Defamer
choooooooooke 2: acoustic boogaloo
Posts Tagged “
American Idol
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trade roundup
For Whom The SAG Strike Bell Tolls
· This just in! A tensely worded rehashing of Variety's SAG strike doomsaying piece from Monday! Twelve days into things, progress looks "negligible." Need we remind the Powers That Be of that full-page trade ad taken out by George, Tom, Meryl and Bob back in February? For the love of God, Alan Rosenberg! Just. Talk. [Variety]· The Young & the Restless and Sesame Street lead the Daytime Emmy nominations, though the two long-running series will only face off in one category: Outstanding Performance By An Actor or Math-Obsessed Vampire. [THR] More »
seeing double
Paula Abdul Succeeds In Lifelong Goal Of Traversing Space-Time Continuum
American Idol judge Paula Abdul—on whom we rely to pull browbeaten contestants into her addled embrace, showering them with slurred words of encouragement—made a gaffe for the ages on last night's all-Neil Diamond-cover show. In her defense, producers made a radical change to the show's familiar format, holding all the judging until after the final five had performed two songs. This introduced a complicated new element to the karoake-appraising procedure: taking notes. But no sooner had Paula accepted her fate, and begun to get the hang of scribbling things like "David C.: Shining star, authentic, love the pants," on an index card, sniveling Idol homeroom Poindexter Ryan Seacrest changed the rules once again, demanding to know where Randy, Paula, and Simon stood on the performances at the half-way mark. More »
now and hopefully not forever
Your 'Idol' Minute: Seacrest, All Alone On The Pavement
The American Idol Karaokedome threatened to topple in on itself last night when the six remaining competitors tackled the songs of Andrew Lloyd Webber—the musical equivalent of glucose-fortified pancake syrup, next to which the typical Idol pablum starts looking and sounding like a GWAR concert. More »
concert calendar
'American Idol' Still Nation's Leader In Production Of Country-Fair-Caliber Entertainers
As we find ourselves winding once again towards the end of another stunning American Idol season—the very fate of the adult-contemporary-radio universe hinging on the name read out by host Ryan Seacrest in the final seconds of its lean, seven-hour finale broadcast—we take a moment to catch up with the some of the also-rans from Idol past. Remember Chris Sligh, Season 6's Guarini-fro'd, Caucasian soul singer? According to Craigslist's Nashville chapter, Sligh will be headlining Thursdays Acoustics for Academics fundraiser at East Cheatham Elementary School in Joelton, TN!
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funny games
Sadistic 'Idol' Elimination Techniques Fail To Break Spirit Of Littlest Karaoke Soldier David Archuleta
The task of turning five seconds' worth of compelling television—the announcement of the latest American Idol oustee—into an hour of Nielsen-trampling entertainment isn't an easy one. And yet they always seem up to the challenge, employing a wide variety of systematic dehumanization techniques to keep singers on their toes and viewers locked in until the very last moment. Take last night's episode, in which trembling, shaved-koala contestant David Archuleta was made to sit backstage for two full commercial breaks as his brothers and sisters stood in huddled groups on the stage. One was safe, the other at risk of being loaded onto Idol-branded freight trains and transported to a karaoke death camp somewhere in the San Fernando Valley. More »
boners
Arousing Mariah Carey Cover Elicits Standing O From 'Idol' Judge Randy Jackson's Pants
There were plenty of noteworthy moments from last night's American Idol Tribute to the Many Songs and Slutty Looks of Mariah Carey, from David Cook's soundtrack-ready, grungemo rendition of "Always Be My Baby," to a stirring performance of ''When You Believe" by a leather bepanted David Archuleta (who could have just as easily located the spiritually redeeming undercurrent to the "shoe do do do do do do do/shoe do do do do do do yeahs" of "Fantasy"). But the most thrilling development, for us at least, came not from the stage, but rather the judge's table, shortly before Randy Jackson was called upon to apply his highly attuned pitchydar to Carly Smithson's take on "Without You." More »
hatcher job
Teri Hatcher Attempts A Little Country, A Little Rock 'N Roll On 'Idol', Makes Us A Little Queasy
Teri Hatcher has admitted that her performance on last night's Idol Gives Back was "nerve-wracking," and we couldn't agree more. Watching the bat-faced Housewife dry hump the mic stand and hearing her attempt to carry a damaged woman tune about men and how they love to cheat was a very painful experience. Though her DH co-star James Denton is eager to remind us that Hatcher once performed in Cabaret, we're eager to remind him that the likes of Ashley Parker Angel and Joey Fatone have too. As Teri proved last night, Broadway experience does not a talented singer make. More »
idle charity
'Idol' Gives Back ... To Itself?
