Thanks, But No Thanks
As many loyal Defamer readers must know by now, our favorite blind items tend to include three elements: closeted actors, drug-addicted actresses, and those rare but joyous items that include the quote “Do you want to fuck my wife?” And kudos to the NY Daily News for providing us with the gruesomely enjoyable trifecta all in one sordid little piece today:
”Which cocaine-loving actress is said to be relying on her closeted husband to meet guys? A source says that when they were at a party recently, the hubby asked a fellow guest, ‘Do you want to bleep my wife? Because you can.’”
Sounds like a cinch, abounding with potential suspects, right? Not so fast. After our handy thinking caps proved to be malfunctioning this morning (or, possibly, the mindgrapes under said cap?), we took a few guesses after the jump, but today calls for the help of you commenters who, as always, are typically far more savvy at this sort of thing than us:
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Groupie Sex
The good news about this blind item in today’s NY Daily News? So many clues! Details and hints abound, from gender to marital status to what the estranged stars claim they “do” for a living. The bad news? Even when a blind item seems so specific and easy to see through, the gossip itself just doesn’t make sense. Case in point:
”Which singing ex-husband of an A-list actress would rather have people think he's gay than admit that he cheated on her with a groupie?”
Okay, so coming up with three prime suspects is the first hurdle, but trying to imagine any of these guys meriting actual groupies? Who are these women? See what we mean after the jump.
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The Chosen Two
Only when we accidentally stumble upon Ted Casablancas and his long-winded, sinewy blind items do we realize how sorely we’ve missed them. The painfully obvious hints, the ridiculous nicknames – and today, one of the first blind items we’ve read in a while that doesn’t out any closeted actors:
“Ms. Ferocity knows damn well if she keeps up the drugs like most of her addicted colleagues have, she’ll say buh-bye to everything she’s nabbed… that is why Fake à la employs some of Hell-Ay’s fanciest docs, their specialty being weaning famous folks off drugs via synthetic goodies that’ll make anybody’s bad day a tad more doable.”
Though Ted makes it crystal clear that Ms. Ferocity is the busting-at-the-seams Angelina Jolie, the idea that Jolie would risk turning the Chosen Two into heroin babies seemed out of the question until we heard yet another rumor that (gasp!), the cherubs not only have already been pushed out, but are holding on for dear life:
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Room Service
Porn: not just for Van Nuys anymore! At least, that's the conclusion offered by the New York Post, which today posited that the valley's favorite industry may be working its way westward — right into the gilded rooms of an unnamed Beverly Hills hotel. Teased The Post:
WHICH hotel in Beverly Hills is being used for porn shoots? Businessmen across the street say they can't get any work done because they're too busy looking at the action.
Yelp-assisted speculation after the jump!
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jake gyllenhaal
A vague and incredibly mysterious blind item in today’s NY Daily News initially gave us a headache because not a single “groovy”-like hint was included:
"What two hunky actors are refraining from any public displays of affection now that spies on their set are suggesting they're more than friends?"
But then we remembered an old love lesson from kindergarten: boys tend to be most cruel to their objects of affection. So after racking our brains trying to think of every male/male couplet currently filming a movie somewhere out there proved useless, we took the very few clues supplied in the piece, added in that old grade-school dictum we just referenced and voila! We think we might be onto something.See the puzzle pieces connect after the jump.
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blind items
Ah, the blind item. Is there any other gossip variety that promises so much while risking so little? Damn you, Rush and Molloy, and your mystifyingly anonymous puzzlers, better suited for stenciling along a child's bookcase in a Yuppie House of Mysteries than for print. Nevertheless, out with your Blind Item Decoder Rings, everyone. It's now up to you, the endlessly clever membership of The Official Defamer Detectives Club®, to get to the bottom of The Case of The Gay Divorcé:
Which divorced comic superstar is exploring a groovy new real-life persona: that of an openly gay man?
Our various theories after the jump!
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Girls Who Like Girls
Naturally we couldn't ignore a blind item involving our favorite celebrity trend of the season, lesbian chic, that appeared in yesterday's NY Daily News. Especially when the item not only involves a starlet who dabbles in Lohan/Ronson-inspired games with the same sex, but also outs her bad boy boyfriend for helping her appear as straight as possible in the public eye. As the News asks today:
“Which starlet with an often-troubled boyfriend actually plays for the other team — and puts up with her boy toy's habits to maintain hetero appearances?”
