1) Justin Reportedly 'Had His Idols Rolling In The Aisles': Not only do we doubt this, but the idea of Michael Jackson, currently being wheeled around Vegas for his ailment du jour, and Prince, hardly a "sports junkie" like Justin, falling off their auditorium seats in some sort of laugh attack just isn't an idea we can properly picture.

2) Using Truly Pathetic Lines: While in faux-drag, Us reports that Justin had the crowd in hysterics due to NippleGate-referencing jokes like "I wanted to be the only guy at a football game to get to second base!" And, while in Simpson mode, (s)he pondered possible Bennifer-esque nicknames such as the but-gusting "RoJo" or "Tessica." Howl!

3) Drag Does Not Become Him: The sight of Timberlake in a wig accompanied by a five-o-clock shadow and ungroomed mangy brows, not to mention double Ds and Jessica's thick Daisy Duke legs, is no picnic.

But! To give Timberlake mildly well-deserved credit in the jokester department, we fondly remember his "I'm Awesome!" Punk'ing Punk'd skit from his 2003 hosting gig at SNL, plus a classic bit from the same evening in which a Simpson-imitating Justin played dumb blonde to the Nick Lachey-imitating Jimmy Fallon. Even a simple throwaway joke like "Nick" telling the audience "She can't even cure a ham." Justica's response? "Aww, is the ham sick?" was made funny due to Justin's steady confidence post-solo breakout:

[Photo credits: Just Jared]

boomp3.com


Demi Moore attempted to kiss her husband, Ashton Kutcher, outside of LAX on Thursday night, but the Punk'd star pulled away. According to spies on the scene, Kutcher told Moore that she had some fairly lethal breath. Moore checked her purse for mints, but she was fresh out. Kutcher explained that she would have to wait until they got home to kiss him. Moore stared a hole into her husband who attempted to hold back his laughter, but Kutcher shouted, "Ha! You got Pop Fiction'ed!"

[Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin]

Speed Racer
· Just a drag 'Racer' [LAT]
· Great fun, if you like watching video games [Globe and Mail (sub. req'd.)]
· 'Speed Racer' stalls at the starting line [Detroit Free Press]
· 'Speed Racer' spins by screen at nauseating, wearing pace [Salt Lake Tribune]
· 'Speed Racer': Take a Detour [WashPo]
· 'Speed Racer' limps around the track [USA Today]
· A nonsensical computer-generated racing thriller freaks out our correspondent with its cartoon plastic tackiness [London Times Online]

What Happens in Vegas
·Insults, but no jackpot in 'Vegas' [EW]
·'What Happens in Vegas' is nothing to write home about [Kalamazoo Gazette]
· Not buying this Vegas line, or even the odd couple of losers [Union Tribune]
·There is no escape in 'Vegas' and not much comedy, either [signonsandiego.com]
·Wedded miss in new Kutcher, Diaz comedy [suntimes.com]
·Shoulda Stayed in Vegas [Winnipeg Sun]
·What happens? You don't want to know [CanWest]
·'What Happens in Vegas' feels like a losing streak [USA Today]

WHAT'S NEW: Whereas last week the only question we faced was the degree of the Iron Man beating awaiting Patrick Dempsey and Made of Honor, today we're starting a pool to see how close (or how far) Marvel's $100 million hero will keep Speed Racer before pulling away in the Sunday home stretch. Most observers expect Iron Man's take to drop as much as 50% this weekend, but like last Friday, we think lingering word-of-mouth and irresistible talent will keep the film well in excess of expectations — as in $65 million to Speed Racer's $40 million. We'll get to the Ashton Kutcher/Cameron Diaz vehicle What Happens in Vegas in a second, but more painlessly for now, here are some of the other new titles bottlenecking theaters: Music video maven Tarsem's sumptuous (and apparently boring) labor of love The Fall; the John Leguizamo / teenagers-fucking satire The Babysitters; the espionage spoof OSS 117: Nest of Spies; and the canny Paskowitz family documentary Surfwise.

THE BIG LOSER: We've heard it said that What Happens in Vegas is Fox's idea of counterprogramming to Speed Racer, but what do you really call it when the weekend's biggest new release itself amounts to second fiddle overall? History will decide, but we think $20 million estimates are far too generous for the Kutcher/Diaz miscarriage. Try closer to $16 million and, as the gift that keeps on giving, a pan for the ages from Manohla Dargis: "[B]ecause its director, Tom Vaughan, brings nothing of interest to the movie, including filmmaking, there isn't anything to say other than to note its insulting ugliness and ineptitude. ... It's disheartening that Ms. Diaz doesn't seem to realize that there's no upside to a role that strips away her dignity even as it peels off her clothes, especially when she's playing the shrew." Now that's love we can all take to the bank.

