Defamer: Audrina Patridge

You Guys Are Still Following Me? Damn, It Must Be Slow

Douglas Reinhardt — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 10:25:00 PDT

boomp3.com

Reality TV icon Audrina Patridge was surprised to see a couple of paps following her as she ran a few errands in Beverly Hills. At first, Patridge was slightly annoyed by their presence, but quickly grew to appreciate the company. At her second stop, Patridge asked if the photographers would want to go to Urth Caffe after she finished her errand. One of the photographers checked his phone and said that he got a hot tip about Miley Cyrus riding a giraffe somewhere in Toluca Lake and had to get down there ASAP. The other photog said that he also got the same tip and had to leave. Patridge thought that sounded really awesome and asked if she could tag along, but the paparazzi thought it might be kind of weird and it's bad enough that, in this green era that we live in, they're taking two cars to the scene instead of carpooling.

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

C-Listers Reveal Their Scarily Obsessive Weight Loss Methods

Molly Friedman — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 17:40:00 PDT

At this point we’re far more informed than we’d like to be when it comes to all the freaky diet methods celebrities use to shed pounds and pull off that whole homeless glam look Colin Farrell’s currently sporting. But while A-listers tend to either keep mum on the subject (like Katie Holmes and Renee Zellweger) or blab endlessly about being “obsessed with potato chips!” and eating “fried food every day!” (Catherine Zeta-Jones and Angelina Jolie), the press-hungry lesser-knowns have yet to learn the rules. In the upcoming issue of TV Guide, ten small-screen stars commit major overshares about how their body obsession is weighing on their mindgrapes. Find out who dropped major pounds just because TMZ published pictures of her “very, very soft” stomach, who only vacuums in heels to tone her calves, and which former “fat baby” admits to working out for over an hour every day, after the jump.

According to the not-yet-out piece, The Hills’ Audrina Patridge, nude photo aficionado and recent recipient of a brand new pair of boobs, is so focused on maintaining her widely-seen curves that she sports those 4-inch health-impairing stilettos every Sex And The City fan thinks will turn them into Carrie Bradshaw while cleaning house. And thin-as-a-rail Friday Night Lights star Minka Kelly uncomfortably yammers on about how she once weighed in at an apparently unacceptable 135 pounds and “literally stopped eating...I’d do Bikram yoga and go to bed. I lost 15 pounds in one month.” We hope the John Mayer tossaway can forgive us for not immediately rising to our feet and giving Minka a standing ovation.

Even picky sperm selector Denise Richards goes overboard in her interview, treating the TVG reporter like a shrink and leaning on her oft-used plea for pity by referencing her recently passed mother: “After my mom died last year, I gained at least 10 pounds. I know because TMZ was kind enough to publish pictures of me looking very, very soft in the stomach.” How refreshing to discover the secret to overcoming grief caused by the death of a family member: just obsessively google images of yourself in a bikini and concentrating on going down a jean size or two! As for the self-professed chunky toddler, A.C. Slater-turned-reality-trash-host Mario Lopez says he “never feels awake unless I’m sweating,” and tells the mag he exercises “for a minimum of one hour a day.” Which sounds about right, considering his current career responsibilities are limited to applying hair gel before “judging” street dance crews alongside J.C. Chasez!

[Photo credits: Getty]

TV GUIDE [TVG]

Making 'The Hills' Sausage

Seth — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 17:20:00 PDT

Eater LA stumbled upon something as rare and precious as an Italian Deericorn recently, when a crew from MTV's The Hills wandered into a local restaurant they happened to be patronizing, followed moments later by that show's stars, Audrina Patridge and Justin Bobby. Turns out they were there to shoot a crucial dinner sequence between the two in which the topic of Korean BBQ was merely the pretext for a much deeper conversation regarding the speed that they, like, wanted to take their relationship. Plenty of photos were snapped revealing all the behind-the-scenes activity that goes into capturing just one moment of enhanced reality—more so than you ever might have realized, for moments after the crew zipped off to the next location, a dozen teamsters arrived to dismantle the entire restaurant and pack it into a truck idling outside.

On Location: Drinks With The Hills at Jian [Eater LA]

Ryan Seacrest To Help Sexually Confused 'Bros' Befriend Brody Jenner

Molly Friedman — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 12:25:00 PDT

There's no use denying that we have had more than a passing interest in reality dating shows for just about as long as we can remember. From watching to Roger Lodge wink his way through Blind Date to finding ourselves hooked into all of the Flavor of Love franchises to our guiltiest moment where we watched a marathon of Shipmates, we had thought we'd seen it all from the genre. But today’s news that King of Television Ryan Seacrest has enlisted Hills boy toy/master nobody Brody Jenner to star in Bromance has officially ruined our ever-weakening belief in these shows doing anything other than harm to our souls. The premise, the challenges, and the overall stench of this upcoming MTV series sounds like, quite possibly, the worst idea in the history of ideas:

”Contestants will be whittled down via ‘Hot Tub Elimination Ceremonies’ after which [the] rejected will be asked to leave the bachelor pad dripping wet in a swimsuit, luggage in hand...contestants also will have shots at a ‘group date’ and ‘alone time’ with Jenner in every episode.”