See Brad Pitt! See Miley Cyrus! See Mariah Carey! Apparently the only thing you can't see at "Idol Gives Back" are last year's accounting records. For the past month, Fox has blasted viewers with constant reminders that last year's American Idol charity show pulled in $76 million. Yet, according to the New York Times, less than half of this money has actually been distributed to the nine charities involved and, "Some $5 million of last year's proceeds and interest remains undistributed." More »
stuff white people like
More »
'Idol' Final Nine Desecrate Hip-Hop In Most Inglorious Fashion Imaginable
As Nas famously proclaimed, hip hop is dead. And last night, we found the murder weapon. Behold the Ford commercial from Wednesday's American Idol. It features your final nine American Idol hopefuls rapping. Not singing, mind you, but rapping.More »
ryan rules
It's Ryan Seacrest's World And We're All Just Living In It
What would happen if you made a gorgeous mesh of Larry King, Regis Philbin, Oprah Winfrey, Dick Clark and Rupert Murdoch? Other than having one hell of a botox bill on your hands, you'd have the burgeoning boy wonder that is Ryan Seacrest. After years spent being bullied by the media (for being quasi-femme, for "dating" Teri Hatcher) and Simon Cowell (for being "yappy little chihuahua"), he is now being applauded for his ambitions to become "the Dick Clark, Larry King and Merv Griffin for a new generation." But how did the Chicklet-toothed boy from Atlanta who used to make Casey Kasem videos in his bedroom at the age of 8 manage to (gulp) win us over?
"I've never had any work done. I've had a facial or two because I've got to get that makeup out of my pores. Otherwise, I'll look like Pizza Face."More »
short ends
· Fred Thompson's White House-shot ends with the actor returning to Hollywood and signing with WMA, who'll handle all his TV, theatrical, and unsuccessful presidential bids from now on. [Reuters]
· Beatboxing Idol runner-up Blake Lewis thinks little David Archuleta is "boring." He also thinks David Cook is an arrangement-stealing poser. He basically hates everyone except Chikezie, who he doesn't think will win. And he doesn't watch the show—never has. Yup, that about covers all the Simon-hand-biting he could cram into this one soundbite. [rickery.org via Idolator]
· We didn't catch Make Me A Supermodel this week, but apparently Perry really excelled at the Do Your Best Jared Leto As A Hot Tranny Mess Challenge. [DListed]
· Introducing the Paris Hilton Shoe Collection. All styles available in sizes 11-14, only. [endless.com via ONTD]
· A casting notice for Cillian Murphy/Ellen Page drama Peacock, in which Murphy plays a split-personality husband and wife, features several sides from the script dubbed "fucking brilliant" by Defamer editor-at-large, Mark Lisanti. [pmscasting.com]
Can't Stop The Jenner
· Wearer of the Kardashian pants Bruce Jenner came face-to-face with his gay fanbase on Keeping Up With The Kardashians last night, when a server at The Abbey instantly recognized him as the star of Can't Stop the Music. (Imagine if Steve Guttenberg and The Village People happened to be strolling by at that moment. They could have staged a revival!) [KUWTK]· Fred Thompson's White House-shot ends with the actor returning to Hollywood and signing with WMA, who'll handle all his TV, theatrical, and unsuccessful presidential bids from now on. [Reuters]
· Beatboxing Idol runner-up Blake Lewis thinks little David Archuleta is "boring." He also thinks David Cook is an arrangement-stealing poser. He basically hates everyone except Chikezie, who he doesn't think will win. And he doesn't watch the show—never has. Yup, that about covers all the Simon-hand-biting he could cram into this one soundbite. [rickery.org via Idolator]
· We didn't catch Make Me A Supermodel this week, but apparently Perry really excelled at the Do Your Best Jared Leto As A Hot Tranny Mess Challenge. [DListed]
· Introducing the Paris Hilton Shoe Collection. All styles available in sizes 11-14, only. [endless.com via ONTD]
· A casting notice for Cillian Murphy/Ellen Page drama Peacock, in which Murphy plays a split-personality husband and wife, features several sides from the script dubbed "fucking brilliant" by Defamer editor-at-large, Mark Lisanti. [pmscasting.com]
shut up and sing
Sherri Shepherd Demands To Know: Where Is The 'Idol' Beatles-Mangling Outrage?