THE UNDERDOG: A terrific Famke Janssen skips the glam in Turn the River, the writing-directing debut of actor Chris Eigeman (Metropolitan, Kicking And Screaming). As a single-mother gambler and pool shark planning to steal her young son away to Canada — but only after hustling her way to $50,000 — Janssen digs into River with both leading-lady aplomb and a wounded integrity most of her male contemporaries usually try to approximate through overwrought brooding. Co-star Rip Torn is good for a few ironic flourishes that redeem the late melodrama, all of which are outdone by Janssen's real pool-shooting exploits. We wouldn't bet against her — at least not this weekend.

FOR SHUT-INS: You can have your I'm Not There DVD's, your P.S. I Love Yous, your vagina dentata comedy Teeth, your fourth season of The 4400 and all that other bullshit. But there is really only one new title worth welcoming into the guilty sanctuary of your own home: The Hottie and the Nottie. Miraculously neither watchable nor as bad as it's made out to be, judge for yourself the blight of Paris Hilton vanity on this week's release calendar.

So are you down for or down on Speed Racer? Will What Happens In Vegas stay, ahem, in Vegas? Will newfound billiards talent Famke Janssen kick your ass for an easy 50 grand? Go all in and let us know where your money's riding this weekend.

boomp3.com


Celebrity prankster Ashton Kutcher gave reporters the cold shoulder when questioned about the origin of his very loud and extremely plaid blazer at the What Happens In Vegas premiere. Kutcher denied that he purchased the coat at a recent garage sale held by a prominent sports caster from the 1970s and insisted that he paid good money for the high end coat. He went on to say that just because Pop Fiction and Miss Guided were flops and that Beauty And The Geek is about to be cancelled doesn't mean that he is forced to shop at thrift stores and garage sales.

[Photo Credit: Getty Images]

Yes, thankfully, the athletically impressive thighs of Lake were more fully on display than those of Diaz, though the actress, making her first red carpet appearance since the passing of her father Emilio. Cameron wore one of her trademark skin-tight dresses, one that gave Gwyneth a run for her money in the clavicle flash arena. But more importantly, why so blue Ashton? And where is Mrs. Kutcher? Haven't you accompanied her and her brood to each and every single one of her flop premieres over the last few years? And she couldn't be bothered to support you at what may turn out to be a quasi-successful rom-com? Maybe ever since Bruce Willis got that manly penis piercing, Kutcher's just feeling a little impish?

[Photo credits: Getty Images]

• SMILING CAMERON DIAZ MAKES EMOTIONAL RETURN TO THE RED CARPET IN A MINI-DRESS [Daily Mail]

Everyone's favorite actor/producer/restaurateur Ashton Kutcher has announced he is leaving Endeavor, the agency he's been with for a decade, and for the cozier confines of the CAA Death Star. Known for their ability to revive careers, CAA may have an uphill battle with an actor whose only successful role was also his first (as lovable dimwit Michael Kelso on That '70s Show).

Luckily for the agency, they stand to take a percentage of the TV shows Kutcher will develop as a producer with his company Katalyst (which have so far included some surprisingly good series, like Punk'd, Beauty and the Geek, Miss Guided and Pop Fiction). Unfortunately, his new agents at CAA will not get a cut from the ridonkulously popular clubs and restaurants Ashton holds a stake in with the Dolce Group. Nor will they get to have sex with Demi Moore.

• Ashton Kutcher Signs With CAA [Variety]

Something so outlandish seemed almost certainly the handiwork of Kutcher's merry band of paparazzi punksters at E!'s Pop Fiction, who have ably proven the pranking damage they can reap with their already classic "Eva Longoria receives a ring from non-boyfriend Mario Lopez" episode. (Boy were our faces red!) Still, we think it would be foolish to underestimate Ashton's wily abilities, to say nothing of overestimating Patridge's celebrity status. No, bloggers: We're sorry to disappoint, but that tattoo is 100% real—and highly, highly infectious. All will be revealed on next week's Style Network premiere of Nick Carter's Punk Fiction, a sort of meta-Pop Fiction, in which Z-list famepires will subject themselves to extreme body modifications and life-threatening scenarios in the hopes that someone—anyone—will notice them. And if you think that's good, wait until episode two, when The Bachelor's Shayne Lamas saws off her own leg!

• Audrina Fries Her Rice in Pork Fat [OK!]

Can't you just picture it now? The former Saved By The Bell star will gift her with a necklace, and the gullible tabloid press will fall for the ruse hook, line, and sinker. Moments later, the splashy photos will appear across paparazzi sites, gossip blogs, and eventually the tabloids and glossies. And oh, how they'll laugh. Laugh! For Eva and Mario, they are nothing but friends. And you bought it! Do you see now? Do you see what a fool you are, gullible consumer of paparazzi product? Now you go and think about what it is you've done during the commercial break, after which you'll learn things about K-Fed's spare tire that will blow your brains right out the back of your heads.