Oh, did we mention the fact that these “contestants” are known as “bros”? Yes, this is a dating show for dudebros who probably don't understand what the word "repression" means. More gruesome details after the jump.

As THR reports, six episodes of the "buzzed about" show starring reality regular Jenner has finally been picked up by MTV as Ryan Seacrest continues his master plan to destroy television by replacing Larry King the instant his suspenders fall by the wayside and by pumping out homoerotic shows week after week. In the case of Bromance, a group of "regular guys" will arrive in Hollywood and compete to become part of Jenner's incredibly elite and elusive "entourage," meaning they will be allowed into Hyde roughly 50% of the time and get to sit in dirty velvet booths alongside the likes of Audrina Patridge. One can only dream. In addition to the aforementioned wet speedo rejection structure, the challenges will range from skydiving to "dealing with the paparazzi." Which will admittedly be difficult, considering the winner will be expected to "deal" with paps by begging them to "please, just please consider taking just one shot of Brody, bro, please? Will a fiver do the trick?"

'HILLS' CO-STAR LANDS MTV SERIES [THR]

MTV Movie Awards Fashion Trends: Cleavage, Kinky Boots, And Oops! Lindsay Lohan's Thong

Molly Friedman — Mon, 02 Jun 2008 12:05:00 PDT

What is it about MTV awards ceremonies that brings out so many female celebrities’ inner hooker? Normally demurely dressed stars like good girl Anne Hathaway and Charlize Theron both showed up on the red carpet looking like a dominatrix-for-hire and a Heidi Fleiss escort circa 1990, respectively. Megan Fox stepped outside her rep as being a poor girl’s Angelina Jolie by attempting to dress like a cupcake, but the frilly underskirt just said Little Pink Ride Your Hood, and The Hills resident scandalista Audrina Patridge donned a skin-tight, midnight blue satin one-strap number paired with ironed black hair that looked eerily like what we suspect Marilyn Manson wears in drag. So why pick last night to debut their diaper-length hemlines and S&M costumes? Look no further than a closer peek of Lindsay Lohan's totally unintentional panty-flash for answers, and the rest of these ladies of the night after the jump:

As Gwyneth proved quite effectively during her Iron Man press tour by wearing kinky boots and transparent mini-dresses, slipping into a costume designed for tightening trousers goes a long way towards catching the attention of not only the horny teen boy population, but also the millenial MTV viewers. Not to mention the sex-obsessed network's not-so-subliminal message that bisexual MySpace stars are worthy of icon status, that you can't really have a good time unless you're stripping down to nothing in hot tubs with your Real World roommates, and that what people REALLY want to see are endless barrages of Top 20 Sexiest Star/Hottest Bods/Sluttiest Sluts countdowns. So who can really blame girls like Charlize and Anne for following the crowd?

[Photo credits: Wireimage, PA via Daily Mail]

LINDSAY LOHAN WINS EMBARRASSING WARDROBE MALFUNCTION AWARD AS YOUNG HOLLYWOOD TURNS OUT AT MTV MOVIE AWARDS [Daily Mail]

Body Greaser Disappointed It's Not Gisele, But The Girl From 'The Hills' Will Do Just Fine

Douglas Reinhardt — Fri, 16 May 2008 10:55:00 PDT

boomp3.com

Brittany Robertson began her first day as the body greaser on The Reef serving as the prime greaser for The Hills star Audrina Patridge. Robertson's primary duties are to apply sunblock on Patridge for master and medium shots and, for close-ups and two-shots, to apply baby oil. Robertson explained that the baby oil helps define the abs and draws attention to other places in case the acting isn't up to snuff. When asked if she enjoyed her job, Robertson said, "I kind of enjoy being the envy of all the men on the set, but I don't see what the fuss is all about though. I'm just putting sunscreen on a girl like you would your friend at the beach if he or she can't reach their back." Robertson hopes that she'll be able to work with Gisele Bundchen, citing her as the Michael Jordan of the body greasing industry.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

The Finale Of 'The Hills': 'Imagine Everything You've Seen And Then Completely Unimagine It'

