Ice-T and Al Roker Turn 'Celebrity Family Feud' Into Their Own Prime-Time Smut Showcase

Despite Best Efforts Of Stacey Dash, 'Celebrity Circus' Lacking Spirit Of Circusness

In Honor Of Ryan Seacrest's 'Momma's Boys,' We Salute Hollywood's Greatest Oedipal Wrecks

In light of the news that Ruler of the Universe Ryan Seacrest will soon be hosting a show on NBC called Momma’s Boys, we’re both delighted that the highlighted wunderkind has decided to ignore all the inevitable backlash, and disappointed that the show will be using mere mortals as contestants. Of all the male celebrities out there, Ryan is undoubtedly one of the most clear-cut examples of how we imagine our worst nightmare of a "Mother May I?" type to be, but he’s certainly not alone. Below, we nominate a few of our own submissions to the casting call printed in Backstage this week for “candidates who should be ready to be humiliated,” in celebrity form of course:

· From clingy dresses to canine masturbation, from mean-spirited reviews to disappointed Cosmo swillers doling out handjobs, we found ourselves oversexed in our city.
· The same cannot be said for Clay Aiken — he's pregnant!
· We were accused of being part of an "extraordinary smear campaign" after passing along a tip about Dan Aloni's alleged angry outburst on the Fox lot.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to two lovely, genetically perfect children named Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane. Wait, no she didn't. That left Entertainment Tonight paying the ultimate price.
· George Clooney bought Sarah Larson a one way ticket to Dumpsville.
· Lindsay Lohan's lesbian love was generously endorsed by Michael Lohan.
· Ben Silverman forgot to sync his Blackberry, enraging Ari Emmanuel [sic].
· We found out Kirsten Dunst wasn't drunk or drugged, just depressed. Then her pants caught fire.
· Sharon Stone got bit by the karma chameleon.
· The season finale of 'Lost' left us all wondering who's in the casket? Hint: he feels good!
· 50 Cent pulled a Left Eye (allegedly).
· We saved you $150K.
· Rachel [sic] Ray was in hot pursuit of extra virgins in the afterlife.
· We wept a little on the inside when Bill Murray's halo was tarnished.
· The End Of Ideas train kept plowing forward, picking up motormouth cops and ouija boards along the way.
· ScarJo CloneGate!
· We paid tribute to the dearly departed Sydney Pollack and Harley Korman (and angered a number of humor-challenged readers along the way).
· The next time we end up drunk in Tijuana, we are definitely getting that Patrick Swayze Centaur tattoo.

Ben Silverman Could Have Sworn His Meeting With Ari Emanuel Was Next Week

What's the bigger scandal in Kim Masters' recent rundown of the kerfuffle between Ari Emanuel and Ben Silverman: That Slate published the whole thing with Emanuel's name repeatedly misspelled "Emmanuel," or that Silverman would dare stand Emanuel up not once but twice in meetings with Marvel boss David Maisel and producer/director Peter Berg? We honestly don't know, but for sheer cafeteria-slapfight drama, we're leaning toward the latter:

While still simmering about the Berg incident, Emmanuel [sic] arrived at the executive dining room at Universal, where he was to have lunch with film studio chairman Marc Shmuger. As fate would have it, Shmuger's boss—Universal Studios chief Ron Meyer—was meeting Silverman there that day. In fact, the two couples were in adjoining booths. When Emmanuel [sic] spied Silverman, he delivered a tongue-lashing, touching on Silverman's lifestyle and its impact on NBC-Universal's business. He didn't whisper. ...

Ben Silverman Ushers In Golden Age Of TV That Makes You Use A Computer To Find Out What The Fuck Happens

Game-changing perfect executive storm Ben Silverman gave the keynote address at the TelevisionWeek Upfront Summit in New York recently (a sorry substitution for a line of high-kicking dogs and ponies on the stage of Radio City, we realize, but what can you do). In it, the programming maverick laid out his bold vision for TV's cross-platform, "log on to NBC.com now to find out if Hiro ever gets off Samurai Island!"-future. From TVWeek.com:

"[Broadcast] will also be where we launch our episodic storytelling vehicles, but they will be living and breathing everywhere," he said. [...]

"Around our new offerings there will literally be shows that end on air and the last scene will continue online," he said.

'30 Rock' To Anchor NBC's New Erection-Friendly 'MILF Hour'

Just weeks after NBC unveiled its much-touted, Ben Silverman-approved "family hour"—only to reveal their loose definition of "family" to include the holy hot mamas of 30 Rock's fictional (for now, at least) Mothers I'd Like to Fuck Island, and its inlet of pubescent discovery, Erection Cove—comes news that the network would be repositioning the sitcom in the more engorgement-friendly 9:30 slot, effective immediately:

"Rock," which has been airing at 8:30 p.m., will now benefit from having the Peacock's red-hot laffer "The Office" as its lead-in. "Scrubs" will inherit "Rock's" earlier timeslot.

Ben Silverman's Idea Of 'Family Friendly' Programming Includes Rockin' MILFs And Prepubescent Erections

Ben Silverman Is Bringing 'Saturday Night Live' To Thursdays

Wunderdouche Ben Silverman unveiled NBC's ambitious 65-week schedule to advertisers today in New York, covering this summer and all of next year with wall-to-wall Steve McPherson ass-kicking action. Included in the programming onslaught: a dreaded Office spin-off and four weeks of primetime Saturday Night Live, Variety reports.

