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Righteous Kill star Al Pacino spent a majority of his Labor Day weekend camping out to be the first line for the annual Malibu chili cook off. Attending the cook off has become an essential part of Pacino's transition from the summer to the fall. Pacino said, "I spend all day basking in the cool breeze off the Pacific Ocean while enjoying some of the finest chili Malibu has to offer. Did you know that James Brolin makes a terrific chili? He does. Talk about your 'hooo-aaaah' moments. Must be the cumin."

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

1. Shave your leading men. We've seen this before on offending posters, most recently when My Best Friend's Girl co-star Dane Cook compared his own mug to "Britney Spears's vagina." But that's Dane Cook, and this is Robert De Niro, and the best Bobby can hope for is maybe "bus driver at 5 o'clock." It's conspicuous and really kind of repellent.

2. Four producers, no more. And we don't care how you do it. It's ultimately Avi Lerner's baby to drop on its head, so there's one. The others — co-producers, executive producers, and six full-blown "producer" producers — can fight it out among themselves under Lerner's snowy-haired, bloodthirsty gaze until the credits look less like a 5K-cancer-walk pledge form.

3. Wake up Al Pacino. At least for Pacino's previous B-cop-snoozer 88 Minutes, his promotional likeness was goateed and actively in search of something, even if it was the nearest exit. This is a little more fraught — sort of a vortex of old-man eye-glaze and paycheck hypnosis from which our hero desperately needs rescuing. But how? Well...

4. Avnet/Pacino Redux. One collaboration this year — this lifetime, really — was enough, guys, seriously. Thanks.

5. It's been done. The movie and the poster. Like, a million times better, too, even despite Val Kilmer:

• 'Righteous Kill' Poster [OutNow]

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The fingernails of Al Pacino sent tongues a-wagging at Madeo's on Sunday night. The iconic actor was seen sporting blue nail polish. When asked about it, Pacino said that he got a bit of Dodger fever. Pacino also told others at the famed Italian eatery that his kids got a little crazy at Color Me Mine and did a number on his fingers. Pacino added, "I just didn't have the heart to wash it off in front of them. They just did such a wonderful job. Maybe they want me to lighten up."

[Photo Credit: X17]

*A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

In today's installment: Lindsay Lohan (twice!), Katherine Heigl, Al Pacino, Adrian Grenier, Nicole Richie, Casey Affleck, Elijah Wood (with Dominic Monaghan and Evangeline Lilly), Eric Stoltz, Mario Lopez, Bryce Dallas Howard, Samantha Ronson, Larry King, Audina Patridge, Tommy Lee and Ludacris, Bradley Cooper, Clea Duvall, Ian Ziering and Bill "The Sports Guy" Simmons.

FRIDAY, MAY 9
· Friday night I make a quick run into Toast for one of their yummy cupcakes. While I'm waiting, I look over and see uber hottie Bradley Cooper laying back on the couch. Sporting that sexy scruff and a shirt unbuttoned enough to get a shot of his nice chest. My gay porn fantasy come true! Oh...he was with some unrecognizable chick.
· Saw Casey Affleck, Summer Phoenix and two young kids dining with Clea Duvall, an unknown male and another small kid at Mexico City in Los Feliz. Nobody seemed to pay much attention but I was transfixed. Summer Phoenix sat facing the whole restaurant holding a small child. Her eyes are huge and she is a people watcher. Casey was very quiet and paid attention only to his small, hyper son.
· Lindsay Lohan walking into the Vista Theater in Silver Lake at 12 noon for a video shoot for the Make A Wish Foundation. The papanazis were right behind in minivans and SUV's, peeling into an alley one after the other like NASCAR drivers on meth (or Danica Patrick on a pit stop.) Hard to say who's more dangerous behind the wheel, Lindsay or these duds. I mean, dudes. No I don't.

SATURDAY, MAY 10
· At the Southern California Renaissance Faire I saw Tommy Lee and Ludacris filming an episode for their show Battleground Earth. They were supposedly learning how to make paper. Both were wearing extravagantly feathered 3 Musketeers hats.
· I saw Lindsay Lohan with Sam Ronson at the Beachwood Market; they were shopping for a lot of groceries (including toilet paper, cause everyone shits), but NO BOOZE.
· Al Pacino shops at Target (at the mall in Hollywood). Saw him in the toy section with some little kid (son? grandson?). He was in that all in black, oversized blazer, baggy pants look, and my girlfriend thought he was Richard Lewis.
· Katherine Heigl exits the Say Cheese in Silverlake at Hyperion and Monon and the paparazzi swarm around her making a huge scene. Katherine looks great and handles it well but it looks annoying as F**k. These paparazzi look like total scum and K.H. is soooo boooooring anyway. The whole situation is bizarre but for some reason people like seeing people in movies walk in and out of stores.
· After suffering through the stank of dog urine at Runyon Canyon, my friends and I are blinded by the site of some chick with ginormous boobs. They were so distracting that we almost missed that she was with none other than Steve Sanders himself - Ian Ziering.
· I have never felt uglier sending a sighting in than i do right now. Saturday evening @ the gelson's in calabasas, I saw Jeffrey Tambor buying a travel-sized saline solution and a single fleet enema. Hey now!

TUESDAY, MAY 13
· I saw Diedrich Bader and Jamie Kennedy at Mozza. Damn, that place is tasty.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 14
· I spotted hobbits Elijah Wood and Dominic Monaghan (with girlfriend Evangeline Lilly in tow) checking out singer/songwriter Matt Miller's set at King's Road Cafe. Unfortunately, there was no cover of Leonard Nimoy's 'The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins', but that would've been amazing.

THURSDAY, MAY 15
· Rode the elevator with Beyonce and her security guy at Jay-Z's Roc The Mic Studios on 27th street about 5 mins ago. Very pretty -not noticeably pregnant. Also, the asshole security guard blocked her off from just me like she was royalty.

SUNDAY, MAY 18
· The opening of Two Unrelated Plays by David Mamet at the Kirk Douglas was the place to be for random celeb (ok, generous) sightings on a Sunday afternoon. Felicity Huffman, Eric Stoltz, Tate Donovan, Joe Mantegna, Kate Burton, Julianne Phillips, and Ricky Jay were all present and accounted for.
· Bryce Dallas Howard with baby and a companion (not sure if it was husband Seth Gabel or not, but I'm kicking myself for not paying attention to a potential Jeremy Darling sighting!) leaving Whole Foods at Fairfax & Santa Monica.

MONDAY, MAY 19
· Mario Lopez at T-Mobile Store at One Embarcadero Center in San Francisco. With a mustachioed handler. Tight green shirt (showed off the guns), woven leather belt and jeans. Didn't really believe it was him until one of the (male) cashiers asked him for a cell phone photo, which he gave graciously. As soon as he left the store, all three male cashiers huddled over the cell phone photo and discussed Saved By The Bell episodes.
· Mickey Gubitosi AKA Robert Blake at the Pinkberry looking happy, healthy and enjoying the goodness that is Crackberry. Looks like he has been hitting the gym. It's nice to him happy again. [Ed Note — Um, we guess?]

TUESDAY, MAY 20
· Saw the ESPN Sports Guy (Bill Simmons) eating a fancy lunch at Campanile with the Sports Gal (wife), kid, and what looked like either his or his wife's mom (5/20). This sighting probably means nothing to 90% of Defamer readers but for us heterosexual males in our 30s it's a big deal.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 21
· Saw Adrian Grenier at the El Rey at the sold-out Kills show. His appearance in the crowd triggered several conversations around me that went exactly like this: "Do you watch Entourage?" "Eeeeeehhhhhhhhyeeeeah, well, I used to...then I totally got sick of it."

THURSDAY, MAY 22
· Saw Nicole Richie at Katsu-Ya in Studio City. She was teeny tiny, wearing a dirty white hoodie (that was too big) with leggings and had her hood up most of the time. Sorry Nicole, there's no mistaking that mug! She waited for a long time for a table and finally settled down at the sushi bar. She was with a nondescript female and was not approached by anyone. She was a bit boring, but my friends visiting from New York got the celeb sighting they were hoping for!
· Thurs. 5/22. Saw Paula Poundstone at the Coffee Bean in the lobby of the CAA building asking the barista if he wanted an extra ticket to an LA Sparks game.

FRIDAY, MAY 23
· Wee little Christian Siriano spotted in West Hollywood last night- giving out hugs to fans on San Vicente and Santa Monica, wearing a black beanie, black trench coat, black skinny jeans and silver reflective high top sneakers (possibly Nikes?). Fierce!
· Was walking out of Indy 4 at the Arclight Hollywood and saw Jacinda Barrett having a chat with 2 guys. White long sleeve shirt under a black short sleeve one and super skinny jeans. So skinny in fact I almost bought her a pesto sausage from the snack bar.

SATURDAY, MAY 24
· Saw Audina Patridge around 6:30PM at the Happy Nail salon at West Hollywood Gateway center. The salon madame was clearly impressed with her walk-in client, who arrived with a friend girl. Since I was with my only friend who gives a shit about The Hills, Defamer has the privilege of being my "OMG, guess who I just saw" email.