• Pop Fiction [E Online]

Dressed in a very sleuth-y beige trench and armed with a woman-of-mystery asymmetrical hairstyle, Paris and "Maxie" take to the streets, skillfully ignoring the small contingent of the dozen or so paps pressing inquiries ("What's up?"). But somehow the undercover counter-attack doesn't strike us to be quite as savvy and genius as Paris and the Anna Nicole Smith idea robber Ashton Kutcher thinks it is. After coyly remarking in the car, "I'm just curious what they're gonna make up," Paris pretty much answers her own question with, "Who. The hell. Is that. With Paris. So. Random." Yup, you really slammed the press with this elaborate set-up, you minx, you!

• POP FICTION [Official Site]

Pop Fiction, an eight-episode series, is a prank show targeting paparazzi and gullible media outlets. It's made with the eager help of stars, who were the laughing stocks of Kutcher's former MTV show.

This time the shoe's on the other foot, and the series has been kept so tightly under wraps that E!'s own website fell victim to the Hilton hoax and other planted stories that producers won't yet divulge.

"You're speaking their language. We live in a culture that's driven by media and obsessed with celebrity, to the point where they don't have private lives anymore," [Kutcher's producing partner Jason] Goldberg says.

"Two people going out to eat turns into, 'They're engaged.' It's a feeding frenzy. It's dangerous and it's irresponsible in some cases."

So elaborate and convincing are these paparazzi punji sticks, that even more legitimate media outlets have found themselves duped. What Harper's Bazaar, for example, thought was an exclusive interview with the Kutcher-Moores was, in fact, yet another planted Pop Fiction prank. All that spiritual horseshit about how Kabbalah has helped Ashton and Demi through the rough patches was actually just a brilliant satire of what they imagined a vapid Hollywood couple would say in a fawning fashion magazine profile. Face it, Harper's: You've been pap'd!

• Has Ashton Kutcher 'Punk'd' the paparazzi? [usatoday.com]

Demi: You know, I didn't get married and have children so I could get a divorce, get remarried, and get along with my ex-husband. But since that is what happened, I am grateful it turned out this way. [...]

Demi: My daughters are a big part of what drove me to want to have a close relationship with Bruce. One of the most healing things for Bruce was seeing me meet someone who has brought me so much happiness. And I so much want the same for him. We get so much from being able to share holidays and spend time with all of us together. The kids don't have to choose. They're getting double the support, double the love, double the encouragement.

Of course, the bridge between Demi's former life as Bruno's main squeeze to her current incarnation as the MILFy reigning monarch of the Punk'd generation wasn't an entirely smooth one: We're reminded of their first all-family dinner party, a five-course affair that started awkwardly right from the salad course, grew more tense when Willis challenged Kutcher to an arm-wrestling competition during entrees, and which by dessert had quickly devolved into an intergenerational tournament of one-upsmanship (darts, Go Fish, badminton, and Dance Dance Revolution) that left all three daughters sobbing into their gelato bowls.

[Photo credit: Peter Lindbergh for Harper's Bazaar]

• Demi's Family Style [harpersbazaar.com]

· Les Moonves's "Suck It, Strikers—We Won!" Tour continues. The future galactic despot told investors yesterday that not only did it not affect CBS's financial bottom line, it actually helped, allowing them to slough off dead-weight development deals "in ways that will allow us to operate more efficiently going forward." [Variety]
· The Fireman's Fund Insurance Co. is offering "strike insurance" to any production currently covered under one of their policies, in anticipation of a possible SAG strike. Said Les Moonves, "We'll pass. A couple absent or dead actors could really push us into the black next quarter!" [Variety]
· Milkshake co-opting victim Paul Dano will star in and executive produce Gigantic, an offbeat romantic comedy from Killer Films. [THR]

2008 Health Alert # 4: Exposure to hepatitis A in bar patrons

Read the rest after the jump:

Please Distribute to All Clinical Staff in Emergency Medicine, Primary Care, Infectious Diseases, Family Medicine, and Infection Control Staff

. A patient with Hepatitis A worked as a bartender at the Socialista Bar at 505 West Street in the West Village in Manhattan.
. DOHMH is recommending that all people who went to the Socialista Bar on February 7th, 8th and 11th receive prophylaxis for hepatitis A as soon as possible.
. DOHMH is offering a free clinic for prophylaxis. Patients may also be treated at their private doctor's office according to the recommendations below.

2/21/2008

Dear Colleagues,
The New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene is investigating a case of hepatitis A in a bartender who worked at the Socialista Bar at 505 West St in Manhattan. We are recommending that all people who drank anything at the bar during the below times receive prophylaxis against hepatitis A.