Molly Friedman — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:35:00 PDT

Last night, we tearfully watched as the third season of that Adderall-fueled pity party known as The Hills came to a wisdom-filled conclusion. So what did we learn last night? Aside from newly cropped and suddenly hot Justin Bobby teaching Audrina (and us) that living alone means you can “come home and cook something,” and shockingly, “have people over,” Methanie Pratt managed to summarize the entire season’s course on Lives Of The Blonde And Vapid by telling villainous Spencer that one should always “think really hard before you do anything.” Below we bring you three tidbits to carry with you forever, involving drinking on the job, dieting leessons, and when the appropriate time to “shush” someone is:

1) Cheese Is Yum, But May Put Junk In Your Trunk!: As sidekick Lo notes, eating a whole bunch of cheese at once feels good. It tastes good, tends to be difficult to stop eating, and makes you smile. But! After making the decision to eat an entire chunk in one sitting, we learn that the act “is not gonna be good for my behind.” Duly noted.

2. How To Get Ahead By Getting Wasted!: As we know by now, Heidi Montag will do just about everything in her power to maintain her position as the youngest PR whiz in history (also known as the token office blonde, a la Cerie Xerox on 30 Rock), but Heidi's youth gifts her with the ability to drink on the job. And Methanie's response, naturally? "Working with drinks, that sounds real legit!"

3. How To Silence Those Pesky Voices In Your Head!: As the Pratt spawns ride along this road called life (aka the 101), the unblinking Spencer suddenly begins "Shush!"ing no one in particular. After Methanie reminds him that "you don't have to shush me when I'm not talking," he continues to do just that. Which leads us to the single most satisfying epiphany we've come to all season: Spencer is not just a slimy slut, but a slimy schizo!

THE HILLS [MTV]

The Hills: 'I Want To Get My Hands In There And Make Myself Available To You'

Molly Friedman — Tue, 06 May 2008 17:50:00 PDT

Even though zombified Whitney and scandal-plagued Audrina didn't have much to teach us on last night's wisdom-packed episode of The Hills, Spencer, Heidi and Lauren blew our minds with life lessons we'll carry with us forever. And despite not saying anything that even remotely resemebled wisdom, it must be said that Justin Bobby, with his new haircut, has officially reignited our Bad Boy Crush phase. Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer worked her magic to present the episode's most eye-opening moments, which we've broken down into three essential bits of knowledge:

1. How To Advance Your Career By Seducing The Boss! Without an annoying dandruff-headed fiance to keep her busy, Heidi is focused on her job as some kind of powerful publicity manager who rose through the assistant ranks by age 21 using one simple method: subtly let your male boss know you want to "get your hands in there" and "make yourself available" to them moments after uncrossing your legs.

2. Puppies Are Cutest When Their Eyes Match Yours! After frenemies Audrina and Lauren adopt a brand new trendy Boggle (that's half boxer, half beagle to those of you out there who aren't cool enough to like, know already) to never take care of, Lauren notes how awesome it is when your puppy's eyes are the same color as yours! You know what else is awesome? The fact that this Boggle marks the third appearance of a puppy lovingly adored in the show's history, the first two having made their lovey dovey debuts briefly during the first season, never to be heard from or seen again. Are these poor things actor pets? Like Eddie on Frasier?

3. Guaranteed Way To Make Girls Leave A Room! Simple! First, repeat "La, la, la, la, la, la" in a flat monotone while simultaneously rolling your eyes. Second step? Be. Spencer. Pratt. In fact, scratch that. All one needs to do is Be. Spencer. Pratt.

THE HILLS [MTV]

The Hills: 'Don't. Freak. Out.'

Molly Friedman — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 15:55:00 PDT

Underneath that swarthy, dirty-haired facade that Hills heartthrob/bastard Justin Bobby exudes lies an astonishing ability to inspire the rest of the cast with his wildly profound life lessons. His highly anticipated return to the habitually bland "reality" show jump-started whatever brain cells our blonde professors possess after popping all those producer-supplied Adderalls. In one particularly Carrie Bradshaw-esque line, our antihero explains, "It's not nice when you fall away from people, but when you kind of regroup again, it's..." Sure, we don't learn what "it" is, but still. Sheer poetry. As you'll see in our clip masterfully crafted by Intrepid Defamer Videographer&trade Molly McAleer, there were lessons aplenty last night. One prime example from dearest dead-eyed Audrina? A Webster-worthy definition of the term "date like a date date." [MTV]

WATCH VIDEO

The Reality Behind 'The Hills': Adderall Addicts And Cat Pee

Molly Friedman — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:40:00 PDT

It's really a shame that the storylines we see on The Hills aren't as "real" as MTV claims they are, since the blonde cast's off-screen lives seem far more colorful than what we see on the show. This season we've trudged through (yawn) yet another ongoing catfight between Heidi and Lauren, and barely kept our eyes open while slowest speaker in the world Whitney learns how to cope with a new job. But rumors surfacing today involving real-life catfights between Lauren and roomie Audrina, plus not-so-blind items suggesting the entire cast is fed drugs by producers, make us wish this "unscripted" drama would throw out the scripts already.

