Defamer


The Brady Clap

Marcia Brady Traumatizes 'Today' Show Audiences With Syphilitic Tales Of Horror

Maureen McCormick stopped by The Today Show this morning in support of her new autobiography, Here's the Story: Surviving Marcia Brady and Finding My True Voice. We were prepared to settle in for the old former-child-star song n' dance: the typecasting, the self-loathing, the drug binging, the weight-loss reality show comebacks. What we weren't quite ready for was the McCormick Family Ugly Secret, which the actress reveals without a much-needed warning to first shoo your children out of the room: Syphilis, you see, destroyed her family.

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8:45 AM on Tue Oct 14 2008
By Seth
6 views, Comment

Short Ends

Peter Cook Just Wants To Be Loved. Is That So Wrong?

· For the record: Peter Cook did NOT have a $3000-a-week internet porn habit. He had a massive hole in his self-esteem that needed to be plugged with $3000-a-week's worth of life-affirming online flirtation. [ABC News]
· Marcia Brady always seemed like she had it all, but it turns out she battled a cocaine addiction and was severely depressed. Yeah, yeah—get in line, Marcia. [CNN]
· Alan Cumming would like to know why America is so content with mediocrity, to which we reply, why is he so content with Son of the Mask and Tin Man? [HuffPo]
· Well we finally have a comedy one-sheet motif to replace the guy's-head-on-color-background popularized by The 40-Year-Old Virgin: It's now all about male/female stick figures and bathroom door symbols. [Cinematical]
· We hope those rims weren't Hamburgled. [Plan9]

6:00 PM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
716 views, 6 comments

Latest by graceless: How do we get people to stop doing these public mea culpas? Enough already. I could only watch more »

To Do

Molls Breaks It Down For Tara Reid, Queen Of Denial

So Molly isn't quite convinced by Tara Reid's recent claims that the weak economy and Hollywood labor disputes were responsible for the career drought that forced her to take gigs as a shot girl Down Under. (She recently said, "I totally plan to go back into acting once the strike stops. The economy is so bad right now that people are afraid to put money back into acting. Even the shows that seem new, they really shot six months ago. So when it's all back up again, I will go back into it. That's my heart.") Honestly, though, we're not entirely convinced this girl doesn't have one Rourkeian comeback in her. We're pulling for you, Tara! What's to do is after the jump: More »

4:35 PM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
1,270 views, 12 comments

Latest by Victor Ward: I so did not get these at first, but now I am ridiculously sad that you are leaving. Well, I mean, more »

Fish Dances

Olivia Munn Does Filthy Things With Raw Seafood

Defamer's enduring fascination with Attack of the Show host Olivia Munn, and her ongoing explorations of the strange worlds lying towards the far reaches of her personal shame-threshold, continues: In her latest escapade, Munn communes suggestively with a variety of aquatic wildlife. Surely you require no more explanation that that, but we'll offer some anyway: More »

4:02 PM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
1,483 views, 4 comments

Latest by Tyrol_Kyd: Those poor fish will never get the Munn smell off of them. more »

Defamer Decides 2008

Still Undecided? Maybe Joseph Gordon-Levitt Can Help!

Not only is Joseph Gordon-Levitt a gifted young actor, he's also a budding filmmaker in his own right: Perhaps you recall his fine work in Pictures of Assholes, a short documentary in which he attempted to delve into the unknowable psyche of the paparazzi. His latest project, currently screening in YouTube-directed browsers everywhere, is a political memoir, tracing his roots back to his years as an impressionable young MTV watcher, through the last eight rancorous years, to his present-day love affair with a man from Honolulu. Say what you will about this Obama rhapsody: it's a gritty affair, more likely to feature repeated shots of a cow relieving itself than the flossy celebrity dance-offs favored by some of his peers. The choice is yours.

It's after the jump:

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2:45 PM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
1,044 views, 3 comments

Latest by eXXX: JGL is so great. Mysterious Skin, Brick, etc. <3 more »

Celeb Divorce

Everything You Thought You Knew About The Grazers' Divorce Settlement May Be Wrong!

A highly placed Defamer operative tells us TMZ has gotten the details of the Brian and Gigi Grazer divorce (he gets the freedom to personally pinch-test whomever he pleases, they say, she gets $1,000,042 a month)—wrong. For starters, they don't even own a home in New York. Read the details after the jump:

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1:52 PM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
6,593 views, 11 comments

Latest by Seeräuber Jenny: Is she watching The Starter Wife for tips? more »

Trade Roundup

Ridley Scott Heads Back To The Future

· Ridley Scott's first sci fi film since Alien and Blade Runner will be The Forever War, a project delayed for decades over book rights. Please God let it not star Russell Crowe. [Variety]
· The 24th Mipcom festival was overshadowed by economic tsuris, but reps from the American TV industry are remaining optimistic, saying, "C'mon—Desperate Housewives catfights are universal and depression-proof. Am I wrong?" [Variety]

After the jump: Which agent kissed off WMA, taking her highish-profile client list to UTA?

