JacobFreeze commented on The Defamer Guide To The Whole Madonna / A-Rod / Lenny Kravitz Situation

"Madge wins, because all the laws of the Universe demand that Madge always wins, and A-Rod is just a silly puppet of the Tzimtzum!"

JacobFreeze commented on Hey, I'm In The New Lindsay Lohan Movie, Too

""Is my cell phone in this hand or the other hand?""

JacobFreeze commented on John Mayer Having A Hard Time Deciding Whether The Cameras or 'Clingy' Jennifer Aniston Is More Important

"Prediction: Jen will sing a bathetic "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" at her upcoming 40th when John Mayer walks in with Heidi Montag."

JacobFreeze commented on Mary-Kate Olsen Vs. Spencer Pratt: The Backstory Behind Their War Of Words

"I just renamed my TV "Spencer Pratt" and beat it to death with a hammer."

JacobFreeze commented on 'G.I. Joe' Movie Gets Three Teaser Posters, Porny New Subtitle

"What this project really needs is a big black "hum bar" in the middle of the screen."

JacobFreeze commented on Lindsay Lohan Wonders If Samantha Is Her 'Mr. Big'

"This romance has been flying under the radar ever since Sam Ronson had a song "Built this Way" on the soundtrack of Mean Girls..."

JacobFreeze commented on Richard Dreyfuss IS Richard Cheney

"Stone should cast a turnip as Cheney, and run his lines through a primitive vocoder."

JacobFreeze commented on Ralph Nader Magically Makes Bush/Cheney Disappear

"Nader is polling over 5% with Zogby, which would put him in the Presidential debates with McCain and whoever. I hope he wears a bathrobe, and flips lima beans at the other candidates with a spoon."

JacobFreeze commented on Hardball is exhilarating right

"We Washington insiders (Harharhar!) don't need no stinking TV to tell us what's going on, and it isn't about the color, it's about the hair."

JacobFreeze commented on Sumner Redstone Apparently Finds Right Price to Forgive 'Good Friend' Tom Cruise

"Redstone's last genius idea was Katie Couric on the Evening News, and now... Katie and Tom, together in MI4!!! Who says a superspy can't be perky?"

JacobFreeze commented on A Fitting Eulogy To Deborah Jeane Palfrey

"Apparently Laura Bush is on Palfrey's client list, under her Secret Service code name: Lesbian Heehaw Humdinger."

JacobFreeze commented on Read 'D.C. Madam' Deborah Jeane Palfrey's Suicide Note

"My call to David Vitter's office: Has Senator Vitter commented on the death of Deborah Jeane Palfrey? Not that I know of. There's a rumor on the internet that he said "It should have been me on the end of that rope." (Assistant hangs up.) Maybe I can sell this to Drudge as a "partial confirmation.""

JacobFreeze commented on JESUS, WHERE TO BEGIN: Hillary

"@SayItWithWookies: Would it help if Big Brown bit his jockey on the ass?"

JacobFreeze commented on JESUS, WHERE TO BEGIN: Hillary

"Killing a horse on the track makes this one of the most depressing Derbies in history, and it just adds insult to injury that Big Brown's jockey was screaming "God damn Kentucky!" all the way down the stretch."

JacobFreeze commented on Investigating The Miley Cyrus 'Topless' Photo Scandal: Career-Ender Or Standard Starlet Move?

"@Honeybhind: Exactly right about Grand Theft Auto and the National Program for All Teens Everywhere... Lots of bangbang, but no kisskiss."

JacobFreeze commented on George W. Bush Continues To Achieve!

"[www.pollingreport.com]In other news, Congress only gets 22% approval, so Bush is still one of the most popular guys in town. This is probably ironic, but I can't figure out exactly why."

JacobFreeze commented on Associated Press Vehemently Hates Hillary

"@officejob9000: Burberry says "yob" in England, and this is just another reason why us yobs love HRC."

JacobFreeze commented on Barry Is Talking About Reverend Wright On The TeeVee! (Now With Video!)

"@nyhfrog: At least Prince Hal waited until after the election..."