SUNDAY, MAY 25
· Oh. My. God. F-List reality night at Barney's Beanery (WeHo branch on Santa Monica Blvd.) on Sunday night for karaoke. First of all, some dude is singing Kiss by Prince and surprisingly hitting all the notes, and it turns out to be that black trainer with the dreads from Work Out on Bravo. Not a bad singer! THEN. I am talking to a group of people who include these two tall identical blond dudes. Today whilst trolling the blogs I see one of them in the teaser for the new VH1 show I Love Money, and I realize that he was Mr. Boston from I Love New York. He has an identical twin. They are both kind of dorky and awkward.
· Wandering in and out between the parked cars in the 700 block of Hillcrest Road in Beverly Hills Sunday morning: Larry King. Note to Larry — those speeding metal chariots will hurt you. Use your phone on the sidewalk.

I cringed when I read the denigrating remarks made about two wonderful actors, Al Pacino and Robert De Niro.

One of the most important industries in our country is the film industry. Our movies reach out to every corner of the world. Our stars are appreciated everywhere.

Al Pacino and Robert De Niro are two of our very important stars. They have made movies that will never be forgotten. I think you owe them an apology.

Kirk Douglas
Los Angeles

Indeed, one might presume that seasoned film biz columnist Patrick Goldstein would know this about our "most important industries," not to mention the global repercussions for his having dinged the decrepit duo. Having now upset both the industry's delicate economic balance and Kirk Douglas, we expect Goldstein's apology should be forthcoming any minute now. Meanwhile, we hear an angry Bruce Willis is drafting a retort to the letter directly preceding Douglas's, which namechecks Ashton Kutcher and Hayden Christensen as low-rent contemporary analogues that cement the Pacino/De Niro legend. This industrial indignity cannot stand.

• Putting in a good word for Pacino, De Niro [LAT via MCN]

Clearly having filibustered enough last week on Letterman, Pacino declined Goldstein's interview requests. But inveterate B-movie godfather Avi Lerner wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to spin:

"I like [88 Minutes] — it's exactly the movie I wanted it to be," he says. "The critics can say what they want. That's the great thing about America. Everyone gets to have their opinion. It hurts when people call and say the reviews were terrible. But I don't read reviews. I hardly read anything." (Lerner is famous for not reading scripts either, though he insists he read 88 Minutes.) ...

When I asked if the scathing reviews for 88 Minutes could damage [Righteous Kill]'s commercial chances, he joked: "Hey, it's two different movies, two different sets of 17 producers." Turning serious, he said: "They are still two icons. If you get out of Beverly Hills, to Ventura Boulevard, every person you ask will say — we want to see them together. Just like people did for Nicholson and Morgan Freeman in The Bucket List. And they're even older!"

Oh, now we get it: We just have to "get out of Beverly Hills" and into the parallel universe where the hoi polloi eat up hammy, old-man condescension like sweets. At these prices, though (Goldstein puts Pacino's 88 Minutes price tag at $9 million), we can't imagine many souls that wouldn't be for sale. Alas, we'll always have Heat.

[Photo Credit: Splash]

• Pacino and De Niro: How the Mighty Have Fallen [LAT]

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While walking the press line at the screening of 88 Minutes, Al Pacino greeted each reporter — even the local Las Vegas affiliates — with the once funny, but now just sad "Hoo-ah!" line from Scent of a Woman. Pacino paused for a moment after being interviewed by a Las Vegas film critic and wondered if this was why he started to act all those years ago in New York City.

[Photo Credit: Splash Pics]

Somewhat astonishingly, their All-Time Low Scores—a Cinematic Excrement Hall of Fame, if you will—ranks it at #3, bested only by Bio-Dome, and lesser-known, gay-Holocaust-romance-with-supernatural-elements drama, The Singing Forest. (We highly recommend watching the trailer.) With Uwe Boll coming in at a relatively respectable #18 for Alone in the Dark, we imagine it's only a matter of time before the reviled director adds 88-helmer Jon Avnet to his ever-growing shlockteur shit list, filled with those guilty of unleashing far more heinous cinematic crimes upon the moviegoing public than he.

• All-Time Low Scores: The Worst-Reviewed Movies [Metacritic]

In today's episode: Al Pacino; Matthew Perry; Val Kilmer; John Krasinski; Vince Vaughn; Spencer Pratt; Heidi Montag; Chris Evans; Simon Rex; Kathie Lee Gifford; Stephen Cojocaru; Dee Snider; Danni Minogue; Mel C.; Randall Kleiser

Wednesday (4/2) Polo Lounge lunch: Al Pacino, in a group of older, possibly producer/artiste-types getting shitfaced.

3/31: At the Fox and Hounds pub in Studio City when who should walk in to sit at a nearby table but Mr. Chandler Bing himself, Matthew Perry. He proceeded to sit at a table surrounded by 4 or 5 girls dressed more for a night of clubbing than for trivia, but I guess someone knew their stuff because their team came in second overall. Matt got up for the joke round and proceeded to tell a tale involving elephant penises (was too drunk to remember the actual joke).

Val Kilmer was on my Virgin America flight from JFK to LAX yesterday (4/1) with his two kids. He's looking hot again, with some highlights and less weight than those unflattering photos of him from last summer. He kept walking up and down the aisles, presumably so people would notice him.

Last night (4/2) at LAX John Krasinski cut in line like he's some entitled uber-celebrity and not just 'that jim guy from the office who couldn't pick a decent movie script if his life depended on it'. Old people were in that line, including my nanna and poppa, and that's never okay. He had a tall chick in tow.

I just got home from watching 21 at the Arclight in Hollywood (04/03 at 10:30pm). Vince Vaughn was walking out in front of us. He looked happy, smiling, and well fed. He was with another guy who could have been a foot shorter than Vince and looked like George Costanza.

4/4: I was just stuck in traffic driving down sunset and a dirty black bmw pulls up next to me. a guy with dirty blonde hair is driving so i look over to see if he's cute or not and OH MY GOD it's spencer pratt. dear lord, why?!? he leans forward and heidi is sitting there in the car with him.

4/2: Chris Evans and Simon Rex at Stone Rose - Evans is hot in a fratty way, but still shorter than you'd expect (I remain shocked by the height challenges of Hollywood stars), kept randomly dancing about and running into people. Rex doesn't look nearly as wrecked as you would expect from someone who has gotten down with P. Hilton, but he genuinely dances like he's mentally incapacitated.

Tuesday (4/1) Polo Lounge sighting (admittedly extremely ho-hum) was Kathie Lee Gifford, loudly "look-at-me, I'm actually working again after ten years of humiliation and shame, eat me Katie Couric" singing songs from some album she announced was some kind of teen thing (yeah, the kids just love KTG!).

Cojo at the Beverly Center Macy's on April 2nd in the early afternoon. He was filming some sort of spring fashion segment about the color yellow, in a very loud grating voice.

4/2 PM: Dee Snider eating dinner at SimonLA looking exactly like he looks in every picture you've ever seen of him, chatting with Kerry Simon himself.

4/1: I was roped into going to the Dancing with the Starstaping yesterday at the CBS studios. Sat a few down from Danni Minogue who was there to see her sister sing. Kylie kept looking at her sister throughout the performance. After both songs she would make faces at her poking fun at her own outfit and dance moves. Actually seems like they have good senses of humor about themselves and are close. Other sightings included Mel C.

Runyon Canyon last Saturday afternoon (3/29) with a bunch of friends. We were on the way down and spotted a passel of older gay gentlemen, one of whom was shirtless and quite leathery. Upon closer inspection, the shirtless man turned out to be Randall Kleiser (director of Grease and The Blue Lagoon). The dude must be 60 but he's still fit... just leathery as well.

In today's episode: Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore; Al Pacino; Albert Brooks; Matthew Modine; Richard Lewis; Stephen Hawking; Orlando Bloom; Kate Walsh and Eva Mendes; Giovani Ribisi and Andy Samberg; Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen; Paul Bettany; Peter Berg, Minka Kelly, and Jason Lee; John Cho; Ginnifer Goodwin; Christian Siriano; Vanessa Paradis; Mary McDonnell; Reggie Bush; Jason Taylor; Chris Parnell; and Joel Madden.

· Cameron Diaz tripped up the bleacher steps at the LA Derby Dolls: Sirens vs. Fight Crew match Saturday 3/15 around 8pm in Historic Philipinotown (Temple and Westlake). Shr laughed it off as Drew Barrymore helped her up. They were in a group of 5-10 people and left about 3 minutes before the end of the 4th quarter. Rumor has it that Drew Barrymore is filming a Roller Derby-related movie.

· 3/14 - On my way out of the Starbucks on Beverly in Beverly Hills during the early morning rush, I passed Matthew Modine. He was looking good, almost like he'd been frozen in the early '90s. A few blocks away at lunch time, I stood next to Albert Brooks at a street corner. He smiled at me. I enjoyed our little moment.

· 3/16 - I was walking toward a crowd that seemed to be gathered outside the garage next to the Crate and Barrel on Beverly in Beverly Hills. As I got closer, the crowd parted and out stepped a jovial Al Pacino and his little boy (sans twin girl). They were chatting it up and looked to be having quite the father/son day. Pacino was dressed in his trademark head to toe black ensemble.

