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true terribles

Metacritic Ranks '88 Minutes' As The Third Worst Movie Of All Time

A Defamer operative browsing Metacritic happened to notice that 88 Minutes—in which Al Pacino plays Dr. Jack Gramm, an FBI forensic psychiatrist who has (all together now!) 88 real-time minutes to solve his own murder!—has received a Metacritic score of 2. To give you some indication of just how bad that is, 10,000 B.C. got a 34, making Roland Emmerich's exhaustively researched recreation of the Great Mammoth Fur Trade a roughly 1700% better film. But how does it rank against releases of similar or lesser quality? More »

bombs

Clint Black, Living Proof That Dying Is Easier Than Comedy

If you were to conduct a poll of the 276 million people living in these here United States asking what they'd REALLY like to know about their favorite celebrities, we're pretty sure you'd be hard pressed to find even one person who's wondering whether or not country music star Clint Black is any good at stand-up comedy. Still, that didn't stop CBS from devoting close to 6 minutes of airtime last night to answering that very question as part of their brand new show, Secret Talents Of The Stars. Sandwiched between segments of other equally perplexing talents of Z-listers (Can George Takei sing country music? Can Mya dance? Does a bear shit in the woods?), Clint Black spent some time prepping his stand-up routine with old friend Garry Shandling at the preeminent comedy hotspot for people born in the 1950s, The Comedy Store. Unfortunately for all of us, when a clearly concerned Shandling asked the yukless Black if "he had any OTHER secret talents" besides comedy, Black's answer was no. Shandling's advice and Black's so-bad-it's-bad performance follow after the jump. More »

bombs

First Review Of 'Step Brothers': Less Entertaining Than 'Two and a Half Men'

The first review of Will Ferrell's new movie just came in and, wow, it's a doozy. No, we're not talking about Semi-Pro, which opens today; we're talking about Ferrell's next movie, Step Brothers, which was produced by Judd Apatow and directed by Adam McKay. The film, set to open in late July, screened in Los Angeles last night. A Defamer tipster was in the audience and passed an early review our way. Based on some of the pullquotes (if, indeed, you can call words lifted from an email tip "pullquotes"), this sounds like it's going to be closer to Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story than Talledega Nights in terms of both laughs and B.O. We hate to say it, but it's looking more and more like John C. Reilly is Box Office Poison when cast in anything other than a supporting role. Full review after the jump, but here's a few of the choice quotes: "The story makes no sense - repetitive, forced and predictable would be compliments" and "the dialogue is less entertaining and envelope-pushing than anything on Two and a Half Men." Ouch!

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bombs

Hugh Jackman Casino Murder Musical Just As Popular As Anticipated

In a development that will probably surprise no one save the Hugh Jackman producing partner who counseled the star, "You know what we be an inspired career move, Hugh? Let's get you into a TV project with casinos. But not Vegas—someone's done that already, I think? Oh, also? There should be SINGING! And a murrrrder!," the debut of CBS's conceptually adventurous Viva Laughlin bombed so badly that network corporate overlord Les Moonves may order the execution of everyone involved after its next airing. Reports TV Week on the Nielsen carnage:

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pitches

Secret Pentagon Plan Sought To Create Most Powerful Gay Bomb Since 'Showgirls'


With news that a Berkeley watchdog group has discovered an abandoned Pentagon plan to develop a "hormone bomb" that would turn enemy soldiers into lusty, same-sex-craving flesh addicts, producers—whose antennae are always attuned to a juicy, plucked-from-the-headlines story—instantly went into a Gay Bomb movie pitching frenzy. Studio executives were soon inundated with varying takes on the basic Manhattan Project-meets-The Birdcage premise. ("Ours is a musical!" "Ours is from the Gay Bomb's point of view!" "Ours dares to keep the cameras trained upon steamy displays of insurgent-on-insurgent action!") Ultimately, it was the little-known indie team who envisioned a Dr. Strangelove update, featuring Jake Gyllenhaal in full cowboy regalia bareback riding the Gay Bomb out the bay doors of a mirror-tiled B-52, that won Hollywood over for its bold, fabulous vision. More »

bombs

Breaking: Bomb Scare Near SAG, Variety, E! Buildings

Reports are pouring in about a bomb scare stopping traffic over on Wilshire Blvd, close to the headquarters of SAG and across the street from Variety and E! [Ed.note—Has anyone checked to make sure that Seacrest is safe?] A sampling of our nearby operatives' descriptions of the situation apparently created off by a mysterious briefcase left in front of Organic to Go: More »