiment.

The paper also adds, however, that DreamWorks would be dealing with an Indian conglom with its own internal drama: Anil Ambani is embroiled in a feud with his older brother Mukesh over a multi-billion dollar acquisition in South Africa. The trouble would only touch DreamWorks if the communications arm were ever sold; the brothers have reportedly been fighting over controlling interest in that case.

Spielberg will obviously cross that bridge when he comes to it, as will he face inevitable concerns about investor influence over his and Snider's slate. To wit, are the Clooney/Hanks/Pitt et. al. projects earmarked for the 'Works? How will Reliance play ball with Universal, Fox or another studio enlisted to distribute DreamWorks' films? Will press inquiries forevermore be rerouted to a call center in Bangalore? So many questions!

• Spielberg, India Firm Near Deal to Ally With DreamWorks [WSJ]

The event in question was a snoozefest charity something-or-other at STK, filled with equally snooze-y dinner companions like Cox, her lesser half David Arquette, and easy-to-break-in-half Kate Bosworth. But more interesting than Aniston and Mayer's forced smiles is the fact that the charity was in honor of philanthropist Jeffrey Sachs, who happens to be very best buds with Brad Pitt and has done more than his fair share of charity work with Angelina Jolie. With revenge photos en vogue recently, could the clever Aniston have chosen this particular night to ensure her public boy toy outing would distract the expecting Brangelina from all that fancy Chosen Two cash burning?

• JEN ANISTON, JOHN MAYER MAKE PUBLIC DEBUT [Us]

“[Martin] admits that he worried he was gay while growing up. ‘It was more like, 'Oh shit, what if? But then it struck me: who gives a shit? When you're a kid you think, 'I'm going to burn in hell for eternity if I like other guys or if I marry someone Jewish'. He eventually realized he was heterosexual. ‘I was swayed by boobs.’”

After revealing his ultimate conclusion that boobs were just more fantastic than any part of the male anatomy, Martin has the following to say about his love-hate relationship with Americans (shouldn't RS have reminded him that, ahem, his wife is from these parts despite her case of the Madonnas?): "It's a bummer, because over half of Americans are the coolest people on the planet. Of course, Barack Obama is human like the rest of us. He's going to fuck up." We'll forgive Martin for including Paltrow in the "cool" half, but his admitted insecurity issues dealing with the fact that he's dating Brad's ex are hard to swallow: "You've got to be hungry...If your wife went out with Brad Pitt, you'd want to prove yourself, you know what I mean?...I've only been in one serious relationship...Is that weird? I don't think it's that weird." No Chris, we don't think it's that weird, but you know what is? Giving a flying fuck that Paltrow spent some hairstyle-matching years on Pitt's arm. Just because Pitt's sperm may be magically charged with robust twin-making soldiers as compared to your one-at-a-time guys, it shouldn't matter to you because, hey, you got the girl. Chill out, enjoy her hooker wardrobe phase, and write a song about it.

• THE JESUS OF UNCOOL [Rolling Stone]
• COLDPLAY STAR CHRIS MARTIN ADMITS HE IS JEALOUS OF GWYNETH PALTROW'S EX BRAD PITT [Daily Telegraph]

Sliding down the ranks, Angelina Jolie sits a mere seven spots away from her lusty human canvas and lifetime Lamaze partner, Brad Pitt. In the most improbable top 15 juxtaposition, nationally tolerated falsetto-artist Justin Timberlake can be found using national directing treasure Steven Spielberg as a stadium seating cushion. Who else? Cameron Diaz, though we're still trying to crack the Celebrity 100 fame formulæ (including "Web hits on Google Blog Search, TV/radio mentions on LexisNexis, overall press mentions on Factiva and the number of times a celebrity’s image appeared on the cover of 55 consumer magazines") to figure out how she wormed her way in there.

• The World's Most Powerful Celebrities [Forbes]

What's the deal with Brad's new tattoo?
I drew that. We went to Davos. It's not that we were bored at the World Economic Forum, but one night we didn't have anything to do, so I was drawing on his back.

So it's not permanent?
It is. But I was just sketching.

On him?
On him, yeah.

And you thought, ''Let's make it a tattoo''?
He just liked it! The picture everybody saw was kind of awkward, but it just lines up beautifully on his back, just enhances the part of the body I like.

So it doesn't mean anything per se.
I mean, it's meaningful in that it's us making angles and shapes out of each other's body, that kind of a thing.

There you have it: It was the product of erotic body-doodling—just one of the couple's literally hundreds of time-killing activities when stranded in a luxury suite. As frivolous as it sounds, these are the kinds of things one must resort to when you're too too famous to even wander into a hotel lobby, for fear of being mobbed by locals hoping you might want to add one of their excess, goes-with-anything Swiss children to your growing collection.

