Granted, everything will change as more reviews trickle in — but not necessarily for the worst. In any case, maybe Boll — not Roland Emmerich — is the ideal Euro-hack to helm that forthcoming $200 million Cusack apocalypse flick. At this rate, he may be Sony's only hope with the critics.

• 'Postal' [Rotten Tomatoes]

We don't necessarily believe for a second that Bay has green lit a boxing match with Uwe Boll, but that's kind of the best part: Within a few days we'll either see Boll sued for the unauthorized use of Bay's likeness to promote Postal, or we'll hear Bay is fighting Boll this fall — the culmination of a dream beating we've anticipated since way, way back six days ago. (And Bay will still sue Boll in the interim.) We literally cannot lose.

A natural opportunist, Boll is hedging his bets in the Los Angeles County courts, where he and Zane will also square off in a civil contest seeking restitution for a distribution deal gone bad —

Director Uwe Boll has sued actor Billy Zane in Los Angeles Superior Court, claiming he's owed at least $700,000 in revenues from the 2006 boxoffice flop Bloodrayne.

Boll claims in the April 30 filing that Zane was the one who suggested Romar Entertainment handle distribution of the film. Zane and Romar principal James Schramm allegedly promised the film would open in 2,000 theaters and that a $10 million advance from Boll would be used for advertising and promotion. But at least $900,000 was paid out to Zane and Schramm and the movie opened in only 950 theaters, Boll claims.

• Uwe Boll Sues Billy Zane [THR]

• Postal [Movieset]