Defamer
The new edition of Us Weekly offers a fresh installment of the magazine's daring investigative series into the home life of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, which the glossy portrays as only marginally less confining than a Turkish prison encircled by a moat full of sharks with a taste for B-list actress flesh. This week's hot button issue in the star-crossed couple's relationship, according to Us: Scientology "mommy classes" in which Cruise would like his war bride life partner to enroll, a course of instruction aimed at equipping Holmes with the Hubbardian parenting tech necessary to successfully raise Suri within the Church.
Says an Us source, "Katie was quite offended by that. Can you imagine when you're 28 and have your first child to be told you need to go to this church to become a better mom?" More maddening still are Cruise's unsubtle reminders to sign up for the coursework, such as his crazy-making way of pointing out the primary-colored Fisher Price My First E-Meter going unused in Suri's crib, then offhandedly mentioning, "Hmmmm, maybe if someone was over at the Centre in her Infant Auditing Level One class, our daughter might be taking a little more interest in her religion. Anyway, take your time. Her baby-thetans aren't going anywhere."
- Tom Orders Katie to Take "Mommy Lessons" [Us Weekly]
- Previously: 'Us Weekly' Infiltrates Katie Holmes' Prison [Defamer]
Comments
Props to the super-happy photo of Alec Baldwin accompanied by the rather incongruous caption, "What Made Him Snap".
That "in love with Tom" part is a new way to spin it. Otherwise, it is the same old story.
I love the photo. She's finally mastered the Nicole Face™, that hard, icy No one's watching, so I want a whiskey , and I want this f***ing hobbit to crawl up his own ass look Ms. Kidman would harden into in the last years of their wedded bliss whenever she didn't realize she was on camera. If you could put an Ibsen play entirely onto one woman's face, there it is.
Two years into the billion year contract and she's already balking? Cut this one loose, Tom! I hear Lacey Chabert is available.
Love the photo.
No Way Out ... except maybe Thelma and Louise style.
She couldn't have possibly thought this would end well, could she?
Is it just me, or is Katie's face rapidly morphing into Mimi Rogers'?
@heidiho: Exactly...make a deal with the devil and you're bound to get burned.
No offense, Xenu...nothing but love here!
To Everybody Likes Pandas:
I think Lacey Chabert is too old. Maybe Dakota Fanning, or, even better, her little sister Elle.
Damn you, Us! Did that second-rate People clone (and that's a pretty low blow right there) lawyer the photo (to which my and others' comments refer) off the site?!
Okay, I'm offically starting my own new no-one-can-stop us religion, the Church of Lawyerology. It's just the boilerplate $cientology pyramid scheme crap, but without the sci-fi mumbo-jumbo, and, as our uniforms will be Armani - it's an attorney church, so how can they be anything else? - we'll be way more stylish than the Sea Org.
@Xenu: That happened last week with the story on Tiny Tom's contribution of some center or workshop or whatever that gives massages and other therapies to Ground Zero workers - either on Jalopnik or Gawker. I made a comment on how positively demonic he looked in the photo they ran, and the next day when I went back to see other comments, the photo was was replaced with a different one. Coincidence? I think not. Let the conspiracy theories begin...
http://defamer.com/hollywood/tom-cruise/scientology-power-... onclick="javascript:return jumpToComment(255246,'CommentBox', this.href);" href="http://defamer.com/hollywood/tom-cruise/scientology-power-couples-fight-over-parenting-philosophies-just-like-us-255246.php#c1341003">LickyDisco: Maybe Tom is just a snarling werewolf who can't be photographed. Or is that vampires? Or Scientologists? I get my cursed hellbeasts confused.
@Everybody Likes Pandas: Ooooooh, cursed hellbeast. I likie! Forever more he shall be known by that name.
NRFPT is correct, at least if he married one of the Fanning sisters he would have a wife that was shorter than him for once.
@StaringatScreen: Dakota et al already have old lady stank on them. I hear he's been sending stuffed animals and heart-shaped boxes of graham crackers to Shiloh Jolie-Pitt.
@Xenu: Forshame, Xenu! You know how Scientology frowns on raping babies.
Or do they encourage it? Maybe Jenna Elfman was suggesting that the guy with the tee-shirt hadn't raped enough babies.
Creepy-ass $cientologists.......I love how they call massages "assists".
To DukeLaCrosse:
From what I hear, sometimes those "assists" simply consist of POINTING AT the victim. How this is supposed to help an injured person is beyond me.
@NotReadyForPrimeTime: This is a religion based on airing your dirty laundry while holding electrified soup cans, founded by a penny-a-word science fiction writer who claimed mankind evolved from clams. So hey, if you believe that, then why not believe you can heal people by pointing and using John Travolta's scary awesome mental powers?
To Xenu:
Point taken. I would like to see John Travolta heal his own hairline.
@NotReadyForPrimeTime: He'll get right on it. As soon as he heals his career.
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