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1:05 PM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
1,317 views, 1 comment

Latest by Benovite: "highish-profile client list"? Try absurdly mediocre. more »

Celeb divorce

Who Gets What In The Brian And Gigi Grazer Divorce

It's been a year and four months since we learned of the dissolution of the marriage of Hollywood superproducer (and lesser-known rising sign) Brian Grazer to his screenwriter/author ex-wife, Gigi Levangie. And while the split was by all reports amicable—never once resulting in Grazer turning to his Cultural Attaché 2.0 in a moment of weakness, and uttering the words, "How about bringing me a Nobel laureate who can figure out a way for me to stop hemorrhaging alimony. Huh? Got one of those in your little idea bag, bigshot?"—the divorce proceedings have splayed open the couple's finances for all the nosy world (that would be you) to see. Details after the jump.

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12:40 PM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
4,019 views, 16 comments

Latest by Miss d: Her name sounds like a nasty rash... more »

Mockery

Mark Wahlberg Thinks 'SNL' And Their Stupid Impression Of Him Can Suck It

While we found Andy Samberg's SNL impression of Mark Wahlberg as a sort of less-successful Dr. Doolittle overly preoccupied with sending his regards to farm animals' mothers to be flat out hilarious, not everyone was as amused. For starters, there was Wahlberg himself, who was asked about the sketch several times on the Max Payne interview circuit. In the audio clip above, set to a series of modeling shots and film stills by Defamer videographer Molly McAleer, the Robitussin-abusing star of The Happening seems mildy irritated by the caricaturization: More »

11:05 AM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
3,704 views, 18 comments

Latest by NoGrumpys: ...and sometimes a cigar is a substitute for the phallas one dreams to have sliding between his muscular lips... I'M JUST more »

We're thrilled to announce a new addition to the Defamer team today: Please give a warm welcome to Matt McCluskey and Julie Miller—the devious and hilarious minds behind the UTA Job List blog we posted about not long ago. From their Official Bio&trade:
Matt McCluskey and Julie Miller are writers who live in Silver Lake with two tortie cats. Currently, they are dealing with their collective fear of death and actively managing their darkly comedic impulses.
They'll be contributing on several new features we'll be sliding down the post-pressing belt in the coming weeks, beginning today with Defamer Horoscopes, your weekly astrological forecast. Should you get that breast enlargement? Sleep with your producing partner's girlfriend? Hog credit on a project? Let the stars—and McCluskey & Miller—guide your way! MORE »

10 comments

The Wrestler

Is This The Performance That Will Win Mickey Rourke An Oscar?

We've now seen and heard enough of The Wrestler—the Darren Aronofsky-helmed, Mickey Rourke comeback vehicle—to predict with some confidence that come the big night, the hard-knocked star with the lived-in face will have Oscar in a full nelson and begging for mercy. But for those who just can't wait until the Golden Lion-winner's December 19th release date to live for a precious few hours in aging wrestler Randy "The Ram" Robinson lace-up boots, we offer now a preview scene from the film: In it, The Ram attempts to apologize to his estranged daughter, played by Evan Rachel Wood, in a one-sided, seaside soul-baring that reminded us of Jack Nicholson's Five Easy Pieces peace-making monologue with his mute father. More »

9:20 AM on Mon Oct 13 2008
By Seth
2,306 views, 5 comments

Latest by saltwater: Give it to him. He's a hard working man. more »

Short Ends

A Visit To The Hot Dog Factory!

· We miss Wonder Showzen: "Raining meat. Just like my nightmares."
· Cloris Leachman's amazing year caps off with her appointment as Grand Marshal of the next Rose Parade. That's the power of Cloris 2!
· Austin Powers's deadly henchman Random Task has been booked in connection with a 1990 gang rape. The things he can do with that metal hat!
· Mr. and Miss J are getting a Top Model spinoff on The CW called Operation Fabulous, which you'll stay home to watch instead of trying out for the football team, crushing your father's dreams in the process.
· Strictly for the life-free: The Britney Spears "Womanizer" video will premiere at the end of 20/20 tonight. They're pushing it really hard. Hugh Downs must be rolling in his grave. (He's still alive? Oops.)
· Akinator is a genie that can guess any famous character you're thinking of, real or fictional, by asking you 20 questions. First we thought of Spock, and it got it. Then we tried to stump it with Anne of Green Gables. AND IT GOT IT. More »

6:01 PM on Fri Oct 10 2008
By Seth
1,159 views, 7 comments

Latest by juniperjenny: It got Mr. Darcy and Sleeping Beauty (which floored me). Guessed Jane Eyre instead of Emma Woodhouse. Should have asked more »

To Do

Michelle Rodriguez Holds Vibrator Hostage!

