· First glimpses of Suri. Surimania. Everyone's child. Mom speaks. Rug-rats. The Puffpieceicist.
· Life After Freston: Another Tom bites the Viacom-family dust.
· Paris Hilton, DUI: Eyewitness reports. The double-double that never was. Straight back to work for a straight to DVD.
· Smackdown at Barney Greengrass! Lox and breadsticks everywhere!
· Race-War Survivor: Neo-Nazis rejoice. Mark Burnett confuses. Jeff Probst enlightens.
· We thought "I won metal!" had a shot at being the next "You're with me, leather." We were wrong.
· Rosie's first day gets an FTD Good Luck™ bouquet.
· Ben Affleck gets his greedy paws into a French Canadian journalist's poutine.
· Lindsay Lohan's $1 million dollar bag stolen from Heathrow. World stops spinning. Bag recovered. World resumes.
· A qualified Clay Aiken is appointed to the President's Very Special People's Club.
· Only 169 days, 7 hours, 28 minutes, and 34 seconds until Ellen hosts the Oscars.