As the NY Post reports today, Audrina has taken to locking her bedroom door whenever she leaves the apartment she shares with Lauren because the show's leading lady isn't to be trusted. Worse yet, sources say Lauren's cats are far from house-trained, and Audrina "gets really annoyed at Lauren's cats because they pee on her rug and on her bed." Which really helps explain Audrina's oddly effervescent tan, no? But the real whopper comes in the form of a NY Daily News blind item today: "Which show keeps its dim-witted if ultra-popular 'reality' stars peppy with Adderall supplied by a producer in handfuls between scenes?" Though we suspect good girl Whitney has been steering clear of anything "peppy," daily doses of Adderall go a long way to explain Spencer's uber-scary ability to go entire scenes without blinking.

ROOMIE ROW [NY Post]
NEW YORK MINUTE [Gatecrasher]

The Hills: Words Of Wisdom

Molly Friedman — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 15:40:00 PDT

Last night's double dose of The Hills was so jam-packed with Words of Wisdom that Intrepid Defamer Videographer Molly McAleer feels, like, one thousand percent smarter after putting this piece together. And you'll feel similarly after watching, we promise. From Friendship 101 to deep discussions on ancient British proverbs ("It's just water under the bridge. Wait, is 'water under the bridge' an expression, right?"), Lauren, Heidi, Whitney and Methanie Pratt were dishing out more stellar advice than Dr. Phil. And, as usual, one of our favorite gems came from nudie photo scandal subject Audrina, who pretty much summed up everything we're going to learn from our blonde life professors this season: "That's weird how the world works." So. True. [MTV]

The Hills: Words Of Wisdom

Molly Friedman — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:04:00 PDT

Today marks the first edition of "The Hills: Words Of Wisdom," a new weekly feature in which the bleached blonde cast of "real people" indulges us with life lessons worth learning. On last night's Season Four premiere, the one-hour chickfest was jam-packed with girly fever, tears, ruined dresses, dates with French rockers, and Spencer's Lucy Ball 'do. But the most important thing to take away from all that femitude is the wise words of heroines Lauren Conrad, Whitney Port and former meth addict Stephanie Pratt. This show is more than just quick flashes of fancy parties and shoes, combined with solemn pouts over which guy to tease; The Hills is the modern day version of Emily Post's guide to good etiquette. Thanks to the keen skills of Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer, now you can learn just what to do when you feel nauseous over the loss of designer shoes ("breathe"), whether or not boys are hotter in LA or Paris ("way hotter in Paris"), and most importantly, how to successfully mount a motorcycle while wearing a dress worth more than your house. [MTV]

WATCH VIDEO

Audrina Patridge Wants All Three Of Her Fans To Know That Those Nudie Pics Were Art

Molly Friedman — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 13:01:04 PDT

The latest trendy excuse floating through the manipulative minds of Young Hollywood? Nude photo shoots are totally artistic! As we reported yesterday, Hills sidekick and all-around Mensa candidate Audrina Patridge completed a scheduled spread for Playboy, only to have the story nixed (we've never, ever taken a glimpse at the mag ourselves of course, but our "friends" tell us B-cups aren't a common theme in Hef's airbrushed centerfold ouevre). But after the photos were released in all their Catholic school girl, cowboy hat glory, Patridge is pulling a Dina Lohan and claiming the bonerific shots are totally just art, guys: "I intended them to be artistic and not in any way provocative." After the jump, the wise one's words of advice for all the young wannabe actresses out there hoping their ticket to stardom will come in the form of artsy T&A:

As Audrina explains on her MySpace page, "I was naive, overly trusting of people and inexperienced. I thought that to be a model you had to be comfortable in front of the camera. I'm not ashamed of these photos, but I don't want my young fans to think they have to do what I did." Hold on...Audrina was a model? Five years ago? Girl is 22, meaning these pics were taken when she was a very Amanda Dupre-esque 17 years old. If the photos were indeed intended for Playboy doesn't that mean Hef should have a whopper of a lawsuit on his hands? More importantly, when we first met the Chicklet-toothed Audrina on Season One of The Hills, she was working a desk job at some record company, and last time we tuned in, still was. Could it really be possible that (gasp!) all the fill-in "friends" on Lauren Conrad's heavily staged show are (no! way!) just wannabe actors? We haven't been this shocked and saddened by news from the Hollywood underworld since hearing those glamour shots of Heidi and Spencer were set-ups.

AUDRINA BLOGS ABOUT HER TOPLESS PHOTO SHOOT [People]
AUDRINA PATRIDGE MYSPACE PAGE [MySpace]