Defamer

Fearless Predictions, with Oliver Stone: Cindy Adams has been there from the beginning with W., with her ambitious rewrite earlier this summer recently giving way to a late bit of story consulting with director Oliver Stone. Trouble persists at the 11th hour, however, as Stone's satiric dystopia hardly conforms to Adams's more optimistic vision at all: "There's no malice in the movie. It's just that it becomes obvious Bush's legacy has been trashed. The family name doesn't mean anything anymore. Like, for instance, Jeb Bush will never be president." And what will the president think of the film? "He'll say it's horseshit." Wait until he sees how our crystal ball plays it out. [NYP]

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Say hi to your mother for me

'SNL' Moves To Next Level With Gimp-Hindered Sister Act And A Donkey-Curious Mark Wahlberg

While much has been made of Tina Fey's return to SNL this season—starring as Sarah Palin in a series of pitch-perfect cold-opens that could well be the only things preventing a frayed America from tumbling off a flat Earth's edge—this week's episode also brought two other hilarious and viral-worthy sketches we thought we'd share. The first involves a Lawrence Welk Show-era sister act with a dark, attic-bound secret, played by Kristen Wiig. The second features Andy Samberg as Max Payne star Mark Wahlberg, in conversation with a variety of farm animals. Look—us explaining it is just delaying the funny. They're both after the jump.

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3:50 PM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By Seth
388 views, 1 comment

Latest by Wazimu: So that was supposed to be funny? more »

A Call To The Bullpen

Orlando Bloom Vaguely Remembers Getting Inked The Night Before.

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Flavor of the Month

Behold Next Year's Crap Today: 'Vanilla Gorilla,' Starring Pierce Brosnan

After his golden-throated turn as Sperm Donor #2 in the hit Mamma Mia!, Pierce Brosnan had all the leverage he needed to push one passion project of his own through a Hollywood machine that had all but given up on him. Finally, life after Bond — real life, not his DOA indie Married Life — shone on the horizon in its unmistakeable, honey-tinged haze. And looking into that haze, we see a figure emerging in the distant hills — a hulking shadow of mysterious provenance, that rarest of phenomena we'd only heard rumored about before today and which Brosnan is determined to redeem. Behold Vanilla Gorilla, which one wag is pegging as the Beverly Hills Chihuahua of 2009, but about which the IMDB summary has us feeling slightly less optimistic: More »

3:10 PM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By STV
225 views, 1 comment

Latest by DarkKnightShyamalan: Now we discover why Brosnan's been cultivating that back hair so carefully. more »

Love lessons

Sensitive Lothario David Spade Checks Up On Heather Locklear with Texted 'WTF?'

Back when David Spade was dating Heather Locklear, Hollywood tongues wagged endlessly, wondering, "How does he do it?" Eventually, people realized that Spade is one of the great Casanovas of our time, able to woo some of the industry's biggest beauties by simply following the maxim, "Be normal and kind of have your shit together." Unfortunately, Locklear currently has her shit somewhat scattered, as she's dealing with a DUI called in by an ex-Us Weekly staffer who has a special relationship with Locklear rival Denise Richards. With so much going on in the life of his ex, how did the sensitive Spade check in? More »

2:45 PM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By Kyle Buchanan
852 views, 1 comment

Latest by Trixie from Toronto: What I want to know: Is David Spade the former boyfriend whom Janet Charlton claims enjoyed sharing Heather's Vicodin stash? And why is Denise Richards such a cunt? Was banging her husband not enough? more »

Paychecks

Is Captain Jack Sparrow Plundering Disney For $54 Mil?

In Johnny Depp, Disney found an unlikely Mickey messiah. His once-dicey-seeming turn as a scenery-chewing eyeliner junkie was a risk worth taking, it turned out, and it wasn't long before Pirates of the Caribbean's staggering grosses had execs' eyeballs rolling back into their heads, replaced by spinning gold bullion. Resisting the urge to stuff their single biggest revenue generator into a chest and throw away the key until Depp had completed filming on Pirates 4 through 18, the company instead lay out a buffet of properties and encouraged the actor to help himself—and he did, committing to parts like the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland; The Lone Ranger's sidekick Tonto; and, in his biggest stretch to date, the titular transportation device of Jerry Bruckheimer's thrilling Monorail: The Motion Picture. Still, we haven't yet seen the last of Captain Jack Sparrow, a role Depp is reportedly revisiting for a $56 million paycheck. From the Daily Mail:

Hollywood heartthrob Johnny Depp will pick up a staggering $56 million for starring in a fourth Pirates Of The Caribbean film. And it's the highest up-front pay-cheque in showbiz history.

