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the end of ideas

'Clash of the War God Titans' Duo Sentences Greek Mythology to Die at the Multiplex

It's funny — we were just talking to someone last week about the slow decline of Lawrence Kasdan, who wrote and/or directed some of the '80s best films of their respective genres, including The Empire Strikes Back, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Body Heat, Silverado and The Big Chill. Little did we know how desperately he seems to regret not having a piece of the cult 1981 sword-and-sandals classic Clash of the Titans, a Kasdan-written, Louis Leterrier-directed remake of which is now on the way from Warner Bros.

Then, right on cynical cue, Relativity Media and the vampires who brought you 300 announced they had attached Tarsem Singh to direct some fucking "mythology epic" called War of Gods. So confusing, Hollywood! Is it a clash or a war? And must we really have it both ways?

More »

11:45 AM on Fri Jun 27 2008
By STV
1,140 views, 12 comments

Latest by n/a: Speaking of sobbing for our childhoods, I'm getting weepy thinking about "Jason and the Argonauts." Best special effects ever. more »

monday morning box office

One Digitally Enhanced Ray Winstone No Box Office Match For 300 Sweat-Slicked Spartans

As you impatiently listen to the clock tick off the seconds until your Thanksgiving holiday, distract yourself from your daydreams of stuffing and candied yams with a look at the weekend's box office numbers:

1. Beowulf - $28.1 million
That Beowulf's opening weekend finished more than $40 million behind the blockbuster debut of 300 confirms what we'd already suspected: that a single, CGI-sculpted Ray Winstone sixpack, even when supplemented by a gilded, digitally bazoomed Angelina Jolie, simply cannot compete with an entire battalion's worth of glistening Spartan washboards. The next time director Robert Zemeckis decides to break out his motion-capture technology, he may want to find a few hundred more doughy English actors onto which he can impose abdominal perfection.

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8:03 PM on Sun Nov 18 2007
By Mark
2,220 views, 13 comments

annals of movie marketing

'Beowulf' Trailer: This! Is! Remarkably Similar To '300'!


Perhaps you've taken notice of the Beowulf marketing siege currently coating area mini-storages and billboards, its cast of synthetic stars only slightly less off-putting than the dead-eyed, Christmas-train-riding childrenoids that populated Robert Zemeckis's last effort. The FXRant blog notes a number of striking similarities between its campaign and that of another CGI-heavy fantasy epic that's already proven its box office might:

[I]t's clear that they've been studying the ad campaign for "300" very carefully. Among many stylistic and clear similarities between each films' trailers, here are a few highlights:

· Both trailers have the lead, bearded, warrior hero, in closeup, loudly proclaiming that "THIS! IS! SPARTA!", or, "I! AM! BEOWULF!"

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6:00 PM on Mon Nov 5 2007
By Seth
2,609 views, 2 comments

trade round up

'Star Trek' Finds Its Sulu And Scotty

· Yet more stars sign on to JJ Abrams's much-ballyhooed Star Trek: Early 30s project, including Hot Fuzz's Simon Pegg as Scotty, and John "What? He's Korean? Enh, Close Enough" Cho as Sulu. [Variety, THR]
· CBS signed musical-adapting superduo Craig Zadan and Neil Meron to a three movie deal, meaning at long last Jennifer Love Hewitt in Hello, Dolly! is no longer just a pipe dream. [Variety]
· Director Zack Snyder is reteaming with his 300 team for The Last Photograph, about "a photograph that becomes the catalyst for a journey two abs-licious men undertake through war-torn Afghanistan, upon which they meet a really gay bald guy with a jangly nose-ring." We're there! [Variety]
· Will Smith's Overbrook Entertainment is making a "major push" into TV, including Hitch the sitcom, based on the movie of the same name we'd sooner apply a Braun hand-blender to our privates than see. [THR]
· Is Will Ferrell video hub FunnyorDie.com "coasting on the fumes of Landlord?" If so, they may wanna consider giving Pearl a bigger trailer and a piece of the viral backend. [THR]

11:38 AM on Fri Oct 12 2007
By Seth
1,183 views, 12 comments

Latest by Miss d: uh Will? You ain't funny. EVER. Let it go. more »

the departed

Jack Nicholson's Strap-On Has Nowhere To Hide In 'The Depanted'


A Worth1000 Photoshop contest fielding posters for movies one letter off from their original titles turned up a surprisingly hilarious bounty of entries. Frustrated at having to single out just a few for special recognition, we eventually settled on the three above—000's abandoned CGI cliff bereft of even a single tumbling Persian, The Lives of Otters's voyeuristic glimpse into the world of marine mammals inhabiting a Cold War-era German zoo, and the mob/FBI game of trou-dropping cat-and-mouse known as The Depanted—but strongly suggest you peruse the entries yourself, lest you miss out on the one-sheet touting Marty McFly's adventure back to 18th century Germany to ensure nothing interferes with the composition of the Brandenburg concerti. Sure, they are good for a laugh, but don't be surprised if this "change one letter" approach doesn't soon overtake sequels and remakes as the preferred studio method of revisiting previously proven material. More »