• Angelina Jolie: A Candid Q&A [EW]

boomp3.com



At signing to promote the latest album by his group, The Boxmasters, Billy Bob Thornton told the press that his ex-wife Angelina Jolie probably still wants to get back together after all these years. Thornton explained that Jolie is in the midst of a phase and that she'll quickly come to her senses and they'll get back together soon enough. Thornton said, "She's just going through a high school phase. You know dating the quarterback of the football team with Brad Pitt over there. She'll be waking up from that dream in no time. Who knows if I'll be there when she's ready to come to her senses though." Thornton added that they all come back, but he's not a fan of repeats.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

As the NY Daily News reported earlier this week, the chichi baby boutique Petit Tresor blabbed to the press about how many pieces of furniture that the Most Important Couple Ever had purchased and how much they spent on what sounded like incredibly tacky pieces for the twins' very pink and sparkly nursery. But another source tells today's Scoop that the decision was actually a result of arguments between Brad and Angelina, who envisioned very different styles for the sugar plum fairies' living quarters: "'Brad wanted a nursery filled with furniture with ‘clean lines’ — sort of ’60s modern and lots of natural wood colors and whites...Angelina was much more interested in creating a classic European nursery.'” What to do? Order the boutique to enlist a psychic, of course! "'The psychic was to determine the ‘vibe’ of the twins.'...Apparently it was determined the vibe was more girly than modern." Since we tend to lean on the Agent Scully side of skepticism when it comes to predicting "vibes," we're thinking this all-knowing reader of thoughts inside one's womb was simply a full-fledged member of Lesbian Chic 2008, and sided with Jolie's more ostentatious vision after a few minutes staring ominously at her pillow lips.

[Photo credit: Wireimage]

• JOLIE, PITT NURSERY DESIGNER GUIDED BY PSYCHIC [MSNBC]

The News does not supply any details regarding the grandiosity of what lies inside Brangelina's temporary French compound (aka Base Camp 1 for the twins' delivery). But after reading about the following reported items Brad and Angelina have hand-picked for their LA compound, we're glad that information remains sealed. Among the outrageously ornate girly pieces: two pink crystal chandeliers, bassinets made out of organza to protect their soon-to-be-enormous heads, cribs said to be "Versailles-style," perhaps to trick these chickadees into thinking they're still on the Riviera, and matching armoires worth $4,500 each. Speaking of thousands of dollars, the room's decorating costs are said to total $140,000. Doesn't sound like much? Just take into consideration the doctors' fees these jewels will cost Brangelina once face-scratching Zahara gets a look at them. We can only hope that, rather than turning out to be outrageously spoiled self-important monsters, they turn out the way Fitzgerald said every girl ought to turn into: beautiful little fools.

[Photo credit: Getty]

• BIG BEDROOM BUILT FOR BRANGELINA BABIES [NYDN]

As the Post reports, Pitt recently spent some time at the Design Miami Basel fair buying the hollowed out table we see at bottom left for nearly $300k, in addition to two ergonomic chairs like the ones at top left. That horrendous rug we see at bottom right is made of aluminum, which saves the planet and all that boring stuff, but looks like it's made of cardboard and may puncture tiny Shiloh's perfect feet. As for that monstrosity at top right, Pitt apparently expressed "interest" in a silver version, which is fiberglass and "lacquer-finished." Meaning the pair can get as wet as they want while canoodling on it, but will most likely just slip off it onto their crunchy granola rug. Hot.

• BRAD PITT GOES ON A SHOPPING SPREE [NYP]

After my last divorce, I said I was absolutely going to marry somebody in another field, an aid worker or something. Then I met Brad, everything I wasn't looking for, but the best man, the best father I could possibly wish for, you know? I don't see him as an actor. I see him very much as a dad, as somebody who loves travel and architecture more than being in movies.

She hopes Pitt will spend more time working on architecture—though he's in fact not an architect. "He just has an eye for it," she said. "You hear people talk about design or buildings, and assume, especially when somebody has another career, 'Oh, that's a hobby.' Like somebody coming into money appreciating Picasso. But I have seen him design, with his partners, everything from hotels to studios. Or in New Orleans, with other architects, re-doing a shotgun house with green architecture, bringing light in, angles of the sun in summer and winter, how that would affect the rooms. He's taught me so much about the homes we live in."

Indeed, Pitt once told the very same publication of his awestruck admiration for starchitect Frank Gehry—as evidenced by a widely circulated photo-op, followed by a long string of unopened Gehry Evites. Now, the Burn After Reading star and lifetime Elle Decor subscriber is getting the chance to put his own indelible mark on the global landscape: According to Variety, he's working as "part of a team of consultants designing an 800-room, five-star hotel" in Dubai, the United Arab Emirates city hellbent on turning itself into a metropolis-sized The Grove. Among Pitt's personal contributions: the world's highest dancing waters, set to former Dubai couch-surfer Michael Jackson's "Don't Stop Til You Get Enough," and a trolley made of solid gold that stations in the hotel lobby and stops at every Louis Vuitton location in the greater area.