February 7th 8PM to closing
February 8th 8PM to closing
February 11th 10PM to closing

Free treatment will be available at:

Public School 41 Fri, Feb. 22 4-10pm
116 West 11th (at 6th Ave) Sat, Feb 23 1-8 pm
Manhattan Sun, Feb 24 1-6 pm

Additional information about the clinic location and hours is available through 311.

Bar patrons may also receive prophylaxis at their private physician's office. ACIP recommendations for hepatitis A prophylaxis after exposure are as follows:

. For healthy persons age ? 12 months to 40 years, hepatitis A vaccine at the age appropriate dose is preferred to IG because of vaccine's advantages, including long term protection and ease of administration.

. For persons > 40 years of age, IG plus vaccine is preferred because of the absence of information regarding vaccine performance and the more severe manifestations of hepatitis A in this age group.

. IG should be used for immunocompromised persons, persons who have been diagnosed with chronic liver disease, and persons for whom vaccine is contraindicated.

For the next 6 weeks, DOHMH asks that providers to have a heightened index of suspicion for hepatitis A in patrons of this bar and to report cases promptly.

A waitress at the Feb. 7 party at New York club Socialista tested positive for hepatitis A, a source at the New York Board of Health confirms to Star.

"A report will go out tomorrow that everyone who was at the club at Feb. 7, 8 and 11 will need to be tested," says the source. Madonna, Kate Hudson, Bruce Willis, Lucy Liu, Liv Tyler, Gwyneth Paltrow, Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart celebrated with Ashton and his wife Demi Moore.

Other guests included Salma Hayek and her husband, Lake Bell, Molly Sims, Amy Smart, Ivanka Trump, Parker Posey, Ali Larter, stylist Rachel Zoe, and designer Roberto Cavalli.

We promise to bring you updates on the well-being of your favorite celebrities as we get them, and ask, at this difficult moment, that you save the lion's share of your prayers for two potential victims in particular: Having just overcome a cleanse-related bout of intestinal duress, and a very public battle with a malignant cold sore, we only ask God that the already compromised immune systems of unwitting attendees Paltrow and Dane not be further taxed by the potentially serious, fecal-matter-transmitted disease.

• HEALTH SCARE AT ASHTON'S BIRTHDAY [Star Magazine]

Though Claus, after enjoying a goodbye buggering of Rudolph (played with lusty relish by real-life sexual partner Demi Moore), briefly must suffer the indignity of taking an internship within Katalyst, the jolly icon does eventually get his obligatory happy ending. This is, after all, a Christmas greeting; watching a down-on-his-luck Santa succumb to a more realistic Hollywood fate—a crack addiction, a stint on Santa Monica Boulevard turning tricks in Mrs. Claus's clothes— would be far too depressing a prospect as we all head off to our holiday vacations. Enjoy.

• Ashton Kutcher Christmas Card [YouTube]

His advice for women: "You never want people to notice your accessories. ... In this same way, your man should not upstage you. He is there to highlight you."

"Your best bet is to match the man gear to that great new Balenciaga bag that you're planning to carry. If your bag works with your outfit, so will he." [...]

"Guys don't like to be told they look nice, pretty or cute or that they clean up well [...] So when your guy finally tries on something that you like, tell him that he looks like James Bond or Tony Montana," he writes. "Feel free to be even more vague than that: `Wow, that suit makes you look like that hot football player!'"

Obviously, the Cougar has beaten her prey into admirable submission, although this sensitive grasp of complex sexual politics should be no surprise coming from the dude who created such tender gems as Punk'd and Beauty and the Geek. Still, Kutcher's advice to go vague is not entirely without merit: An off-hand compliment expressing how much one's boy-toy looks like "that sexy Broadway Joe Namath" could only serve to widen an existing generation gap, as the confused youngster wonders out loud how resembling an embalmed wannabe tongue bandit with artificial knees could ever be interpreted as a good thing.

• Kutcher Talks Fashion In Magazine Essay [ABCNews.com]

In today's episode: Ashton Kutcher and Danny Masterson; Warren Beatty; Nancy O'Dell; Samuel L. Jackson and Tyler Mane; Bill Paxton; Adam Levine, Bob Newhart, and Frankie Muniz; Nicole Richie; Vincent Gallo; Tara Reid; Jamie Kennedy; Jay Chandrasekhar; Matt Long; James Murphy. In Montreal: Dennis Quaid.

· 6/14/2007 - 3:45pm Just saw Ashton Kutcher & Danny Masterson at The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf on Sunset/Argyle. Both were sporting the typically disheveled look, wearing jeans and white shirts. Danny with a fedora and sunglasses & Ashton with a Union Jack on his ass pockets. Both could use a trip to Super Cuts. They rolled out in a black on black Range Rover.

As a side note, Ashton is immensely more tall in person than you would think and looms over the average male in his own stratosphere.