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2:15 PM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By Seth
650 views, 15 comments

Latest by Shumina: What's with the social conscience-ism up thar in the comments?! Defamer, c'mon, don't you go changing too much now. We'll make ye walk the plank! more »

And he's out! After a long, arduous stay in sex rehab, David Duchovny and his wife, Tea Leoni, were snapped at the Czech Street Festival in New York City this weekend. Roger Friedman will be pleased by his choice of coasts, though the actor will certainly have to return to Los Angeles at some point to shoot the soon-to-be-awkward third season of Californication. Tea, might we recommend the newest in fully-transparent glass Star Waggons? [ONTD]

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Labor Pains

Are Will Smith, Oprah Winfrey and Other Tyler Perry Guests Hollywood's Hottest New Scabs?

Tyler Perry's crisp white tuxedo was a bold choice of attire at the opening of his new studio Saturday night, when the mogul was dodging the worst of his fired former writers' union-busting accusations reported here last week. The WGA came through with its picket line on behalf of Kellie Griffin, Christopher Moore, Teri Brown-Jackson, and Lamont Ferrell — the House Of Payne Four whom Perry allegedly let go for their attempts to unionize the show's writing staff. One reported list of attendees had Will Smith, Oprah Winfrey, Sidney Poitier and several illustrious others crossing the picket line Saturday night, while the WGA sent word late Saturday that a second protest was planned for another, smaller event at Perry's Atlanta mansion on Sunday morning. So what does it all mean besides Oprah scabbing her way to free drinks and having a drunken Madea-Off with Poitier and Ruby Dee? More »

1:20 PM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By STV
1,010 views, 3 comments

Latest by Tiger_Tanaka: So, don't cash 100 paychecks then expect things to change. Got it. more »

Reversals of fortune

Now, Even Sherri Shepherd Treats Elisabeth Hasselbeck Like 'The Stupid One'

For all too long, Sherri Shepherd has stayed relatively quiet on The View, keeping a low profile (except for the occasional blow-up at Bill Maher) and generally avoiding the sort of "flat earth" gaffes that would draw the pity spotlight away from her cohost Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Today, though, in the midst of another Hasselbeck political rant about Barack Obama's association with William Ayers, a surprisingly prepared Shepherd jumped in to rebut the show's token conservative with a "Wait, wait, wait — no you don't!" More »

12:52 PM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By Kyle Buchanan
4,166 views, 21 comments

Latest by Trixie from Toronto: It's like she's ONLY reading the McCain website for her information. Are they fucking paying her? She really needs to go back to the island and resume her inappropriate relationship with that vaguely pervy old man. Clearly she's got a thing for Grandpa types and I suspect Barack repels her due more »

A Call To The Bullpen

Russell Crowe Is Shocked To Hear The News!

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His Coke Rewards. Former Roseanne Barr-satisfier Tom Arnold is grappling with an addiction to Diet Coke and Nicorette: "I've had 30 Diet Cokes in 12 hours on set and then I'll eat a whole cake. After I quit cigars, I got addicted to Nicorette. I've been on a cleanse...The first three days I was hallucinating. It was way worse than rehab for drugs. In rehab they give you a little something to take." It might sound like an innocuous enough addiction, but the truth is Diet Coke really is the devil's fizzy, 1-calorie candy. We'll never forget a story from The Black Table about DC addiction with one of the most chills-inducing ledes we've ever read: "Iva-Marie Palmer quite literally wakes up with a Diet Coke, downing her first one of the day while still in the shower." [Daily Star]

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Not got to allow that

Does Alec Baldwin Have His Own Sarah Palin Impression? You Betcha

Tina Fey had better watch her back — if she continues with her cutting Sarah Palin impressions on Saturday Night Live, she might find herself fired (or sniped from above thanks to a far-afield Alaskan helicopter). Fortunately, her 30 Rock costar Alec Baldwin will be available to step into the breach: he unveiled his own Sarah Palin impression on Friday's edition of Real Time with Bill Maher. While the vocal mimicry isn't quite up to par with Fey's (or Baldwin's own tour-de-force 30 Rock therapy scene), we have to breathe a sigh of relief that Baldwin didn't call the candidate a "lipsticked, vile little pig." Thank goodness for small favors! [Real Time with Bill Maher via HuffPo] More »