The Who Wants to Be a Millionaire-ization of The Office will begin with hourlong episodes of the U.S. original in September, followed by a very special post-Super Bowl airing and the premiere of the spin-off. The show will be joined in the fall by the currently titled SNL Thursday Night Live, which plans to steal some of that Daily Show Indecision '08 glow with four politically themed half-hour segments.

Duo Responsible For Vh1's Celebreality Franchise Get Rewarded With A $200 Million Payday

It appears that Vh1 Celebreality masterminds 51 Minds Entertainment have ridden Flavor Flav all the way to the promised land. Variety reports that the reality television production company, led by Cris Abrego and Mark Cronin, has been purchased by Endemol USA (Big Brother, Deal Or No Deal) for $200 million plus. Cronin and Abrego, who are keenly aware that we're all nostalgic for conversations we had yesterday, are the brains behind has-been resurrection series The Surreal Life, and its seemingly endless chain of spinoffs (My Fair Brady, Strange Love, Flavor of Love — its subsequent spin-offs I Love New York and Charm School...). But what do they really have going for them? As Endemol president David Goldberg explains, a lot of it has to do with them not being named Ben Silverman or Mark Burnett:

"It's very hard to find companies in the nonscripted space that are prolific creators and owners of content and whose last names don't begin with 'S' or 'B'."

Despite The Best Efforts Of Viacom, 'Friday Night Lights' Gets Picked Up For Another Season

The perenially ratings challenged yet highly adored Friday Night Lights has been on life support ever since the WGA Strike shut production down on the show's second season. First, Peacock Emperor Ben Silverman gave the show the Diss Of Death ("Unfortunately, no one watches it. That's the thing with shows. People have to watch them.") in an interview with Radar. Then, the good people over at Bestweekever.tv launched a spirited internet campaign in an attempt to save the show, only to be shut down days later by the shortsighted suits at Viacom. But just when it appeared that the guillotine was ready to fall, Nikki Finke is reporting that the show is set to be picked up for a third season, thanks to a unique partnership formed between NBC and DirectTV.

It's an innovative deal where NBC found a partner who will share costs and exhibition windows," an insider explained.

Universal/Hasbro Deal Good News For Gritty Atlantic City Drama 'A House On Baltic Ave.'

· Hollywood Out of Ideas: Holy Shit, Now They're Raiding the Game Closet Edition. Universal signs a six-year deal with Hasbro to produce "at least four feature films based on branded properties." Among the classic toys and boardgames in their stable: Monopoly, Candy Land, and Ouija. Bay + Candy Land + Giant Fucking Gumdrops + Marshmellow Explosions = Wicked. [Variety]
· The NBC Universal Super-Exec League of Silver Man, The Zucker, and The Phantom Graboff have connected their powerful Peacock Rings and once again produced the impossible: a 52-week programming schedule. You read that right: 52 weeks. They are truly amazing. [Variety]
· Variety sticks fork in this year's Oscar telecast, declares it done. [Variety]

Ben Silverman Sells Production Company For $125 Million, Now Just Doing NBC Day Job For A Goof

NBC perfect storm/D-girl disdainer/nerd-hating prom king Ben Silverman has long been filthy rich in the kind of programming savvy that's resulted in translated foreign hits like The Office and Ugly Betty and resurrected, nostalgic sensations like Knight Rider and American Gladiators, but following the just-announced sale of his Reveille Productions to a British firm for $125 million, his net worth will finally approach the value of the intimidating treasure-pile of his primetime creativity.

Little Richard, Tina Turner Fail To Save Grammys From Nielsen Disappointment

· Network executives are trying to make sense of the brave, new, post-strike world they suddenly find themselves in, either taking this unprecedented opportunity to blow up their development system, or shrugging it off as a "blip" and going back to the old, comfortable ways of doing business (i.e., throwing a bunch of money at talent and pilots). Also, tough decisions need to be made about which series should be rushed back into production to finish up this abbreviated season, which should be put off until the fall, and which should be put out of their misery after losing their momentum. [Variety]
· Unsurprisingly, utterly fearless NBC perfect storm Ben Silverman (motto: "Let's do stuff!") is seizing the chance to shake things up inside the Peacock Family by shuffling around some executives and eliminating its largely vestigial current series department. [THR]

'Friday Night Lights' Fans Take Their Fight To The Streets. And By Streets, We Mean Mailboxes

Super-Secret New Study Reveals Writers Strike Will Continue To Cost Everyone A Lot Of Money

Ben Silverman Totally Wants To Party With Ben Silverman

In an interview with TV Week following his selection as one of the trade publication's "12 To Watch," always-quotable NBC perfect storm Ben Silverman was asked to reflect on his oft-controversial tenure as the network's designated rock-star and what, if anything, he might have done differently if given a second chance. But while he seems to admit that he could stand to work on his propensity for baring his razor-sharp, rival-eviscerating Peacock talons each time he's placed in the threatening presence of a recording device (the infamous "D-Girls" and "Ugly, Prom-Ruining WGA Nerds" incidents immediately come to mind), he still finds his own candor fun and refreshing. In short: Ben Silverman is someone Ben Silverman would want to hang with:

With Mr. Silverman seemingly on the verge of uncharacteristic self-abasement, I asked if he were an outsider who had read all of his comments this past year, would he like himself? What would he think of that bragging, partying executive in the press?

Fiscal Insanity Returns To Sundance With Rumored $10 Million 'Hamlet 2' Deal