· Sorry, sightings several weeks old: Cedars-Sinai doctor's office - it's crowded in the waiting room and it's a long wait to see the doctor .. but not if you're on some crappy tv show! The door opens and pregnant Nancy O'Dell arrogantly waltzes in like she owns the place. She doesn't even stop to check in, but opens the door and goes right back to her appointment. She looks worried like she's going to be deluged with autograph requests or something. Pretty pathetic. God forbid 3rd rate tv personalities have to wait like everyone else with busy important lives, and pressing medical needs.

Sunset Medical Tower - got on to elevator with another woman, and an old guy. The old guy blocked the panel of buttons so we couldn't press our floor numbers. He didn't offer to press our floors for us, so we had to work around him to press the buttons. He looked vaguely familiar, and as he got off on the 6th floor, I realized it was Warren Beatty. After he got off, the other woman rolled her eyes at his rudeness. I told her it was Warren Beatty. She said it's hard to recognize people when they've gotten so old.

· 6/12: Getting coffee in Westwood, we notice a really tall familiar looking (kinda scary) guy heading toward us. I recognized Sabretooth as he got closer, turns out Tyler Mane is 6/10" (thanks imdb, aka "The Oracle"). Lots of limos heading down the street too, so we decided to head back the other way to see what was up. Turns out it was the premiere of "1408". Couldn't get that close to the theater, but we did see Sam Jackson (no screams of "motherfucking ghosts") and my BF swears that he saw Harvey Weinstein. I told him he should go hit up Harvey and see if he could help him get out of the mailroom...

· Bill Paxton sighting! Crossing Rodeo Dr. in BH on Little Santa Monica. 9:20am, Friday 6/15. Nattily dressed in a green sport-coat and jeans, Ray-Bans. Newspaper under his arm in a professorial kind of way. Hot. No wives in tow!

· June 10th: Sat by Frankie Muniz on a plane from Portland to LAX, mostly surprised by the fact that he was not only in coach, but also stuck in a middle seat, sucks to be him. Getting off the plane I saw Adam Levine, one of the few celebrities I actually expected to have some height on me, sadly, I was wrong. Lastly, waiting outside for a ride, a rude limo driver pushed me out of the way, when I turned to scoff at him I noticed he was making way for Mr. Bob Newhart himself... glad to know he's still alive.

· Yesterday afternoon (6/12) around 6:30 or a little after I was out walking with my girl and our three dogs and we see Nicole Richie driving on Orlando heading from 3rd to Beverly with the obligatory giant bug sunglasses. Seeing as how it's a two way street she couldn't be going the wrong way, BUT she was driving on the wrong side of the road. I guess when you have a big, expensive, gas guzzling SUV you can drive how ever you want, the rest of us be damned. We didn't check to see if/which way she turned on Beverly. My girlfriend was too busy on her soapbox to care, and me being the wonderful boyfriend that I am, I kept my attention on her and nodded my head in agreement with everything she said.

· 6/12/07 - Maybe this belongs in Gawker, but Vinny Black Magic Gallo was up front in 5A on a CO flight from LAX to EWR wearing Judge Smails' hat from Caddyshack. He was two rows back so I couldn't tell the midget his hat didn't match his ubiquitous Prada boots. He actually had to wait for a bag, then out and into a cab, car service for me. Suck THAT Gallo.

· 6/14 - around 6pm, saw Tara Reid at Bay Cities Deli in Santa Monica, using the entry driveway to the parking lot as an exit. Noticeable because I normally don't have to worry about traffic coming out of their parking lot when I walk by. She stopped though, and didn't give me the typical it's-LA-get-a-car-loser look. White Porsche convertible and standard bugeye sunglasses; non-standard absence of cleavage or sideboob.

· Last Sunday (6/10) around 1pm, saw semi-celebrity Jamie Kennedy park in front of an obviously red curb on the corner next to Kings Road Cafe, stumble out of the car looking all hung over, trip on the sidewalk and then plop down across from his buddy to have some lunch/brunch.

· Fri 6/15 11am: Mr. Beerfest himself, Jay Chandrasekhar, at the West Hollywood Starbucks on Santa Monica Blvd. & Robertson, looking very out of place as the only straight guy there.

· Last night (6/12) I spotted former Jack & Bobby cutie Matt Long in the Burbank Best Buy checkout line. He totally busted me checking him out, but I couldn't help but stare as he asked the clerk to point him in the direction of the DVD display for his movie Ghost Rider. I left before I got a chance to see if he actually bought a copy or not. Boy, I sure hope not.

· 6/12 Just saw James Murphy (LCD Soundsystem) driving up Beverly Glen at Sunset today at 1:30 in what looks like one of those Mustangs you rent at the airport when you come to LA and it is sunny. He was with two other people I didn't recognize.