So recidivist actress Michelle Rodriguez apparently held a vibrator hostage recently, and Molls—a longtime proponent of personal pleasuring devices and a Pleasure Chest Platinum MasterCard holder—has a lot to say on the subject. Have at it, Molls! And once you're done with that, here's some things to do for the weekend: More »

4:35 PM on Fri Oct 10 2008
By Seth
2,364 views, 8 comments

Latest by Lapinot: I owe most of my knowledge of sex toys to male ladies. more »

Hollywood Strikewatch

Unruly WGA Mob Protest 'Project Runway' Rodeo Drive Shoot

A Defamer operative going about his daily Rodeo Drive chores let us know about a standoff that went down this morning between the forces of good (underpaid and undervalued reality show writer-producers) and evil (Heidi Klum, and anything—sorry Tim Gunn fans!—Heidi Klum-adjacent). He writes: More »

4:15 PM on Fri Oct 10 2008
By Seth
5,147 views, 2 comments

Latest by unclevanya: Next time I walk by Parsons on my way home from work, I'll be able to crook a slight smile more »

Defamer First Look

Your First Glimpse At Robert Downey Jr.'s Little Tramp Detective, Sherlock Holmes!

Here we have your first look at Robert Downey Jr. in Guy Ritchie's SherlocknRolla take on Sir Conan Doyle's classic creation. The director has apparently abandoned Holmes's iconic deerstalker cap, cloak, and pipe in favor of a bowler hat, stripey vest, and gigantic Starbucks beverage. ("No foam skim latte, my dear Watson!")

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2:10 PM on Fri Oct 10 2008
By Seth
2,324 views, 7 comments

Latest by Poppymann: Choice new dialogue: "My pistol says .30 caliber, whereas you are threatening me with a sooty brush!" "Never trust a man who more »

Defamer decides 2008

Betty White On Sarah Palin: 'That Is One Crazy Bitch!'

Are we sick of Sarah Palin jokes yet? Yes—yes we do believe we are, yet not since Brokeback Mountain has a single cultural phenomenon offered comedy writers (and ankle-shackled galley bloggers) such a bounty of low-hanging fruit. More »

12:16 PM on Fri Oct 10 2008
By Seth
12,338 views, 6 comments

Latest by LLH: i heart betty white. i heart craig more though! more »

The Vampires Give Back. An operative deep undercover in Tampa writes us: "I am stymied as to why Sam Trammell and Rutina Wesley ("Sam" and "Tara") from HBO's True Blood are in my office's conference room giving out autographs and pictures with all 500 of the employees in my Tampa, FL cable company's office. Is it normal for a show to bring its actors on a tour of Florida suburbs to shake hands with call center employees, tech staff, etc.? Is this kind of grassroots PR work a good sign for the show, or a bad one?" Gee, we don't really know, though when we stop to think about it, the Austin Nichols and Luke Perry John From Cincinnati Visits A Surf Shop Near You! tour did come just weeks before its cancellation. Take from that what you will. [Defamer] MORE »

8 comments

Trade Roundup

The Visitors Cometh

· Add a plate of hamsters to the crafts services table: Defamer favorite V is making its long awaited return, with a remake in development at ABC from Scott Peters, the creator/EP of The 4400. [Variety]
· W. star Josh Brolin is close to signing on as the lead in Jonah Hex, the facially disfigured DC Comics gunslinger, in a movie by the Crank team. Since his recent tasering by overzealous Shreveport law enforcement has left the right side of his face paralyzed already, half the makeup work has already been done! [Variety]
· Eric Bana is negotiating to star in a remake of 2004 French heist drama Le Convoyeur, about an armored car heist. [Variety]

After the jump: What hunky mystery disease was spotted lunching at The Grill with Seth Rogen?

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10:43 AM on Fri Oct 10 2008
By Seth
1,464 views, 10 comments

Latest by jerebo: Yup, Robert Englund was Willy the friendly visitor. Had fell in love with kind waitress who was confused when he more »

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