Tyra Dedicates Her Emmy To All The Little Fat Asses Out There Who Made It Possible

Which Hottest Woman In The 'Maxim' Universe Totally Blew Off Jeremy Piven At The Guys Choice Awards?

When not proposing Entourage cameos to some of the world's greatest hell-to-the-divas, Jeremy Piven can often be found sidling up to one of our city's endlessly replenishable starlets with a patented ice-breaker ("So, have you been to India?"). The desired result is frequently achieved, and within minutes the two are zipping off in a hydrogen-powered Bentley to his place for a better look at his dhoti collection. Sometimes, however, Piven shoots a little too high, and his hottie-air balloon comes crashing down to the ground. Take, for example, a recent run-in with America's #1 fanboy-bait-object:

'Grey's' Insider: 'I Don't Want To Say Katherine Heigl's An Ungrateful Bitch, But--Oops! I Guess I Just Said It!

It's been two days now since our relatively peaceful, reacharound-loving community has been rocked by "I Do Not Feel I Was Given the Material This Season to Warrant a Nomination"-Gate. For those late to the party: Gold Derby blog had noticed polarizing actress-figure Katherine Heigl's name missing from a list of contenders; approached for comment, she explained that she had knowingly compromised Emmy-nominating protocol—and by extension, the very fundamentals upon which this great country is based!—by gallingly withdrawing herself from Best Actress consideration. And for what? For what she deemed to be substandard character arcs for her character on Grey's Anatomy. (In Heigl's defense, in Season 2 she was curled up in a hospital bed with her expired fiance; this season, she had a brief dalliance with her gay best friend followed by a torrid affair with a homicidal caribou.) Still, according to one series insider who spoke to EW.com, the thanklessness is beyond belief:

“The show bent over backwards to accommodate her film schedule, and then she criticizes the show for lack of material?"

Harrison Ford Disappointed To Learn Slime Contains No Alcohol

Once Upon A Time, There Were Three Little 'Charlie's Angels' Who Hated Each Other's Guts, Recalls Conan O'Brien

Rob Thomas Finally Eclipses Rob Thomas

· En fuego producer Rob Thomas sells his third pilot of the season, this one to ABC. (He already sold them Cupid, and sold The CW the 90210 spinoff.) Based on a Kiwi show, Outrageous Fortune follows "matriarch of a family of criminals [who] decides it is time for her brood to go straight when her husband ends up in the clink for five years." Your move, Matchbox 20's Rob Thomas! [THR]· FremantleMedia is bringing Family Feud to primetime for the first time in its 30 year history, where it will air along with American Gladiators on NBC's "For The Love of All That is Holy, Just Pick Up A Book Already" summer programming block. [Variety]
· Elizabeth "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" Banks has been cast as the First Lady in Oliver Stone's Bush. Stop your snickering! [THR]

Sassy TV Judges Finally Acknowledged By The Daytime Emmys

Until now, court shows went mostly unheralded by the TV producing establishment, despite their appellates delighting millions via the meting out of their own brand of sassy justice ladled with a generous helping of snappy catchphrases. But even in the realm of after-school, syndie-strip law, rights can be wronged, as organizers of the Daytime Emmys have just announced that court shows will finally be getting their own category:

[W]ith the number of gavel skeins in double digits, the National Academy of TV Arts & Sciences has finally come to the realization that Judges Judy, Mathis, Alex, Hatchett and their ilk aren't going anywhere. [...]

The Oscars According To Courtney Love

While there were certainly no lack of internet destinations to service your Oscars liveblogging and post-morteming needs, none of those takes can really hold a candle to the punctuation- and sanity-free zone of Courtney Love's own MySpace wrap-up. We take you now directly to the Courtney Oscars Live Feed:

swank looked great, i bet that was Versace, she looke dgirly for the fiorst time in forever- im sad for PTA i love teh Coens but PTA well tehy shouldve let him release all 6 hours of There Will Be Blood cos thats what i bet there is of it, Kidman as anyone knows and me are not bffs by any stretch, and i though te edgy thing was cool but for some reason not onher- and her forehead is way too shiny it flips me out- iwas REALLY isnpired Diablo Cody won - that was fucking AWESOME in fact i think i just may have peed all over her My Space-