· 3/20 - Driving past the Peninsula Hotel just after lunch time, I caught Larry David's arch nemesis/best bud Richard Lewis. In typical Richard Lewis fashion, he looked like he had enough of this life and appeared to be mumbling to himself.

· Saturday, March 15 - 9:30PM Stephen Hawking
Heading to Madre's in Pasadena after the Roller Derby (go Kung Pao Tina!), we were resigned to the fact Ms. Lopez's restaurant's time may had passed and we certainly didn't expect to see Mamma J-Lo herself. Needless to say, you could have pushed the lesbian, the homo and the straight girl over with a friggin feather when none other than quantum gravity father Stephen Hawking was sitting front and center at a table behind the hostess stand. As he was being wheeled back from the bathroom (no pictures of that as we do have some level of decorum/were blocked by his "assistant'), he was nice enough to stop and "chat" with several young admirers; with each compliment he kindly hit the "THANKS" button on his wheelchair-mounted computer, which meant a spooky robot-like voice echoed and bounced around the shabby-chic decor.

· Orlando Bloom at the SGI-USA Buddhist Youth Conference at El Camino College in Torrance on Sunday, March 16th. He ducked out during the closing statements and went backstage to greet the youth performers, where he told them that they were inspiring to him.

· March 14th- I saw Seth Rogen this afternoon at the Whole Foods on Fairfax. He was with a girl I assume was his girlfriend.

· 3/16/08 A friend and I were wearing out our Sunday brunch welcome at Dusty's in Silverlake when in walks Kate Walsh with a friend. I was stunned that she looked normal, yes still skinny, but not so skinny I wanted to force feed her lard. She then sat down near us and I had to field my friend's repeated inquires as to what she was eating. She ate Eggs Benedict, but I told my friend it was steamed puppies. That shut her up. Somehow we outlasted Kate and ended up catching Eva Mendes for the lunch rush. She looked tres relaxed and her body was bangin' despite wearing unfortunate/unflattering but very "in" high-waisted pants. Dark, face engulfing shades, per Hollywood norm, were worn by both ladies.

· Wed March 19 - 10ish Osteria Mozza...Giovani Ribisi, who appears to be shrinking every time I see him (or maybe I'm eating too much Mozza pasta), and Andy Samberg at a table of four. I wanted to tell him I gave my girlfriend a dick in a box for Christmas and she dumped be 72 hours later, but I didn't.

· Just saw Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen at the Sunday morning Ojai farmers market. You'd notice him whether he was or wasn't famous because he's really tall and has a glowing shock of white hair. Mary Steenburgen looks more like the average Ojai matron — attractive, thin and not weirdly deformed like the plastic surgery veterans. They both had that fearful/wary/annoyed look stars do when they're out in public and they think people might approach. It must suck to have to be that defensive all the time.

· Paul Bettany at the Four Seasons cafe (3/16) late Sunday afternoon. Very tall, very pale, very cute. Winked at me the second time I spotted him in the lobby. Jennifer Connolly may have an appalling dress sense, but she's a lucky girl to have him.

· Last night, at the Wiltern, the Explosions in the Sky show: Friday Night Lights director Peter Berg, in a group with but not "with" with Minka Kelly, aka Lyla Garrity. At one silent point of the show some dude shouted "GO PANTHERS!" and Lyla said "That's awesome!" and high-fived with Berg. Also there: Jason Lee, sporting full Earl mustache, checking me out while smoking outside :)

· Friday, 3/14: A very tall John Cho sighted on Virgin America flight from LAX to SFO. Was wearing a bandage around his wrist. Accompanied by white CAA flack. Overheard him conversing about what to ask Baron Davis of the Golden State Warriors. Put on sunglasses when about to board, and then sat unobtrusively in first class. Heard others refer to him as "Harold! He's so cute!"

· Diminutive (aren't they all?) Ginnifer Goodwin came in for a late dinner at AOC Wednesday night. She was with a small group of folks, was seated at her table as the restaurant was clearing out around 10ish (another reminder of what an early town L.A. truly is), and carried a fucking awesome Miu Miu harlequin handbag that I totally covet.

· 3/14/08: Supertrannyhotmessferociafiercenessfromtransylvania Project Runway winner Christian Siriano at Popstarz in Weho. He was very tiny — Precious Moments sized — and very sweet allowing all the gheys to take pics with him. There was one overzealous girl who looked like she was going to crush his hollow bird bones with her 98-pounds of huggy grip.

· 3/15/08: BevCen Heritage 1981 — gotta love discount trendy clothes made of asbestos fibers, yo — Vanessa Paradis and spawns of Johnny Depp. She was with a nanny type and stuck at the chola-manned checkout forever (XXI). Nobody seemed to know who she was. The ParaDepp kiddos are superadorable and well behaved. Vanny looked like a beat-down Keri Russell, but we know the sultry songstress can clean up real purdy and stuff, like face of Chanel purdy.

· Wednesday, 3-19-08, 8:30pm or so: OMG, the only and only but only somewhat awesome Mary "Battlestar Galactica" McDonnell, at LAX, at where else, but the fucking Aadmirals Club, Terminal 4, because we know why we fly. The starship she captains was not parked at any gate, so maybe she was just slumming at a fancy airport bar? The gal has big tits, but I'd still rather see one of those randy handsome young Battlestar fighter pilots. Oh well, next trip maybe.

· 10:55 AM, Friday 21 March USC Heisman trophy winner Reggie Bush sits with a woman sporting long straight black hair (who is not Kim Kardashian - BOOH!!) at an outdoor table at Jinky's on Sunset. No baseball hat, no sunglasses, white t-shirt, black track pants, sneakers. He eats some sort of meat that still has bones attached or inside (ribs or wings family). He orders a second meal, a sandwich, but when it comes he sends it back. It reappaears in a to-go box. A random tall white guy approaches him and starts blabbering about some pizza place he is opening. Reggie looks uncomfortable. Pizza man shuffles off. Reggie splits the check dutch with his dining companion. Reggie drives off in a low riding silver sports car with spoilers that leave no ground clearance. It is an unlogo'ed make that we have never seen before with tinted windows - but it looks like what a young millionaire athlete should drive. He also heads westbound down sunset. [Relegate this to Deadspin? The Dustbin?]

· I saw Jason Taylor of the Miami Dolphins pulling out of the Hollywood CBS Television complex on Sunday evening (March 17th), in his white Bentley convertible with Florida plates. He was talking to someone on his cell and had a big smile on his face. Maybe he just cut a TV deal is giving up football for good?

· Ex-Narnia rapper Chris Parnell noshing with the rest of the lowlifes at Canter's on a Tuesday night (3/11). Chatting with a female friend, looked platonic. Couldn't see his plate to see if he ordered one of their deliciously spongy Monte Cristos. Seriously, best thing on the menu.

· sat march 15th. noon. joel madden just walked into the Armenian starbucks in glendale on pacific and burchett. he's totally blinged out and wearing that little black hat. talking on his phone. Looks like he pulled up in a black mercedes suv. no nicole or harlow in sight. :-(

7. Skinny Acid-Washed Jeans, Trainspotting, 1996: Sadly, the men-in-skinny-jeans trend has resurfaced and found a permanent spot in post-millenial fashion history, but Mark and his fellow addicts managed to suck all the "chic" out of "heroin chic."

6. Black Leather Trenches, The Matrix, 1999: We never thought one item of clothing could completely destroy Keanu Reeves' sex appeal, but those stiff leather trenches he wore in the future effectively inspired high-school lunatics and killed girl wood on sight.

5. Tighty Whities, Risky Business, 1983: Oh dear. Strange how the singing-in-tighty-whities scene has quiety morphed from a legendary hot moment in movie history to a completely sexless farce now that Tom has laughed maniacally one too many times.

4. Excessively Visible Chest-Hair, Scarface, 1983: Tony's tiny little butt-hugging suits weren't horrendous, but his decision to make them neck-plunging was. With collars unbuttoned down to his heaving bosoms, we felt like we were being cinematically strangled with Cuban chest hair.

3. Flannel Shirts and Pedro 'Staches, Clerks, 1994: There are only two men in history who could pull off the grunge look without looking like homeless hipsters, and they were Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder. However cute and funny you thought Dante was, he still had stains on his faded jeans and holes in his flannels.

2. Codpieces, A Clockwork Orange, 1971: We didn't exactly think Malcolm McDowell and his droogs looked unsexy in their codpieces and top hats, but we're certainly glad men in the 70s waited til Tony Manero danced his way into their closets before picking a solid style icon.

1. Bondage Gear, Edward Scissorhands, 1990: Even Johnny Depp couldn't manage to make Edward's S&M-inspired leather suit a trendy little number. And even though one could argue his cakey make-up and tangled hair led the goth movement into fashion spreads, we're just glad our boyfriends never showed up wearing a patent leather turtleneck.

• 50 FILMS THAT INFLUENCED MEN'S STYLE [Men's Vogue]

In today's episode: Josh Brolin; Al Pacino and Beverly D'Angelo; Jamie Lee Curtis; Michael Cera; Michael Keaton; Adam Brody and Scott Adsit; Faye Dunaway; Gabrielle Anwar; Joel Madden; Cynthia Watros; Becki Newton; and Rami Kashou.