1:30 PM on Wed Apr 18 2007
By Seth
2,730 views, 7 comments

Latest by UnidentifiedFemaleCompanion: I thought for sure someone would do a take on Wild Bogs. And for those with a flatulence problem? How about the Defarted? more »

300

'300' Teaches Us That Audiences Are Suckers For Nice-Looking Crap Shined Up With The Latest Turd-Polishing Technology

As a deflated Harvey Weinstein mounts his box office jalopy on cinderblocks, considering how to most quickly rebuild it into a smooth-running, crash-resistant machine, he might want to take a cue from another recent hyperviolent release that has achieved blockbuster status. Using 300's unlikely success as a case study, as well as several other recent head-scratchers that managed to turn the usual Hollywood cowpies into gold, BusinessWeek bravely throws the old "there aren't any rules" Hollywood myth out the window, and attempts to draw some quantifiable conclusions from America's seemingly bottomless lust for depilated pecs and bullet-time blood spurts: More »

7:40 PM on Mon Apr 9 2007
By Seth
4,343 views, 8 comments

Latest by coreyander: I actually hated Sin City too, but I think it might come down to the source material in that case. Either way, there is no reason why a movie about the battle of Thermopylae should involve grotesque "Persian" beasts more »

craigslist

Defamer Connections: Seeking '300' Craigslist-Trawling Spartan Tops

We at Defamer realize that the moviegoing experience can sometimes be so exhilarating that the mere act of watching passively without injecting oneself into the proceedings can feel frustrating and unfulfilling. What sets apart this audience member's response to the exposed manflesh orgy that is 300 isn't so much the fact that the film conjured up detailed multi-partner sexual scenarios, but that he was willing to take the proactive step of posting a Craigslist ad that might actually help him actualize his Spartan bukkake fantasies: More »

6:04 PM on Tue Mar 27 2007
By Seth
3,430 views, 12 comments

Latest by noodleman: Was this Craigslist listing the origin to Peter Graves' cryptic question to Jay Leno Thursday night "Do you like gladiator movies?" more »

short ends

Short Ends: These Balls Aren't Going To Lick Themselves, People


· It's funny because it's true: no balls in this town get licked without the all-important conference call.
· Had enough of the 300 parodies yet? Yeah, neither have we.
· TMNT packs all of the pizza-chomping thrills of a Leni Riefenstahl film.
· While Batman is off taking a toke break, the Joker is is busy plotting his boner-related revenge.
· We swear, we were only kidding about Zsa Zsa Gabor's batshit husband getting back in to the Dannielynn Smith paternity sweepstakes.

6:43 PM on Fri Mar 23 2007
By Mark
175 views, 1 comment

Latest by catdirt: Honestly, I don't see why the guys we're seeing in the office have a problem with licking two balls in one day with one team of guys. why is it not "simple arithmatic?" Need the ball licking be more »

300

300 Candycane-Toting Spartans


Like a silhouetted army of dark-skinned, Xerxes-worshipping Persians tumbling into the ocean off the ledge of a jutting cliff, the 300 trailer mashups and parodies are now dropping fast and furiously. Earlier, we shared with you the genre-defining, gay-supertext-highlighting masterwork that was It's Raining 300 Men; now, here's a radically different approach: A "PG cut" (though we're wondering why they didn't just go ahead and give it a G) featuring the fearsome, bare-torsoed warriors of an ancient Candylandian civilization called Caketown, who could bring much larger nations to their knees using nothing more than their brute strength and insatiable taste for blood-soaked frosting. More »

5:37 PM on Fri Mar 23 2007
By Seth
4,449 views, 4 comments

Latest by The Mysterious Mr. Fgsfds: PG: Contains severe dental and dietary irresponsibility. more »

300

It's Raining 300 Men


In the post-post Brokeback mash-up era, setting the trailer for a movie in which nearly every frame is filled with the CGI-enhanced six-packs of three-quarters-naked, glistening Greeks to "It's Raining Men" might be a little too easy. But in truth, a flick whose pivotal scene involves a proud King refusing an initiation to kneel down in supplication before a freshly waxed, liberally pierced god-warrior draped in spangly chains (who, it should be noted, travels the countryside in a mobile Vegas hotel shuttled to and fro by strong-backed rentboys) by defiantly shrugging off a seductive shoulder rub and reciting the lyrics to "I Will Survive" is kind of asking for it. More »

9:29 AM on Fri Mar 23 2007
By Mark
14,113 views, 7 comments

Latest by raincoaster: el smrtmnky, that just may be the greatest comment on a Defamer post in all of recorded history. more »

box office

Monday Morning Box Office: Beware Greeks Bearing Suspiciously Well-Defined Abdominals

As you grab your head, trying to fight back the waves of nausea still lingering after Saturday's debauchery long enough to remember where you buried that leprechaun's body—hey, he looked like a leprechaun after that tenth whiskey—take a few moments to review the weekend box office numbers. They'll fix you right up. They always do. More »

9:16 AM on Mon Mar 19 2007
By Mark
5,026 views, 18 comments