The Critics Agree: Jon Stewart Unlikely To Be Edited From Future Oscar Montages For Time

We were so busy typing our little fingers to the nub that we barely had a chance to really assess what we thought of last night's Oscars telecast. One thing is certain, however, and that was that host Jon Stewart had a far more successful go at hosting, virtually eradicating any memories of Night of a Thousand Sweatpants, and other clunkers from his 2006 effort. A round-up of what critics are saying:
· "So it was good to see Jon Stewart being Jon Stewart. He is shaping up to be a dependable Oscar host for the post-Billy Crystal years. He's not musical, but he's versatile enough to swing smoothly between jokes about politics, Hollywood, new media, and, most importantly, hair." [Boston Globe]

Overheard At The Governor's Ball: Jelly Bean Clooney Licks His Wounds

With fidgety stars corralled into the Kodak Theater for nearly four hours of Church of Hollywood sermonizing, it's no wonder that the Governor's Ball, the first and most stately of all the post-Oscars soirées, is invariably a successful event. It allows winners, also-rans, and Oscar-shaped agents alike to mingle in a fantasy-like setting, occasionally snapping retractable tongues far enough to catch a cherry-flavored bubble floating their way. (We're not even joking—watch that Making Of the Governor's Ball Desserts featurette, sure to be one of the highlights of the 2008 Oscars DVD extras.) The LAT was lucky enough to be seated at the Michael Clayton table, where Jelly Bean Clooney (not the swing-era jazz titan, but The Last Movie Star) was realistic about his poor showing:

The Only Actor Race That Matters: How They Look Shirtless

While we've attempted to handicap the Oscars acting races as best as we know how, we've failed to factor in one crucial angle: how yumcakes the male nominees look without a shirt on! Luckily, TheSword.com (site mildly NSFW) has come through, compiling A Shirtless Gallery of all the sexy thespians up for gold. It's a seemingly wonderful idea that takes a turn for the not-so-wonderful when they veer into Hoffman/Holbrook/Wilkinson territory.

Oscar Brand Still Good For Something

· The five Best Picture nominees have earned $97 million since they were announced, more than twice what last year's nominees made in the same time period. Expect a two-page trade ad from the Academy touting that sum in 248-pt. font over the words "BIGGEST. OSCAR. BUMP. EVER." [Variety]
· Former Hobbit Dominic Monaghan has been cast in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. He won't be subjected to further brutal spirit-gumming sessions, however, as he doesn't play a mini-Wolverine, but "a mysterious character...who has the ability to manipulate energy and electricity." Aw, we wanted a Wolverinezuki! [Variety]

A Return To Downer: Your Oscars Round-Up

Universal/Hasbro Deal Good News For Gritty Atlantic City Drama 'A House On Baltic Ave.'

· Hollywood Out of Ideas: Holy Shit, Now They're Raiding the Game Closet Edition. Universal signs a six-year deal with Hasbro to produce "at least four feature films based on branded properties." Among the classic toys and boardgames in their stable: Monopoly, Candy Land, and Ouija. Bay + Candy Land + Giant Fucking Gumdrops + Marshmellow Explosions = Wicked. [Variety]
· The NBC Universal Super-Exec League of Silver Man, The Zucker, and The Phantom Graboff have connected their powerful Peacock Rings and once again produced the impossible: a 52-week programming schedule. You read that right: 52 weeks. They are truly amazing. [Variety]
· Variety sticks fork in this year's Oscar telecast, declares it done. [Variety]

Uncompromising Superproducer Scott Rudin Would Gladly Sacrifice 1000 Assistants For One 'No Country'

As a shepherd of great literary works from page to screen, assistant-gobbling producer/Kraken Scott Rudin is arguably without equal: He produced both of the dark, uncompromising visions currently vying for Oscar greatness, No Country for Old Men and There Will Be Blood. In an LAT profile, Rudin is credited with scooping up rich source material before it even hits bookstore shelves, pairing it with the right director, making casting suggestion, and even tweaking crucial moments in the script. (Recent legend has it that he quietly pulled P.T. Anderson aside between Blood takes to question if "maybe some other beverage besides Ovaltine might work better in that one line," before staring down at a half-finished Wendy's Frostee for the creative epiphany of a lifetime.) Still, no Rudin profile is complete without the requisite paragraph on his notoriously mercurial temper: