Comments from regisgoat

regisgoat commented on Print's Black Wednesday

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 04:51:16 PDT

It's all about payback for running Marmaduke, isn't it?

regisgoat commented on Times Reporter: "I Was A Fat Thug Who Beat Up Women And Sold Bad Coke"

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 05:53:41 PDT

I think they should get Ed "Married With Children" O"Neill to play him in the inevitable fucking movie.

regisgoat commented on Ledger Apparently Would Have Wanted It This Way as Posthumous Joker Hype Grows

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 05:48:21 PDT

It's not like an Oscar is going to bring him back from the dead.

regisgoat commented on Talk Show Breaks Out at Race Riot

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 05:43:59 PDT

I've got the perfect title for the Carr movie: The Tweakening.

regisgoat commented on First Negative 'The Dark Knight' Reviews Ding Impenetrable Bat-Armor

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:32:53 PDT

Yeah, Smith doesn't exactly contain multitudes, does he.
Denby's low-water mark, faithfully preserved by Jonathan Rosenbaum, is the time he wrote "Even God would be frightened" by the majesty of Oliver Stone's JFK.

regisgoat commented on Kreepie Kats Kut Off Your Nuts In: "Reading Gawker is the moral Equivalent of Stuffing Your mom's Snatch With Nacho Cheese and Pouring Red Fucking Ants on Top!!"

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 15:29:35 PDT

Shore! But you have to bring the quarters. I guess they take dollars now, though, don't they...eh....

regisgoat commented on Kreepie Kats Kut Off Your Nuts In: "Reading Gawker is the moral Equivalent of Stuffing Your mom's Snatch With Nacho Cheese and Pouring Red Fucking Ants on Top!!"

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 09:09:06 PDT

Very kind, WretchedGnu, thanks--believe me, I'm a much better uncle than I would have been as a father.

regisgoat commented on First Negative 'The Dark Knight' Reviews Ding Impenetrable Bat-Armor

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 09:07:33 PDT

Seriously, though, the RT dogpile on Denby really did depress me, particularly by a crowd of bullying dopes demanding that he agree with them or else. I do think he's wrong about this movie.

regisgoat commented on 'Us Weekly' Liveblogs Sarah Silverman's Post-Jimmy Kimmel-Breakup Brunch Of Despair

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 07:04:54 PDT

It was a good thing in the sense that it made two people miserable instead of four. I sense that she'll get a rebound rematch with "Tiggles" (women sometimes turn to each other in times of stress or breakup, or so I've read in the supermarket line). The chemistry between them was electric in that episode.
Anyway, I'm glad she isn't standing on chairs and belting "The Winner Takes It All".

regisgoat commented on First Negative 'The Dark Knight' Reviews Ding Impenetrable Bat-Armor

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 06:59:40 PDT

I'm really afraid that this New Yorker review is going to hurt the opening grosses. David Denby means so much to today's young people.

regisgoat commented on Kreepie Kats Kut Off Your Nuts In: "Reading Gawker is the moral Equivalent of Stuffing Your mom's Snatch With Nacho Cheese and Pouring Red Fucking Ants on Top!!"

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 06:53:06 PDT

@skahammer, wretchedgnu
WARNING: OVERSHARING BELOW!
Quote away, friends. Did it 23 years ago when I was 27, and no regrets. Didn't even hurt (sometimes people get swelling, didn't happen to me). Especially no regrets about making the punk-ass bitch company I was working for in the early 1980s pay for it through their health plan.
I was going out with this jobless girl and she said "I've had three abortions and I'm keeping this one..." I loved her like crazy but this idea scared me crapless. Soon as the pregnancy turned out to be a scare, I thought--lets don't have any more scares. Relationship ended a year later for reasons unrelated to vasectomy.
I was always certain I'd never have kids. I wanted to be a writer and I heard that Cyril Connoly quote early in life "There is no more solemn enemy of promise than the perambulator in the hall." And besides, the planet is chockful of babies and needs no more little North Americans running around wanting everything you could ever possibly imagine.
I would warn anyone not quite so certain to think twice before going through with it. Vasectomies are cheap, reversals not so much so...I was also certain I'd never get married, but actually that's worked out (11 years). Girls who don't want to have kids are really sought after on the dating market, aren't they? Especially during this latest baby-fevered media frenzy (take it from a geezer, it's a trend; it comes and it goes when people get sick of hearing about baby bumps and celebrity sprats)...
Good luck on whatever happens--

regisgoat commented on 'Jeni, Juno' Is Juno's Long Lost Korean Soulmate

Tue, 15 Jul 2008 06:35:33 PDT

"Cultured?" Just because a movie is made in a foreign country doesn't mean it's cultured...
just like an erstwhile little-movie distributed by 20th Century Fox wearing the nose-ring and ponytail of an indie distributor isn't "cultured" by default....

...got the stink-eye from a hobo/shot him full of holes 'till he looked like an oboe...

regisgoat commented on Kreepie Kats Kut Off Your Nuts In: "Reading Gawker is the moral Equivalent of Stuffing Your mom's Snatch With Nacho Cheese and Pouring Red Fucking Ants on Top!!"

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 16:13:31 PDT

I read Wonkette so that makes up for the time I spend reading Gawker while the world dies slowly in flames. As for my unborn grandkids in my balls, glad you asked! I stranded the little consumers right there in my nutsack by having a vasectomy.

regisgoat commented on Harvey's Tumble

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:51:39 PDT

You know the press embargo on film reviews? For years, Miramax were the ones who fussed the most over them like frightened little girls, and now all the studios clamor for them. That's what I hold against the man, me...

regisgoat commented on If There's One Thing That's Guaranteed At This Year's Shakespeare Festival/LA, It's That Shrews Will Be Tamed

Thu, 10 Jul 2008 03:44:26 PDT

Baldie boy in funny puffy pants make Mongo's empty LA head hurt.

regisgoat commented on "The empire struck back and laid me off"

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 05:24:57 PDT

Still working, also in editorial, also in alternative weekly thing, and it's amazing to me it isn't over yet.

regisgoat commented on Jesse Helms

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 12:48:17 PDT

"He was a respecter of proverbs. He will give the devil his due." --Willy the Shake, bisexual writer.

regisgoat commented on Trendiest Dive-Themed Bar Nails a Patron with Meanness

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 06:14:32 PDT

I'm hoping the place has a view of some water or something. It really does look like a place where the tourists go to look at where the fisherman used to bring home the catch before the fishing ran out and the fisherman got unemployed and died of cancer.

regisgoat commented on "The empire struck back and laid me off"

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 06:08:12 PDT

Everybody who ever got downsized: it's your fault. You were too something or other. Some might call you losers, but to be leaner and meaner, we had to restructure the Department of Loser Identification, in order to continue to provide you with exceptional service. Rightsizing the company sometimes means a little pain has to be endured. If the team were still employed, we could say you took one for the team. Rest assured that if the tide ever comes back, all boats will be lifted by it, even those without boats. Press 5 for more options.

regisgoat commented on In Which Gawker Infiltrates Candace Bushnell's New Novel

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:46:52 PDT

@Moff
If I can just put a little mortar on your e-brick, I'm going to suggest here "Candida Bushsmell." Jeez, I could be using e-bricks to build a palace for me and my loved ones, but instead I'm throwing them at a fellow writer who got on the fuckin' gravy train and is riding it until the wheels fall off.

regisgoat commented on Books Best Used as Hiding Place for Homemade Porn

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 05:37:26 PDT

I think everyone here is missing the point: he apparently got away with it. Good man!

regisgoat commented on Where Have All the Mid-Budget Rom-Coms Gone?

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 05:35:43 PDT

McSweeney', ech, indeed.
It is just that bad. And the weird thing is that the smothering wave of narrowly-focussed boutique cinema has also elbowed out what we were getting from overseas. And now Tartan is gone, too: who else is going to risk bringing in brilliant films that just happened to have been made in Romania?

regisgoat commented on Another Lame Internet Meme

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 06:33:32 PDT

Actually, the nuked fridge was the best thing in the movie. I didn't know how the hell he was going to get out of that one, and I bought it. If the light had been on inside after that blast, that would have been stretching things. And now I have to go back and look at the hypnotoad some more....

regisgoat commented on Amy Winehouse Slugs Fan, Falls Down

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 06:03:45 PDT

If someone is giving up crack for a few days, it's not right to get on their last remaining nerve like that. Anyway: better train wreck than the one in Hancock.

regisgoat commented on Breakthrough Awaits Talented Hollywood Hamster

Fri, 27 Jun 2008 04:00:42 PDT

Overpriced rodents who eat their young are the bane of the Industry. For proof, just look at the situation with Valkyrie.

regisgoat commented on Tour De Nance Gets Underway

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 04:35:06 PDT

Leighton Meester, Leighton, Leighton Meester
Leighton Meester, Leighton, Leighton Meester
Want to squeeze her, really want to please her
But I don't know if it's "myester" or "mister"
What are you wearing on your keiester, Ms. Meester?
"IT'S VERSACE!
DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"*

(repeat until signed to recording contract or put away for 78 hour observation.)

*source, New York magazine article on Gossip Girl.

regisgoat commented on Top Ten Worst Kissers In Hollywood: From The 'Icky' To The 'Sweaty' To Tongues That Taste Like 'Kitty Litter'

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 04:24:00 PDT

@Tiger_Tanaka: he's been like this for years. The Dalai Lama stole his mojo and took it to the moon.
Also mention Andy Garcia, who is so Catholic that any love scene makes him yearn for a confessional booth.

regisgoat commented on David O. Russell's 'Nailed' Suffers Fourth Shutdown, Time to Leak Those 'Nude Jessica Biel' Rumors

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 05:06:03 PDT

Isn't this the same plot as John Waters' A Dirty Shame?

regisgoat commented on Is Pixar's 'Wall-E' The Most Expensive Silent Movie Ever Made?

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 14:15:07 PDT

It's a great movie, easily Pixar's most mature film. It's rather dark and sophisticated, and it has the genuine melancholy of the classic silent film. It's not all mute, anyhow: there are humans galore in the second half of the film. Probably said too much already.

regisgoat commented on Kreepie Kats in "The Only Thing Ginormous Enough to Fill the Simpering, Gaping Need Inside of Keith Gessen For You To Respect Him Would Be The Khrysler Building Topped With a Kondom"

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 01:59:09 PDT

I don't even know who Keith Gessen is, but ever since Dave Egger came and sucked all the literary energy out of America, I've been cursing Holden Stuck Up Hamster-Hung Preppie Caulfield for starting the mess. No, I really don't want to hear all about it, preppie.

regisgoat commented on Mad Men Creator is Serious. Damn Serious.

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 01:48:07 PDT

Uh, I wish I had a barrel of his neurosis so I could pass it around to the other TV creator/directors. Mad Men was the only thing that didn't have the Simpsons or the Sopranos in it that was worth watching on TV.

regisgoat commented on Maxwell Smart Set to Bury 'Guru' in Clash of Stinky Summer Titans

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 10:49:52 PDT

Oh, Variety says Guru opened at #4, with $14 million. Can we describe this film as "underperforming"?

regisgoat commented on Dave And Teri: A Love Story

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 09:26:40 PDT

I'll love her until the day I die. And I say that having seen a real test of that enduring love One From the Heart.

regisgoat commented on Maxwell Smart Set to Bury 'Guru' in Clash of Stinky Summer Titans

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 04:00:32 PDT

I skipped Love Guru and saw Get Smart instead. Oh, jeeeeeeeesus was it unfunny. And Peter Segal would not train the camera on Anne Hathaway. Instead he kept going back to take in moe of Steve Carrel's bewilderingly popular crying-on-the-inside clown routine. Anyway, yes, Smart over Guru, 65% drop in Guru's revenues second week after everyone, even people in Manitoba, gets the word out about it.

regisgoat commented on The Five Internet Jokes That Will Make Obama Win

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:51:13 PDT

The birth certificate is hilarious, even if Stewart got their first by calling my hero Hopey "Barack Napoleon Pol Pot Obama."

regisgoat commented on Report: Movie Snacks Surest Way to Fat-Guy Comedy Stardom, Death

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:40:05 PDT

Small bag of Peanut M & Ms: 270 calories, $1 at the convenience store next to the theater. Or, as an alternative: small bag of Peanut M & Ms, 270 calories, $5 at the goddamn concession stand. Now you know why they devised a candy that doesn't melt in your pocket.

regisgoat commented on Um, Has Anyone Seen Abigail Breslin's iPod Touch?

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 05:34:50 PDT

Say, that alien baby face-sucker gag was on MST3K!

regisgoat commented on Bold Starz Campaign Insists You Will Hate The Lindsay Lohan Film Airing Saturday

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 05:41:26 PDT

I'm so glad there's someone left in Hollywood that knows how to sell a movie.

regisgoat commented on Why Lindsay Lohan is a Gay Hero

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 05:39:41 PDT

"I've just gone gay all of a sudden!"--Cary Grant, Bringing Up Baby
Well! There's your evidence!
Grant, no, Lohan, absolutely, and hey, more power to ya, firecrotch.
("Firecrotch" is actually kind of a dashing nickname. That's what they should retitle Quantum of Solace. You can just hear Shirley Bassey belting it: "Firecrotch! To you, every womannnnn is just your belt's latest notch!!!"
I'd love it if people were running around calling me "Firecrotch".
Then again, maybe my feelings wouldn't be hurt if that happened, because I'm not a gingernut.)

regisgoat commented on Were Salma Hayek And Penelope Cruz High As Kites While Filming D.O.A. Comedy Caper?

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 05:23:57 PDT

My question: was Louis Malle getting into the nose candy during the filming of Viva Maria? Despite the crapaciousness of this trailer, being an internet chump, I must add my opinion that I would love to be the filling in that particular torta.