Special Montreal Edition:

· Montreal - Formula 1 weekend (June 10)- On the way into Moishes steakhouse I noticed a guy sitting by himself at the maitre de station. Dude looked straight out of GQ (expensive suit of a bon vivant rather than a banker). I was dressed from the Kevin Smith collection and took a second look to check out the fancy threads when I noticed it was Dennis Quaid. Most guys look like a cake eater in a suit that fancy bit he pulled it off. I've switched from Team Meg to Team Cap Rooney.
I also saw the new Honda robot-child at the track. Both beat seeing Frankie Muniz tooling around in his souped up golf cart last year.

First sighting contributed by someone from Prince Edward Island!

In today's episode: Sylvester Stallone; Al Pacino; Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, and Rupert Everett; Kevin Bacon; Scarlett Johansson; Alicia Keys, and Rumer Willis; Jennifer Garner; Ellen DeGeneres and Portia Di Rossi; Shia LaBeouf; Timothy Dalton; David Hasselhoff; TR Knight; Ed Begley Jr.; BJ Novak; Joey McIntyre; Brody Jenner; Lance Bass and Sally Struthers.

· On Saturday night, 5-12, on Canon in Beverly Hills, Sylvester Stallone in a light blue sweater and serious mullet, walking like a musclebound zombie with wife and daughters(?). Has reached a point where he seems like a parody of himself.

· Just got back from an early Mother's Day dinner at Madeo that $$$ Italian Restaurant on Beverly. And as we sat there a guy with fluffed up brown hair comes towards me. I just stared thinking, is that Al Pacino? He looked sort of puffy and smooth and I always thought he was kind of craggy. But it was! I just stared wide eyed, impressed but not really since I never really liked him anyway. But it was a bit of a thrill. He sat at the bar with a bald guy. And my mom moved the wine bottles so she could see him. Then as we left I think I saw Brody Jenner. I don't know who he is but he looked/acted rich/famous. Later that night (after the Al Pacino sighting), I got dragged to Here and the Abbey. As we left at 2 am my friend said you just missed the In Sync guy. I said who? He said Lance Bass. We went next door to the Abbey for coffee and I missed him again. But my friend saw him in both places. I saw the back of his head.

· Friday May 4th:

Quadruple sighting at The Tower Bar:

So I'm walking into the Tower Bar for dinner and from around the corner I hear a familiar, soothing, sexy voice. I glance to the right to see Rupert Everett and probably his older gay lover having drinks in the restaurant entrance. Wow is he handsome in person.

Does it count if you saw a semi-recognizable band? I mean, I KNOW them from somewhere....The Shins I think....whoever they were they were smokin' hot.

Last but not least, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Jerk's walked in like they owned the place. Call me crazy but isn't she some has been who hasn't been in anything for a long time? The only thing that she's famous for lately is robbing the cradle with Kelso. The looked like they were fresh in from doing whatever they do at Kabbalah on a Friday night. He was dressed in all white like Mr. Clean and she was going to a funeral in all black. That is all to report....

· Sunday 5/13, sometime between 6-7pm
Saw Kevin Bacon shopping at the Pavillions on Montana & Lincoln. He looked GOOD, wearing a sweet rocker-style leather jacket. This might be my favorite celeb sighting to date...as it was KEVINFREKIN BACON!!! My parents were in town and my dad was with me, although he doesn't get excited about much. My mom was pretty ticked off that she stayed home though.

· On Friday night at Hyde I was with a few friends and though the club was by no means crowded, among the partygoers were:

A overly done up Scarlett Johansson with fiery red lipstick and a floral print blouse that did absolutely nothing for her cleavage or side-boob (isn't she known for that)? She was with a group of three girls who acted as a phalanx around her, all of whom were LA 6's (if Scarlett is an LA 9).

An incognito Alicia Keys. Wearing a hat; I couldn't even really get a good look at her.

A short haired but very pretty Rumer Willis who, if IMDB is correct, isn't even 19 yet. She must have a great fake ID.

· Jennifer Garner and child, in the front window of the Kitchen Academy at the Arclight on Friday afternoon.

· Sunday Evening, Mother's Day: Ellen DeGeneres and Portia Di Rossi having a quiet dinner alone at an inside corner table at Pace in Laurel Canyon. They looked very much in love with each other.

· I saw Shia LaBeouf at the party at the Wilton Hilton last Saturday (5/5). Kid was rockin' the cheesy slicked-back hair he's been sporting recently, and I think he was wearing a Designs By Thomas T-shirt. It was pretty obvious he was looking to score, but I didn't see if he left with anyone because I was too distracted by the free-flowing tequila.

