Defamer
Never one to squander an opportunity to jab his firing-pinky into longtime nemesis Rosie O'Donnell's neck wattle while evaluating her physical appearance, musing about a punitive sexual conquest of her life-partner, or delivering a stream of inventive, pig-related quips, Donald Trump delivered the insult value-add we've come expect from the savvy businessman in denying that he'd ever invited her on the upcoming celebrity edition of The Apprentice. He did, however, allow that firing her would be fun:
"No, I never offered Rosie a chance to be on 'Celebrity Apprentice, '" Trump told Access Hollywood in an exclusive interview.
"It's a good idea," he continued, "because I would fire her fat a**. She would definitely not last more than one show . . . I would love to fire Rose, but I don't want her on the show."
Mulling the idea over for a moment, the redness in Trump's flushed face began to fade, and he absently twirled a lock of his magnificent head of hair as he continued, "You know what, though? Firing her...mmm...that could work. Like, really work. It's crazy to say it, right? But, but...I could bend her over the boardroom's table, grab the new dismissal paddle we'll be using this season, and really go to Trumptown on that ample bottom of hers. Ammm-ple. Just lingers on the tongue, ample. Weird. You think she'd like that? She probably would. She's sick. A sick little piggy. And then right when she thinks I'm going to fire her, you know what? I stop! I bring her back for another show. Take that, Rosie. Fatfatfat. The paddling won't be so fun the second time, I promise you that. Or the third."
Comments
I would say the short-fingered Bulgarian needs a hobby but it sounds like he already has one...
I think his Spy Magazine nickname was actually short-fingered vulgarian...but who cares, Trumps a huge jackass. The hugest and most obnoxious jackass the world has ever seen, as he'd say..
There's something poetic in the fact that the man makes taste, and yet has none of his own.
@Colonel Mustard: Poetic, like the kind of poetry that makes no sense and just hurts your ears?
@Sayser: Chronicle of His Show's Death Foretold.
Oh, the Trump Rosie feud...when did it ever begin? How young we all were then!
The interview was "exclusive" to Access Hollywood precisely because nobody else wanted it.
He calls her "Rose"? That's so bizarre. It's so unexpected, it actually sounds intimate.
Such denyability.
.
No, HE never offered, but his producer DID!
.
When this first all started, it was funny to joke that he just had a crush on her hence the schoolyard-style, incessant, desperate teasing. But fast-forward to now, and I'm not so sure it's a joke.
Or maybe somewhere in his lizard brain, LESBIAN = CHALLENGE and he just won't be able to rest until she agrees to meet him to inflict some humiliation, spanking, and Nickelodeon sliming on him.
One thing's for sure: his bossy bottom act is getting really tiresome.
@Sayser: You are so correct. However, as I am older than the original Seven Wonders of the World, I recall that Spy magazine did manage to eek out a couple of amusing mentions of a reader (or someone - this was BC *Before Clinton*) who misunderstood their spritely billionaire insult to be based on a false ethnic ID rather than on the Donald's thoroughgoing lack of class. I found either riposte equally appropriate and amusing.
Now for my evening Ovaltine and the PBS pledge drive Lawrence Welk marathon once I get both those darned rabbit ears and my lace shawl positioned properly...
@gwendolyn:
Wow, I thought I was the oldest poster on Defamer! Lawrence Welk, Ovaltine and a shawl, you are talking my language. Glad there's at least one other senior citizen here. Do the young people even know what rabbit ears are?
Is he even relevant anymore? Shouldn't we have replaced his constant, annoying presence with someone we'd rather look at? Nathan Lane? Ricky Gervais? Wayne Knight? I miss Wayne Knight...
Yeah - as I can see him having kittens trying to decide which celebrity to fire between Paris, Lilo and Nicole... as Miss USA did drugs, got some lipstick lesbian action, and still managed to hold on to the tiara... Rosie is far too vanilla for the Trump.
Trump's real achievement would not be in paddling Rosie's pasty, pockmarked assworks but in forcing her to behave like a subservient 50's wench.
I can see her with super red lips, her hair upswept and heavily sprayed, crinoline and apron-attired. She would lovingly serve Trump™ his Trump Steak™, fluff the pillow on his Trump Chair™ and gush adoringly about his business savvy and good looks. Then, in a perfect world, she would hurl her fat ass right off the top of Trump Tower™, becoming a grease spot the Donald would walk over on his way to seduce Kelli.
*sigh* I just love happy endings.
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