12:00 PM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By Kyle Buchanan
2,335 views, 4 comments

Latest by Benny: I am now officially bored of Sarah Palin mockery. It's become a formula, with more and more pandering and less and less being genuinely said about the woman. Step it up Baldwin. more »

Do not try and bend the spoon

Tripping Balls With Ari Gold

What's to be done when you've exhausted every conceivable scenario in which to place your series's quartet of homoerotically bonded ne'er-do-wells? In Entourage's case, it means sending them to the desert with Eric "Abs of Steel" Roberts and a bag of magic mushrooms for a mind-expanding journey towards should-Vince-or-shouldn't-Vince-do-a-Benji-movie enlightenment. More »

11:40 AM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By Seth
1,423 views, 5 comments

Latest by Reggie Cameron: I don't watch Entourage, so whenever I see Ari Gold in type (especially when followed by words like BALLS) I think of this asshole: + Watch video more »

celeb jurisprudence

Disappointed O.J. Simpson Prepares Appeal, Deletes Acquittal Party Evite

So that does it. There will be no white Bronco to whisk O.J. Simpson homeward, no Cochranesque rhymes to grease a trail out the courtroom door. The Juice is cold and freshly squeezed, convicted late Friday on a dozen charges including armed robbery, assault and kidnapping with a deadly weapon. All told, Simpson faces life in prison for his role in the forcible theft of sports collectibles from a Las Vegas hotel room in Sept. 2007 (he's likelier to get seven to 10 years when sentenced Dec. 5), and while Simpson Murder Trial alums ranging from Fred Goldman to Marcia Clark are all but popping champagne corks at word of his date with the slammer, the all-white jury that convicted him insisted over the weekend that justice is blind — if not necessarily deaf. More »

11:20 AM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By STV
1,281 views, 4 comments

Latest by I_b_hatin: Aint karma a mutha?!?!?! more »

Old People Swearing

Lauren Bacall Livens Up Nicole Kidman Profile With Cuss-Laden Slams at Tom Cruise

Here at Defamer, we have a well-documenter love of salty old battle axes (hi, Cloris Leachman!) so props must be paid when one goes above and beyond the call of duty in providing us with entertainment. This week's recipient of our wizened love is Hollywood veteran Lauren Bacall, who adds a much-needed dash of (blue) color to Elle's upcoming profile of Nicole Kidman. While the Botoxed beauty is in a magnanimous mood, acknowledging her pleasure that ex Tom Cruise has found a "more profound" love with Katie Holmes, Kidman's former costar Bacall isn't one to mince words, and she jumps in to call Cruise a "maniac": More »

11:00 AM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By Kyle Buchanan
3,649 views, 12 comments

Latest by Miss Anne Thrope: And by "profound" she means, Tom has a better death grip on her. more »

A Call To The Bullpen

Uncomfortably Close With Angelina Jolie

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Winking at oneself

Doggone It, Sarah Palin Wants an 'SNL' Cameo Of Her Own

Appearing in the flesh on Saturday Night Live is a time-honored ritual for many political names, including the three biggest of this past election cycle: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have both put in cold opening cameos, while John McCain actually hosted SNL in 2002. Still, for all the mileage that the show has wrung out of Sarah Palin's vice presidential candidacy, Palin herself has yet to appear on the show — though according to the Chicago Sun Times, that may change very soon. In fact, sources in the McCain camp say that they have a very specific idea in mind to help Palin avenge herself upon the fired, lifeless body of her nemesis, Tina Fey: More »

10:20 AM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By Kyle Buchanan
3,703 views, 15 comments

Latest by satyricrash: Oh, hell no. more »

Trade roundup

Jimmy Kimmel Reports Back For Awards Duty

· Jimmy Kimmel will return to host his fifth American Music Awards in November; confirmed musical guests include Pink and the Jonas Brothers, who will honor the institution with a Grobanesque medley of songs by influential winners like Kris Kross, New Kids on the Block, Kool and the Gang and many others. [AP]
· HBO just picked up Entourage for a sixth season, thus ensuring at least two more years of Emmy retribution against host-bashing awards perennial Jeremy Piven. [THR] More »

9:50 AM on Mon Oct 6 2008
By STV
467 views, 4 comments

Latest by taraniso: He does have that look on his face like he just pulled that award out of 'somewhere' more »

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