· Just saw none other than the Hoff at Easton Gym. No, not trying to work off the belly that made his most recent video debut that much more pathetic. He was standing on the balcony yakking on his cellphone. I shared my sighting with the register girl at Victoria's Secret, who said, "I saw him at the grocery store once. None of the younger girls knew who he was. But the older chicks were all trippin'."

Bitch.

· 5/12 Arriving for a Saturday workout at Santa Monica's decidedly unhip Easton Gym, a tall gent faintly resembling David Hasselhoff breezed by me in the small and empty locker room. Pulling up to the lockers, he set his gym bag down and declared in self-pep talk mode, "Alright, let's go!" to no one in particular. Had it been at the West Hollywood branch, such locker room banter could easily have been taken as an invitation for a steam room romp. Nonetheless, it was tough to determine if this was in fact Hasselhoff hiding behind a pair of blatantly European sunglasses that screamed, "look what I picked up in Germany while launching Baywatch: A Hawaiian Wedding." Moving to the stairmasters, gym on-lookers stared, aghast not at the atrophied arms nor because an appearance at Easton was the ultimate sign that his divorce proceedings had hit rock bottom. And no, they were not stunned to see the same man they had just seen on YouTube sucking in his abs while blabbering drunkedly on a Las Vegas hotel room floor. No, they simply appeared unsure that the man whose auburn hair looked like it's been dyed one too many times was in fact Hasselhoff. However, the international recording artist quickly confirmed his presence by breaking out his Motorola Razr and spending most of his workout yammering away to no one of particular interest, including when he moved to the ab mat area where he showed off his clunky early-90s K-Swiss and stretched-tight tube socks look.

· Timothy Dalton (!) coming out of the Cinerama Dome on Sunday after the 1:50 showing of Spiderman 3. He was with a boy of about 10, presumably his son, and looked pretty darn good for 63 (according to IMDB). After taking a look at the line for the parking self-pay machine, he opted to skip it and head for his car. (He made the right choice, too — that stupid machine was possessed.)

· I saw unabashed closet refugee TR Knight at the West Hollywood whole foods on friday afternoon. I heart TR, and TR hearts carbohydrates (he was buying enough cereal to last him through a nuclear winter). Doing something strange with his hair, though. It was a krazy ketchup red. Maybe he and Katherine Heigl have sleepovers where they listen to Ace of Base, play "do dump or marry" and dye their hair with Kool-Aid.

· I saw Ed Begley Jr. eating at Malo on Sunset in Silverlake Saturday night at about 10PM with a few other people. Even sitting down, he looked like he belongs in the NBA.

· Saw Ryan the Temp from The Office (BJ Novak, thanks IMDB) sitting on the patio at Birds last Tuesday (May 8th). He was with two beautiful girls, which I don't understand because he looks like a troll.

Also saw New Kid on the Block Joey McIntyre in baby blue strutting confidently down Larchmont on Sunday just after seven. He was strutting so confidently that it almost took away from the fact that he appeared to be talking to himself. He went into the Rite-Aid or CVS or whatever that is, and I didn't follow him.

· In the middle of the mind numbing crush of humanity that is Ikea in Burbank on a Saturday afternoon (May 12) I spotted Sally Struthers pushing a full cart down the self-service warehouse aisle. She looked bewildered and angry at her decision to enter the madness, but so did I & most everyone else.

In today's episode: Alec Baldwin; Steven Spielberg; Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fischer; Ashton Kutcher; Daniel Craig; Joaquin Phoenix and Amanda Scheer Demme; Jack Osbourne; Jason Bateman; Britney Spears; Jessica Biel; Adam Brody; Nick Stahl; Andrea Anders; Carrie Underwood; Paris and Nicky Hilton, Omarion and Timbaland; Stavros Niarchos; Seth MacFarlane and Mike Henry; Michael Chiklis; Tatum Channing and Marcellas Reynolds; Paul Simon; Melora Hardin; MIichael Rapaport; Heidi Fleiss; Kal Penn; Joe Francis; Ian Ziering; Janice Dickinson and Jai Rodriguez; Lukas Rossi and Kendra Jade.

· i was working out in the downstairs area of the sherman oaks 24 hour fitness the morning of monday jan. 15 . i had noticed an older gray-haired guy on one of the two rowing machines rowing one-handed while on his cellphone. i made my way over to the other rowing machine and noticed right as i sat down that is was alec baldwin. he half smiled and kept on rowing (really poor technique, by the way). he did that for a while and then moved on to a couple of the weight machines. he must not go there very often since he had to ask one of the trainers where one of the ab machines is. and then he goes and makes a comment during his golden globe acceptance speech about just recovering from hernia surgery...

· saw steven spielberg at urban outfitters on the promenade buying a stack of hipster duds 4 his kid. cursing under his breath at the long line.