After two weeks of witnessing American Idol finalists despoil the beloved compositions of The Beatles' songbook, Sherri Shepherd could sit silent no longer, unleashing on today's The View a blistering condemnation of their shameless, vocoder-assisted blaspheming of the sacred pop texts.
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defamer photo hunt
Spot The Seacrest 2.0 Differences
There's more than just a sullen face—or is that a come-hither stare?—separating the Ryan Seacrest you know and love from the one looking back at you on the cover of the current Details. In the tradition of everyone's favorite happy hour touch-screen time-killer, we now invite you to Spot the Six Enhanced Differences in the above two photos of the beloved showbiz ubiquity. Feel free to leave your guesses in the comments. The answers (four easy and two for expert competitors only) are after the jump:
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short ends
Behold Cerberus, Terrier Of Death Metal
· All it takes is some speed metal and a blowdryer to transform this mild-mannered terrier into the wire-haired Knight in Satan's Service he truly is. [Break.com]
· The biggest breakout star of American Idol's sixth season—Crying Girl—is back! And she's brought her thoughts about Season 7 with her. (Preview: It isn't as good.) [LAT]
· Tobey Maguire is a strong believer in allowing one's infant child to pick up on the whole walking thing on their own, even if that means spending the first few years of their lives face down in a shag carpet. [Popbitch via Wendywayrad]
· "'I've been a fan of One Life to Live since I was a baby,' said Snoop." [USA Today]
· Not On Our Watch, co-founded by George Clooney, Brad Pitt and Matt Damon, has given $500,000 to the United Nations World Food Program, but since it wasn't presented in the form of a giant check on The Oprah Winfrey Show, it took a couple days for you to find out about it. [Reuters]
short ends
My Sweet Bat Mitzvah Rendered All The Sweeter By Presence Of Sanjaya
· Well, who in their right minds wouldn't want Sanjaya to be the celebrity of honor at their Bat Mitzvah? Still, we hear he's pretty overbooked, and makes you pay for the hair appointment, so you might want to settle for one of this year's castoffs. What about the creepy dude who sang "Wake Me Up Before You Go Go?" He's probably not doing anything. [TRL]
· Here's what $4,300 of N.Y. Governor dollars gets you two hours with: some Alicia Keys wannabe with a MySpace page. Sigh. Remember when high-classed hookers didn't shamelessly whore themselves out like that? [MySpace]
· David Archuleta's atrociously dressed father is reportedly the stage dad from hell, making his son cry at rehearsal, and banned once from the Star Search set for harassing another contestant. [etonline]
· The final book in the Harry Potter series will be split into two separate movies. That reminds us...wonder how Gay Dumbledore is doing? Yup—still gay. [LAT]
· Seems like the Pixar Man just likes to keep a good, CGI-directing brother down. [LAT]
· The Tokyo Auto Show unveils revolutionary, toddler-pee-powered Ferraris. They really need to be seen to be believed! [Jalopnik]
choooooooooke
David Archuleta's Lyric-Challenged Tumble From 'Idol' Frontrunner Grace
To say that David Archuleta arrived at the Idol Thunderdome last night carrying with him the judges' raised expectations is akin to saying the Magi had high hopes for that Nazareth kid over at the Ye Bethlehem Inn. He was, as Simon Cowell pronounced in the second week of competition, "the one to beat"—as good a coronation of Saviordom as any. His myth quickly grew: Animated woodland critters would suddenly appear every time he opened his mouth to sing...His voice could heal the lame, bringing to his feet scores of girls afflicted with a rare condition that rendered them incapable of lowering their arms...His farts smelled like freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. But anyone watching could immediately tell that something was not right:
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tastemaker summit
Inarticulate Casts Of 'Idol' And 'The View' Realize They Have A Lot In Common
Two-thirds of the American Idol grand jury stopped by The View today to promote their various side-projects (the completely pitchy-free Randy Jackson's Music Club, Volume 1 in stores now, dawg!) and dish about the greatest tournament in competitive karaoke history.
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