· Dec 2 - Josh Brolin at the Arclight on Sunset. Kneeling down to have what seemed a heartfelt conversation with a lady in a wheel chair. A solid and caring fellow.

· Al Pacino and Beverly D'Angelo sighting - Nov 27 - Fresh from an amazing massage at the Massage Garage I decided to stop off at the Coffee Bean on Olympic and Bundy on my way home. Nothing says "after massage drink" than an English Breakfast Latte. I'm still in the haze of having has all my knots and such worked out and hardly notice the people around me. All I know is that there is no line for everyone has already been served their coffee and tea or whatever. After I place my order I walk to the pick up location and glance over to a man and a woman sitting at the window facing Olympic. I nearly wet myself when I see that it is Al Pacino. His hair was all out of place as though he had just rolled out of bed but he still looked sexy. Seriously, he did. I know that is sort of odd since the man could be my grandfather, okay, father, but he is quite sexy. Unlike Al, Beverly's hair was perfectly coiffed and she looked hot. I wish I had the guts to sit next to them and sip on my latte while listening in on their conversation. Oh well.

Oh, and yesterday (Nov 26) I saw Jamie Lee Curtis on Wilshire in Santa Monica leaving the Whole Foods. She had a cloth Whole Foods bag over one shoulder and was heading back to her car.

· Jamie Lee Curtis on Little Santa Monica near Le Pain Quotidienne in Beverly Hills while I was there sipping lemonade. IMDB says she just turned 49, so I gotta' say, Wanda Gershwitz was looking good - strutting along apparently happy and healthy in a long sleeved black T and jeans. That is all.

· We saw George Michael (Michael Cera) last night (Dec 1) on Avocado Street in Los Feliz, in the back of restaurant Mexico City. He was having a delightful animated conversation with a young lady who was sitting on a brick wall. He looked adorable and it was all I could do not to run up to them, tackle him, and hug him until he could no longer breathe. Fearing prosecution, I controlled myself.

· Saturday, December 1. Michael Keaton at Peet's Coffee on Main Street in Santa Monica, in hat and sunglasses, sitting with us plebes, looking fit, if a tad old. But still has it.

· My friend and I went for a casual late lunch at KING'S ROAD CAFE after our day of sample sale shopping...and a super hot blond Australian sat down next to us...and 2 minutes later Adam Brody. They were talking about a "project" they were potentially doing together and he said he was super excited/nervous about getting the part...(THE FLASH maybe??) then just as we were getting out food Scott Adsit (Peter-30 Rock) sat down on the other side. And he was with the most beautiful model-type with long legs. I thought the best part of my day was my deals at the sample sale, but nothing like a little celeb sighting.

· Faye Dunaway works out at my gym. She wears the same thing every morning - blue sweatsuit, white baseball cap and a plastic glove on usually only one hand (my friend says when she's saner she wears them on both hands - one for milk, the other for meat). She weighs maybe 85 pounds wet and doesn't color her hair anymore. She is pulled tight beyond recognition and can scare small children. Yesterday (Nov 26) I noticed that she was wearing an ipod and I couldn't help but wonder what Mommie Dearest must have on her ipod. It sure as Hell ain't Doris Day. More like Nine Inch Nails.

· So I was at the Apple Store in Santa Monica Monday morning when I hear this great British accent, look over and there is Gabrielle Anwar trying to get her iPhone fixed. A little older (as am I - we're a month apart it turns out) and tiny—really tiny— but still super cute. It was a real synchronicity moment for me since "For Love Or Money" was on Sunday and that got me wondering what she was up to these days. The best part was the super cheesey dude who then tried to pick her up as she was looking at cases for her phone. Man was it painful to listen to him offer to buy her coffee... she was, however, super nice to him and when he left she had a smile and a look on her face that said "What was he thinking?" Couldn't agree more: lamest pickup attempt. Ever.

· I decided to brave the hell that is The Grove on saturday night 12/1. coming out of Nordstrom, noticed Joel Madden, aka Mr. Nicole Richie, waiting out front. no one really noticed him. figured he might be waiting for Nicole. nope, just some emo guy. google tells me it was the keyboard/rhythm guitar player in his band, Billy Martin.

· Thursday, 2:15pm
Just spotted Cynthia Watros (Libby, season 2 of Lost) in the parking lot of the Whole Foods at 3rd and Fairfax. She was with another gal, who had on a shirt that read, "unfair isn't funny" or something like that. Writer? Anyway, Watros is normal height, thin but not scary, had no makeup on—in workout type clothes. If she had been driving, I would have run for cover, but she just stood around.

· I saw the girl who plays Amanda (BECKI NEWTON) on Ugly Betty leaving either Ona Spa or Prive last Saturday, leggings, arm in harm with her gay, and slightly darker in the hair department. Totally bigger than she looks on TV in a good way. She looks like the 2nd most popular girl on a boarding school field hockey team. She had cute teeth. Is that weird?

· Dec 2 - At the Ralph's in Silver Lake - Rami Kashou from the current season of Project Runway. I saw last season's winner Jeffrey Sebelia there earlier this year, so maybe it's the Project Runway Ralph's. Rock 'n Roll Ralph's can suck it.

In today's episode: Al Pacino; Lindsay Lohan; Jeff Goldblum; Jason Schwartzman, Illeana Douglas, Talia Shire, Roman Coppola, Robert Schwartzman, Kelly Osbourne, Busy Phillips; Josh Duhamel, Fergie, Jerry O'Connell, Rebecca Romijn, and Emmy Rossum; Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson; Paul Reubens; Vincent Gallo; Kareem Abdul-Jabbar and Greg Grunberg; Serena Williams; Fred Willard; Jeremy Sisto, Eric Michael Cole, and James Kimo Wills; Rex Lee; Bryan Greenberg; Ian Ziering; Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown; Lisa Edelstein and Bingo the Dachshund.

· During late rush hour today (7-18), I and two friends were going east on Wilshire nearing La Cienega and I noticed this tousle-haired, slightly stooped guy standing in front of a restaurant. I could only see him from behind at first, but something about him made me keep looking at him. I thought he might be a homeless guy or something, and then as I passed him and looked back... and saw that it was none other than Al Pacino himself, talking on his cell phone. I don't really get starstruck, but there's really no actor that I'd rather spot. I told my traveling companions who I'd just seen, and they pulled over and walked back to get a glimpse. By that time he had sat down at one of the outdoor tables, and my friends reported that he was sitting with two attractive young women. I mean, Al Pacino, come on. Seriously.

· Tuesday, July 17th, I saw Lindsay Lohan at the Mel's Diner on Sunset at around midnight. She had two people sitting across from her, neither of them recognizable. She kept glancing at the door and at the paparazzi outside. It was like the end of the Sopranos, only without Journey power ballads and critical acclaim. I almost fell out of my booth trying to see her ankles - I didn't see any alcohol monitoring anklet. Maybe it's invisible.

· On Sunday morning (7-15) I saw Jeff Goldblum walk in and get close with our waitress at Jinky's in Hollywood. He's a tall *vernicious, **kanid. *by vernicious I mean "man" and **by kanid I mean "with long legs." She went running down the steps chasing him with an iced green tea that may potentially neutralize the PH balance of his hair which was leaking 5W-30 oil. I kid.

· At The Roxy's sold-out Rooney cd release show, Monday, July 16, scads of model types and hiptard boys everywhere the eye could see. Mixing in and out of the crowd (because the VIP section was overflowing and table seating sucks there) were:

1) Kelly Osbourne sporting a dark bob that is so much better than the pink hair of a few days ago. For the record, her skin is luminous and she is the size of any normal/non-celeb girl that you know. I would have expected her to be a fatty but she isn't at all. Small even. 2) Busy Phillips who looked really tired/sullen wearing the high-wasted mom shorts that are de rigueur and are unfortunate on any body type. Minus the shorts she looked really pretty and hung in the midst of the plebes the whole show. 3) Illeana Douglas in a short skirt looked great/hip for over 40 but had a hard time packing into the VIP section. Had to wait for people to exit before she was allowed to enter but was gracious about it. 4) Talia Shire (not surprising) in a light blue summer dress and matching cashmere button-up sweater. She looked frail but beautiful. She spent most of the night sitting up on one of the banquets rocking out as moms do. 5) Roman Coppola also not surprising but very exciting. Every time that I see him he is wearing a suit?!? Wonder if this is his attempt at the Bogdanovich ascot? Last night it was a light-colored summer suit that he accessorized with yellow-tinted sunglasses. He's lost a lot of weight and looked good/healthy. Seemed to be on a mission every time we squeezed by each other, not one for eye contact. 6) Jason Schwartzman opened for Rooney with his new solo-endeavor Coconut Records. Completely charming both while speaking and singing. Initially had on a hoodie but took it off to reveal a plain brown T, he wore his glasses the whole time. Geektastic. Rooney came out and played a few songs with him and he encouraged everyone to buy his brother's cd and to check out his new album. Pretty adorable actually (especially whilst dancing). As a side note, Rooney was really f'ing good. The set was tight and Robert Schwartzman has definitely grown up, boy ain't short on charisma (even though the rest of the band seemed comatose) and he can totally pull off the tight 70's-rocker/girl jeans.