[Photo credit: Getty Images]

• A Woman in Full [Vanity Fair]
• Brad Pitt turns focus to Dubai [Variety]

Contrary to a flurry of recent reports that Angelina Jolie has delivered her twins, PEOPLE confirms that the rumors are not true.

"Angelina has not given birth. She is fine, enjoying her home and her family in France," a rep for the actress tells PEOPLE.

You'll forgive us if we don't know who to believe anymore, as if we thought we could rely on anyone for accurate news on the contents of Jolie's womb, it was the expert celebrity birthologists at ET. As of post time, no correction has yet been appended to their website, and so we're left at this point with no choice but to split the difference, and assume just one Chosen Blob poops among us, possibly named Gigi or Madeline.

• EXCLUSIVE: Angelina Birth Rumors Not True [People]

UPDATE #1: We have names. "ISLA (pronounced eye-la) MARCHELINE (after Angie's mom) and AMELIE JANE (after Brad's mom) JOLIE-PITT."
UPDATE #2: ET's report is wrong, says People!

• Angelina has her twins! [ETonline.com]

In case you hadn’t heard, Europe is expensive. Coffee costs five bucks, the dollar is like a penny, and it takes a lot of money to look as cheap as Victoria Beckham. And apparently, having a kid over there will set you back about $10 million. That is, if you’re Angelina Jolie and you’re giving birth to the world’s most important children, The Chosen Two. According to Life & Style, Brad and Angie are set to push out their newest soccer team members in France, where they’ll spend up to $20 million dollars on “birthing costs,” including every new mom’s standard requirements like helicopters, villas on the Riviera, and a fleet of nine cars. The full breakdown on just how expensive it is to have a kid when you’re Brangelina, after the jump.

As soon as Jolie's lavender-scented water breaks, Brad will reportedly call in a helicopter to await the twins' magical arrival, and be ready at a moment's notice to swoop down and usurp the brood out of the hospital and away from the paparazzi. Which will cost approximately $332,000. $3.3 million will go towards the expansive house on the Mediterranean where the Chosen Two will take their first steps. And as for those nine cars, the mag says they'll cost the pair $100,000. Including all the "security" and "medical costs" required for the impending birth, the Jolie-Pitts are looking at a bill nearing $20 million. As a source explains, "Money is no object when it comes to the kids....They can drop thousands of dollars on them in a day,...They’d do anything for them.” Yes, you see, any parents who do not spend millions of dollars just to push out a couple of newborns simply don't care enough. Thank you once again Angelina Jolie, for making the rest of us feel utterly inferior to you as often as possible.

• THE SCOOP [MSNBC]

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The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford star Brad Pitt continues to be amazed by his life partner Angelina Jolie's ever expanding belly. Pitt knew what to expect with pregnancy, but as he put it, "Angie just keeps on growing as if she's been eating her weight in Godfather's Pizza with Chunk." Additionally, Jolie's growing collection of maternity clothing has provided a small windfall for Pitt and his children. Pitt said, "Yeah, the boys and I tie some of her old dresses to big wheels and it feels like we're dragging race. It's pretty sweet. We might go parachuting with the thing she's wearing tonight in a couple of days. Maddox might get some sweet air time with it."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

On the tape (viewable here), Jolie emotionally explains to an unseen male how being tied down by somebody else isn't all about nipple clamps and "dripping candle wax," but something she's considering making a film about because it comes from "that real, real place." After tears rise up in her eyes just thinking about people who "share" their wildly varying sexuality with the world, the meandering conversation wanders to second-degree lizardslaughter. Jolie recalls being "a bad girl – beating up my friends," and admits she still feels guilty after killing off a few childhood pets — one of which was a hamster she decided to take a shower with. Despite the young Jolie's presumably innocent attempt to "heal" the pet by cleansing it in the nude, the rodent caught pneumonia. We just hope Zahara doesn't catch wind of this tape anytime soon and take vigilant notes on how next to take down Shiloh and her precious lips.

• FROM HEROIN TO HEROINE [The Sun]

As Natalie Morales' best week ever continues, the (also expecting) Today Show correspondent revealed yet another tidbit: Hoffman decided to let her (and, by extension, the entire world) know that the twins are due on August 19th. As Lost fans, we should probably go ahead and find out what secrets hide behind the numbers 8, 1, 9, and 19, but we don't have enough time (or shame) at the moment. With her privacy sufficiently invaded, Jolie let her guard down during a press conference in Cannes after a reporter asked where she planned on giving birth: "I actually have