· Golden Globe watch 2007 the city is so busy due to the invasion of the celebrities. Saw SACHA BARON COHEN (aka Borat) and his adorable fiance ISLA FISCHER (aka the crazy chick from Wedding Crashers) at Joans On Third. They were so cute together, with what seems like a ten foot height difference between them. They came in, looked around and when they couldn't find a table they left. No muss, no fuss they seemed perfectly down to earth and disgustingly affectionate with one another.

· I saw Ashton Kutcher on an elevator in my building yesterday. I guess he has an office in the building or something.

When I walked into the elevator, he immediately covered his face with his hand, thinking that since I might, upon noticing it was him, would start a high-pitched scream saying I love him and want his man-sperm.

Anyway, he was talking to someone else in the elevator about what seemed like pre-planning an episode of Punk'd. He was asking "Where are we going to get them?" and his partner responded by saying that "her parents are from Chicago". So, any Chicago-parent-based actresses/singers, look out for Ashton!

· Weekend of 1/13. Two minus one at Equinox, West Hollywood.

Saturday. Daniel "007" Craig. The dude is cut. Working out hard. Brought in his own trainer. Good move. The trainer was doing everything 00 did. No lollygagging.

Sunday. Kevin Connelly. Came in for the "executive". Enough said.

· Last night (1/15) at Pace in Laurel Canyon. Pretty sure I saw Jack Osbourne walk in with a group of friends. Then later Amanda Demme dining with Joaquin Phoenix.

· Friday, 1/12 at Runyon Canyon, Jason Bateman's dog, a Griffon, tried to hump my friend's dog, a daschund. Both boy dogs. Jason didn't even try to apologize, just kept calling for his dog! He had a hoodie sweatshirt on and trying really hard not to be noticed. He's one of my favorite actors thanks to "Arrested Development" (RIP), so it's really too bad he's so snooty. When your dog tries to hump another dog on Runyan, the unspoken rule is you make eye contact with the owner and say, "Sorry". It's not like he's the only semi-famous actor up there! Still, he's cute, I forgive him.

· Friday 1/12: BRITNEY SPEARS at the Abbey. She was in that semi-private area next to the fireplace with a posse of gays. They were all drinking bottled water and there were Abbey staff surrounding her holding up trays trying to block people's views. Didn't work as she was in plain sight of everyone, but she looked happy and like she was having a good time. No paparazzi outside.

· I went to Tiger Heat last night (1-11), I was leaving the area called Heaven as I heard that Brit was arriving. I had to use the ladies' lounge with quite some urgency (broke the seal), so I only saw her overprocessed head from afar. Why is it that she can lose 20lbs in 20hrs, but I remain a chunky dumpling? She looked so good (everything is relative)!

· 1/14- After many, many semi-celebrity sighings I finally I get the real deal. I was at the Whole Foods in Brentwood and got in the checkout line behind Patrick Dempsey, who was looking very McDreamy! He kept looking around as though he was expecting someone to join him in line but no one appeared. He was buying all healthy food and looking casual cool in a dark navy sweater, jeans, pumas and a great tweed Kangol-like hat. The nickname is well deserved....

· Pre-globes hair extravaganza! I was getting my hairs did, half my color rinsed, when who should I see in the next seat at Bhava Salon getting her balayage-applied, sun-kissed look put together? Jessica Biel, that's who! I have never felt such awe over someone's perfect body, and she seemed (from observation, not conversation) so nice and happy. I really wanted to hear what she was saying, but I didn't.

· I saw Adam Brody eating wtih 2 girls in their early 20s at Canter's at about midnight last night. One of the girls looked like Mischa Barton from the back, but when she turned around, it clearly wasn't her. He and the girls were chatting and laughing with one of the waiters for short time—it looked like the waiter and him knew each other pretty well.

· Sunday late afternoon/early evening — a few folks clearly not on the Golden Globes party circuit...:

Andrea Anders (The Class, Joey) going to Healing Hands for a massage on Larchmont. That place is so reasonable even I can afford it...hope she has a show that makes it to season three and maybe she'll be able to afford Burke Williams?

Nick Stahl looking all gangly and skinny entered M Cafe with a friend only to turn around and leave. We saw them pass by later after with Quiznos cups in their hands. Guess he's not into macro-fare.

Jason Bateman and large entourage of friends at M Cafe...everybody in the place seemed to know each other, it felt sort of like eating at the Fox commissary.

· 1/15/2007 Carrie Underwood @ Grand Luxe Cafe Beverly Center. Wearing skinny jeans high heels, beige shoulder wrap top and A LOT of eye and face makeup. She looked slim and trim, was very nice.Trying not to be noticed. Was with another blond girl.

· the obligatory after justin timberlake concert round up. tuesday jan 16. saw paris and nicky hilton more than fashionably late. down on the floor teeny tiny singer omarion with a posse of girls. timbaland who later performed with justin and then saw fergie who proba