• urine thefts

    CDC And FEMA On High-Alert After Paula Abdul's Urine Sample Goes Missing

    paula-abdul-ferg.jpgAnyone who's experienced even a single episode of Hey Paula, the Bravo reality show that dared to pull back the beaded curtain and reveal the complex inner-life of soft-focus superstar Paula Abdul, knows that the American Idol judge's fans are like no other. Still, there are lines that dare not be crossed, and swiping Abdul's urine sample from a gynecologist's reception desk seems to us to tread dangerously close to that invasive precipice:

    She recalls, "Well, this is gross, but I was once at the gynecologist and my doctor said, 'We asked you to do a urine sample, so where is it?'.
    "I told him that I'd left it out in reception, and when he came back he said, 'This is really embarrassing but a man who works here is your biggest fan and he stole it.' Needless to say he got fired. In hindsight it's a funny story."

    Funny, yes, but perhaps less so when one considers that at approximately the same time as the pee-purloining, a new designer drug hit the streets: an amber hallucinogenic/opioid called "Skat Kat," distributed in tiny glass vials, and reportedly offering the user a narcotizing euphoria approximately 1000 times more potent and addictive than any drug vice police had previously seen. We can only hope the overlap in both events was purely coincidental.

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