· I just got home from the Fergie concert at the Wiltern (7/18) (hey, I'm a Rooney fan and was there for work). I was in the back, by the sound boards, where I had a terrific view of Josh Duhamel (of course) who was hanging out with adorable and super newlywed-esque couple Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell who were all lovely-dovey and super cute, dancing and singing along all set right next to us. Emmy Rossum was also by us, just down a ways, standing with a nerdier Zach Braff-type, but she was singing along and dancing the whole time as well.

· Spotted at the Ryan Adams show at the Wilshire Theatre last night (7/19): Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson, Jason Schwartzman. I'm too tired to make a pithy comment about Schwartzman's height.

· This is now the second time I've seen Paul Reubens at the Hungry Cat (Tues. 7/17). Either coincidence, or he really likes seafood and fresh juice cocktails.

· 7-18 Vincent Gallo @ Carnie's He was eating alone, bellbottom jeans, ate a burger and fries quickly, kept checking out my girlfriend (course she kept looking at him too); when he was done drove off in a Grandpa style burgundy Lincoln Continental (luxury cars that shift themselves...though not a Cadillac).

· Just got home from Dodgers v. Mets game. A friend managed to wrangle "Dugout Club" seats and we were right in front of Greg Grunberg (the sort of chubby one from "Heroes"). He was with 2 little kids who elbowed their way into a foul ball - I assume at least one of them was his. He was very gracious when the chicks next to him asked for his autograph. He was wearing what looked to be a promotional Blue Man Group windbreaker. Wtf? They left after like the 5th inning.

Kareem Abdul-Jabbar was in the section next to us. He rejected my friend's request for an autograph by saying "I can't do that right now" but seemed nice enough. And so tall his legs were all out in the aisle.

Also, Dodgers lost.

· Two extremely random sightings this week. On Tuesday night, I was getting my Churro fix in Westwood Village when who should I see running from their white SUV into Sansai but Serena Williams. She looked good in jeans & a hoodie, but she had something on her wrist (tennis injury maybe?). She also looked to be in between hairstyles (if you know what I mean). Second time I've seen her in the Village. Maybe she works out at the Equinox?

Second, completely random sighting: driving down Washington Blvd in downtown Culver City last night and who should cross in front of our car but Fred Willard. I tried desperately to explain to my mum & sis who he was, but I could not think of the name of a single character he's played, only the movies themselves. Strangely enough I did not have to IMDB him (but I did anyway to confirm). It was dark, but he looked good.

· Cousin got married on Catalina over the weekend and I had a privacywatch cable movie trifecta. On the boat back to LB was Jeremy Sisto, the guy from Gia (Eric Michael Cole per imdb), and the Stu from Tao of Steve (James Kimo Wills per imdb) with a bunch of other dirty dudes. They were all pretty smelly and loud. I was the only one on the boat that knew we were in the presence of a trifecta; everyone else only recognized the Sisto one-fecta .

· Sunday, July 15th. Flying back from a wedding in Pittsburgh (yes, Pittsburgh), I saw Rex Lee (aka, "Lloyd!!" from Entourage) sauntering around the airport, obviously waiting for a flight. I thought I might see him on my flight back to LA, but he was nowhere to be found. What was he doing in the Pittsburgh airport at 7:30am? Odd. He's even shorter than you expect.

Same day, upon returning to LA, I had brunch at Doughboys on Highland. Sat outside near the hostess station, and Emmy Rossum popped around the corner to ask for a waiter, as they'd been sitting for some time without service. Her smile barely disguised her annoyance.

· Spotted Rex Lee, Lloyd of "Entourage", attending a film at the Showcase theater on Tuesday (July 17) as part of Outfest. Looks exactly like he does on TV and in this film festival crowd, a popular guy!

· Bryan Greenberg, that dude from the movie where Uma Thurman wants to knit his cock a hat, at 101 Coffee Shop, Thursday, July 19, 9 p.m. I did not want to knit his cock a hat.

· On Saturday night July 14 I saw Ian Ziering at Ritual. The guy is in his mid-40s and I always see him at the clubs and always with a nasty plastic bimbo. He didn't disappoint. He was with a butter-faced blond and looked like a sweaty mess. Brandon would be so disappointed

· July 16th, Monday Night on the Strip. Just before the Thailand/Happy Hollows show at the Viper Room, I stopped to get some pizza at Panini's across the street. While I waited to order, some nice-looking woman in her thirties walked right by me in a huff. Just as I blurted "I think that was Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown", I noticed an Eddie Murphy movie playing on their big-screen tv. He had the nappy short dreads thing going on—so one of the Doctor Doolittle epics? Bad memories for S.S., I guess. She looked a little better than she has in recent pics. Well-dressed, but not going for "hot". Pretty enough for her next back-up dancer/paramour, though.

· Saturday 14th- Lisa Edelstein (Dr Cuddy on House M.D.) at the Weinerschnitzel Weinerdog Races at the Los Alamitos Racetrack. Dressed in a miniskirt and cowboy boots cheering on "Bingo" with other assorted Silverlake hipster types. Yes, in Orange County.

In today's episode: Sylvester Stallone; Al Pacino; Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, and Rupert Everett; Kevin Bacon; Scarlett Johansson; Alicia Keys, and Rumer Willis; Jennifer Garner; Ellen DeGeneres and Portia Di Rossi; Shia LaBeouf; Timothy Dalton; David Hasselhoff; TR Knight; Ed Begley Jr.; BJ Novak; Joey McIntyre; Brody Jenner; Lance Bass and Sally Struthers.

· On Saturday night, 5-12, on Canon in Beverly Hills, Sylvester Stallone in a light blue sweater and serious mullet, walking like a musclebound zombie with wife and daughters(?). Has reached a point where he seems like a parody of himself.

· Just got back from an early Mother's Day dinner at Madeo that $$$ Italian Restaurant on Beverly. And as we sat there a guy with fluffed up brown hair comes towards me. I just stared thinking, is that Al Pacino? He looked sort of puffy and smooth and I always thought he was kind of craggy. But it was! I just stared wide eyed, impressed but not really since I never really liked him anyway. But it was a bit of a thrill. He sat at the bar with a bald guy. And my mom moved the wine bottles so she could see him. Then as we left I think I saw Brody Jenner. I don't know who he is but he looked/acted rich/famous. Later that night (after the Al Pacino sighting), I got dragged to Here and the Abbey. As we left at 2 am my friend said you just missed the In Sync guy. I said who? He said Lance Bass. We went next door to the Abbey for coffee and I missed him again. But my friend saw him in both places. I saw the back of his head.

· Friday May 4th:

Quadruple sighting at The Tower Bar:

So I'm walking into the Tower Bar for dinner and from around the corner I hear a familiar, soothing, sexy voice. I glance to the right to see Rupert Everett and probably his older gay lover having drinks in the restaurant entrance. Wow is he handsome in person.

Does it count if you saw a semi-recognizable band? I mean, I KNOW them from somewhere....The Shins I think....whoever they were they were smokin' hot.

Last but not least, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher. Jerk's walked in like they owned the place. Call me crazy but isn't she some has been who hasn't been in anything for a long time? The only thing that she's famous for lately is robbing the cradle with Kelso. The looked like they were fresh in from doing whatever they do at Kabbalah on a Friday night. He was dressed in all white like Mr. Clean and she was going to a funeral in all black. That is all to report....

· Sunday 5/13, sometime between 6-7pm
Saw Kevin Bacon shopping at the Pavillions on Montana & Lincoln. He looked GOOD, wearing a sweet rocker-style leather jacket. This might be my favorite celeb sighting to date...as it was KEVINFREKIN BACON!!! My parents were in town and my dad was with me, although he doesn't get excited about much. My mom was pretty ticked off that she stayed home though.

· On Friday night at Hyde I was with a few friends and though the club was by no means crowded, among the partygoers were:

A overly done up Scarlett Johansson with fiery red lipstick and a floral print blouse that did absolutely nothing for her cleavage or side-boob (isn't she known for that)? She was with a group of three girls who acted as a phalanx around her, all of whom were LA 6's (if Scarlett is an LA 9).

An incognito Alicia Keys. Wearing a hat; I couldn't even really get a good look at her.

A short haired but very pretty Rumer Willis who, if IMDB is correct, isn't even 19 yet. She must have a great fake ID.

· Jennifer Garner and child, in the front window of the Kitchen Academy at the Arclight on Friday afternoon.

· Sunday Evening, Mother's Day: Ellen DeGeneres and Portia Di Rossi having a quiet dinner alone at an inside corner table at Pace in Laurel Canyon. They looked very much in love with each other.

· I saw Shia LaBeouf at the party at the Wilton Hilton last Saturday (5/5). Kid was rockin' the cheesy slicked-back hair he's been sporting recently, and I think he was wearing a Designs By Thomas T-shirt. It was pretty obvious he was looking to score, but I didn't see if he left with anyone because I was too distracted by the free-flowing tequila.