While many Young Hollywood players are currently afflicted with that equally trendy need to date cads, only a few from the club cross our mind as potential lady lovers. Our guesses after the jump.
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blind items
There's a nifty collection of work gathering over at
The Hollywood Temp Diaries, a new-ish blog that is pretty much exactly what it says it is. And while it's not quite the instant party promised by
loathetastic blogging neophyte Peter Bart, we've taken to anticipating author "Temp X"'s weekly blind-item quizzes —
the best of which has us furiously parsing out the TV exec dumb enough to give away ignorance about one of his/her own network's biggest hits. We hate to give away the real blind item from the writer's multiple-choice query, but curiosity wins out 10 times out of 10; follow the jump and place your bets:
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blind items
Who doesn’t adore blind items? True, many are snoozy (“Which unmarried local newscaster is totally making out with his assistant!?!”), but when the sneaky item involves “rotund actresses,” “cocaine-fueled romps,” and name-calling on the level of “this beast,” we are all over it. In today’s NY Daily News, those lovable married gossips Rush & Molloy serve up one of the juiciest Just Askings we’ve seen in some time:
Which rotund actress had a romantic rendezvous with a waiter - but only after the server's boss promised him free food and drinks if he "went the extra mile" to keep the thespian happy? One cocaine-fueled romp later, and the waiter has yet to see his payoff. "I slept with the beast for this?" he complained.
Naturally we present some of the front runners for you, the loyal Defamer audience, after the jump. As always, your guesses are not only encouraged, but expected!
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This just landed in the Defamer tips box: "What crazy-ass, A-list starlet was Checked into the
Roosevelt Hotel by a male friend because she was to high to drive, only to reward his chivalry by proceeding to make Poo Angels all over the room—including poo body-prints on the walls. Her shitty shenanigans ended up costing the poor bastard 6 grand." We certainly have no idea, but all this talk of Poo Angel-making has gotten us excited about the holidays! Who's up for a pooball fight? We are! [Defamer]
blind items
Not a day goes by without a dozen
blind items stirring up rumors about the newest Hollywood heroin addict or closeted anchor with sex swings in his office, but there is one very rare kind of bold face name-less rumor that catches our eye. And it has to do with "celebrity dads," "piercings," and "nether regions." As the
NY Post Just Asks this morning:
Which celebrity dad is just as rebellious as his starlet daughter? The troubled parent wears a ring through a piercing on his nether regions.
After the jump, we present our top five suspects, their odds, and invite you to place your bets.
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One of the
juicier blind items off the transom lately involves an A-list actress, a bold-faced female mag editor, and unkempt pubic hair. Asks the
NY Daily News, "Which female A-lister's Sapphic relationship with a top editrix came to a crashing halt when the wordsmith saw her 'wildly' unkempt nether regions?" While memories of former
Jane editor-in-chief Jane Pratt's
claims that she dabbled in the Land of Lesbianism with Drew Barrymore delightfully resurface in our minds, Pratt is now a full-time radio chick. Recently departed
Interview EIC Ingrid Sischy (not so delightfully) is another possibility, but somehow we can't see her gasping at the sight of an imperfect wax, considering her signature Bob Dylan-esque 'do. We leave it up to you, our faithful readers, to out the thwarted thespian in need of a pronto Brazilian in the comments. [
NYDN]
A highly placed Defamer operative asks: "Which hunky entertainment news anchor has been quietly dismissed for showing up to work drunk? (Quite a feat, considering some of his co-workers' track records.) But the real dirt is even better—apparently, he's gone through all of this once before." Hint: NOT Donny Osmond.
blind items
You're probably just moments from departing for the happy hour drink specials that will help you blot out the memories of the past week, so let's get to your blind item guesses. But first (there's always a "but first"), quickly review Three Envelope-Dangling Blind Vices:
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blind items
Wherein we invite our readers to drag the shiny, clean blind item razor blade offered by humpy E! gossip-cutter
Ted Casablanca along an unscarred section of their fleshy forearms, the only self-destructive act that makes them feel truly alive anymore. This week, Ted ambitiously juggles three hopelessly concealed subjects, supplementing his obsessive coverage of Toothy Tile's half-out-of-the-closet antics with those of two secretly homosexualized co-stars. Dip your toes in Three Envelope-Dangling Blind Vices:
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ted casablanca
Before you all bolt your desks for the sweet, sweet freedom of the weekend, let's wrap up today's blind item guessing game. But before moving on to your guesses, take another lap around One Unsisterly Blind Vice:
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