· Just saw none other than the Hoff at Easton Gym. No, not trying to work off the belly that made his most recent video debut that much more pathetic. He was standing on the balcony yakking on his cellphone. I shared my sighting with the register girl at Victoria's Secret, who said, "I saw him at the grocery store once. None of the younger girls knew who he was. But the older chicks were all trippin'."

Bitch.

· 5/12 Arriving for a Saturday workout at Santa Monica's decidedly unhip Easton Gym, a tall gent faintly resembling David Hasselhoff breezed by me in the small and empty locker room. Pulling up to the lockers, he set his gym bag down and declared in self-pep talk mode, "Alright, let's go!" to no one in particular. Had it been at the West Hollywood branch, such locker room banter could easily have been taken as an invitation for a steam room romp. Nonetheless, it was tough to determine if this was in fact Hasselhoff hiding behind a pair of blatantly European sunglasses that screamed, "look what I picked up in Germany while launching Baywatch: A Hawaiian Wedding." Moving to the stairmasters, gym on-lookers stared, aghast not at the atrophied arms nor because an appearance at Easton was the ultimate sign that his divorce proceedings had hit rock bottom. And no, they were not stunned to see the same man they had just seen on YouTube sucking in his abs while blabbering drunkedly on a Las Vegas hotel room floor. No, they simply appeared unsure that the man whose auburn hair looked like it's been dyed one too many times was in fact Hasselhoff. However, the international recording artist quickly confirmed his presence by breaking out his Motorola Razr and spending most of his workout yammering away to no one of particular interest, including when he moved to the ab mat area where he showed off his clunky early-90s K-Swiss and stretched-tight tube socks look.

· Timothy Dalton (!) coming out of the Cinerama Dome on Sunday after the 1:50 showing of Spiderman 3. He was with a boy of about 10, presumably his son, and looked pretty darn good for 63 (according to IMDB). After taking a look at the line for the parking self-pay machine, he opted to skip it and head for his car. (He made the right choice, too — that stupid machine was possessed.)

· I saw unabashed closet refugee TR Knight at the West Hollywood whole foods on friday afternoon. I heart TR, and TR hearts carbohydrates (he was buying enough cereal to last him through a nuclear winter). Doing something strange with his hair, though. It was a krazy ketchup red. Maybe he and Katherine Heigl have sleepovers where they listen to Ace of Base, play "do dump or marry" and dye their hair with Kool-Aid.

· I saw Ed Begley Jr. eating at Malo on Sunset in Silverlake Saturday night at about 10PM with a few other people. Even sitting down, he looked like he belongs in the NBA.

· Saw Ryan the Temp from The Office (BJ Novak, thanks IMDB) sitting on the patio at Birds last Tuesday (May 8th). He was with two beautiful girls, which I don't understand because he looks like a troll.

Also saw New Kid on the Block Joey McIntyre in baby blue strutting confidently down Larchmont on Sunday just after seven. He was strutting so confidently that it almost took away from the fact that he appeared to be talking to himself. He went into the Rite-Aid or CVS or whatever that is, and I didn't follow him.

· In the middle of the mind numbing crush of humanity that is Ikea in Burbank on a Saturday afternoon (May 12) I spotted Sally Struthers pushing a full cart down the self-service warehouse aisle. She looked bewildered and angry at her decision to enter the madness, but so did I & most everyone else.

In today's episode: Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox and Al Pacino; Meg Ryan; Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez; Chris Rock, Lionel Richie, Kelly Lynch, Mitch Glazer and Elvis Mitchell; Katherine Heigl, T.R. Knight and Justin Chambers; Avril Lavigne and Deryck Whibley; David Caruso; Jared Leto; Tyra Banks; Jason Alexander; Rip Taylor; Seth Green; Eric Clapton; John C. Reilly; Jillian Barberie; Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Esposito; Steven Bochco; Paris Hilton; Zachary Quinto; Tim Curry; Justin Berfield; Jill Hennessy; Jeffrey Jones; Oscar Nunez and Kiersten Warren.

· So, apparently there's this little Italian place below the sidewalk on Beverly just east of Robertson called Madeo's. Who knew? Jennifer Aniston, Courteney Cox, and Al Pacino all do and were all there last night getting their dinner on. Cox arrived first with kid(s) (i think only one belonged to her), and looked radiant in a Bride Of Skeletor kind of way. Aniston met her later, and looked radiant in a Queen Of The Emaciated Goddesses kind of way. Then Pacino slid into the booth and they all had a crazy threesome. Just kidding. Pacino was with less attractive people and looking batshit insane.

· Today, Feb. 13 @ approx. 2:20pm - saw Meg Ryan @ La Provence Patisserie & Café on Olympic in BH. She was wearing baggy green cargo-esque pants, big sunglasses and disheveled long hair mostly covering her face, but not those amazing lips of hers. While waiting for her salad to-go and beverage, she played with her phone/pda. Very sweet and unassuming, she exited with her order and took off in her silver BMW 550.

Feb. 6th @ approx. 10:15pm - saw Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez waiting for their cars at the Beverly Hills Peninsula Hotel valet. QT was speaking to Robert in his typical rapid-fire delivery, and Robert mostly listened. QT drove off in a fairly new yellow Mustang and Robert in a black Mercedes 350.

· It was an interesting night at the Sunset Tower Bar tonight (2/13). First I noticed Lionel Richie at the bar with an unidentified woman. (I think he and friend closed the place down, since they were still there as we left late.) Dmitri, the super skilled maître d' who's got a subtle Lois Weisberg/Howard Rubenstein thing going on, introduced Lionel to Kelly Lynch and Mitch Glazer as they were leaving. Then Elvis Mitchell was there interviewing Chris Rock. If only a crew from "Iconoclasts" had been in the room to capture some of these encounters.

· I saw Katherine Heigl, T. R. Knight and Justin Chambers last night at Figaro on Vermont Street in Los Feliz. T.R. Knight was eating steak tartare and, according to the waiter, comes in all the time Katherine Heigl. I don't know if this is like some secret celebrity spot, because I also saw Avril Lavigne with her husband (Deryck Whibley) there on Sunday for brunch (I obviously go there a lot).

· Friday 2/16 @ 1:00pm - David Caruso crossing the street on Roxbury Drive (cross street Wilshire) and hopping into a Silver Mercedes with a female driver. Wearing a sport jacket with jeans and the mandatory sunglasses. Can't miss the red hair though.

· 2/9 Jared Leto at the Roxy watching Chris Hall of Stabbing westwards new locally formed band "The Dreaming". He hung out in the seating area while they played and Chris kept making jokes about how they'd like to go on tour with 30 seconds to mars.

· On Sunday afternoon I was sitting at the little 'cafe' area in the Hollywood Trading Post at Fairfax and Melrose, listening to the jazz band while friends shopped. I saw this tall beautiful black woman about 10' away and it took me awhile to actually realize it was Tyra Banks, and not some 10 cent lookalike. I wasnt convinced at first since she was very conservatively dressed: Boots, tight, chic blue jeans, a tasteful gray sweater and her hair was in a bun. However, after several people walked and then whispered in each others ears saying "Its Tyra!" it wasthen and only then I realized it was indeed Ms. Top Model herself. She has crazy looking eyes in person.

· Yesterday (2/12), driving on Little Santa Monica at Camden...I'm cruising through the intersection, when this schmuck on his cell phone steps out of the crosswalk and begins to go. i didn't even have time to hit the horn, i just slammed on the brakes and hoped for the best. the guy doesn't even look up at me, but he just sort of instinctually goes back to the sidewalk, all the while talking on the cell. i shoot him a dirty look as i drive by, and i realize... I almost killed Independent George!! Stupid JASON ALEXANDER. He needs to watch where he's going, or he'll end up deader than Kramer's career.

Also, this past Saturday (2/10) at the LA Fitness on La Cienega, I saw RIP TAYLOR working out wearing a baseball hat that said "RIP" across the front. Unfortunately, there was no confetti to be seen anywhere.

· Saw "Robot Chicken" impresario Seth Green at Fred Segal Melrose on Saturday. He was being doted on by two hottie stylist-types and a salesman, neither of whom kept him from fretting over the contrast between a blazer and a shirt. I still wish he woulda kicked the crap out of Ari in last season's Vegas ep of "Entourage."

And in the "Stars! They're just like us!" department, Eric Clapton did at least two consecutive weekend gigs at the laundromat on 3rd and Sweetzer, washing his own duds and keeping to himself. Hopefully, this means there'll be a "Clapton Live From the Fluff-N-Fold" double cd in stores this coming Christmas.

· John C Reilly at the LA Derby Dolls (Fight Crew vs Tough Cookies) on 2/10. Best sport ever!

Jillian Baberie behind me on the 405 South merging onto the 101 West 2/13 around 10:30. Must have just gotten off work.

· Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Esposito at Urth Cafe in Santa Monica, 2/11. They looked very much like a nice married couple out for a casual rumpled Sunday brunch, except it was Monday. I briefly considered crashing into Jennifer, just to feel something, but opted instead to eat my damn salad.

· Ah, another asshole celebrity entitlement moment. Leonine Steven Bocho sitting in his grey Mercedes sedan in the middle the Cloverfield/Olympic intersection at the height of rush hour blocking two left turn lanes that had a green arrow. When I gave him a "can you move" look, he shrugged a "deal with it" shrug, world weary. So I rolled down the window, and said "Cop Rock!" Seemed more cutting than "Fuck you."

· Driving down Melrose at 1:45am on Saturday night, I saw a Bentley flying in the same direction, swerving in and out of lanes. My friend said, "I guarantee that's Paris Hilton" right as the car drifted into the left lane while the right turn signal flashed. We pulled up next to the car at a red light and sure enough, Paris turns and looks right at us, jamming out to her music. Shocking she ever got a DUI...

· Saturday, 2/10, noon -

While volunteering at the South L.A. Animal Shelter during their Valentine's Day Adoption weekend, I spotted Zachary Quinto- aka Sylar from NBC's "Heroes" - coming in the shelter to help out. It could have been a photo-op, but still it's nice to know he's a hero off-camera.

· February 11, just in time for Valentine's Day, I saw Tim Curry aka Dr. Frankenfurter at the Hollywood Farmer's Market. I liked him better personally in "Clue" but either way it was not a good look as he had picked up weight and just happened to be stuffing his mouth full of food while waddling through the middle of the market. I normally don't comment on people being fluffy, but chewing with your mouth open is just in poor taste. Boo!

· Actor Justin Berfield (Malcolm in the Middle) texting his fingers off on his blackberry while sitting in the Delta Crown Room at LAX, interrupted moments later as two other people joined him.

· It's been a full week.........saw Bob Saget being as polite as he could be to his seatmate in first class, who started the conversation with, "Hey, I know you, who are you?" It went downhill from there. Bob was flying back from some gig in St. Louis (Sunday morning) to LAX.

Saw Jill Hennessy of Law and Order at the Patty Griffin show at the Hotel Cafe........Tuesday night........she's very pretty and waited in line just like the riff raff. The show was awesome, although overcrowded with lots of music industry types, making me feel very claustrophobic.

· Saturday, Feb 10th - My friend and I were eating lunch at the Arclight before our movie when we saw Ed Rooney himself — JEFFREY JONES walking from the parking lot. Didn't look like he was going into the theaters. He was heading straight for Sunset. He was flying solo.

Then on Sunday I saw OSCAR NUNEZ of The Office at Hugo's Restaurant in Studio City/Sherman Oaks. There was quite a wait to get in, since it was brunch time, so he was stuck waiting near the restroom area. Hugo's is the place to see TV stars as I saw Jon Cryer there sometime last year!

· I was at the Farmer's Market on 3rd on 2/10 for breakfast. Seated at one of the outside tables was Kiersten Warren with her husband. She was reading the paper in a blazer. I recognized her and was signaling to my mom who is a huge fan of Desperate Housewives, that she was the lady that got killed in the supermarket! Anyway, we went up to her and she took a pic with my mom. Nice lady, great bod for a gal her age!

In today's episode: Al Pacino; Spike Lee; Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sargaard; Pamela Anderson; Lou Diamond Phillips, Avril Lavigne, Robbie Williams, Hayden Panettiere, Adrian Pasdar, Milo Ventimiglia, Greg Grunberg, Leonard Roberts, Zachary Quinto, Masi Oka, Rena Sofer, Santiago Cabrera, Tori Spelling, Dean McDermott, Zach Quinto, and Sean Maguire; Lindsay Lohan; John C. Reilly; Adam Brody and Zach Braff; Wentworth Miller; Katherine Heigl; John Mayer; Maria Shriver; Michael Weston; Kim Raver; Angie Harmon and Jason Sehorn; Wendie Malick; Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hawkins.

· My boyfriend and I flew back from London on United this past Saturday (25th) and as we were stumbling out of coach after a ten hour flight, I looked up to first class and saw Al Pacino just exiting. He had just been in Dublin, because he was receiving some award or other at Trinity. He looked hot to me, even after all these years, but my b.f. thought he looked gross. I kind of like it when a guy just gets old and doesn't do too much surgery. He was whisked through (i.e., he got to cut in line) customs. Depressing moment for me was when I heard someone yell, "HOO-ah" from that shitty movie where he was blind and I was thinking about how hot he was in "Dog Day Afternoon". I'm oooooooold.

· Spike Lee was on my flight from SFO to LAX on the Monday after Thanksgiving. Flight was delayed and I swear he was on his cell phone the entire wait at the gate...approximately 45 minutes. I don't really care, just wondering how he has such a kick ass cell phone battery.

· Saw Maggie Gyllenhaal, Peter Sarsgaard and Baby Ramona Sunday evening (11/26) at Mozza. The three-some were doted on by the manager, which is fine by me because they seem so down-to-earth (unlike a lot of other celebs). The baby is adorable and Peter isn't too bad himself.

· I was at the Chateau, now that Thanksgiving is officially over, and who should I see byt our favorite little divorcee (the little one, not the trag vag...) Pamela Anderson all curled up and cozy surrounded by people. I was very focused on the company I was keeping, so I didn't notice anyone if anyone else was there.

· At the Dixie Chicks concert at Staples Center 11/24...Pretty much the ENTIRE cast and crew of Heroes were seated in the next section (some wearing Vote For Petrelli t-shirts). Cute little Hayden Panettiere graciously signed autographs, Adrian Pasdar rushed around wearing a baseball hat, his bluetooth device in his ear and LOUD lime green patent leather sneakers while Milo Ventimiglia (who was wearing a fedora...to a country concert) followed him around like a little puppy dog. Cast members Greg Grunberg, J August Richards Leonard Roberts, Zachary Quinto, Masi Oka, Rena Sofer and Santiago Cabrera were also in attendance. Also sighted at the show were the pig-tailed Tori Spelling (who got excited to see Zach Quinto since they played best friends on So Notorious) and husband unit Dean McDermott, Lou Diamond Phillipsand fam, Avril Lavigne with a female friend who sat silently the entire show while drinking beers and the oh so yummy Robbie Williams with that hot guy from The Class, Sean Maguire (who apparently is also a pop star in the UK...thanks IMDB).

· Saw Lindsay Lohan in first class on Delta Nov. 27 taking the red-eye from LAX-JFK. She had no make-up and dark hair sans hair extensions and just blended in with the crowd. She was by herself and no one seemed to recognize her. She was one of the first people to board (i.e. she can be timely) and was never on her cell phone and only saw her asking the flight attendant for water so.... no, there was no drama! She slept most of the time but got up several times to go to the bathroom. Saw her sign an autograph and chat for a minute with a flight attendant. She put on a hat and sunglasses before we landed and actually looked more like herself!

· Saw America's Favorite Movie Sidekick , John C. Reilly, cruising out of Amoeba Records last night. Reilly was bundled in an old heavy coat and a wintry porkpie hat that he clearly brought here from Chicago. He was about as tall as I thought he'd be, but not nearly as burly as I imagined. Unfortunately, I didn't get a look at what he bought, so I can't give you any "Hey, John C. Reilly really digs Beyonce!" sorta scoopage.

· Holiday weekend sightings:

Friday, 11/24 - Adam Brody stopped by Abbott's Habit on Sunset for a post-Thanksgiving bagel with his dog. Very skinny and hot in a tight vintage tee (Adam, not the dog.) First time I've ever seen a dog actually bark at a mailman in real life, but it did and we all shared a chuckle.

Sunday, 11/26 - LAX American Airlines Baggage Claim 4 - none other than Zach Braff coming back from the "Garden State." Had a standard Hollywood small dog in tow but seemed normal, unassuming and nerdy in a skinny jeans, hoodie, baseball cap and glasses. Followed him for a little, but then got distracted by a team of hot 7 foot tall basketball players, a Thanksgiving miracle that made my 3rd trip to the airport in 3 days worthwhile.

· Live report. Stranded at dfw. Onplanetola.Airport lost power. Wentworth miller 3 rows away. This is how i want to die - staring @ those eyes. Damn. We are leaving. Only 3 more hours.

· Saw Katherine Heigl (Izzy) of Grey's Anatomy at a Burger King on Sunday afternoon in the Atlanta airport before boarding a flight (ours) back to LA. She seemed very unpretentious while she waiting in line with the little people. She appeared to be traveling with a couple of friends. At LAX, she and friends sat and smoked cigarettes outside baggage claim while they waited for a ride to pick them up.
She's extremely pretty in person and delightfully non-anorexic.

· Saw John Mayer at the Pottery Barn in Santa Monica. He was extremely tall, at least a head taller than anyone else in the store. In person he is really nice to look at, tall, lean, defined cheek bones, and amazing hair; pictures do not do the boy justice (Nice work, Simpson.) He seemed very friendly, was even laughing to himself, and looked a little confused, as I'm sure any 20-something guy would be in a Pottery Barn. He said something about living New York, but wanting to find something cool for his place in LA.

· Tuesday 11/21 at The Counter in Santa Monica: California First Lady Maria Shriver with one of her sons (wearing a sweatshirt emblazoned ARNOLD) and a man we presumed to be secret service. She is starting to look more and more like her mom, and was thinner and more frail than I had expected. Kid seemed tired and cranky. We were right by the window and saw them hop into a giant BMW which materialized like a shark at the curb as they were leaving. Maria rode shotgun; secret service guy rode in the back with the cranky, besweatshirted kid. I like to think Arnold was at the wheel.

· Thursday night, Blockbuster video at Hollywood & Western, around 11:30pm. Walked in and spotted Michael Weston at the counter. Who? I had to IMDB him, but I knew his face—he was Kenny in Garden State (the cop who had once been "doing coke lines off a urinal"). Same sleepy, smoked-a-huge-bowl-before-leaving-the-house look as you might expect—not that tall, but not a total midget. I think this is a strictly C list celebrity Blockbuster—I once saw Ethan Embry trying to work out a deal or something with the clerk because he had $70 in late fees at the same store. Michael just seemed to want something that the clerk needed to go and get...and explain to him somehow.

· 11/26 - Kim Raver (24, The Nine) seated in the last row of business class on my flight from JFK to LAX. She was with her husband and their young son was in coach...hopefully with a babysitter.

· I saw Angie Harmon and her husband, Jason Sehorn, at the UBS parking lot near the Beverly Wilshire tonight. They were waiting in line behind us for the valet to bring our cars. Angie is stunningly beautiful in person (wearing killer thigh-high leopard-print boots), and they were adorable together, laughing and seeming very much in love. Angie totally caught me staring and smiled at me. I'm pretty sure they left in a silver Range Rover.

· 11/30— Just saw Wendie Malick (Nina in "Just Shoot Me" and is in a new comedy coming out called "Big Day") shopping at the Whole Foods in Brentwood. I was starting to get ticked because I shop there all the time and never see anyone famous, yet according to US Weekly, People and even Defamer there are gaggles of celebrities shopping there. Based on reports one would think Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck lived there. Anyhoo, Wendie looks really good for being in her mid-fifties. She's very tall and thin, but not scary thin, and was wearing a Santa Fe style jacket and jeans. She was very low key and nice to a shopper who started talking to her. Still waiting on the Jen and Ben sighting....

· 11/30 The WeHo Starbucks in that hellish Best Buy/Target complex. Nice, nerdy Asian guy, probably new here since he was still packing a thick accent, is behind the counter serving this group of Nickelback types. I hear one of guys order a "vanilla latte" and then turn to the other guys to repeat his order loudly, "VANILLA LATTE." That's when I saw the dude was Chris Daughtry, second cousin removed of Bon Jovi. His "band" cracks up. Prick.

· day after thanksgiving at the beverly center: taylor hawkins (drummer of foo fighters) buying a striped men's sweater at forever 21 soooo random

The world as I know it has just turned upside down. The earth went off its axis. Time literally, LITERALLY stood still. I saw AL PACINO at Target today. Al frigging Pacino! Tony Montana was wearing a rumpled pinstripe suit and pushing a three year old girl in a big red Target shopping cart. WTF? He shops at Target, with a kid? No one bugged him, he just went along his merry way talking to the little kid in the cart and sounding exactly like.....Al Pacino. Too bad it wasn't yesterday or I would have wished him a happy 6-6-06 in homage to his John Milton in THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE.

Stars: They get old and cheap just like us!

In today's episode: Al Pacino kicking some game at Il Sole; Renee Zellweger avoiding a meltdown at Quality; Kirsten Dunst exercising her dog; Janet Jackson, Jermaine Dupree, and Michael Vartan at Katana; single gal Nancy Reagan shopping at Neiman Marcus; Penny Marshall communing with soccer fans; Giovanni Ribisi, Taryn Manning, and Kevin Weisman at Alcove; Jason Bateman; Jason Priestly, Adam Brody, and Rachel Bilson; Nicky Hilton; Alicia Silverstone; Dennis Franz; Dylan McDermott; Kathleen Robertson; Vincent Gallo; Michelle Trachtenberg; John Stamos; Simon LeBon; Kristen Kreuk; Felicity Huffman; Claudia Schiffer; Eve; Peri Gilpin; Jonathan Silverman; Nick Stahl; Peter Facinelli; Anthony Michael Hall; Ilan Mitchell Smith; Jason Mraz; Mark McGrath; Giuliana DePandi; Travis Tritt

· Saw Michael Corleone aka Al Pacino at Il Sole on Sunset today (wed). He was with an older, hollywood mogul look alike with huge lew wasserman glasses, and two chicks. One of them was the blonde from models inc - the tv show - old school shiiaat - she was hot and looked good, maybe 29-32 to pacino's 60 something. She was obviously with Pacino as they sat across from each other and he pimped on her all night - they had dinner for over 3 hours. the brunette was across from the Wasserman guy and was older - 40 ish - and not hot. And btw Pacino looked great, thin, debonair, sexy, etc. - like he did in Devil's Advocate- mos def impressed.

· at quality this weekend, saw renee zellweger—looking mighty twiggy and pale—sipped java with her oppositely plump manager. when going out to a table, he accidentally spilled coffee on her to which she was visibly annoyed. i thought i was about to witness yet another a-list shitfit. but said shitfit was avoided once rene calmed down and the fatty apologized.

· I saw Kirsten Dunst walking her dog in my neighborhood (Crescent Heights and 3rd area). I noticed the outfit first- supertight jeans, cuffed, some trendy indian boot things, blazer, and ginormous orange hat. Then I saw who it was. You couldn't miss the person in that outfit. This is the fourth time I've seen her in the past couple years, and she really just isn't that cute any more. As she gets skinnier she looks so much older and breakable, you know?

· Was at Katana on Friday night. Saw Janet Jackson and Jermaine Dupree. Didn't recognize her at first because she was wearing baggy pants, an oversized jacket and a baseball cap. From the back she could have been a guy, but as soon as she turned around and smiled there was no mistaking her. Such a cutie and looked very happy. Both were much shorter than I ever would have guessed.

Also saw Michael Vartan (by FAR the best looking man in the place) with three buddies. He was waiting for his table in the bar area the same time we were and looked a little bored (but gorgeous). We made eye contact from across the room and within minutes he had bought me a drink and asked my friends and I to join his group. Later that night we drove to Vegas and eloped and plan on having lots of babies very soon. Ok, so those last two sentences didn't actually happen, but you can bet I'll be dreaming they did for weeks. Did I mention how good he looked??

· I had a close encounter with Nancy Reagan while walking into Neiman Marcus the other day. I did a double take trying to figure out who she was, but as soon as I heard some employee introduce her to the head of security, I
knew that I had an affirmative. Woman has some large glasses. She looked pretty fabulous, though.

· penny marshall lurking around the ticket window at the home depot center as the game was starting. noteworthy because a )she wasn't at the simultaneous lakers game b) the glasses were a shitty disguise and c) she was waiting for tickets with the common will call and day of folk-doesn't she still have people to do things like that for her?

· Sunday brunchin in the eastside: sited within 2 hours at Los Feliz hotspot eatery "The Alcove" : Giovanni Ribisi - chitchatting in line about his previous evening's night out at the Disney Hall, then chowing with family and a bunch of kids. A few minutes later Crossroads / 8 mile / Boomkat bad girl Taryn Manning and a beau, then electronic music film composer extraordinare BT, wheeling a lil' tyke in a mega-trendo Bugaboo stroller. Then Alias resident techno-geek Kevin Weisman strolling in for a latte, and soon after Battle for Ozzfest's reality metal hero Adair, who wound up sitting down with BT. Maybe they're getting ready for some techno-metal mash-up action...

· saw arrested development star jason bateman squeezing his land rover into a truly compact space at the poquito mas on olympic and westwood.

· Strange LA teen soap opera day at the Grove on Monday: A scowling Jason Priestly walking towards the garage, followed an hour later by a smiley, hand-holding Adam Brody and Rachel Bilson from The OC going into Barnes and Noble.

· I love spotting hollywood trash while they're shopping, because they're always so conspicuously inconspicuous. Shockingly enough, Nicky Hilton does venture east of Robertson -we spotted her at the Beverly Center Bloomingdales of all places...what's next, ROSS? she was perusing the shoe department. Up close she looked really bad. Bad skin, skinny and shlumpy body type, and wearing a lilac juicy sweatsuit. She was shopping with a friend who ventured off to look at purses, and no one seemed to be bothering them...Usually Nicky only buys her own Samantha Thavasa ugly-ass bags at Kitson, much like Paris only buys Paris. Maybe she was researching the competition because she's developing a line of ugly-ass Nicky shoes with stars printed all over them and maribou trim for the masses. We should be so lucky.

· Beverly Hills street sightings: Thursday 12/9: Alicia Silverstone waiting for the light to change at one of the civically excessive new mid-block crosswalks. Jeans and a long brown wool winter coat. Her skin looked traumatized, but it might have just been the chilly air. A few minutes and two blocks later, Martin Short in sunglasses with a shopping bag walking with his eyes cast downward, fixed to an imaginary point on the street, looking up only to avoid smashing into lightpoles, parking meters or other pedestrians. Wasn't a good enough ruse for me Marty.

· 5pm at Century City last night (12/7), Dennis Franz, holding his wife's hand, while strolling in the rain. He was wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and looked like a totally normal guy, probably better looking in real life than on NYPD Blue, though the hair